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My shopping trip

Friday, January 04, 2008

Spent yesterday sorting through my closet and trying all the clothes on. My family has been giving me a bad time about my "baggy bum" pants, so even though I am enjoying the thrill of clothes that are too big, I put most of them in the donation basket. Had to keep a couple of the "not so baggy" ones so I would have something to wear in the interm. I was amazed at how little was left in the closet...definitely need to conquer my fear of going shopping!
Bright and early this morning I had a wee talk with myself about "what is the worst thing that could happen." Well....that would be that sizes have changed since I last shopped and I am going to be coming out of the store with the same size I just donated. So how bad is that? Am I going to let a number on the clothes spoil how well I have been doing or am I going to take it in stride and know that since the sizes must have changed, I would have obviously needed a "bigger" size if I had been shopping earlier. Hey, now that's not a bad thought ...hmmmm, so even if I do come out of the store with the same size I went in with, I've made progress. Okay, maybe I can do this shopping thing. Now the positive attitude is starting to kick in at a higher gear...it will be rather nice to have something new!
Off I go to West Edmonton mall...by myself, I don't want anyone with me as I tackle this daunting task...if I'm going to look like a fool...I want no witnesses! So far so good, I'm in the vehicle driving there now. 25 minutes later I pull in to the parkade, take a deep breath, strap on my pedometer, give myself another wee pep talk and say Let's do it! I'm off.
In I go wallet in hand, I'm on a mission...wow, I'm amazed at how many stores there are that cater for younger people than me...well, I'll just by pass those ones, nice clothes, but hey, those are pretty skinny maniquens(?) in the windows. I know what I'll do (now I know I am procrastinating) I'll take a walk around both levels at a nice stride, burn some calories as I scout out any potential stores. There's the fat store just ahead, I feel myself vearing towards the doorway....hey...no! You aren't shopping here any more...you are going to be brave and walk in the store next door and have a look around. Okay, I did that, not so scary, mind I didn't really examine anything either, but baby steps right?
Off I head again. Hmmmm, let's try this a couple more times and see how it goes...yep, not so scary. Nothing caught my eye though and made me want to stop and look closer, well...maybe the next store. All the while I am giving myself continued pep talks, you want to find things on sale...cause you are still eliminating weight, so you don't want to blow the budget on things that will not fit in a couple of months. Let's be practical here...hmmm...that's a nice color...wonder if I would look good in that, nope maybe not, I'd have to try it on and it looks small. Okay next store.
Finally a store that I know I have not been able to fit their clothes before, but I do like some of the colors and items. Wow, big sale going on...let's have another look. Not bad...they are button pants though so lets take the size I am wearing and a size down and see what happens. Another pep talk....you can do this, it's only a room and stop being such a woosy! Try on the usual size first and see how that goes...Hey! I can fit into them and button up the pants and do up the zipper...woo hoo! No baggy bum...let's try on the smaller ones...a little tighter, not so comfortable, I'd have to eliminate another 5/10 pounds before I could wear them properly, planning on doing that....but I do need something to wear right now. Let's see, buying the usual size is not so bad seeing as the last time I was in here, my usual size didn't fit at all...not even close in the button up style. I do like these pants and they are on a great sale price so I wouldn't be wasting the money as I continue to eliminate...Okay...Sold.
Out of the store bag in hand I go. A lighter heart and a bounce in my step...I did it...I went shopping. Seeing as I am here, I might as well try another store. Let's see wants on the next level. More calories burned as I continue to walk.
There's another store, one that I usually find pants in that are comfortable and not too expensive. Hmmm, sale going on...must be my lucky day. Wander around the store, looking , touching, thinking. Finally I have chosen a few different items to try on...Wow...the usual size is "baggy bum" and too big! Woo Hoo. Let's try the next size down...Wow, these fit nicely...even a little roomy...okay here I go...another size down. Wow...I can get them on, but they are a little snugger than I feel comfortable with...so will save that size until next time. Out I walk with two pairs of pants that cost less than I have paid for one in a very long time.
All in all a good day, a good experience and an attitude that is much more positive about shopping. So now I have three pair of pants that will see me through the next few months as I continue to eliminate more weight and tone up.
Almost wanted to thumb my nose as I walked past those plus size stores, but I refrained, after all they do have a purpose, just not one I want or need to make use of any more.
Awesome day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDCHICK5 1/7/2008 3:27PM

