Sunday, May 05, 2013
Warning: This will probably make you laugh so hard you will wet your pants. It made me cry. But then, I am the poor mama.
Oi vey! The wedding is next Saturday and the final push is here. Cue the last minute drama…The groom (my dear care-free, laid back, la-la-la, mom-you-worry-too-much, son) was responsible for the groomsmen getting the pants (to match his suit) and the shirts. Easy peasy, right? Step 1 was choosing a grey suit. Step 2 was telling the groomsmen to get the matching pants (no jackets for this casual, oh-so-cool dude’s posse. "It will be so easy this way, Mom. You’ll see.") I suggest he makes sure to buy a suit for which they have pants to fit all 5 groomsmen because they vary from 5’6” to 6’ 5” and all different shapes. So get their measurements before you buy a suit. "Sure, Mom. Whatever."
Groom buys a grey suit…in a slim cut, because he is slim. He does not take the 5 guys measurements with him. He tells the guys which pants to go buy. There are 5 groomsmen. Only one is slim…any guesses where this is going? Enter groom’s mom (that would be me-who worries too much). "Have the guys try on their pants and shirts to make sure they fit ok." (And this was before I knew he had a slim cut suit.) "Oh, Mom, They are fine. They know what size they wear. Sheesh." (Hmmm. This was over a month ago.) A couple reminders were given over the last month to have the guys try them on and groom’s mom was assured all was fine…except that 2 of the guys couldn’t find their size.
Uh-oh. Suit was bought at Boston Store and the search of literally every store in the country as well as online resulted in no pants in the right sizes. So 2 pants in sizes too large were purchased and our dear seamstress friend was asked if she could turn a 34 waist to a 31 and another 34 to a 33 and hem that pair too. "No prob." she generously agreed. After all, she was almost finished altering all 5 bridesmaid dresses (a story I won’t even get into here-but it was our first drama). Hmmm-the pants were tagged 34 waist but measured 36w. Oh well, with no other choice she worked her miracles and produced the required 31wx34 for the slim friend (you know, the one who would have been fine in these slim pants-had they had his size!) and 33w x 30 for the best man (brother to the grrrrr-oom, who by the way has not taken a 33w in years but decided to lose 20 pounds right before the wedding) And, oh, did I mention the 2 guys needing alterations live out of state so we had to rely on the measurements they gave and had no way to fit them in person?
Back to our story…Groom decides to fly to NC 2 weeks before the wedding to celebrate 30th birthday with best man brother. (Why not? All is in control back here, right?) So, worry-wart Mom suggests taking best man’s pants with him for a try on since they are done and he won’t be here until just before the wedding when it will be too late to alter again. Groom reluctantly agrees to such an obviously unnecessary task. About 10 days ago, groom returns with pants as requested. Says nothing. Finally, the mother of all worriers asks how they fit. "Oh, they were tight on him." " What? How tight?" "Super tight." " Super tight like he can’t wear them tight?" "Well…" "Well what?" " Well, I don’t think he lost 20 pounds." "How much did he lose?" " I think he gained 5." "What?!" "But, it's ok. He can wear them. He just looks like a stuffed sausage." (Yikes!) "But that wasn’t the worst part. They don’t fit in the thigh." "What?!" "He has big thighs and he can barely squeeze into them. But it’s ok. He can still wear them" (Huh? It was at this point that he told me he had chosen a slim cut suit. which explains why the thigh is tight.)
So, mom and seamstress put in a call to best man to get the real scoop. "How tight are they really?" "Super, super tight." (Not just one super…two!) "Can you wear them?" "Well…I think I can stand in them …and maybe I can walk a little." (A little?! At this point we are speechless and our eyes are huge as we are envisioning this problem. And then we have to ask…) "Will you be able to sit?" "No way. Not without splitting them wide open. But I will wear them if groom wants me to." (What the…?) "Son…" (Yep, the groom and the best man are both mine. They get their stubbornness from their father.) "Son, this will not work. We can let the waist out, but your thunder thighs will bust those things open like a pair of ripe melons and we can’t have that. How are you suppose to drive the bride and groom around…How are you suppose to dance or sit down for dinner…" At this point he suggests a bar stool at the head table for himself. (He was serious. I kid you not.) He also suggests maybe he can unbutton and unzip to drive the car. (?????!!!!!) "No. Talk to the groom and tell him how bad it is. He thinks you are ok in these pants and you aren’t. Maybe you can all switch to black pants or something. There is still time to fix this problem."
So he talks to groom. Groom calls us and says It sounds fine. We will stick with these pants. (Sounds fine?!?!?!?!?!) (Apparently it sounds fine that his best man can’t walk, sit, drive, dance or even climb stairs. They can cart him around strapped to a gurney all day and rent an ambulance to transport him maybe. (Ok. I may be getting a bit hysterical by now.) (My eyebrows are lost in my hairline so far, I suspect I will not see them again for months. I will save lots of money on facelifts.) We did get the groom to agree to have all 5 guys bring black dress pants as a backup plan. He doesn’t see the need, but I think he agrees to shut us up. He knows I worry too much.
