Friday, June 08, 2012
Fact One: There was a 19th century Native American tribal chief who went under the name, "Not Able to Fornicate."
Fact Two: A long time ago in Japan, a wife being left handed was grounds for divorce.
Fact Three: There is a law in the state of Idaho that does not permit one citizen to give another citizen a box of candy that is heavier than 50 pounds - now where exactly can you find a box of candy that large?
Fact Four: There was once a fish caught in Delaware Bay with a watch still ticking inside.
Fact Five: In Alabama, it is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
Fact Six: In Canada, the color of a house and garage doors is regulated by city bylaws Ė and donít even think about having a purple door, or you'll be slapped with a fine!
Fact Seven: From 1976 to 1987, there were no red-colored M&Ms.
Fact Eight: Unlike other four-legged animals, it is impossible for the kangaroo to walk backwards.
Fact Nine: Did you know that Wheel of Fortune beauty Vanna White holds a world record? She's put her hands together approximately 140,000 to clap!
Fact Ten: When Coca-Cola first started to be sold in China, the company used characters that would sound just like "Coca-Cola" when spoken. Unfortunately, what they turned out to mean was "Bite the wax tadpole". Not surprisingly, Coca-Cola did not sell well.
Fact Eleven: Teenage boys were often hired as telephone operators when telephone companies first began. However, this trend soon ended when these boys spent more time wrestling and pulling prank calls than actually working.
Fact Twelve: William Taft, the President of the United States from 1909 to 1913, was so large that he once got stuck in a White House bath tub.
Fact Thirteen: In the United Kingdom, no cows may be driven down a roadway between 10 am and 7 pm unless granted permission from the Commissioner of Police.
Fact Fourteen: Howís this for a catch-22? In Sweden, prostitution is legal; however, it is illegal to use the services of a prostitute.
Fact Fifteen: There were 43,687 toilet related accidents in the United States in 1996.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
While many crooks may dream of committing the perfect crime, some burglars botch up a job so badly that what happens to them isnít simply justice Ė itís hilarious!
For one crook, a fun party ended really abruptly when he was arrested by police officers in Weatherford, Texas. It turns out that the man was throwing a pool-and-beer party for his friends in a vacant home when he was quickly busted by the real estate agent. The man, who had thrown pool parties in vacant homes before, invited the real estate agent to join them for a clambake, but clearly their ploy didnít work. The man and his friends were promptly charged with breaking and entering.
In Sylvester, GA, three crooks severely underestimated their fellow manís intelligence when they stole a bank tellerís checkbook Ė and then went to that same bank to cash the fraudulent checks. The bank teller who was approached by these three men stalled them until police arrived, where it was later discovered that the men had previously broken into four homes. It didnít take long for these guys to end up in prison!
Itís no secret that high gas prices have driven everyone crazy Ė but one man in particular became so desperate that he attempted to steal a whole tanker truck full of gas. According to news reports, the man was so-hard pressed for gas for his luxury Hummer that he attempted to drive off in a tanker at a gas station. It turns out that trying to make a clean getaway in one of the largest trucks on highways today isnít quite as simple as the man thought.
In Orange County, California, one burglar learned the hard way that it pays to get a good nightís sleep Ė especially if youíre looking to pull a job the next day. Police found the thief fast asleep in a car that he had broken into, with his hands still clutching the car stereo he had purloined from the vehicle. The arresting officers had to read his rights three times, as he continued to fall asleep during the first two. Looks like someone needs to get a new mattress!
In Philadelphia, a teenager busted a window and was caught not through the diligence of police officers Ė but because he had posted a video of the crime on YouTube. This should be a lesson for all potential criminals out there: if youíre going to commit a crime, donít post the act online!
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Getting accepted at your favorite college is one of the greatest moments of a young person?s life ? unless you?ve received this acceptance letter, which was clearly the result of a computer glitch.
(As reported in the New York Times, 3.21.99)
To the parent or guardian of Truman Bradley
Dear Parent or Guardian
Congratulations on 987-45-4321?s admission to Arizona State University! We commend you for the significant role that you have played in helping him to prepare for this exciting and critically important time. A.S.U. is committed to providing an outstanding collegiate experience, and we are pleased that he has chosen to take advantage of this tremendous opportunity. We are fully prepared to assist 987-65-4321 in making a successful transition from high school to college. We also recognize that even though your relationship with 987-65-4321 may change in the next four years, the importance of that relationship will not diminish. At Arizona State University, we value your continued participation in his academic, social and personal development and actively seek your support in that endeavor. Whether through involvement in the A.S.U. Parents Association, attendance at numerous events for A.S.U. parents, or the occasional visit to campus, you will be a partner with the university in encouraging 987-65-4321 to succeed. We look forward to seeing you at an orientation program and during A.S.U. Welcome Week prior to the start of the fall semester. Information about these programs has been mailed to 987-65-4321. Many of the activities during both events are designed specifically for you. In the meantime, contact the A.S.U. Parent Program office? if you have any questions or concerns.
President, A.S.U. Parents Association
Assistant Director, Parent Programs
The letter that the father wrote back is a real kicker!
Thank you for offering our son, 987-65-4321, or as we affectionately refer to him around the house - 987 - a position in the A.S.U. class of 2003. His mother, 123-45-6MOM and I are very happy that such a prestigious institution of higher education such as A.S.U. has extended this offer.
In selecting a college for 987, we are looking for a place that will prepare him for the technological challenges of the 21st century. We seek a college in which he can learn to master computers and learn to communicate with clarity and sensitivity. I can only imagine the competence with which you will, as your letter puts so well, "assist 987-65-4321 in making a successful transition from high school to college."
We will miss 987 when he goes off to school, and are very interested in a college in which he will receive personal attention. I was particularly touched by your sentence in which you note that our "relationship with 987-65-4321 may change in the next few years." This is certainly true. Already we are beginning to focus as well on his brother, 123-45-6BRO.
I look forward to additional communications from your office. You manage to convey more in your letters than any other college we have seen thus far.
A.k.a. Jeff Bradley
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
These real English subtitles have been featured in films primarily in kung fu films from Hong Kong. Hereís some of the best subtitles that will have you doubled over from laughter!
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.
I have been scared silly too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feats on some butt of the giant lizard person.
I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
I will kill you until you are dead from it!
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
I threat you! I challenge you meet me on the roof tonight for a duet!
You are too useless. And now I must beat you.
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and l leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
Now I feel flatulent, and you did it.
My innards have all been disturbed by him.
I please your uterus. You kiss my toes. It's fair.
This is the Martial Arts Competition, not a place for fighting!
Monday, June 04, 2012
These are actual excuse notes (original spelling intact) from some of the most unintentionally hilarious parents around:
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
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