Sunday, January 17, 2010
I am writing this more as a place to vent, I have a friend who is going through a string of less than enjoyable events, its just one of those times when people say God only gives as much as you can handle. I have been trying to be supportive, offer encouragement, and offer insight. The thing is much of what she is going through is what I have been dealing with for the past 10 years family members in the hospital for her one right after another and for me at the same time in 2 in 2 different hospitals. Her dad is having heart valve surgery and I know she is worried and scared, like I said I've been there Mom, Mom and Dad at the same time, and Mom again. What is bothering me and I want to set this straight I haven't been giving any comparison stories, just offering to be there during his surgery, offering any kind of support etc, the problem is she is refusing everything and in fact being rude and mean about it. I know everyone deals differently but the ways she is dealing is not healthy at all, she is negative refuses any sort of effort to cheer her up or comfort her. I know she wants it because she keeps putting all sorts of things in her facebook status about how karma sucks, how she laid in bed all night and prayed and fell judged and misunderstood, I think that was directed at me. I did comment to her that we're all with her but she has to be willing to accept the support she is given and not make the person giving it feel bad for caring. The whole thing that brings this up is a friend of mine posted a great quote on face book and I texted it to all my friends and relatives the quote was "always remember striving and struggle come before success even in the dictionary" All other recipients sent back hey thats a good one etc, even a someone I have never personally met who's mother is in the hospital with a brain aneurysm. Her response was "I don't need inspiration" I sent back "Sorry thought it was a good quote and thought I would share" which was much nicer than what I was thinking which was no you're right you need a slap upside the head so you can get it back on straight. The whole thing might not have bothered me as much if it wasn't for that fact that she is always always always negative, example Christmas Eve I sent a text saying Merry Christmas because I was celebrating that day and people do say it from the day after Thanksgiving on it seems so Christmas Eve seemed okay, once again everyone else sent you too or something to that effect, she sent me its not christmas that's tomorrow, the funniest part was I wasn't going to send it to her because I thought she would say something like that. Another time her furnace went out and yeah it was one of those really cold days, she has relative that fixes them, so it cost only 200 bucks to fix and she was without a furnace for about 10 hours total, as she is telling the story at work she was talking how it made a loud noise that was so loud, I mean it was so loud. In high school she would pick on people and say "it wasn't so loud was it?" So I did this trying to relive the past as a little ha ha! Her response I don't have a sense of humor about it. I know I am not always positive (i'm working on it) but I never say things that hurt my friends when they are trying to help, I try to have a sense of humor even when things are as dark as dark can be, I actually rebound to the positive after a bit. I sent her sister a message seeing if she would talk to her because I'm worried not so much that she is going to hurt herself intentionally but that she is going to make herself sick or worse that she is going to have a heart attack herself, the body can't handle constant negativity like that and that kind of stress that you are refusing to deal with. I am there for her if she chooses to get her head out of her a$$, I hope her sister will talk to her and either get her help or maybe she will be able to convince her that being negative helps no one and refusing support doesn't help either. I know all of this because like I said I've been through my share of hell and the only thing that got me by was the fact that I had a sense of humor, I stayed as positive as I could, and I leaned on others when I needed to lean. The other thing that worries me is the fact that she is so angry I worry that she will come to work and someone will have a sense of humor and she won't and she is going to do something that will get her fired. Another thing is she was asking about karma well being negative doesn't help the karma any either and I told her there isn't really a good reason why bad things happen, but sometimes it gives us a reminder of the good there is in life. I mean before my mom had her heart attack I mean we were loving and caring but we became much closer, I mean I had just moved out for college and probably was on the verge of becoming very detached from my family, also at the time my Mom's mother died from cancer and I'll be honest I think she made a horse trade with God her life so my Mom could live. When they were both in the hospital I think it was because Mom was taking the care that Dad was giving for granted, and it was also the best thing because they had to go through cardiac rehab together. I think the flood happened for a reason too not real sure on what I feel that was for just yet but maybe it was a way of saying slow down and appreciate being at home once in awhile. I know why Mom's final surgery happened, God felt she had finally earned a new heart, but obviously it may have started a cycle of hell for another family who I hope finds comfort in the fact that their loved one dying helped someone else live I know that's not a good trade for them they would rather have their loved one. All of this has taught me not to give up though, not to take anyone for granted, that I can take a lot and still have a sense of humor, and that you have family and friends for a reason because sometimes we need an extra shoulder to cry on. I remember when both parents were in the hospital the chaplain came up and asked me how are you not going completely insane? and I replied because I know they'll be okay and because we can always find something to laugh at even if it is torturing my mom by telling her she had better get well or she'll only be fed brown gravy (one of the worst hospital foods ever). After my Mom had her pump in and had seizures they weren't sure how her brain function was, I asked her if she wanted brown stuff for dinner (ie the gravy) and she smiled and shook her head, I told her nurse that everything was okay my mom still knew what that meant. This is so long and if anyone has made it through this I just want them to know not to give up and try to find the positive and keep a sense of humor. It applies to situations like this and it applies to the struggle to lose weight.