VIRPUKKA   6,659
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints
VIRPUKKA's Recent Blog Entries

When you have to give yourself a permission to "fail"

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Last fall....well last six months or maybe even more have been hard. The depression has been back into the picture again and the dark period in here hasn't helped at all. When the sun is something you don't see in days with the short day light time and with constantly gray sky it really can put your mood down and eat your energy. Especially when the snow is no show like it has been on this really can make huge difference with light if there is snow or not. And I personally feel much lighter with the snow.

I think I felt the downhill starting on last summer and I really wanted to fight against it and get back to be active and such. But sometimes you can also put too much pressure for yourself with that fight. I personally did. I joined to different groups in here and hoped that those would help me to get motivated and back on track with everything. Of course that didn't happen. To get most out from groups in here you have to be motivated before you start anything...not other way around. So instead of helping me to get motivated those new groups added the pressure and feeling that I'm going to fail this too. And for sure I did. That was good thing for me though.

What this last fall taught to me was that I need to be more merciful for myself. The fact is that my depression comes back on mild version every now and then. I had two really good winters and I was able to stop taking meds. That was great but in a way this winter was great too. I had to start the meds again but this time I was able to read the signs early enough to keep my head above the water and not going to fall into the deepest and darkest version from that cloud in my head. Now I know I can stop it before it goes too severe and puts me into the hospital. And yes with these kind of time periods I will need to be more merciful for myself.

Now when the worst starts to be over and I'm catching up with my chores and eating's and such I have also started to read from right eating again and exercising. What I have learned during that is that I need to learn moderation. And with that I mean that I need to stop trying to live with one cucumber a day type of strict rules. It has felt better...much better. I know how much I will need to eat during the day and what are the healthy options but there is no I need to keep up with these rules...I know them and it's my option to follow them. That same has gone with me trying to go back to fully vegan diet. I know I feel much better when I follow it but if I want I can pick from store also vegetarian stuff. Only rule is no meat for me in any shape...after that it's my choice what I will pick to the cart in store.

Surprisingly it has helped a lot. Most of the things has started to be vegan when I pick them. Most of the time it also means that they are more healthy options and I get more veggies carried to home. Slowly it has started to show also with it how much sugary stuff gets bought, and when those sweets founds their way into the cart most of the time those are the smaller versions. Instead of getting the big bar of chocolate it's going to be the small version that is just small treat. And most importantly I'm okay with the things I get from the store. Nobody can't live with super tight rules all the time and when you are person who thinks all or nothing kind of way those rules can come overly strict.

So now I have permission to "fail". I have permission to do anything I want...I just choose the consequences with my actions.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VIRPUKKA 8/10/2013 3:00PM

    This is still so true....and something I still needs to remember. Every single day.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 4/84 Breaking the big goal into smaller pieces

Thursday, July 07, 2011

When I started to plan my 10 week program my goal was to change my diet and start the exercise program both on last Monday. Well like said that didn't happen and I'm actually happy that I wasn't able make that big start. It's how I usually do things...I try to change everything at once and then I end up getting overwhelmed and tired and those two means that I will give up and go back into my old habits what aren't so great. But this time I have had to give up and break those changes into smaller pieces and I think that it's going to be much better for me in the end. In this week the goal ended up be to get the exercising started in any way I'm able to get something done. I have got something done now on yesterday and today what is a start and now I have to keep that going two days still so that I can say that I met that goal. After I get that done the next weeks goal is to keep up with that and find exercising schedule that I feel like I can make a commitment into it and keep doing it in long term. After that it's time to hit the gears up with the healthy diet part. It doesn't mean though that I would eat now all the junk food I can...but that I'm not going to switch into totally vegan diet yet.

So I try to accept that smaller goals and changes are just as good as big ones and with working things out differently this time I work to create permanent changes instead of short living changes. And that I'm not less because I can't do everything at once...that is something I thought today when I was biking and other biker passed me but later because of the traffic lights I passed him till he did that to me again. That is really how it goes with life too. We have same goals with other people and they reach those faster than us...but then we catch up with them and reach some other goals maybe faster and later they again reach some goals faster than us. And it's's not away from me and in the end what is important is that we reached the goal line and not it how fast we got there. Specially when the goal is to make the changes into our life since then the only real competition is with ourselves...not with others.

So small goals are good and it's okay to go forward slower than others. The main thing is that I'm moving forward and that I don't stick with my old habits and give up.



