VICKYMARIEC   51,704
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Jealousy or self loathing?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I need some help on figuring something out? Or maybe i already know the answer, but i'm looking for confirmation...ya, we'll go with that!

So this weekend i had a friend over at my place Sunday night through last night. I told her i was getting up at 7am to go for a 4 mile walk and then hit the gym. She SAID she wanted to join me - she's the same friend that i work out with once a week on Wednesdays. Well, 7am came and i was out the door on my own. She woke up and tried to start a conversation, but i told her i needed to get this 4 miles in before it was 100 degrees outside. She didn't want to go for the walk so she slept for another hour.

When i came back to my place i asked her if she planned on going to the gym with me. SOOOO...for a woman that knew and had SAID she wanted to work out she failed to bring anything to workout in or her gym shoes. I lent her a sports bra and a pair of shoes - she went in her pjs. It took us almost 40 minutes to get out of the house because she was taking her sweet time.

At the gym we go our separate ways. I went straight for the ST area and she went for the elliptical. She asked me if i was going to warm up - she actually said "it's a good idea to warm up so you don't pull a muscle or anything." she said it in a way that meant i should do a warm up before i ST. I simply said, my 4 mile walk was my warm up. I went on my way. I spent about 40 minutes in the ST area. She was on the elliptical maybe 20-30 minutes. I then jumped on the treadmill for 32 minutes doing my walk/jog intervals. I saw her leave the elliptical and go into the group fitness room. She grabbed a stability ball and laid on the floor and plopped her legs on the ball. I NEVER saw her do a crunch. I think she just laid there like that. Towards the end of my treadmill time i saw her walk to the ST area. I think she did 1 set of reps and then she sat down at a table and waited for me.

As we were walking back to my place she asked me how my workout was. I said it was great and i asked her about hers - again i clearly saw what she did. She said she felt great and that her workout was amazing. REALLY?!

Then we go to lunch. And i'm from Chicago and where i'm from we are honest with those we care about. So i asked her if she really wanted to lose weight. She's 230lbs. She said yes. I told her i didn't believe her and proceeded to discuss why i thought the way i did (i've always been open and honest with friends. It's who i am and they understand it's out of love that i express my concerns). She started to cry and explained how other areas of her life she has no control over (i'm her friend so i knew all of these things). Simply put - i told her she makes excuses for everything. She doesn't put forth effort in most of the things going on in her life. She just lets whatever happens happen and then cries about it later.

Here's the kicker - she proceeded to tell me how she's upset because we wear the same size clothes. She was crying so freaking hard because of it. Remember i'm still around 280lbs so i have 50lbs on her yet we wear the exact same sizes. I had an answer but i did not say anything - the truth is that she doesn't work out so she's flabby. I'm big but i'm solid because i workout and workout hard. The real truth is that the clothes i lend her to wear are extremely tight on her - so she may be lieing about her weight.

She's one of those people that i may need to send to the exit door of our friendship stay. Out of any relationship there is give and take. There are things you take away from it. I see what she can get from me, but when i look at it from my perspective i'm not getting anything. She brings me down. I've had a rough childhood and refuse to ever believe that someone is a product of their environment. You choose if you want to stay in the same kind of crappy atmosphere that you are used to or you do better for yourself. I chose better! She has chosen to let others do the choosing for her. I can only push and help someone for so long. At some point they need to take control of their own lives and do something for themselves.

So, i'm asking...is she just jealous or is she self-loathing?

I'm really not mean, i'm just tired of people's self pity parties when they refuse to do anything to fix the problems in their lives.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SYCAMOREROSE1 5/29/2012 9:41PM

    Whether it is jealousy or self-loathing on her part you need to do what you need to do for you. If she is bringing you down then you need to cut the strings, at least temporarily. I believe in standing by my friends but you are right, you can only do so much... and right now you shouldn't have to worry about being strong enough for both of you. Keep up the great work, if she really decides she wants it then you will inspire her.

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CRAFTYDEB54 5/29/2012 9:06PM

    Hi! I miss you on the island!!!
She might be a little of both! The self loathing because she can't commit to helping herself by not eating right and exercising and the jealousy because you ARE so commited to helping yourself and you won't let anything or anyone stand in your way. Seems she wants to bring you down to how she feels and doesn't care about how you want to get healthy.
If you're always trying to help her to get healthy, and she makes excuses all the time, sometimes it's better to go your separate ways. It's hard enough to stay strong individually, and when you have someone trying to sabotage you, it's only going to ruin your efforts.
Ouch, that sounded mean emoticon

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COLETTEISGREAT 5/29/2012 8:35PM

    This is the first blog of yours that I read. I came across it by accident (and really liked it). I'm frustrated to hear that you have a friend who claimed she would go with you for the walk, but then says no, and later on makes it harder for you to get to the gym (she didn't bring her gym clothes, etc). I am, however, so pleased that you are the type of person who managed to get out for your walk despite your friend! Your dedication motivates me! (I'm going to send you a friend request.)

