Friday, January 04, 2008
Spent yesterday sorting through my closet and trying all the clothes on. My family has been giving me a bad time about my "baggy bum" pants, so even though I am enjoying the thrill of clothes that are too big, I put most of them in the donation basket. Had to keep a couple of the "not so baggy" ones so I would have something to wear in the interm. I was amazed at how little was left in the closet...definitely need to conquer my fear of going shopping!
Bright and early this morning I had a wee talk with myself about "what is the worst thing that could happen." Well....that would be that sizes have changed since I last shopped and I am going to be coming out of the store with the same size I just donated. So how bad is that? Am I going to let a number on the clothes spoil how well I have been doing or am I going to take it in stride and know that since the sizes must have changed, I would have obviously needed a "bigger" size if I had been shopping earlier. Hey, now that's not a bad thought ...hmmmm, so even if I do come out of the store with the same size I went in with, I've made progress. Okay, maybe I can do this shopping thing. Now the positive attitude is starting to kick in at a higher gear...it will be rather nice to have something new!
Off I go to West Edmonton mall...by myself, I don't want anyone with me as I tackle this daunting task...if I'm going to look like a fool...I want no witnesses! So far so good, I'm in the vehicle driving there now. 25 minutes later I pull in to the parkade, take a deep breath, strap on my pedometer, give myself another wee pep talk and say Let's do it! I'm off.
In I go wallet in hand, I'm on a mission...wow, I'm amazed at how many stores there are that cater for younger people than me...well, I'll just by pass those ones, nice clothes, but hey, those are pretty skinny maniquens(?) in the windows. I know what I'll do (now I know I am procrastinating) I'll take a walk around both levels at a nice stride, burn some calories as I scout out any potential stores. There's the fat store just ahead, I feel myself vearing towards the doorway....hey...no! You aren't shopping here any more...you are going to be brave and walk in the store next door and have a look around. Okay, I did that, not so scary, mind I didn't really examine anything either, but baby steps right?
Off I head again. Hmmmm, let's try this a couple more times and see how it goes...yep, not so scary. Nothing caught my eye though and made me want to stop and look closer, well...maybe the next store. All the while I am giving myself continued pep talks, you want to find things on sale...cause you are still eliminating weight, so you don't want to blow the budget on things that will not fit in a couple of months. Let's be practical here...hmmm...that's a nice color...wonder if I would look good in that, nope maybe not, I'd have to try it on and it looks small. Okay next store.
Finally a store that I know I have not been able to fit their clothes before, but I do like some of the colors and items. Wow, big sale going on...let's have another look. Not bad...they are button pants though so lets take the size I am wearing and a size down and see what happens. Another pep talk....you can do this, it's only a room and stop being such a woosy! Try on the usual size first and see how that goes...Hey! I can fit into them and button up the pants and do up the zipper...woo hoo! No baggy bum...let's try on the smaller ones...a little tighter, not so comfortable, I'd have to eliminate another 5/10 pounds before I could wear them properly, planning on doing that....but I do need something to wear right now. Let's see, buying the usual size is not so bad seeing as the last time I was in here, my usual size didn't fit at all...not even close in the button up style. I do like these pants and they are on a great sale price so I wouldn't be wasting the money as I continue to eliminate...Okay...Sold.
Out of the store bag in hand I go. A lighter heart and a bounce in my step...I did it...I went shopping. Seeing as I am here, I might as well try another store. Let's see wants on the next level. More calories burned as I continue to walk.
There's another store, one that I usually find pants in that are comfortable and not too expensive. Hmmm, sale going on...must be my lucky day. Wander around the store, looking , touching, thinking. Finally I have chosen a few different items to try on...Wow...the usual size is "baggy bum" and too big! Woo Hoo. Let's try the next size down...Wow, these fit nicely...even a little roomy...okay here I go...another size down. Wow...I can get them on, but they are a little snugger than I feel comfortable with...so will save that size until next time. Out I walk with two pairs of pants that cost less than I have paid for one in a very long time.
All in all a good day, a good experience and an attitude that is much more positive about shopping. So now I have three pair of pants that will see me through the next few months as I continue to eliminate more weight and tone up.
Almost wanted to thumb my nose as I walked past those plus size stores, but I refrained, after all they do have a purpose, just not one I want or need to make use of any more.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Well weigh-in this morning and I didn't quite make my year-end goal of 40 pounds eliminated...although a little disappointing...it's okay...cause on the bright side....I have eliminated 39 pounds and another 1/2 inch from my waist and another 1/2 inch from my hips! A total inch elimination of 12.5 inches. WOO HOO!
I am entering into the new year a healthier, happier and more successful person. What a blessing that is. Am I excited about my accomplishment and looking forward to continued success? You bet I am!
See you next year.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wow, what a year this one has been. Many highs and many lows, but hey that's life isn't it?
