Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I emerged from a family of multiple denominations and dogmas. A very confused and abused individual. We all have past histories and junk that have happened to us, no one is immune from what life brings us as individuals.
We have become a society that offers excuses for our behaviors, rather than accepting responsibility for our actions.
We all have days that we whine and complain, but it's what we do with that whining and complaining that makes the difference. Yes, as a child I did not have control over the adults in my life, but as an adult I do have control over how much I allow past issues to affect my here and now.
I spent six years being taught to confront my issues and coming to the realization that I was the only one responsible for how I acted or reacted to things around me. I was the only person who could change my circumstances and me. And the really big one...I am NOT responsible for others behaviors!
If I don't like something, I need to change it, the responsibility is mine. That was a big concept for me to learn 'cause I was the Queen of excuses. I could have remained a victim, mired in all the muck, excuses and negativity or I could claim victory over all this garbage. I chose to look back on all the things said and done and find the positive teachings.
I took from it all the things that were positive and taught me to grow as a spiritual person. I see how far I have come. Would I have the come as far if these things had not happened to me, I don't know. I do know that if I don't wish to remain unhealthy physically.and mentally..I must change it, no one else puts the food in my mouth, no one else keeps me sitting on the couch, no one else holds negativity in my thoughts, no one else makes excuses for me, only I am responsible.
So if at times I seem to be impatient with people who offer up one excuse after another for life not being the way they want it to be, forgive me. I know that the changes must come from accepting responsibility and making the necessary changes oneself. I have learnt this but others may still be on that path of learning and I have no right to judge.
For myself, I got tired of living in "if only" land in the town of "victim". I decided to change my address to "I can have it all" land in the town of "Thankfulness". What's really great about this new address is the land is all free for the taking, the water is "living" water and washes things whiter than snow. Blessings flow freely, you just have to open your arms to receive them. Each day is filled with miracles and the knowledge that I am a worthy person. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to be loved.
Monday, September 24, 2007
How often do we catch ourselves using negative words as an excuse for why something is the way it is, or why we are the way we are? Can't, Won't, no good, never, seemingly harmless little words right? How quick we are to say I can't do something, I won't be able to, I'm no good at this, I'd never be able to . We find these relatively easy to spout forth, yet we find saying I can, I will, I am able, very difficult. Is it something that we are taught as children, or is it something that we glean from society as we grow? A positive outlook or attitude is looked on as something not quite real. You hear the expression " they are just looking through rose colored glasses" as though it is somehow wrong to be positive or hopefully. Yet if someone is being negative, excuses are offered in an almost concillatory way..."they must not be feeling well, things are hard for them, they have it rough". We have become so conditioned to negativity that we hardly acknowledge our words anymore. Words are one of the most powerful tools that we as humans have. If we want to change the way we see ourselves or others see us or change the way our lives are, we have to take into account the power of the words we are using.
My committment to my lifestyle change is to stop using negative words in relationship to myself. I will look at myself as a worthy person, deserving of being healthy and energetic. I am becoming all that God created me to be, a person who is physically, mentally and emotionally whole. I will live so that my inner glow also becomes my outer glow. I will be a "spark" for others.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Bouncing back after an emotional day sure feels good. Yesterday, my youngest daughter spread her wings and left home for the first time on her own. I'm really thrilled that she had the courage. She is my home body, who likes to spend time with her family. Stepping outside her comfort zone was a hard thing for her to do. She embarked on a 3 month trip to Australia, no short trip down the street for this girl. If she was going to step out of her comfort zone, she was planning on doing it big! The only thing that makes it much easier for me, is that fact that she was traveling with a friend and they are meeting up with three other friends and traveling Australia together, working when they need to and taking in all the thrills.
Almost managed to hold the tears back completely at the airport, but a few slipped out with the hug goodbye. The two of us quickly parted as we both knew if Mom started so would she. So today, I anxiously await an email to let me know all is well.
I am proud of myself none the less that an old habit of emotional eating, despite trying to put in an appearance, was not completely successful. Yes, I did go over my calories, but not by much and what I did choose to eat was actually pretty good. I began to get annoyed with myself, as I looked at my chart, but then I realized that I was only looking at what was immediately in front of me( one day). When I looked at the big picture(the whole week) and saw that the day before I had been way under, it all averaged out. Then I began thinking about my food choices and realized that there was no potato chips, no pop, no junk food period in amongst any of the choices I had made. What a long ways I have come already in a very short time. Has the habit of emotional eating been beaten...I don't know, but I do know that I am now in control of it. So, GO ME, WOO HOO.
With this one success, I will continue to build a stronger healthier me. I am looking forward to my daughter's arrival back home when I can hold up a sign at the airport that says "Shy...this is your MOM". I intend to reach my goal of a 50 pound weight elimination by Christmas and her arrival home.
Monday, September 17, 2007
These past few days since last Thursday have been rather low on the scale of energy. I am sticking to my nutrition tracker, have been doing my strength exercises and getting a tad extra walking in during the day but still feeling a bit blaa! I think my body and my mind are rebelling against the lack of usual activity. I have been taking this body to the pool for an hours aquasizes 2x a week now for a few weeks. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go last Thursday and there have been no classes since then...I find it fascinating how quickly one makes the transition from a basic couch potato to someone who now feels deprived because I have not been able to participate in my aquasizes. I feel like a small child pouting because I can't have something I not only want, but obviously my body now requires. Today, my body and mind have started to gear up in anticipation of Tuesday....AQUASIZES....yippee! Maintenance will also be done on the 2nd pool we have in town and I will then be able to go an extra 2x a week. I can now go Tues, Wed, Thurs and Saturday. Me! excited about exercising! Wow! I am beginning to feel like a child waiting for Christmas morning. The more I write about the up coming classes the more my energy field lifts and the more the anticipation builds. Funny how "positive" thoughts can so quickly changes one's moods.
Once again the Law of Attraction holds true. Positive energy attracts positive, negative attracts negative. We have the power to change our own thinking and feelings. I can hardly wait for tomorrow.
Yep, must definitely talk to hubby about buying a place with an indoor pool. LOL
Friday, September 14, 2007
Today has been a reflective day in alot of ways. Today it's been a year since I took over doing a good friend and co-workers job as once again she faced a battle for her life. This is the 3rd time in 4 years that cancer has raised its ugly head in her life. This time, the doctors have told her that there is nothing more they can do for her, she is now a palative care patient. If she had made different choices earlier in her life, would this have made the difference between life and death? Only God knows. She is one of most amazing women it is my blessing to know. Why has God brought her into my life, only to have to say goodbye, even if it is only for awhile? Why have I been the one to have to watch and care for my parents as first my father was diagnosed as terminal and then the guardianship of my mother became mine as she progressed through Alzheimer's disease?These questions and more I have asked myself as I reflected. I know that God never gives us more than we can handle, and He has been there for me through years of caring and then the deaths. As I thought about these things, these answers became very clear to me. First : If these people had not come into my life and shown me courage, strength and perserverence, I would not have been inspired to grab this chance at a new lifestyle. 2) I have the opportunity to change my present life for a healthier one, it's not too late 3) I owe it to myself and to them to not make the same mistakes or choices as they did.(I know Alzheimers is not a choice, but being a prescription junkie and over medicating oneself is, allowing one's self to be a victim is a choice, smoking is a choice, eating unhealthy, drinking, not taking care of oneself and on and on are all choices).
I am grateful that I have been blessed with these souls in my life, I have learned to not give up, to make better health choices, to be the best that I can be, they are my inspiration and encouragement as well as all the great people on SP. I will not allow myself to be a victim of poor choices, I will honor them by honoring myself.
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