WANNABFIT34   37,400
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An hour feels good

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Today my walking pal and I went a full hour I was feeling good and suggested we do a full hour today. It felt awesome, especially because I had been lax in both workout and eating the past day or two and I had a lot of stress going on. I still have a lot of stress going on but it seems like I am able to face it more head on because I feel so good about how my workout went. As long as I keep pushing myself in workouts I feel like I am getting stronger in my mental health as well....

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HERE2PERSEVERE 2/12/2009 10:43PM

    emoticon on getting out there for that walk!
I remember how going for a good walk would clear my head and I'd feel so much better afterward. (I miss being able to take long walks like that)
I think every time we make the choice to take care of ourselves and our health it does make us feel better about other things too.
Take care & Keep on Sparking!

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Outside forces that seek to destroy me

Monday, February 09, 2009

We are in a busy time at work
House rebuilding
Starting back at Army drills
The wonderful cook in my apartment complex
that stubborn scale that I try not to listen to
I am sure there are more, I just need to figure out how to stop them before they destroy me.....

It is 3am I am at work and I am so tired. Not only have i worked all weekend but I have also been working on my house the past couple days too. I have to deal with going back to drills on the weekend which I don't really look forward to, but I wasn't really game for another trip to Iraq. I am struggling with myself about what to do about a friend who isn't really conducive to my weight loss goals and I have a neighbor that makes the most wonderful smelling food no wonder I am always waking up starving. Anyway back to the point I am supposed to meet with my walking partner at 7am and although I know that I am going to show up I don't know if I will be all there, I feel like my lifeforce has been drained. I mean it is only an extra hour of energy that I will need to expend but I have looked in the gas tank and I don't know that I can muster up the energy to keep going today. I don't want to cancel because I know that I won't go later and it does keep me motivated. It is just that I am ready for the night to end sooner rather than later.

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RENA1965 2/9/2009 2:15AM

    Hi Wannabfit,
We have our excuses, but sometimes we just have to cut through them and get stuff done or feel the distaste of defeat.. Athletes don't sit down efter a bad preformance and see excuses , they have a coach howling at them keep at it until they get where they want to and many make the effort with style... Believe me I have been a master of excuses, but I got tired of myself and pulled my finger out. Keep at it and never give up, get crazy and do stuff. Losing weight is darn hard work, but if you pull it off you will be so proud of yourself..

Comment edited on: 2/9/2009 2:21:56 AM

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Staying successful

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Work is hectic right now so it makes my walking for 45minutes straight a little difficult right now. I am still going mall walking 2-3 times a week and am walking as much as possible at work. I can't wait for this month to be over this will be the true test as to whether or not I stay successful. Right now it is going to be an easy time to slack and I am trying my hardest to stay focused. I am going to attempt to add more walking outside of work but we'll see because I tend to struggle with balancing workouts with sleep with 12 hour night shifts. I am also struggling with other personal confrontations and problems that I have yet to come up with a concrete solution to. I guess the best I can do is take it day by day and see what happens. I will just have to schedule exercise in and do it, it will only get easier as the weather gets nicer too. This weekend is incredible so far.

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HERE2PERSEVERE 2/7/2009 4:47PM

    Glad to hear you continue to push forward, and keep on working through obstacles that get in the way!
That's part of what this whole thing is all about...learning to manage what "life" throws our way!
As TIMS4FISHIN said below, finding little ways of planning ahead, being prepared for the times where you're short on time or energy, help with being successful!
Take care & Spark On!

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TIMS4FISHIN 2/7/2009 10:07AM

    Working 12 hour shifts does make it hard to fit in exercise. Sometimes, after a long night, you really don't feel like it. but honestly, if you go workout after your shift, and take your frustrations out then, it does make you sleep alot better.
A little tip for you to save time during the work week. Preplan your meals. Prepare as much as you can on your days off and put them together. When you get up at night, just reach in freezer/refrigerator and grab and go. This will free up a good bit of time where you can fit in a few minutes of exercise.

