Thursday, December 22, 2011
Weather report for the week so far: pretty fair.
Physically: made it to the gym twice, did not eat crap (mostly).
Spiritually: held solstice vigil, spent a lot of good time with friends who I love, went to another solstice party, going to another solstice party tonight
Emotionally: grad school apps are all due and need to be mailed out tomorrow before we leave to visit my partner's family, which is taking the weight of the holiday stress.
Plan for today: applications, therapy, lunch date, solo cafe time, party, sleep.
Plan for tomorrow: applications, mail applications, celebrate mailing applications by going to the gym, packing, driving.
Plan for Saturday: driving, pit-stop in portland to shop at the best/only? plus size vintage store in the country. Get to partner's family.
Intended road trip food: carrot sticks, grapes, clementines, string cheese, dark chocolate covered cocoa nibs (1 piece = 1 calorie).
Going to go to the bathroom, weigh myself, and get cracking on applications. WIN.
Friday, December 16, 2011
I had decided I was going to stop doing motivational dresses because of my breasts. Yep. The odds of me ever having a 38" chest are next to nothing. Right now I'm an F cup, and even though I imagine that changing, I really don't want it to change that much. I really like my breasts. My lovers really like my breasts. End of story.
And then I was remembered: that is what foundation garments are for.
So, today's motivational dress is a 1950s party dress coming from the Etsy shop The Vintage Studio.
The measurements are as follows:
Bodice length: 15"
Dress length: 40"
It is, needless to say, small. Though maybe I don't really know what I'm talking about? I just looked at a size chart on Banana Republic and that is a size 6 dress. That doesn't seem that absurd. I mean, 19 sizes away, yes. But absurd? no?
So, yesterday was a good day, and I've been toying with rejoining the gym I used to be be in -- it had closed but reopened as an independent spot, and the membership is only 35 a month; even if I only went on the days when I'm not commuting it would be a pretty good deal. I'm moving in August. Can I commit to a gym through then? After that, I'll use the campus gym wherever I land. I've done that a couple times at my school now, but are all the group classes are when I'm teaching or in seminar. I mean, that is the thing I don't like about this gym -- it doesn't have classes, it is just a circuit.
Really? I miss Jazzercise.
I did find a yoga studio (just now, actually) that has affordable student rates, and I do have my handy dandy student ID, so I might check out their zumba class this afternoon. Honestly, though, I didn't go to community yoga last night because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up, so it seems unreasonable to assume I'll go to zumba tonight. I think I need something at more my own pace for a little while. At least until I'm back in the swing of things. Which I guess means I'm joining the gym again.
Regardless, I have strength training today, and should go eat some breakfast before I decide how I'm going to approach that!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I'm really good at noticing my patterns. I'm a pretty self-aware girl, have a good therapist, a strong community that will call me on my bs, and a good practice of checking myself before I wreck myself.
So, this is a pattern I've noticed: I notice a pattern, but then getting stuck and not knowing how to break it. I chalk it up to "just being who I am" and ignore it. And that is precisely when I stop taking care of myself.
I'm on break from school for a few weeks, which seems like the perfect time to try to break patterns, make new ones, etc. I'm going through the healthy recipes on Epicurious (I tend to like them more than the ones on Spark -- they're a little classier and don't use as many processed foods/fake foods), making a new cookbook, thinking about making this for dinner tonight:
Though I don't have feta or yeast (normally I would just make pita), so it will depend on if my honey will stop at the store on the way home from her meeting. If not, we'll have pasta with left over veggie-meat sauce. I'm trying to cook through some of the random things we've had in the fridge and the yves veggie ground was the first to go.
One thing that I've noticed is that when I'm on a "diet" I tend to stop eating whole foods and lean really heavily on processed foods. I realized, too, that as that happens the amount of waste I produce increases exponentially; more plastic packaging, more cans, etc. So, while I really don't want to give up my pudding cups, because I flipping love those and they make my honey eating ice cream that much easier, I am really going to try to recenter my shopping around the bulk bins and produce, which I think will be good for my body and the earth.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 05, 2011
Last time I was on here I was just about to leave for a writer's conference. That conference ended up being incredibly challenging in a hundred ways. I'm glad that I went, but am grieving missing the event that I skipped that weekend. Once I got back, though, I was so behind on everything - who has time for self care? Not me! I still haven't quite caught up on all the work I need to be doing.
I went to a beautiful Samhain celebration with my community, saw a couple hundred friends, got a couple hundred hugs, and am so blessed to be so in love with so many gorgeous people. I'm really going to miss this home when I leave for graduate program deux, though am trying to maintain faith that this is the right path.
The thing that I haven't been doing that I wish I was doing was going down to Occupy. I live in Oakland - Occupy is a big deal! I just have been so swamped I haven't been able to go down. I even had to teach during the day of the big strike, so was talking with a group of undergrads about the revolutionary potential of poetry instead of helping close down the docks. I have to keep reminding myself that it is all the same path.
I weighed in this morning and I'm at 302.9, which is less than I was last time I weighed myself, but more than that weird, random, below 300 weigh in. I think I would have really, truly been below 300 if most of October hadn't gotten away from me. If I wasn't eating out so much, too. I've been eating out a lot.
It is about noon, now, and I'm going to try to get a paper written before this evening, and try to get some grading done. I need to be adhering to a pretty strict schedule if I want to get my applications in for school next year. I need to be going to the gym! Who has time for eight hours of sleep? Not me!
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