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WALKINGRED's Recent Blog Entries

I Feel Good!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

If someone told me last December 31st that by March I would be in the 140s, training for a 5k with Mike, and completely OFF of fast food and soda, I would have LAUGHED.

Don't get me wrong, some days are harder than others (hungry days, busy days, TOM, etc.), but I've hit this stride and am NOT turning back to my fatty, crappy, sedentary lifestyle.

This week, Mike and I took a hike, and we took pictures. No makeup, sweaty, workout clothes (not the cutey kind!), and I like ALL of them! I did the Spark thing (lol) and made a couple split screen before after shots and was amazed at what a big change -22 pounds has made...

I'm so happy to have a partner to help me through this, and I'm so proud of his hard work!

I went shopping for new (smaller!) clothes on Wednesday, and felt inspired to go though my closet and remove/donate the clothes that are too big for me now (!!!!!). It was such a cathartic feeling! I really felt like I was pulling these symbols of dissatisfaction out of my closet. I could SEE how far I've come, which made me feel like I can achieve any goal. It made me feel GOOD. I felt so good, in fact, that I did something a little crazy... I ordered TWO... ... Wait for it... ... ... ... ... Bikinis. Oh lawd! More on that later (when they arrive, I suppose!)!

Thanks to my Spark friends and fellow Sparkers for keeping me accountable, and for the daily motivation and inspiration to take good care of myself. I just adore you all!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Congratulations! You've really come so far already :) Your progress inspires me to try a little harder as well. You look great!

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RYDERB 3/18/2012 8:58AM

    You're going to be stunning in your new bikinis! emoticon You look AMAZING! emoticon

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 3/18/2012 6:38AM

    I'm feeling your joy! You've done marvelous!

Isn't it even better to share your success with pictures? As much as we don't like our own before pics, I think they will be great motivation to continue and then maintain.

Thanks for motivating us with your victory!

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BLACKBIRDSING 3/17/2012 11:03PM

    You look great! Excellent job!

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SUZIEMAH1 3/17/2012 10:13PM

    You look great emoticon emoticon

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MISTYBLUE716 3/17/2012 8:04PM

    You look gorgeous! way go to!

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2BEABETTERME 3/17/2012 5:52PM

    Great blog! You look beautiful!
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OMMAMA7 3/17/2012 5:41PM

    Aww, so happy for you! That's awesome. And you're so cute! Excellent job, can't wait to be in your shoes - it's motivating to imagine myself writing a blog like this some day. :) emoticon

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SMWATRMLON 3/17/2012 4:58PM

    Your an inspiration!!

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SEPPIESUSAN 3/17/2012 4:51PM

    You look great!

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ARGYLE-RUNNER 3/17/2012 4:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

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When BRAIN and BODY just don't match up...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My Spark friend APONI_KB brought up a recent (and yet already forgotten) memory for me. She mentioned feeling bad after seeing pictures from a race- MAN can I relate!

Last August, in an attempt to force myself to exercise, I signed up and half-heartedly trained for a HALF MARATHON in November... I completed the race and was elated. I felt accomplished, strong, and capable... And then I saw THE PICTURES. They told a different story. I looked 20 pounds heavier than I thought I looked. The tight running pants that I THOUGHT pulled me IN and made me look sleek, actually highlighted how big I had gotten (and did me NO favors). My size large racing shirt still clung to my mid-section, and every picture on the down-step (when my fat was following me back down to Earth) made me look like I was MELTING.

Before today, I've only shared this picture (pre-race, still wearing a giant hoodie):

But today, inspired by my friend's post, here are a few of my wake-up calls:

This is ONE example. Usually, we don't realize how good we look, how healthy we have become, but at this point- I thought I looked great and had pictures tell a completely different story. It sucked.

