Saturday, July 28, 2012
Anyone else ever get discouraged by a small weight loss? Although my goal for this week was to lose 2 pounds, and I did, I still can't help but think, 'why only 2?' I met my goal so why isn't that good enough? You know what? It is... although I tend to feel like enough is never enough, I'm going to tell myself, "Self, you met your goal and that's something to feel good about."
And you know something else? It is.
Friday, July 20, 2012
I picked up my mostly empty journal from my nightstand drawer tonight... thought maybe I'd try to start journaling again. The first entry was from August 10th, 2010, and I'd written my weight was 178. WhooOOOOAAAAHHH. What the hell has happened? I'm sure as hell not 178 now... or even in the same hundreds range. I feel safe saying I completely gave up. Like my last blog entry mentioned, I turned 40 and the weight began creeping back on. The more weight I gained, the more I gave up. I'm 41 now and will be 42 in January... that's a long stretch of half-assing it and giving up.
I hate this and I hate that I gave up but I keep telling myself, "Love yourself no matter what your weight." Partly true... I do need to love myself regardless, but I need to love myself enough to also give myself better health. But that's harder, and I've gotten lazy. What's the expression here... um, self-defeating behavior?
Sunday, January 08, 2012
If my goal was to gain weight, I'd be "Winning!" As it's not, I feel like a big, fat failure. I lost 81 pounds, turned 40 and then everything stopped working. Despite my continued workout and diet routine, the pounds began creeping back on. After months and months of continued effort and failure, I just kind of gave up and began just doing a workout here and there, being less strict on my eating and now here I am. Almost 50 pounds heavier. This past week and a half, I've REALLY been trying... I began with 30 minute daily cardio workouts and conscious efforts to keep the crap out of my mouth but despite that, I'VE GAINED 7 POUNDS. The one thing I should probably blame are the margaritas... Those have been such a yummy part of a few evenings, but really? Can they be entirely to blame? Otherwise, except for maybe three cookies, everything else has been calorie controlled, one serving size portions. Maybe I'll just stop eating for a week and see how much I gain then. (Not really, but UGH!)
Sunday, April 03, 2011
I have decided I have an addictive personality. If it's not cupcakes, it's glazed walnuts. If it's not diet vanilla Pepsi, it's Twizzlers. At this point, it's cookie dough. Chocolate chip, white chocolate chip, butterscotch chip, oatmeal...all preferred doughs of choice right now. I love baking, that's just me, but for the past month, I love to bake cookies just so I can eat the dough. And I don't mean a few nibbles, I mean by the fingerful...repeatedly. It's just so sweet and creamy and it tastes so good! More telling, I think, is that if feels so good. Until I step on the scale. NOT GOOD! Let's just say the numbers for my weight loss goal have gone up and not down. Help!
Sunday, January 02, 2011
So yesterday marked my two year anniversary. 1/1/09 was the start date for my healthier lifestyle and I started at 257 pounds. Two years later, I should be at my goal weight of 155, right? WRONG. I'm not impressed.
Have I never indulged in yummy sweets or pizza? No. Have I always exercised every day religiously? No. Have I consistently made good nutrition choices and stayed active? YES. On a daily basis, almost every day, I obsess about what I put into my mouth. (Hmmm, do I want a piece of wheat toast with my oatmeal for 35 calories or do I want to save those 35 calories for a few extra green beans at dinner.)
I got down to 176, 81 pounds lost, four or five months ago. Now, I'm at 190 with no idea why I'm back up to that point and I've yo-yo'd with the same 10 pounds for MONTHS. I've done my exercising, my healthy eating, blah blah and FOR WHAT?? I only lost 13 pounds last year and while I should be excited that it was a loss, I'm not impressed. I feel like quitting. I feel like throwing myself on the floor while kicking, screaming and pounding my fists in frustration. What am I supposed to do? How do I lose the last 35 pounds when I can't manage to lose even 5 pounds? hELP! Do I try Weight Watchers? Rob a bank for the money to hire a trainer and nutritionist? I wonder how much an arm weighs and do I really need two of them? ARRRRGH!!
I'm SO not impressed.
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