As this year begins it's finally wind down week, I have taken some time to reflect on what changes have occured through the past 51 weeks. I must say that I am much more pleased about the latter half of the year than the first half. I started 2007 out in much the same boat as previous years, physically out of shape. Emotionally and spiritually things were going well, but I still was not happy with my appearance. I hated shopping for clothes, I hated how I looked, I hated struggling to breathe as I climbed stairs, there wasn't a whole lot that I liked about my outer appearance. My spiritual journey was going very well, then I would hit those mental self-love road blocks and try as I might, there didn't appear to be any way around them. If I couldn't learn to love the whole me, I was going to continue struggling with self-love. Something needed to be done, but what. I had tried so many diets through out the years and as we all know diets are not sustainable. I tried telling myself...it's okay, you were just meant to be fat, nope that didn't work either. Then I got angry with God and said "okay, if you want me to love me...then You are going to have to take over, cause honestly, when I look in the mirror and see the image that is there, I just don't feel any love". Well you know, when you let go and let God, miracles happen. Through a series of interesting circumstances, I was lead to SparkPeople.com. This was in August, 2007. Well I joined not really knowing what I had joined...I just wanted the daily motivational saying for my Facebook! It took me a week of coming back to the site and reading before I took the plunge and became active on the site. I had to know in my own mind that this was not another diet...it truly was a lifestyle change, no judgements, no failures. I had never posted on a forum before and was terrified. Talk about being vulnerable. Then I began to see that all the things that I had been learning spiritually and emotionally over the previous six years were all a lead up to the biggest change in my life...a change in my physical self that would help me to see my true value as a person. Yes, my inner self was well aware of it's value, but the outer picture didn't match and as long as I didn't look in a mirror I was great...then a glance in the mirror would have me tripped up and stumbling. The first step for me was facing myself in the mirror each day and at first, refusing to look at the whole picture, only the eyes and state positive affirmations. Then learning to quiet that annoying little voice that keep snickering at each positive affirmation I made. Slowly as time went by and I embraced the lifestyle that SP was presenting me with and I began to see the results, not only on the scale, but in the way my clothing fit and in the measurements decreasing, the affirmations became more real and I stood taller and began studing this body that I had avoided looking at for so long. I have been asked "how can you be so positive in attitude all the time?". Honestly, I'm human, I still stumble, but I have seen the evidence with my own eyes. Positive attracts positive. The Law of Attraction at work. I can now look at myself in the mirror and actually smile at what I see...I like this person whose outer package is melding more and more each day with the inner person. The lines between the two are blurring as they fit themselves together into a whole person. Does this mean, that unless I eliminate the weight, I am not whole? Perhaps in some ways, but I do know that life would be a continual struggle to keep a positive attitude when part of me didn't like the other part. I would not be living to my fullest potential, and I would not be honoring myself by creating dis-ease within myself.
So I must say the latter half of 2007 has brought some amazing changes and that inner peace accompanys the excitement of entering into 2008 a much healthier person who is excited about continuing the lifestyle journey she has begun. A person who knows with absolute confidence that she will succeed in reaching her weight elimination goals. That 2008 holds incredible possibilities to be healthy in mind, body and soul.
Wishing each and everyone of you and wonderful 2008 filled with dreams come true and health.
Thank you Sparkpeople for giving me this opportunity to be successful.
Happy New Year all.
Monday, December 17, 2007
This one was a little tough for me...just that word "exam" brought back all those feelings of failure. You think you have dealt with it and moved on, but what a reminder this has been.
I mulled it over for a couple of days, part of me not wanting to do it...and the other part trying to talk some sense into me. I gave myself a deadline and had a little chat with myself about all that I have accomplished and I realized that what did it matter what anyone else thinks...it's what I think about myself that matters. So here goes...final exam time...I have not been here for the whole semester, but am hoping to be able to continue through another semester. Based on that, I have learned that I am stronger than I thought, I have dealt with some tough stuff these past few months and still been able to remain on track. I have learned that life is completely about choices and no matter what choices you make, the consequences are yours also. I have learned that nothing, absolutely nothing feels as good as pushing myself just that little bit harder to achieve a goal. That exercise is actually fun! That I have adopted a new way of living not another diet. That the power of positive will carry me through anything. I'm sure there is much more that I have learned through all of this and will continue to learn. For now though, I am proud of me.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Okay, this is just too funny to me. I grew up in the north, so winter and all that goes with it have been a major part of my life. Over the years as we moved further south, I began to appreciate milder winters, and I admit the "negative" me, actually began to dislike intensely anything to do with winter and snow. Some how I has become my job to shovel all the snow from the side walks and the driveway, essentially, because I leave for work before anyone else and I get home again first! I dreaded each snow fall, even mildly cursed each snow fall. It was a chore to get bundled up and get out there and shovel. I could really get a good head of steam going over how much I disliked winter. It could get as cold as it wanted....just don't snow!
Well since beginning my lifestyle change journey, I have embraced all that I am learning, from tracking my nutrition, to reading information and actually enjoying the information, to getting rid of thought patterns that don't serve me, to, YES!, even exercising! Today, as I was shoveling the driveway and sidewalks, it dawned on me that I was actually enjoying it! WHOA, wait a minute...what do you mean...enjoying it? Who in their right mind enjoys shoveling snow? Up went my "mental" hand in the air, I'm enjoying it. (see I have these little conversations in my mind, and some of them really make me giggle when I think about them.) I realized that my thought process has gone from being negative to be positive about shoveling snow...do you know how many calories you can burn while shoveling snow???? LOTS! I no longer am looking on shoveling snow as a major bummer chore, it is a major calorie burner. ALRIGHT! The best part was my husband came home this afternoon and because more snow had fallen since I had shoveled, he started to shovel the driveway...I went running out in my slippers, yelling "What are you doing...don't do that, that is my exercise...I burn calories doing that!" Needless to say that look he gave me was one of complete bewilderment. No wonder men have a hard time figuring out women, we are just totally unpredicatable.
Have a wonderful evening.
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