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Confession- not for the easily offended.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way that reads this but I have a little secret I hate fat. I see people that are fat (myself included) and I am disgusted by it. I judge the way I am sure people judge me, I think "God if only they layed off the whoppers and went for a walk." I know what people are thinking at this point "How can I consider myself a good spark team player when I feel like this." This is terrible of me to think but it is why I struggle so much with losing weight. It is this hatred of fat and the feeling I get when I look in the mirror that make me beat myself down. Its the thing I do when I see someone who is confined to a wheelchair because of their weight. I see it as me. I hope anyone who is reading this doesn't hate me and want to come burn down my house( although unlike the flood my insurance covers that) I know this is a really sick mindset but I couldn't help but realize it the other night at work when I saw this extremely obese guy at work I was repulsed by him and I made a joke (to myself) about him, but then I was totally mortified that I could do this I mean I don't know his story I don't know if he tries and tries. I feel like such a monster

Well maybe this is a little therapy. Hi I'm Kara I weigh 285lbs and I am grossed out by my reflection in the mirror. I hope that anyone I have ever thought meanly about because of their weight doesn't hate me and I hope my fellow sparkers don't hate me either I just had to get this off of my chest. I hope I can walk a mile in my shoes as well as yours as we go through this weight loss journey. I hope my loss will inspire those who are looking to lose. I hope that I can change my negative perceptions about weight and those who struggle with it because I know how hard it is to lose and to keep it off I have been down this road many times before only to fail because I can only see a fat person in the mirror staring back at me no matter how much I lose. I hope that I can be happy when I reach my goal weight this time and never gain it back. So my friends if there are any left I wish you all well as you attempt to gain yourself back from any issues you have with your image in the mirror.

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WANNABFIT34 2/6/2009 7:08PM

    Thanks for everyone's nice comments I think it has helped for me to admit it and it will help me change my thinking.

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CRYSTALLEAH 2/4/2009 11:30PM

  I don't think anyone will 'hate' you for being completely honest. I have to agree with the ladies below. Unfortunately, it's a reflection of your own self thoughts. I think a first step is getting it out there that you feel this way. The second is to take control of your thinking about yourself and others. Good blog. Thanks for sharing.

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TIMS4FISHIN 2/4/2009 5:38PM

    I agree with what Slimjim says totally.
You are seeing yourself in one aspect when you look at someone else, and you are right, you don't like what you see. Being overweight, you think "everyone is staring at me". No matter what. Everyone who is has that feeling of awkwardness everywhere they go. I do! I don't "hate" someone because they are much over weight than I am, instead, I feel sorry for them. But, as Elvis Presley once said, "Don't criticize what you don't understand, because you have never walked in that persons shoes". I live by that philosophy, and I try hard to find the good in everyone.
No, we don't hate you for your honesty. It is admirable. And the most important thing is, you are doing something about your weight issues. And when you succeed, and the obese people that you are repulsed to look at see what you have done, they may come to you for guidance, and you never know, you may find a very dear friend if you decide to help that person. Take it from someone who knows for a fact about that. I gotta admit, I was once in the same frame of thinking that you are in.

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WORKTHEGOAL 2/4/2009 10:10AM

    Hi, well firstly I think that took guts to admit, to yourself and everybody else.
Ovbiously you see others who look as you do and take it as a reflection of yourself, so really all those ugly words/thoughts are your way of beating YOURSELF up. Take this as a first step forward, let go of your self-hatred and start to look inside, you can't be lacking in niceness!!!

Find your good qualities and sparkle with them. Give someone a compliment each day and bring their smile out - you will get it back tenfold! I do, to the embarrassment of my boys! Total strangers in the street! I dare you!

And I admire your honesty , not 'hate' you. Stay with us and keep sparkling.

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awful weekend

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I have been working on fixing the house since the flood but the weekends kill me I eat horribly. I got subway for me and all of my workers but of course i ate a ton of chips too. Then at the end of the day when I went home I was so hungry i severely overate....I think that I am going to have to take some snacks to eat while I work because that just made me feel terrible. The good news is I got right back on track on Monday but never again will I do that. Plus it gave me terrible indigestion and I couldn't sleep that was punishment enough.

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TIMS4FISHIN 2/4/2009 1:22AM

    I suffer from Heartburn. But when I'm eating right, and exercising, I hardly get it. But if I have a couple of bad meals and don't eat what I should, I get it terribly.
Things come up and you have not much of a choice to eat something you shouldn't. But if you were working on your house, the chips probably didn't hurt you at all. You probably burned the calories with the work.

Comment edited on: 2/4/2009 1:23:53 AM

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SDEHNKE 2/3/2009 10:47AM

    The good news is: it's over. Done. Finished. There's no way to go back and change it. Good to see you're back on track. Carry on!


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