    That was a great account wandah! I felt like I was right there with you!! :) I love the use of elliminate (ever since you told me to use it instead of lose, i have been and I love it!!!) - those pounds are never coming back!! :):)
Congrats on the deals and the sizes!! :):):) I'm still waiting for my next size down...i have baggy bum, but my stomach won't allow the next size! lol thats what happens when you're an apple shape! lol
well done chica!! very proud!
J xxx

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SWEETMANK 1/6/2008 11:13AM

    Fantastic account Wanda, I really enjoyed reading that, thanks for sharing it. It sounds like you enjoy shopping about as much as me!!

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ALBERTAPROUD 1/5/2008 8:32PM

    I loved reading your blog - felt like I was right there along with you! Way to go on finding a great deal in the right size..... !
Happy New Year - what a way to start it!~ Well done,

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KATHEE3 1/5/2008 5:44PM

  Way to go !
Wanda I'm so happy for you....

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POLLY20 1/4/2008 8:50PM

    Hi Wanda! How inspiring! You've got it happening My Friend! You should feel terrific! You earned that right! Nobody did it for you, Mind over matter! It has been a great decission that you have made, to set your mind to it & eliminate those unwanted lbs & inches! Woohoo! Nice going! Thanks for letting us join in, on your excitement! Keep making it happen! Love & Hugs, Polly

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ALFREDIA 1/4/2008 7:17PM

  So happy this turned into a good experience. I hate shopping and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with finding clothing that fits comfortably and looks good. I get so aggravated and tend to get frustrated. I can totally relate. Congratulations on stepping into a store that doesn't cater to plus sizes. Marie

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DEBHOLLA 1/4/2008 6:11PM

    Wanda, malls intimidate me from the word go. I enjoyed your recount of your experience though. I just bought a size smaller sweat pants, so that's some sort of victory I guess. My jeans are getting looser than I am comfortable with, too, so I may go try on a size down. But like you, I would hate to take that smaller size in the dressing room and be wrong -- but who's watching anyway??????? Peace, Wanda!!!

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CALENSARIEL 1/4/2008 6:03PM

    What a hoot! I just loved the peek into your head and feelings! So honest! I love to watch "What Not To Wear" (all of which I had in my closet till I got to the spot you're in). One of the things they say repeatedly on there is don't pay so much attention to "sizes", but rather look for the stuff that "fits" you. So after losing 43 lbs. and trashing most of my closet, I went shopping with that in mind. It was so much easier! And I found I actually have a fondness for nice fitted jackets. I guess it finally hit me that my goal was not to fit into a particular size, but to look good. That made all the difference in the world for me. My fear of shopping is subsiding now. So just remember how gorgeous you're gonna look in all those new clothes! Calen~

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MARLA7 1/4/2008 5:20PM

    Wanda - Thank you for taking me with you on your shopping excursion! That was loads of fun. That had to be a great feeling to fit into smaller sizes & look good in them. I just bought myself a pair of lounge pants today in a smaller size! Awesome feeling! Way to go. Marla

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Didn't quite make it....

Monday, December 31, 2007

Well weigh-in this morning and I didn't quite make my year-end goal of 40 pounds eliminated...although a little disappointing...it's okay...cause on the bright side....I have eliminated 39 pounds and another 1/2 inch from my waist and another 1/2 inch from my hips! A total inch elimination of 12.5 inches. WOO HOO!
I am entering into the new year a healthier, happier and more successful person. What a blessing that is. Am I excited about my accomplishment and looking forward to continued success? You bet I am!
See you next year.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDCHICK5 1/4/2008 5:16AM

    way to go!!! That is awesome!!! :):)

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DIVEGODDESS 1/3/2008 11:30PM

    Wanda, I think 39 lbs is close enough! I gained half a pound in 2007! 12 inchs is a sign that you hav dfinitly lost FAT lbs and that's what you want to do!