Because of moments like this, I find it hard to embrace my new-found health and figure. Sometimes I feel like I will wake up and be at my heaviest again. I still stand up really straight, dip my chin, and half-hide behind someone else when a picture is being taken. Last weekend at a bridal shower, I found myself doing this (sucking in my stomach for dear life, posing, praying that I didn't look like "the fat one" in the group). How stupid. This is as big a crime as thinking I looked good when I didn't.

How have YOU overcome this? When will my body and brain have a conversation (or whatever it takes) to match up?

UPDATE: Here are the two pics (posed/not posed) from yesterday! Thanks for the idea, OMMAMA, it really made me feel better...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RYDERB 3/17/2012 12:08PM

    Now I feel lucky that my husband had dragged me off the computer the day you posted this blog. If he hadn't I might not have gotten a chance to see the new picture you added! I really hope you find that self acceptance and peace with your beautiful body! You look amazing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Yayyyye for doing that!! I meant to comment on this, but completely forgot to come back to it hahah. You are seriously hot stuff. Even in your pics you didn't like. I think that happens though, especially to women. We think we look awesome, we FEEL awesome, and we see a picture and it totally changes that moment for us. Don't let it! Be proud, continue to be proud, and look at where you are now. I'm glad you took OMMAMA's advice. Sounds like it paid off, I wish you could post them also!!! Plus, did I forget to mention you're a hottie!? LoL It seems there is a lot of this kind of subject going around, some on your spectrum, some on the other end of it. I hope we ALL can get to the place where our inside matches our outside 100%. You deserve it and you've been working hard for it! Awesome!

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WALKINGRED 3/16/2012 11:46AM

    Oh my goodness, as always, I am in awe of the kindness of you wonderful friends.

I really was sincerely happy that day. Throughout the race people would basically stop me and ask why I was smiling or what I was so happy about. I just felt really excited and proud that I had gotten to race day.

It really wasn't until I saw the pictures that I deflated (not physically, unfortunately!)... It wasn't that I thought I looked like a big hot mess, it was that I THOUGHT I looked awesome (dare I say, thin) until I saw each and every unflattering picture. It felt like posing for pictures and the someone put that iPhone fat-effect on the photos without telling me beforehand. It was that surprising/painful.

This is becoming a novel, but I have to mention that I took OMMAMA's advice yesterday! Mike and I went hiking and he wanted to take a picture- so I asked him to take two pictures: 1. posed- hands on hips, one leg bent (read that in People Mag ten years ago, stuck with me), and chin down to create a shadow, and 2. standing tall like a normal human being. Result: if anything, I looked thinner in picture 2. All those poses did nothing for me (and maybe never have??). It felt pretty great, so thanks for the good advice! Wish I could post the pics here!!

I love you ALL! Thanks again for the SUPPORT!
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ALYSSA40 3/16/2012 11:31AM

    You're crazy! You're beautiful and I love seeing these photos! I am really looking to grow up and be JUST LIKE YOU! I love it!

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THINKSHRINK 3/16/2012 9:35AM

    It takes a lot of courage to post pics you're not proud of. Now...

1. OMG, you finished a half marathon - YOU ROCK!!
2. At this time, there is NO WAY I could pull off those running pants, and I'm working toward the day I do!
3. You have got such a great smile! It makes me want to take you out to lunch and have a ton of laughs.
4. Those pictures show someone who is so in-the-moment-happy!

That being said...

I totally know what you mean. I thought I looked great at my sister's birthday party. My hair was just right, my make-up looked great, and I felt"put together" with my outfit. Then I saw the pic, and all of that was overshadowed by how bloated and overweight I really was. (You can see the pic in my photos, at 165 lbs.)

So yes, I'm looking forward to when my body catches up with my mind. Oh, happy day!


Comment edited on: 3/16/2012 9:40:02 AM

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SEPPIESUSAN 3/15/2012 9:41PM

    I have had a few moments a bit like this in dressing rooms with three-way mirrors, where I could see my back. My back tends to get rolls when I get too heavy and I often have no idea they're back there. One time being in a dressing room was the turning point for me to get back on track!