Day 3/84 Getting the bike out from storage

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Today ended up being good day. I got my bike out and moving on the morning and it wasn't even so hard in the end. I must admit that I probably would have been more tempted to take the buss on morning if I wouldn't have known that I have this blog to write in the evening. But I didn't...instead I made 35 minutes trip with bike on the morning to get into that meeting I had today and after having a lunch and making some yarn shopping it took about 15 minutes to get into the gym where I hit the pool and swam and water jogged other 35 minutes and used 10-15 minutes for doing some abs and back muscle exercises in the water. Some relaxation time in sauna and then into home with bike. So I can say that I reached my goal today with exercising...YAY!! Now I just need to get same done tomorrow too.

The best thing I did in this spring is that I got my bike fixed. It's really handy to have and sometimes it's even faster than buss or tram since I don't need to wait the transportation. And I get to enjoy from fresh air and beautiful nature around me. Besides getting extra exercise minutes it also lets the mind relax from the everyday stress. It's really wonderful to see how green city Helsinki is during summer...There is surprisingly much nature around to see... here is picture from the pond I pass every time I leave my home with my bike.

And thank you from the encouragement in my previous blog entry emoticon



Day 2/84 Struggling with the start

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

I'm struggling with this project. The positive thing is that I got the weighting done today so I'm happy about that. I still didn't get myself into gym though. Part of the reason was that I was invited to make trip to see one person I have wanted to meet so it took large part from my day. Since all that driving meant also that I got proper dinner after I came back to home it also meant that I was overly tired when I finally got that far. Taking the bike into the gym at that point just felt like too much trouble. Part of the problem today was also my bad sleeping patterns. Going into bed at 3am and waking up at 8.30am just doesn't give enough sleep. Tomorrow is new day with the gym though and tomorrow I will end up there even if I need to hire someone to look after me. The good thing about tomorrow is that I have to leave home on morning anyway with my bike so I can add my gym time into that trip to the city...I just need to pack my gym stuff with me what is not big thing. So tomorrow I will start that part of my project.

I have tried to pick challenge teams that would support this project. One that really will come in need is sparks official sleep challenge team. I hope that I will get the emails from that soon because I really need to work my sleeping issues. I have had troubles to hit bed on time quite a long time now and due the summer vacation I have managed to turn whole sleeping schedule upside down once again. So I wish I will find new ways to keep it under control and maybe some new tricks to try so that it would be easier to be in bed on time. Bad night sleep is real killer when you try keep regular schedule and get things done on time.

Other team I joined is 100+ pounds in one year. Only reason for doing that is that I need goals and I need to be accountable in somewhere with my weight. When I know that I need to post my weekly results somewhere it makes me more motivated and motivation equals action. This place is full of different teams and I think that used in right way those can give you the extra boost what you need in some days to get things done. I know that for me it's totally different to know that I haven't met my goals for yesterday and today with knowing that I will need to write it up into this blog...and with knowing that it will show next week when I do my weighting again...I know that makes me drive that bike tomorrow happily because I know I will get my fitness minutes full. And I know that when I come out from the gym I have extra joy from finally making it and being able to also write it here instead of confessing how I failed with my goals.

It's important to find the little things that gives us the extra motivation and pushes us to turn the intentions into action.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AHEALTHIERME44 7/5/2011 8:15PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
KLONG8 7/5/2011 6:19PM

    I like that you say (and know) that it's the little things that make the difference. When you talk about riding your bike TO the gym - that's a huge workout. Take pride in that and I'm betting tomorrow, now that you've thought it through, will be the day you get it done.

We're rooting for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 1/84 Starting the journey

Monday, July 04, 2011

Today is first from my three month project to get back in track with this weight thing and with many other things also. When I decided to start this I also decided to start blog about it in here so that I would need to keep record from the things I do. I know that if I will need to write something up daily there is bigger change that I end up doing those things....didn't happen today though.

I was supposed to do the weight in today, go into the gym and get started...this is how I planned things on last Friday. Real life ended up having different plans during last weekend. There was huge loss in my extended family on last saturday when in the last fall married couple lost the other half due some accident and to make things even worse the spouse that is left behind is pregnant. It has raised a lot of emotions in people around and I can't even imagine what the situation is with the new widow. My own already messed sleeping schedule went even worse and when I woke up after 2pm today I decided to leave that weight in for tomorrow day doesn't make so big difference. The gym time didn't happen either but I decided to start these blog entries anyway so that I can't push the starting day forward anymore. This is the first day even if I didn't get my goals more pushing things forward.



1 2 Last Page