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KSNICKER 1/2/2008 8:26AM

    Wanda, 39 pounds ELIMINATED last year! That is Awesome... WTG my friend. Just think what you'll be able to do this New Year! I'm glad I'll be here with you to celebrate!




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CALENSARIEL 1/1/2008 10:15AM

    Congratulations on NOT falling into the "all or nothing" trap! Celebrate! We are all doing a little happy dance in your honor!


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DEBHOLLA 12/31/2007 1:10PM

    Wanda, you made progress this year and that is what all of this is about, right? You are healthier and happier. Congratulations on those inches and the 39 pounds. I hope I can say the same next year.

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MEYCHEY 12/31/2007 12:55PM

    Maybe you didn't meet your goal but you did move forward, and that is most definitley wha twe want! Congrats to you and here's wishing you more successes in the new year. Meychey

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A reflection on 2007

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Wow, what a year this one has been. Many highs and many lows, but hey that's life isn't it?
As this year begins it's finally wind down week, I have taken some time to reflect on what changes have occured through the past 51 weeks. I must say that I am much more pleased about the latter half of the year than the first half. I started 2007 out in much the same boat as previous years, physically out of shape. Emotionally and spiritually things were going well, but I still was not happy with my appearance. I hated shopping for clothes, I hated how I looked, I hated struggling to breathe as I climbed stairs, there wasn't a whole lot that I liked about my outer appearance. My spiritual journey was going very well, then I would hit those mental self-love road blocks and try as I might, there didn't appear to be any way around them. If I couldn't learn to love the whole me, I was going to continue struggling with self-love. Something needed to be done, but what. I had tried so many diets through out the years and as we all know diets are not sustainable. I tried telling myself...it's okay, you were just meant to be fat, nope that didn't work either. Then I got angry with God and said "okay, if you want me to love me...then You are going to have to take over, cause honestly, when I look in the mirror and see the image that is there, I just don't feel any love". Well you know, when you let go and let God, miracles happen. Through a series of interesting circumstances, I was lead to SparkPeople.com. This was in August, 2007. Well I joined not really knowing what I had joined...I just wanted the daily motivational saying for my Facebook! It took me a week of coming back to the site and reading before I took the plunge and became active on the site. I had to know in my own mind that this was not another diet...it truly was a lifestyle change, no judgements, no failures. I had never posted on a forum before and was terrified. Talk about being vulnerable. Then I began to see that all the things that I had been learning spiritually and emotionally over the previous six years were all a lead up to the biggest change in my life...a change in my physical self that would help me to see my true value as a person. Yes, my inner self was well aware of it's value, but the outer picture didn't match and as long as I didn't look in a mirror I was great...then a glance in the mirror would have me tripped up and stumbling. The first step for me was facing myself in the mirror each day and at first, refusing to look at the whole picture, only the eyes and state positive affirmations. Then learning to quiet that annoying little voice that keep snickering at each positive affirmation I made. Slowly as time went by and I embraced the lifestyle that SP was presenting me with and I began to see the results, not only on the scale, but in the way my clothing fit and in the measurements decreasing, the affirmations became more real and I stood taller and began studing this body that I had avoided looking at for so long. I have been asked "how can you be so positive in attitude all the time?". Honestly, I'm human, I still stumble, but I have seen the evidence with my own eyes. Positive attracts positive. The Law of Attraction at work. I can now look at myself in the mirror and actually smile at what I see...I like this person whose outer package is melding more and more each day with the inner person. The lines between the two are blurring as they fit themselves together into a whole person. Does this mean, that unless I eliminate the weight, I am not whole? Perhaps in some ways, but I do know that life would be a continual struggle to keep a positive attitude when part of me didn't like the other part. I would not be living to my fullest potential, and I would not be honoring myself by creating dis-ease within myself.
So I must say the latter half of 2007 has brought some amazing changes and that inner peace accompanys the excitement of entering into 2008 a much healthier person who is excited about continuing the lifestyle journey she has begun. A person who knows with absolute confidence that she will succeed in reaching her weight elimination goals. That 2008 holds incredible possibilities to be healthy in mind, body and soul.
Wishing each and everyone of you and wonderful 2008 filled with dreams come true and health.
Thank you Sparkpeople for giving me this opportunity to be successful.
Happy New Year all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NJMATTICE 1/3/2008 6:22PM