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    I think you look cute and so happy in those pictures. Don't be so hard on yourself. You loved yourself than and you should love yourself now because you are not your weight. Don't let how you see yourself hold you back from being happy. Life is to short be happy with yourself and love yourself now how you are. 30 years from now you make look back at these pics and think "Damn, I looked good!".

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 3/15/2012 10:07AM

    You are doing great! I think we all have those pictures which were taken at a time when we thought we looked great and, lo and behold, when we see those pictures after the fact it is a crushing blow to our self-esteem. Thank you for sharing with us. It gives me some perspective on my own picture situation.

I think the great thing about these pictures is how much fun you seem to be having and how proud you are! Enjoying exercise and setting fitness goals like a Half Marathon is a HUGE first step toward a healthy new life. emoticon emoticon

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OMMAMA7 3/14/2012 3:22PM

    You still looked super cute in those pics! But, I know what you mean. For you, and your body type, etc, you were not happy with that. And you have changed it (AWESOME). I wish I had more profound advice, but since I haven't gotten there yet, I'm not sure! I would think as time goes on it gets easier. Hmm...maybe have a friend take a bunch of pics of you NOT doing all the posing tricks and look at them to remind yourself that you still looked awesome and you weren't sucking anything in! Well, when you figure it out let us know so we'll be ready! emoticon

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BIZZ27 3/14/2012 2:45PM

    I think you looked awesome in those pics!!! You had a smile on your face, a twinkle in your eye and just looked very happy!!! That's what it's really all about! You felt awesome because you ARE awesome!! Having lost that weight gives you a right to throw those flubber remainders around!!! lol
If everyone else there would know what we go through, they would not have taken a second look at the little tugging at your waist. And I'm sure they didn't anyway!!! This is all a part of our brain saying "I don't care if you worked hard, I still think I'm fat"... Just like we had to break the cycle of needing food when we're upset and all, we have to break the brain's cycle of self-doubt!! You know if you were reading this blog if someone else had written it, you'd be writing exactly what I'm telling you! Keep your chin up and relax, it WILL come!!!!

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YIPPEEYAY 3/14/2012 2:19PM

    The above comment by MISSB8604 said "it all"!!

It is just a HUGE weight off a person's brain to finally NOT have to give a second thought to any of that stuff ~~ e.i. sucking it in, tilting the head, etc etc!! And it is so freeing!

A lot of times, during my weight loss journey, it has been that "freeing feeling" that keeps me moving along. I can remember that feeling, taste that feeling AND I want it back!

You WILL get there!!

.....BTW, congrats on finishing the half-marathon! emoticon

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MISSB8604 3/14/2012 1:53PM

    As someone who is currently trying to figure this out, I want you to know that youíre NOT alone. I still have those moments when I suck in my gut, tilt my head up so I donít look like I have a million chins and pose in a certain way so that I donít look fat. However, there IS a certain point when you realize what youíve accomplished and you wonít feel the way you do. I canít tell you when that is, but one day itíll hit you and youíll feel it. Itís wonderful and itís a HUGE weight lifted off of your shoulders.

You WILL get there. You MUST stay positive and not feel so badly about yourself.

You can do this.

Enjoy your weight loss!

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Spring 5% Challenge Assignment 3

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I am posting here in a blog because I would like to look back on this during and after this challenge. I have had my head down and pushed like a dog to get where I am now, but it is definitely time to look up and evaluate these questions:

1. List all the reasons you want to lose weight.

To feel comfortable (in interviews, on a beach, in bed, in my own skin), to never be called out for my weight (I was once ON A DATE and some drunk middle-aged man yelled out of his truck "That's a HUGE b*tch!" I was beyond mortified) by strangers or family members, to LIVE a long life, to outrun zombies (that one is for Mike), and to never feel constrained by my own body. Wow, I could list those forever...

