Tuesday, June 01, 2010
I had a great weekend. I ate almost anything and everything i wanted. Almost, thinking about it, i could have been a lot worse. I am proud of the few moments i ate for my health instead of my eyes. I still feel bad though. Really bad.
I don't want the guilt to get to me... argh, because i've felt so crap today. I feel crap and bloated and FAT. I really feel fat. I looked at myself in the mirror and i somehow look different.... i look fat to me at the moment. I didn't look fat this time last week, i felt great. I am wearing the same work pants and top as i was when i felt great... isn't it funny how the brain thinks things are, just by the mood?
I'm working out tonight and working away the guilt and bad feelings. I don't feel like working out but i have to. That's what i'm scared of - the guilt putting me into a slump and then banishing my motivation. This cannot happen. I got to 12 stone before my weekend away. I weighed yesterday and i was 12.6.... BIG MISTAKE. I know already not to weigh more than once a week but i couldn't help it - and now look what happened?!
I'm gonna sort myself out tonight, work out and then get high from the good endomorphs and all that... and then remember WHY i'm doing this.
I annoy myself so much sometimes!!! *Kicks own butt*