As for your friend, she's probably telling the truth about wanting to lose weight, but claiming that you want to lose weight, and really committing to doing what needs to be done to get there are two very different things. I complained about my increasing weight and 'tried' to lose weight for quite some time before I had any real success. I personally had to hit rock bottom before I managed to do anything about it. Maybe she's not there yet.

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VICKYMARIEC 5/29/2012 8:29PM

    As I stated I wasn't harsh with her. I'm honest and she has always told me to be open with her...so I am.

There are quite a few "non weight" issues that question whether or not she's a person that I would want as a close friend. Some ppl may be good t you but not good for you.

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ANGELWENDYMAMA 5/29/2012 7:43PM

    Hm. well, I don't know. It sounds like she needed your support and help, but you were pretty harsh with her. It is hard to come to the full commitment and determination it takes to really get to a healthy lifestyle. If she isn't there yet, is that a reason to stop being her friend?

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P0KERS0PH 5/29/2012 4:29PM

    Hmmm difficult one.
I'd say she's probably more than likely jealous of you. You obviously put a lot of effort into your workouts and weightloss endeavours, and perhaps she doesn't think she can 'compete' with you.
We all know you have to be in the right frame of mind to want to lose weight or get fit. Nobody can tell you to do it.
At the end of the day she needs to figure out what is more important to her. You need to decide if she is dragging you down or if you can still remain friends but maybe not workout together.
Have you tried just talking to her about how you feel?

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May 27-28th GREAT WEEKEND!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012



There's something about seeing that damn scale showing me lower numbers that just brightens up my whole day! The scale is FINALLY moving again - and in the RIGHT direction!

BEFORE


AFTER








On Sunday i went to a friends house for a small bbq/pool party. I had such a great time. I did end up eating both a cheeseburger AND an italian sausage. Both were equally DELICIOUS! I did NOT count my pool time towards any of my physical fitness this weekend. I played water volleyball the entire time, but it was all about fun - not how many calories i burned.





I snuck a peak at the scale this morning...i know i still have 3 days until the official end of May weigh in, but i had to know!



That beautiful scale said...277.4!

Today i will be back at the gym. Today i'll walk/jog for 47 minutes (45 plus a 2 minute cool down). Once it gets cooler outside, typically after 7:30pm, i'll head on out for my walk with the hills. It's suppose to rain on and off, so we'll see how it goes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELWENDYMAMA 5/29/2012 8:24PM

    Glad you had a good time at the pool party! WOOHOO!

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DEBADEAU 5/29/2012 12:32PM

    Yay good job with the weight loss! I bet it feels great!

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MNBCARRILLO 5/29/2012 11:09AM

    emoticon Great Job, it is always a good feeling to see the numbers going down, success is sweet, keep going, emoticon You got this. emoticon Barbara

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May 24th - What was that?! Lot's of pics!

Friday, May 25, 2012



So this big & beautiful girl cheered on her friends son at his scrimmage game last night. After the game was over she and i walked the track (0.25 miles), walked the stadium stairs (55 steps up...55 steps down) 5 times (10 total for 550 stairs), and walked the track another lap for 0.25 miles (we had to leave because they closed up the stadium). SO...this big girl that has been walking for HOURS on any given day got her @ss kicked by those stairs! After the second trip up the stairs i had that not-so-friendly visitor that we all get from time to time. You know the one? The one that feels like they are clawing their way out of your abdomen and no amount of poking at your ribs or bending over can get rid of! DANG! I had a great sweat! So we are now on the lookout for places where we can incorporate walking up and down stairs on our walks.

This is me BEFORE we went walking and stair climbing!

I love this angle! Why can't everywhere i walk i look this good? I mean HELLO - barely a double chin in sight!

Tonight i am in the gym. I will be lifting heavier weights so wish me luck!

Tomorrow i am out walking. During my walk tomorrow (Saturday) i want to walk/jog the 3.14 miles. I'm hoping i don't die!

Sunday, i'm aiming for a personal best. The most i've ever walked at a solid time is 6.28 miles. My goal for Sunday is to walk 8 miles. It's been a while since i've pushed myself just to see what i can do. I'm currently looking up parks and places in my area to see if i can find a location to add stairs and hills to that walk. I don't want just a straight normal walk. I'll take my camera to take pics of the journey.

So this morning i got up and did some batch cooking for the weekend. I took the recipe from a fellow Spark buddy and tweaked it just a little. All that is it is 10 servings of chicken breast, juice from 3 large oranges and 3 limes, peppers, onions, paprika and various spices. Tonight i'll cook my rice and steam the veggies. It'll give me 10 meals and allow me no excuses as to why i would need to eat out.