    Well done my friend! Your clarity is something to behold. Very inspiring. Your pursuit of being a whole person has helped give life to my motivation. Being whole. That really is the what my idea of healthy is. Mind, body and spirit all intergrated. Thanks for getting my year off to a Healthy start!
Love ya, Nancy

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DEBHOLLA 12/28/2007 1:01PM

    Wanda, have missed your blogging. How insightful you are about your own situation. . .it helps us all understand ourselves a little more when we hear about someone else's struggle. I have sort of "fallen off the wagon" during this holiday period, but as of today, I'm back on. I will begin logging my food and exercise again. I think SP has helped all of us and I'm thankful. Peace and love to you and your family.

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CALENSARIEL 12/28/2007 12:07AM

    That whole idea of being able to look at ourselves for who we are with total acceptance is the prize I actually think I seek, more so than the weight loss. Sometimes I think if I could find my way to the first, the second would follow.

Your patience is an inspiration. Keep up the good work. There are a lot of people here cheering you on.


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ALFREDIA 12/27/2007 10:45PM

  You have progressed so well. I am still struggling to bring that physical together with my spiritual and emotional being. This program is so good and I believe I will make it. No matter how long. This life is a process. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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Final Exam time!

Monday, December 17, 2007

This one was a little tough for me...just that word "exam" brought back all those feelings of failure. You think you have dealt with it and moved on, but what a reminder this has been.
I mulled it over for a couple of days, part of me not wanting to do it...and the other part trying to talk some sense into me. I gave myself a deadline and had a little chat with myself about all that I have accomplished and I realized that what did it matter what anyone else thinks...it's what I think about myself that matters. So here goes...final exam time...I have not been here for the whole semester, but am hoping to be able to continue through another semester. Based on that, I have learned that I am stronger than I thought, I have dealt with some tough stuff these past few months and still been able to remain on track. I have learned that life is completely about choices and no matter what choices you make, the consequences are yours also. I have learned that nothing, absolutely nothing feels as good as pushing myself just that little bit harder to achieve a goal. That exercise is actually fun! That I have adopted a new way of living not another diet. That the power of positive will carry me through anything. I'm sure there is much more that I have learned through all of this and will continue to learn. For now though, I am proud of me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARLA7 12/21/2007 8:08AM

    Oh Wanda...I am proud of you too! What an example you set for us all. You don't always have much to say but when you do it has such impact. Merry Christmas Wanda to you & your family. Marla

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CALENSARIEL 12/19/2007 6:19PM

    You know, I always love what Dr. Phil says: When you choose the behaviors, you choose the consequences. I have barely met you, but I can sure tell that you subscribe to that point of view. It shows in your positive attitude. And I thank you for the time you've taken to read and comment on my blog. What you have said has given me good food for thought.


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FOSKED 12/18/2007 2:51PM

    You should be proud of yourself, Wanda. Not just for what you have achieved yourself, but for how much you give to others. You are one of the most nurturing and supportive people here. That mean you pass your exam cum laude!

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DEBHOLLA 12/18/2007 9:58AM

    Isn't it wonderful to recount what you have learned? And isn't that moment wonderful when you realize that you can make any choice you want, but the consequences go along with the choice? And how great to realize that you are making healthier choices with not even having to think about it. Way to go, Wanda.