2. What do you want to change?

I want to push myself OUT of the comfort zone., i.e. RUN.

3. How do you want to look?

Sleek, graceful, tall, strong, proud...

4. How do you want to feel?

Strong, energetic, powerful, capable...

5. What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body?

Honestly, anything I want to- races, hikes, or try a new physical activity without fear, but really, the day I don't dodge a camera like it's a grenade will be a good day.

6. And list all the OTHER things that you want to change!

Above all else, I want to stick with it. I have gone forwards and backwards like a defeated wave forever. I am tired of quitting. I am only going forward from now on. That is IT.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RYDERB 3/14/2012 9:37AM

    I"m glad you shared your list with us! I can definitely relate to everything! (My husband's name is Mike emoticon)

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Comment edited on: 3/14/2012 9:37:29 AM

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SEPPIESUSAN 3/13/2012 9:27PM

    I have had similar horrible comments thrown my way. However, consider the source. If some guy is enough of a jerk to call out something so rude, I guarantee you he is a loser on all levels.

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SMWATRMLON 3/13/2012 3:04PM

    Sounds like a great plan!

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APONI_KB 3/13/2012 1:58PM

    I pretty much have the same goals. what is this challenge?

I'm so clueless, this is a huge site and I'm still poking my way around.

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 3/13/2012 1:45PM

    We've got alot in common. So much of what you put down is on my list too. (It's in my journal, not blogged).

Here's to a successful challenge emoticon

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Week 10: from 148.6 to 147.8

Monday, March 12, 2012

Almost another pound!!!

My future sister-in-law Mary and I threw a bridal shower for our boyfriends' sister, Pam this weekend. Everything was beautiful and FUN! Mary was in charge of paper (invites, decorations, etc.) and I did food, booze, and games. The theme was San Francisco (where they are getting hitched), so I made standard luncheon fare, but with a SF twist. We had a cheese plate with central coast bleu cheese and dried figs, Chinatown vegetable egg rolls, Palace hotel Green Goddess salad (the dressing was the bomb (and I cut the mayo with light sour cream- shhhh!)), Fisherman's Wharf sourdough sandwiches, fruit salad, fortune cookies, almond cookies, cake, and sparkling wine from Napa and Sonoma. Here are a few pics:

I went OVER calories for the first time this year by almost 200 cals (oy!), but started the day with oatmeal, worked my behind off all day, and ended with fish. Last night I totaled my differentials this week and it exceeded 4,000, so I figured I came out unscathed. Whew... I was nervous.

Yesterday the bf and I went to Balboa Island with Mary and her bf Daniel to celebrate the culmination of this party, lol! Here is a photo I am pleased to share of Mike and I (thinner, yes, but I think we look so young!):

I must admit that one highlight of the party was hearing everyone talk about how much weight I have lost and ask about my secrets (HA!)... It was a very nice pat on the back.

This week will be great! Mike and I start... RUNNING! I mentioned last week that he signed us up for a zombie 5k for later this year, so we're starting the couch to 5k program tonight! I am excited to step it up. You all KNOW I'll let you know how it's going!!!

Love and luck to you all in this sparkly new week! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APONI_KB 3/13/2012 10:49AM

    The party looks like a lot of fun. I've heard of the zombie runs, but never done one. You'll have to do a blog about it.

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RYDERB 3/12/2012 9:43PM

    The pictures from the show looked so beautiful! Congratulations! Love the picture of you and Mike! Enjoy your running training.

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SEPPIESUSAN 3/12/2012 7:42PM

    I really like how you title your blogs with your weight and almost stole the idea for myself...you look great, very cute couple!!

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SMWATRMLON 3/12/2012 7:05PM

    What a wonderful day!! You planned and although you went over calories you came through with a great week :)

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SERAPHGYRL 3/12/2012 4:40PM

    What a delicious looking buffet. How fun to have others talk about your weight loss. You're looking great! Thank you for stopping by my blog. You are just too kind. I did, and still do, my best to give my children the needed tools to succeed in whatever paths they have chosen in their lives. I'm always happy to hear that other parents have done the same.