Ok, so remember that DRESS i've been talking about? You know, the bridesmaid dress that i cannot zip up all the way...here it is:









See how it doesn't zip all the way? Well...this looks worse because i didn't have somewhere there to help me zip it up further, but you get the point.

Here are my Mid-May pics that i failed to post...not much difference from my mid-April pics...





















Can you tell that i'm not shy about taking pictures? I'm hoping to see a difference in my mid-June pics.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELWENDYMAMA 5/25/2012 2:55PM

    Thanks for sharing your pictures! I like this kind of blog more than just the update on numbers of reps of things.. but who cares, really.. This blog is for you!

Pretty dress.. You will get there!! When is the wedding?

Congrats on that exercise and the stairs!!!

Hurray for all that batch cooking. I suck at that and I think it would help to do more of it.

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DEBADEAU 5/25/2012 2:38PM

    Pretty dress!! You are more brave than I with the picture taking!

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JANDK156 5/25/2012 1:01PM

    JamieCarder kept taking pics throughout her weight loss period and has them on her spark photos and I have to say it's really cool to watch her shrink! emoticon I will enjoy watching you shrink, too. Love your enthusiasm!

PS- You look like the type who tans well and I think that jewel tone of green will look beautiful on you come August! (If you don't tan well, I highly recommend Jergens Daily Glow Moisturizer for a slow (takes about a week or 10 days to look gradually tanned) NATURAL LOOKING (NOT ornage, blergh!) tan. emoticon

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CTUPTON 5/25/2012 10:56AM

    I like your idea about taking the photo from the back. But, I am shy. Just imagine when you show your "after" photos. You will be so proud. that bridesmaid dress is just beautiful and you will be a beautiful bridesmaid, too! chris emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/25/2012 11:00:47 AM

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May 23rd - Re-Invented

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I had to do some soul searching yesterday. I've been so frustrated over the "plateau" of mine. I've been sitting right about 280 since the beginning of April. I workout like a dog, i eat around 1600avg calories a day...why wasn't i losing weight.

Soooooooooooooooooo...

I reached out to 4 women - each with their own goals, accomplishments and success stories.

I reached out to Yoovie - I love this girl because she tells it like it is and she doesn't take anyone's crap! She's who she is - love it or leave it. I'll admit, i'm often too scared to comment on her blogs because she responds to them and i would hate to set her off.

I reached out to Callikia - this girl has lost a GREAT amount of weight, has plateau'd at around 300lbs and is still kicking @ss regardless of that arch enemy - the scale.

I reached out to my Sister-in-law who is a personal trainer - this girl has helped so many women lose weight. I've seen her in action and ONCE...yes, only once did i allow myself to have a training session with her. My body ached for days after that 30 minute session. OMG! She should be illegal!

And i reached out to my friend that is getting married in August - you know, the one i have to wear the dress for? She currently working out and has dropped about 40lbs. She bought her dress a size 10...she is barely fitting into a size 12 right now. But she's working with a trainer and i wanted to know what she was doing that worked.

So after these 4 wonderful ladies took time out of their busy days to answer a few questions i had, here's the consensus...

1) I'm not eating enough - especially for what i was doing
2) the workouts I was doing, along with the calorie amount i was consuming, i was killing my metabolism.
3) I don't need to complete hours of cardio every day. I need to make my cardio, an hour a day, count for me. I need to interval train. Whether that's my changing my routes so i do more hills (hills and flats), or jog every few minutes between walking minutes. I need high intensity intervals!
4) My ST sucked! All i was doing was conditioning my "muscles" for endurance - garbage stuff. I need to lift heavier weights for fewer reps. If i can do 8 or 10 reps and not struggle for the last few of them - my weight isn't heavy enough.
5) I need to rest my body. I currently do not do this. I work the same muscles everyday. So on the days i ST, the next day i will not - i will allow those muscles to rest and recover. It's in the rest and recovery time that the muscles actually build up.
6) Heavier weights will NOT bulk me up and make me look like She-Hulk.

These women rock!

So i did a core/upper body workout earlier today...
floor crunches 100
oblique crunches 100
reverse crunches 60
t-stand 60
arm curls (10lb weights - i don't have heavier at home) 60
Reverse Flys (4lb weights - ok so i need to up the weight here...i have 5 and 10lb weights i can use) 30
Arm Extensions (10lb weights) 60

Tonight i will complete my cardio: I'll be with a friend at her sons scrimmage game so we are walking the track around the field and in between (when we reach the stairs) we'll run up and down the stadium stairs. I've NEVER done this so we'll see how it goes.

