Saturday, April 07, 2012
One day a woman was walking down the street when she spied a beggar sitting on the corner. The man was elderly, unshaven, and ragged. As he sat there, pedestrians walked by him giving him dirty looks They clearly wanted nothing to do with him because of who he was -- a dirty, homeless man. But when she saw him, the woman was moved to compassion.
It was very cold that day and the man had his tattered coat -- more like an old suit coat rather than a warm coat -- wrapped around him. She stopped and looked down. "Sir?" she asked. "Are you all right?"
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. "Leave me alone," he growled.
To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone."
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked.
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived. The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by the table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this. Is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a good profit from providing food at the weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
"I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."
The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this." She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently. "Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register. I knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished her e, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet And if you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you," he said.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus. He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And... And thank you for the coffee."
She frowned. "I forgot to ask you whether you used cream or sugar. That's black."
The officer looked at the steaming cup of coffee in his hand. "Yes, I do take cream and sugar -- perhaps more sugar than is good for me." He patted his ample stomach.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"I don't need it now," he replied smiling. "I've got the feeling that this coffee you bought me is going to taste as sweet as sugar."
Saturday, April 07, 2012
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an eight-year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four-star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy, because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simply again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive when there are more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, mankind and making angels in the snow.
I want to play with my pets and my days of imagination to last forever
So here are my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401(k) statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.
And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first because,"Tag! You're it!"
by Author Unknown
Thursday, April 05, 2012
For adult external use only. Avoid spraying in face or eyes.
Bath & Body Works Linen Spray
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Do not spray in eyes.
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. [Picture that]
Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Unknown Toilet Plunger
Use 3 pieces of batteries on 4
Tonyang Lighting Screwdriver (23 pieces)
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
Safe to use around pets.
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
CAUTION: Contains cleaning agents. Do not treat garment while wearing.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
After a lengthly instruction on how to heat the bottle:
CAUTION: SYRUP BOTTLE MAY BE HOT.
Hungry Jack Lite Syrup
CAREFUL, IT’S HOT!
Michelina’s Yu Sing
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On cap: Twist to Open
Hellman’s Fat Free Honey Dijon Dressing
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
American Airlines Peanuts
Product will be hot after heating.
Mark and Spencer’s Bread Pudding
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box).
Tesco’s Tirimisu Desert
Warning: This product contains nuts.
For best results, remove cap.
Nabisco Easy Cheese
This product must be cooked before eating.
Swanson TV Dinners
Caution: Will be hot after heating.
Keep dry, out of sunlight and chemicals.
Mama Instant Noodles
Warning: Refill only with Kikkoman.
Kikkoman Soy Sauce
Artificially Flavored Real Fruit
Dolly Madison Bakery Cherries
Instructions: Put on food
Instructions: For proper food safety and quality, use the following directions: Do not eat pizza without cooking.
Jack’s Cheese Pizza
Domino Pire Cane Granulated Sugar
Ring Pops – Made with Real Fruit Juice
Careful: Small objects, like hard candies, may inadvertently become lodged in the throat.
Use of this product may be hazardous to your health. This product contains Saccharin, which has been determined to cause cancer in laboratory animals.
Warning: Tarts may be hot.
Shop-Rite Toaster Tarts
Peel fruit from cellophane backing before eating.
Fruit By the Foot
Take the pizza out of the plastic, then heat it
Big One Pizza
W. M. Bolthouse Farms Carrots
Caution: Bowl may be hot after microwaving!
Caution: Ice cream is cold
Hagan Ice Cream
Do not eat packet.
Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Hershey’s Almond Bar
Directions: Drip chips in cheese and salsa.
Warning: Children can drown in bucket, do not place kids in juice
Giant Bucket of Pickles used in Fast Food Restaurants
Warning: While cooking be sure to place crust side down
Red Barron Pizza
(Placed on bottom of tray) Do not turn upside down
Calcium proportianate added to ‘retard’ spoilage of crust.
(Warning display on the side) This may contain nuts
Betty Crocker Tender Bar (Nuts and chocolate)
This product must be cooked prior to eating. (This is a frozen food)
Beef Taco flavor Hot Pockets
“Additional purchase idea’s: rocks, aquatic plant life, fish”
Wal-Mart Fish Tank
step 1: open package step 2: eat nuts
delta roasted nuts
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