Wednesday, March 14, 2012
PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)
I had to look up "paraprosdokian".Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station?
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..who..me??
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit, the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.
"Socialism only works in two places: heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it" Ronald Reagan
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!
The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!
Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating!
Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
One car out of every 230 made was stolen last year!
The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!
Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia!
The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders!
When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!
A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel!
A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!
The Philadelphia mint produces 26 million pennies per day!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated by Canada Post on February 1, 1969!
In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!
There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!
Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane as a precaution!
Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!
The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card!
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos!
There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight inhabitants!
The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
One of These Days
by James W. Foley
Say! Let's forget it! Let's put it aside!
Life is so large and the world is so wide.
Days are so short and there's so much to do,
What if it was false--there's plenty that's true.
Say! Let's forget it! Let's brush it away
Now and forever, so what do you say?
All of the bitter words said may be praise
One of these days.
Say! Let's forget it! Let's wipe off the slate,
Find something better to cherish than hate.
There's so much good in the world that we've had,
Let's strike a balance and cross off the bad.
Say! Let's forgive it, whatever it be,
Let's not be slaves when we ought to be free.
We shall be walking in sunshiny ways
One of these days.
Say! Let's not mind it! Let's smile it away,
Bring not a withered rose from yesterday;
Flowers are so fresh from the wayside and wood,
Sorrows are blessings but half understood.
Say! Let's not mind it, however it seems,
Hope is so sweet and holds so many dreams;
All of the sere fields with blossoms shall blaze
One of these days.
Say! Let's not take it so sorely to heart!
Hates may be friendships just drifted apart,
Failure be genius not quite understood,
Say! Let's get closer to somebody's side,
See what his dreams are and learn how he tried,
See if our scoldings won't give way to praise
One of these days.
Say! Let's not wither! Let's branch out and rise
Out of the byways and nearer the skies.
Let's spread some shade that's refreshing and deep
Where some tired traveler may lie down and sleep.
Say! Let's not tarry! Let's do it right now;
So much to do if we just find out how!
We may not be here to help folks or praise
One of these days.
Friday, March 09, 2012
Stand Tall Like The Sunflower
by Tony Masiello
I find it humorous sometimes that even the most mundane occurrences can have an impact on our awareness.
My wife, daughter, and I moved into our home nine years ago and we spent a lot of time and energy in the yard to get it looking like it does today. We live on a corner, higher than street level, and the entire side of the yard is encased by a professionally built rock wall. The front of the house though is another story because instead of a wall along the sidewalk the rocks appear to be just thrown up onto the dirt as if someone were in a hurry to finish.
We did the best we could with what we had to work with and called this area our 'rock garden'. Whenever we had left over flowers or plants, Denise or I would stick them out front, just to bring some color to the area.
I still do all of my own yard work, even the dreaded weed-pulling. After putting on my knee pads I assume the position to clear the yard of weeds, even in the rock garden.
Last summer I had reached the end of the rock garden and found a tiny little plant that I could not immediately identify. I knew I didn't plant it and Denise claimed that she didn't either. We decided to let it continue growing until we could figure out what it was.
Weeks passed and as I made my way back to the mystery plant, it appeared to be a Sunflower. It was spindly looking with a tall skinny stalk and only one head on it. I decided to baby it along and weed around it. As I pulled rocks from the area to get to the weeds, I noticed something unusual. The Sunflower had not started where I saw the stalk begin. It actually had begun under a big rock and grown under and around it to reach the sun.
That's when I realized that if a tiny little Sunflower didn't let a big rock stand in its way of developing, we too have the capability of doing the same thing. Once our environment begins to see that we believe in ourselves like that little Sunflower, we can attain the same nourishment and nurturing as well.
First, we need to believe in ourselves knowing we have the capabilities in achieving our desires. Like the Sunflower, it knew it had the capability to overcome its obstacle because it trusted in the Universal Truth and had faith it would succeed.
Stand tall like the Sunflower and be proud of who and what you are and the environment will begin to support you. You will find a way to go under or around your big obstacle in order to reach your desires.
About the Author
Tony Masiello is an author, and intuitive consultant. He is the author of the e-book, Whispers from the Universe, which is a collection of writings that will help you, motivate you, inspire you and guide you along the inner path of your life. For more information or to contact Tony go to his website: www.universalinsight.com
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