I've been over weight for as long as i can remember. I've tried so many diets and it's failed. I even went to an orientation for a gastric type surgery - but I wasn't going for it once i understood what foods and drinks i would need to give up to be successful. So now it's just about eating what's healthy and working out at a healthy rate. It should be SIMPLE! But it's really not. I thought for so long that it was all about the math...calories consumed minus calories burned. But there's so much more to this equation. Like, what's the minimum number our bodies need to be healthy? We should not go below this number - other wise we are robbing ourselves. I was eating 1600 calories and burning 1100 calories on some given days and i was frustrated that i wasn't losing weight. It's because i wasn't eating enough to sustain my body. And weight lifting helps so much to slender your body! OMG i thought i would just turn into She-Hulk but i am so wrong.

This is definitely a learning process...

Yesterday when i was discussing all of this with my friend, i mentioned to her how i cry because i'm terrified i won't fit into the bridesmaid dress for her wedding. She returned with a "I don't fit into my wedding dress yet either." She bought a size 10 but she's barely a size 12 now.

So all i can do is change what i'm doing to see if this works. i won't give up. I won't stop eating right. I won't stop working out. I will simply change what isn't working.

This is still me...big and going strong!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELWENDYMAMA 5/24/2012 10:21PM

    Sounds like good advice. Hurray for asking for advice and getting something solid.. Good luck!

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DEBADEAU 5/24/2012 7:11PM

    You got this!!!

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JANDK156 5/24/2012 5:31PM

    You BETTER post pictures of yourself and the new size 10 bride from the wedding! I'm sure you will both fit into your dresses and look beautiful. emoticon Good for you reaching out and asking for help.

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WRITEWAY73 5/24/2012 2:48PM

    This post echoes of my situation. I have been at 260 and working out so hard for the last 2 months, last week I saw my first 2lb loss....I have been interval training and such but this has made me realize maybe I am not eating enough, I was following what spark people had set for me but now I don't know what to do. Maybe you have some more tips?


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MARYONAMISSION 5/24/2012 2:13PM

    I love this post. I think all the advice you got was right on. I was impressed with how hard you workout but how often seemed extreme to me. I think that you need to find a workout and exercise that is sustainable and that you can do for the rest of your life. Doing cardio for hours on end and only eating 1600 calories a day, in my opinion, is not sustainable and as your plateau reflects is not conducive to weight loss.

I'm so glad that you asked for help, got some great advice and are going to follow through and not be so hard on your body. Definitely take rest days as well. Plan them out and enjoy them. Feeling guilty is not allowed.

Good luck! I know you can do this and I sooo cannot wait to see you reach your goals and be healthy and happy and fit.
emoticon

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WILTED89 5/24/2012 2:11PM

    you rock, seriously. keep up the good work, and thanks for sharing that info cause i was of the min cals eaten minuscals burned too.

add me! i would love to continue to read

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 5/24/2012 2:09PM

    Really honest assessment and no whining...just a clear look at what you've done and what you need to do to adjust and keep on moving forward.

Bravo!

Keep posting! I need you!

-M

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April 25th - I was Attacked!

Thursday, April 26, 2012



I went for my usual walk after work...and i completed my 3.14 miles. It was HOT but i had my water with me and i slowed my pace a little. I wasn't casually walking around but i wasn't really doing it for a better time either. But here's a few things that i saw on my walk...i decided to take my camera this time!


hmmm...i need to continue working to improve my shadow figure





After my 3.14 miles i went home and cooled off. I met my friend for dinner at 7. I had the BEST porkchop and broccoli for under 550 calories. YUMMY!

After dinner we headed to the park to complete another 3.14 miles. So here's the deal...it was DARK. Last week when we went at 8:30pm it was a lot brighter out. It took me a few minutes to realize why. There weren't any little league games playing so the field lights were off. We did was 2.10 miles - a lot of it in the dark which scared me a bit. I even said to my friend, "this is when they ask stupid girls why they went down a dark road after they get attacked." WELL...

As we were on the turn about to head back to the other end of the park we decided to start jogging - to get our heart rates up and to just start the walking into jogging practice. At a turn near one of the many ponds there were a TON of ducks and geese littering the sidewalk. We thought they'd move once we were jogging closer to them. It WASN'T until we were right up near them that they started flying up and TOWARDS us! I screamed and covered my face! One bird came inches away from my friends face...then flew in the other direction...we made it out safe...i think it was the same gang of ducks/geese that attacked that little female duck last week...hmmmm...i hate birds...they are just rodents of the air...and now they've officially tried attacked me.

So i didn't do my full 3.14 miles last night, we just ended at 2.1 miles. But i'm happy with that...

I went to bed a little excited...if my calculations were correct i should have dropped back into the 270's today...and low and behold...279.4!!!!! Now time to work on getting to those darn 260's...


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YESCURLYCAN 4/26/2012 5:45PM

  Oh my goodness re: the birds
But congrats on hitting the 270's

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CHICAT63 4/26/2012 12:58PM

    emoticon about the attack !

emoticon on your walk/run and totally AWESOME about hitting the 270s !!!!

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