My dear, dear friend who is the seamstress extraordinaire and whom I have now nominated for sainthood looks at me with a strange mix of shock and sympathy. She had also explained to the grrrrr-oom that she can let the waist out, but you will be able to see a 'vee' shape from the previous alteration. And no jacket to hide it (Cuz he wants the easy, casual look, right. And best man can’t keep his hands behind him to cover the marks on the pants because he will need to clasp them in front to help hide the super, super tight pants making him look like a 1980’s porn star in front!) Now groom and best man are happily playing frisbee or whatever these cool dudes do, while she and I brainstorm. I suggest we try to find even bigger waist pants in the hopes that they will have a bit more room in the thighs. She has to alter the waist anyway so this solves the waist, the 'vee' in the back and possibly the thigh problem.
In the meantime we insist groom check with all the groomsmen to see if they 'actually' tried on the pants and get 'actual' measurements of waist, thigh and length just in case. As we are calling all Boston Stores (again) to find bigger pants, we get a message from the groom that one of the other guys is having the same problem (He is 6’5” and 280), the skinny groomsmen seems to be a 32 waist now and not a 31 (this news after his pants were altered!) The groom tells us this very calmly. He is uber-chill and I want to strangle him by now. Mind you this is yesterday and I have been at the seamstress’s house for hours working on this problem. So, now she has to remake both the pants she spent many hours altering to their so-called measurements. (And possibly the pants for Andre the Giant now too.) So we decide to call the skinny guy and explain again how to measure. I guess the videos and instructions we sent on measuring were never viewed or read because now he says he is not a 31w or a 32w or a 33w…he is 33.25 inches and his inseam is not 34, but 33. We ask for one more measurement-neck size. For the noose. Grrrrr. (We have since learned that when asking guys for 'actual' measurements (BTW-actual is subject to their interpretation. They do not actually know what the definition of 'actual' actually is.) you will be given one or more of the following: an approximate, a jeans size, a size they wore in high school, a size they wish they were, or a 'size range' as in "My waist is actually 33-34 inches". The skinny guy had e-mailed originally that he was "technically a 31" waist". I kid you not. These are called 'men-surements'. They are the seamstress’s worst nightmare because they tell her these are the 'actual' measurements and she takes their word for it.(She will never do that again.) They also will try to measure around their bodies with a Stanley metal tape measure and do not think there is any other more accurate way to do this in spite of explicit instructions and videos. I actually watched my son try to measure himself this way!
At the end of the day we find out that 3 out of 5 guys are finding the pants too tight in the thigh. Skinny guy thinks guestimates are ok for custom alterations, the best man is willing to risk a major wardrobe malfunction as long as the groom 'is ok with it' and the 5th guy was the only one who actually tried his pants on before he bought them and they fit him. (He now looks like a genius.) Groom, who lives in the land of bliss and peace where all is rainbows and lemon drops, calmly states he still wants them to wear these pants. (Really?!?!) He thinks this is the end of story. The guys will wear the pants they have.
Not happening. So, while he plays video games, I find one pair at one store that might fit giant guy. I find a new pair for skinny guy that he will have to wear as is (they are close enough) and find a 3rd pair that are 38w x 32 for best man who we find out is actually a 34.5w (after ‘losing’ 20 lbs-he gets the denial thing from his mom). Giant guy can give his pants to bride’s brother who finally tried on the pants and admitted his own were 'not real comfortable' (Ya think?) and he needed a size bigger.
So, assuming the new alteration for 'thunder thighs' fit, I think we will have 5 guys in pants that match the groom’s suit that don't look R-rated and will allow all of them to stand, walk and sit without splitting them open like the Incredible Hulk. And they will bring black pants as a back up plan.
Oh and I went by the groom’s house to iron his shirt and the 2 out of state guy’s shirts-skinny guy and best man. (He didn’t think they really needed ironing because, after all, they are new. Folded and pinned in packages. Oi vey.) "I don’t have best man’s shirt. Doesn’t he have it?" "How would I know? I'm just here to iron for you." He calls best man. Nope. No shirt there either. So I stop at the store to see if they have one. Nope. Now they had to order one and have it shipped. Hopefully in time for the wedding. If not, he will have to wear white or grey. At least he is the best man and can get away with a different color. (The others are yellow)
Phew. And to this my wonderful groom-to-be son said "See, Mom. It all worked out fine. You worry too much." (sigh)
Edit: Sunday 2:30pm Just found out the guys tried on the shirts and don't like them. They say they are big and billowy like a pirate's shirt! Now they are trying to find new shirts for all 5 before the wedding. Sonny thinks they need slim cut shirts to match the pants. I kid you not. He has learned nothing from this experience. I don't know what this wedding is going to look like. It will be one to remember for sure! Oi vey! Oi vey! Oi vey!
I will get through this wedding, because quitting is not an option. (Now, where did I put his noose measurement…er…I mean, neck size.)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Something so surprising happened to me recently that I thought it was worth sharing. My hope is that it will encourage some of you.