Zombie 5K sounds like something my daughter would love. I will tell her to 'goog' it. :p

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CINDYBUNNIE 3/12/2012 12:13PM

    That all looks really yummy. *drool* And very pretty, too.

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2BEABETTERME 3/12/2012 11:36AM

    Okay, I asked the Googs (what are family calls google) about the Zombie run and I have to say WOW! And, good luck! An obstacle course while being chased by Zombies that can turn into a 10 k if you don't run it right. You go girl, and don't get caught by the Zombies! There is one in my area, but that looks to involved for me...and the Zombies would freak me out a bit. Awesome thing to keep you motivated and on track!

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WALKINGRED 3/12/2012 11:20AM

    Thanks, ladies! It's always so much fun to read the comments- Sparkers are too kind!!!

So, the zombie 5k in NOT at night (I would pee my pants!), and we don't wear costumes, but the zombies do (o.O)!!! Scary!!!!! emoticon

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OUT-OF-ASHES 3/12/2012 11:18AM

    That's awesome! You should cater. All of those meals look amazing. What fun! As for the c25k, good luck! You guys will do great! Both of you look so happy and healthy on the beach.

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2BEABETTERME 3/12/2012 11:06AM

    It looks so yummy and pretty! I am finding my 5k training to be fun and motivational. Two, rather dumb, questions: do you wear costumes for the 5k and is it at night? Keep up the great work! emoticon emoticon

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MEXGAL1 3/12/2012 10:54AM

    Sounds like you have a good plan for the week.
Keep on keeping on!

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    awww you are too cute! Love the pic! Great job on the set up for the shower, the salad looks delish! You'll have to keep us posted and let us know how the zombie 5k goes hehe. Very intrigued about that ;) :p

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Week 9: from 149.6 to 148.6

Monday, March 05, 2012

Good morning, Sparkles!

This week was really challenging with school and work, and even though I ate within my calories and walked almost everyday, I was nervous it wouldn't be enough... But it was. One pound- exactly what I worked for and wanted.

School: Oh man... Grad school is hard, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a lunatic or mass murderer, and you should run from them. It's just piles of reading and projects without much instruction. You have to jump into a lot of work acting as if you know exactly what to do and how to do it. I'm managing a group project where we develop a strategic plan for a library I've never visited, and our library liason is not great with communicating. Boo. My cataloging class is just... Tedious. Hard. Frustrating.

Work: I am teaching kindergarteners the difference between fiction and non-fiction, 1st-3rd graders are getting a library tour to prepare them for a book hunt, and I'm running a review session for my 4th-6th graders on various library skills that they SHOULD have picked up throughout the year *wink*

Life: Mike pulled his calf and neck this week- POOR BABY! This made working out almost impossible for him, and he didn't lose (or gain, I should note) any weight... We almost had to cancel ziplining on Saturday (which was SO MUCH FUN!), but he was having none of that. A few extra strength aspirin and a heating pad, and he was good to go. He's feeling much better this week, and his crazy behind even signed us up for a zombie 5k (he's never ran a lap!) in October... We're going to start that couch to 5k program next week. I love that crazy kid.

Things that are working:
-NOT GIVING UP (I had a real epiphany this week about past "failures" that taught me how to get here, so therefore, weren't really failures at all. Now I know what to do- this isn't some crash diet, now this is about longterm health and happiness. Even when the scale stays in one place for far too long, I know I'm doing the right things, so I have to just keep keeping on!)

Room for improvement:
-Strength training! I've only been doing it about once a week, I'd like to double that!

LOVE and best of luck to all of you in this new fresh week! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YIPPEEYAY 3/6/2012 7:16PM

    Your blogs are very uplifting & real!