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Having a good chuckle...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Okay, this is just too funny to me. I grew up in the north, so winter and all that goes with it have been a major part of my life. Over the years as we moved further south, I began to appreciate milder winters, and I admit the "negative" me, actually began to dislike intensely anything to do with winter and snow. Some how I has become my job to shovel all the snow from the side walks and the driveway, essentially, because I leave for work before anyone else and I get home again first! I dreaded each snow fall, even mildly cursed each snow fall. It was a chore to get bundled up and get out there and shovel. I could really get a good head of steam going over how much I disliked winter. It could get as cold as it wanted....just don't snow!
Well since beginning my lifestyle change journey, I have embraced all that I am learning, from tracking my nutrition, to reading information and actually enjoying the information, to getting rid of thought patterns that don't serve me, to, YES!, even exercising! Today, as I was shoveling the driveway and sidewalks, it dawned on me that I was actually enjoying it! WHOA, wait a minute...what do you mean...enjoying it? Who in their right mind enjoys shoveling snow? Up went my "mental" hand in the air, I'm enjoying it. (see I have these little conversations in my mind, and some of them really make me giggle when I think about them.) I realized that my thought process has gone from being negative to be positive about shoveling snow...do you know how many calories you can burn while shoveling snow???? LOTS! I no longer am looking on shoveling snow as a major bummer chore, it is a major calorie burner. ALRIGHT! The best part was my husband came home this afternoon and because more snow had fallen since I had shoveled, he started to shovel the driveway...I went running out in my slippers, yelling "What are you doing...don't do that, that is my exercise...I burn calories doing that!" Needless to say that look he gave me was one of complete bewilderment. No wonder men have a hard time figuring out women, we are just totally unpredicatable.
Have a wonderful evening.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JRGRACEY1 12/16/2007 12:12PM

    I like snow shovelling, too. I get a good workout in a short amount of time and it impresses my husband (which is sometimes hard to do). Way to change your attitude!

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KATHEE3 12/15/2007 8:12AM

  I know exactly whay you mean Wanda! I have actually taken to going out and doing the snow myself too. My health issues have always caused problem so I just figured ways around it. 9 Push don't lift ect).

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ANGLER491 12/13/2007 10:11PM

  Send some snow my way!!! When it snows in western Washington we just wait a couple of hours. The snow turns to rain and voila... the snow on the ground melts. We can't shovel rain. And that's what it's doing. But having grown up in western Washington I'm used to the rain. Us Western Washingtonians have a saying... "rain? So what." We're affectionately referred to as "web toes".

Like I shared before, I love the snow. Maybe because over here on the temperate side of the state all we get is rain and an occasional WET snow.

So, send some of that snow here and I'll shovel it too.

I loved your discussion with yourself. It's good to know I'm not the only one!

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NJMATTICE 12/13/2007 1:57PM

    I am deprived of that wonderful opportunity for exercise. Poor me. (I'm not missing the cold) What I enjoyed most of course in your blog was the conversation that you carried on with yourself. You are good company for yourself. I envision your voice echoing inside that head that is wrapped all up to keep the cold out. I remember how loud your head voice is when it's inside a big wooly hat and a oversized hood. Thanks for sharing!

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DEBHOLLA 12/13/2007 11:30AM

    Wow, Wanda, I'm so proud of you!!!

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CALENSARIEL 12/13/2007 10:22AM

    Yep! You're hooked for sure! I can remember two years ago when I was walking three miles every morning, there were so many times I wanted to just bust out running I was enjoying it so much. You CAN get addicted to exercising. (Did I ever start running, you ask? Oh, heck no! Too many instances of broken bra straps in gym kept running through my mind! And I was afraid his lordship would get picked up for spousal abuse if anyone saw the two black eyes from the girls bouncing up and hitting me in the face!)

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MARLA7 12/13/2007 4:59AM

    Wanda, I sure enjoyed your blog! I love shoveling snow but can no longer do it because of my fistula in my arm. Maybe you could do a little extra shoveling for me! LOL I do know that it's great exercise but you have to be careful of course. Thanks for sharing your blog with us. It brought back many memories to me! Marla

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