While I haven’t reached my goal weight yet, I have lost a significant amount of weight. Like many of you, I have been reluctant to buy anything new to wear during the process of losing. I have not wanted to spend money on clothes that I will only wear for a short time. So for the past 10 months I have 'made do' with what I had in the closet. I work from home so nobody sees me anyway on most days.
Lately, with my clothes feeling baggier than ever, I have been struggling to find anything to wear when I have to go out. I know my clothes aren’t fitting well and that has made me feel extra frumpy. Also, very few people have seemed to notice my weight loss, which has had me feeling discouraged and down on myself. After all, I have lost almost 50 pounds. I admit, I am still very overweight, but surely I must look better than I did before! Right?
At any rate, I have some events coming up and finally broke down and went shopping for a couple decent fitting tops to get me through the summer. I have some smaller everyday tops, but nothing nice. I haven’t been able to find what I want at the thrift stores. So I went to a local department store and found myself in the dressing room trying on several items 2 sizes down from where I began this journey and everything was fitting! Needless to say, I was pleased. I was finally seeing some changes. I decided to buy a couple of the tops and a new pair of jeans, all on sale, and then put my old clothes back on.
And that is when the surprise happened. I had gotten dressed and saw myself in the mirror. With the memory of properly fitting clothes fresh in my mind, the sight of myself in my old, baggy clothes actually caused me to gasp. I found myself saying aloud, "I look at least 20 pounds heavier!" It was a real eye-opener.
Now, I know why nobody has noticed my weight loss. My old, baggy clothes have been hiding the new improved me. As much as I want to save money, I realize that there is value in spending some money on clothes that actually fit. I feel (dare I say) proud of the progress I have made and wearing the proper size makes me feel like all my months of hard work and discipline are paying off. I think that others will be surprised too at the changes that they will now be able to see in me. At least I hope so! What do you think?
So, if you have dropped sizes and are debating about spending money on clothes that you will not be wearing long, I encourage you to reward yourself with proper fitting clothes along the way. It has been the best thing I have done for my self-esteem since starting this journey.
Oh, and the surprise twist with the before & after photos? Both of these photos were taken on the same day last week, just a few minutes apart. Yep, that’s how much difference the right size clothes can make.
I have not reached my goal…yet, but I am well on my way. And I will not quit, because…quitting is not an option.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Who knew losing weight was only one part of the journey? You will experience many positive changes, physically, mentally and emotionally.
When I started on Spark in July 2012, I had never really tried to lose weight before. I didn’t know if I could do it. I didn’t know how to get healthy again. The task was daunting. The pounds too many. I found myself saying things like, 'IF I lose some weight…'
A couple months later, and 5 or 10 pounds down, I was starting to figure out how to track nutrition. I was exercising on a more regular basis. Even though I wasn’t willing to acknowledge that I already WAS losing weight, I had some hope, and the start of a plan. I started saying, 'WHEN I lose weight…'
By the end of 2012, I had lost 29 pounds. I was tracking every bite, exercising almost daily, drinking water and tweaking things like carbs vs. protein. I was finally willing to admit that I was succeeding in my efforts to become healthier and lose weight. I did not have a personal trainer, gym membership, or ‘diet plan’. I was doing it simply by applying the knowledge I gained on Spark People and by using the free tools and support on the site. I began to say, 'AS I lose weight…'
Now, almost 7 months into the journey, I feel like I have turned an important corner. I have a healthy, livable plan that is working. I can actually see that reaching my goal weight is possible. I’m not there yet and won’t be for quite a while, but, I can now say, 'AFTER I’ve lost the extra weight…'
Quitting is not an option! I will reach my goal. I know that I can do it. And so can you!
Monday, December 10, 2012
I have been a very good girl this year. I have tracked all my food (Except on holidays. And my birthday. Nobody tracks calories on their birthday. And days when my DH brought home Chinese. You know I love Chinese and there is no way I'm tracking those calories.)
*sigh* Ok, I have tracked most of my food on most days. And I exercised every day. (Or... at least 3 or 4 days per week. Except on holidays and birthdays. And sick days. Nobody can expect you to work out on sick days. And days my DH was sick. You know how needy he gets when he's sick.)
*sigh* Ok, so I exercised some days during most weeks. Oh and Santa, I drank lots of water too. I drank 8 glasses a day! (Or 4. Or maybe almost 2 sometimes. Except on holidays, birthdays, sick days and vacation days. And days I went shopping. Cuz drinking all that water makes me have to...well, you know.)
*sigh* All right, so sometimes I drank some water. (Coffee counts. Right? Sheesh.) Ok then. So I have been, ummm, better than last year anyway. And all I want for Christmas is a truckload of toilet paper. Cuz I am NOT kidding about the drinking thing. It really makes me...well, you know...And can you make it the good 3-ply stuff? After all, it is Christmas. Thanks, Santa.
P.S. Here are some fat free rice cakes and skim milk. (I didn't like them anyway.)
P.P.S. And, uh, Santa, you might want to think about joining Spark People. You could stand to lose a few. Just sayin'. (Keepin' it real.)
P.P.P.S. Gotta go. (Again.) *sigh*
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