It's so nice to realize that "No, it's not just ME that's struggling through plateaus & it's not just me who works out consistently and expects to see SO MUCH change and yet, sometimes NOT(!!)

Thanks for being an inspiration

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    You're doing great!! :) I had a similar epiphany myself this week after reading some of my old diaries / weight loss journals. All those mistakes and wrong turns have led me to where I am today, and therefore happened for a reason!

Keep up the amazing work!! You're an inspiration :)

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TORIAMAE 3/6/2012 12:21PM

    I love what you said about failures getting you where you are...I've seen that too.

After regaining weight, I felt like I was starting from scratch, but then realized that while I may still have a lot to lose, I have so much more knowledge this time around than I ever had before!

Keep up the good work!

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SHAPEITUP3 3/6/2012 11:37AM

    great job! It is so nice to have someone to be your support like Mike is. My husband is in grad school and he has decided to not workout until he is done (in MAY!!!!!). He has been doing better with his food intake, which is good... but there are some days when I need my gym buddy!

With that said, KUDOS to you for doing this during graduate school. I gained a lot of weight during grad school because you are eating on the go, spending hours in the library and computer labs, and when you're not... you are exhausted and don't really want to workout! or at least, that is how I felt.

Good Luck in your studies and on this great journey!

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KIMCOLLINGS 3/6/2012 11:32AM

    Wow! You are doing terrific! Congrats on the pound down. I can tell you are determined....you fit it in even with being so busy! Great job!!

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MWARDELL 3/5/2012 11:28PM

    Every pound counts and you definitely earned it! Congrats! Sounds like you have a busy but fulfilling life. :)

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SEPPIESUSAN 3/5/2012 9:45PM

    Congrats on being down a pound and well established in the 140s!!

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    Congrats on the great job despite the hectic schedule! Zombie 5ks sound like so much fun. Can't wait to hear about it!

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MISTYBLUE716 3/5/2012 7:15PM

    Grad school is hard from what I hear..so kudos to you! I went back to do an accelerated program to become a physical therapy assistant and that was intense..can't imagine grad school! and you're SO right..it is a lifestyle change if you wanna be serious about this! Great job!

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LEIAMLOW 3/5/2012 6:36PM

    Zombie 5k sounds like a ton of fun! I can't wait to hear about it! Congrats on your goal weight being so close! :)

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BIZZ27 3/5/2012 5:52PM

    I love reading your blogs!! Even if you're upset they still come across as sounding peppy!!! I think you're doing great, and as for grad school, you seem to know that one step at a time will get you there!!! You are one strong, determined woman!!! I bet you guys will do awesome for your 5K in October! You will like doing more strength training when you go to pick up that weight and it doesn't feel as heavy anymore... I just know it!! :) Good for you, you are AMAZING!!!

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EMKO0916 3/5/2012 3:23PM

    Good for you!!! Your positive attitude is contagious--I love it! You're right about the masters degree. After I got my MBA I vowed to never go back to school. Ever. ;) You'll be glad when you're done though (doesn't everyone say that?).

Hope you have a great week!

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    Congrats on your loss despite the busy, busy week!!! Awesome job!!! I had that same epiphany, pretty close to the time I actually started SP. It's an amazing feeling of gaining that "knowledge" hehe. Hope you have fabulous week, and hope the school work doesn't bog you down to much! YOU CAN DO IT!

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CINDYBUNNIE 3/5/2012 11:13AM

    Grad school sounds scary, lol.

And yay for losing a pound! emoticon

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RYDERB 3/5/2012 10:41AM

    WOW! You have been busy! Good luck keeping up with your schedule! At least the added benefit of exercise is stress relief. emoticon
Congratulations on your epiphany! Oops and your pound! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/5/2012 10:41:56 AM

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2BEABETTERME 3/5/2012 10:39AM

    Great attitude and progress! It really is about learning from your mistakes and then letting them go, focusing on what you have accomplished, and move forward. Keep up the great work and have an awesome week!


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