VICKYMARIEC   49,187
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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries

Confession of a 19lb Gain

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

It's confession time for me...In the last two months i've gained 19 pounds. Am i shocked? no. Am i upset? No. Am i disappointed? Yes.

I can pin point where my increase in weight began...mid February. Before you say, "Oh Valentines Day because she's single." No and Yes. My oldest brother was murdered on Valentine's Day back in 1992. So when you add that on top of COUNTLESS friends getting engaged...then it spells disaster for me. Why? Because I miss family...i miss having my own family...someone to spend my time with...

i have never thought of myself as being depressed but looking back over these past 2 months i would say that i've been depressed. And here's the thing. No one would ever know it. I only act differently in private. I eat more and i eat junk. I cry all the time. I'd rather lay in bed as soon as i come home from work than do anything else. But i still go to all of my activities, races, work and get togethers and no one would ever suspect that something was wrong with me. I've gotten quite good as hiding my emotions. But i stuff my emotions.

Over the last 2 months i've eaten bags of donuts, countless pizza's, burgers, fries and all kinds of chocolate and peanut butter desserts. Every night i'd tell myself that this was it. That i needed to get back on plan. But the next day i just kept eating as if i had no care in the world.

So why am i confessing? Because as great as i am about hiding my emotions, i cannot hide the fact that my clothes are fitting tighter. The number one place i can see the difference is in my face.

248lbs back in February




267.8lbs




I told a friend yesterday about my weight gain and he flipped on me. He weighs roughly 350lbs and i've known him since i was 15yrs old. He knows how hard i've worked and all the running and walking that i do. He yelled at me in a loving way because i know better. He went in to how hard i've worked and how i can't let it be for nothing. He went on to say that my gain may have been higher had it not been for all of my fitness. He was right and i needed to hear it.

So i weighed myself yesterday morning and i tracked my food. And i'm doing the same today and i will continue to do so because i need to.

So why am i confessing? Because it helps me to air it out. I know i'm not alone in this struggle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMARILYNH 4/16/2014 11:02AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Oh Vicky I wish I was there to give you a hug - since I'm not I'm sending you a virtual hug. While I have never suffered from long term depression, I've certainly experienced short term depression and I've done just what you've done - tried to 'eat' it away. Good for you for coming here - we are here for you! Like Stephanie, I believe your being able to come to us in such complete honesty means you are ready to turn it around. You can do it - you've already proven that. Sending prayers and positive thoughts!! Hugs, Marilyn

ps - My SparkFriend Cat (Cat125) shared this - I think listening to it might remind you of how much your SparkFriends care and want to offer support:
https://www.youtube.com
/watch?v=VzDlJ8mUndE

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A-STRONGER-ME 4/16/2014 8:23AM

    Counselor, family doctor, please see someone. You are not alone and you are more normal that you may think, but you need help in managing this.


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MAZZIE973 4/15/2014 10:50PM

    I really get what you're saying about depression. And, yes, you sound as though you're experiencing it. I've dealt with depression since college, with good periods and bad. The last year or two I've been really down. Everything you said above: eating like crazy, especially high fat/calorie foods, spending too much time on the couch, having no energy. But, like you, I put on that brave face for the outside world.

I've been seeing a really great therapist. She helps. I do need to get back on anti-depression and anxiety meds, but am procrastinating. One thing that has helped is exercise. I'd never have believed it, but it does help perk me up a bit energy-wise, and makes me feel a little tinge of pride.

Good luck to you. I hope you feel better soon. Just realize that you had a slip, dust yourself off, and start again. It happens to us all.

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SUGAR0814 4/15/2014 10:28PM

    You are definitely not alone!! Sorry about your brother. You will lose the weight you gain plus more. emoticon emoticon

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STEPH-KNEE 4/15/2014 8:13PM

    I am good about hiding those things too. I eat when I am alone, and no one will ever know that I'm sad or feeling down. That was great of you to confess on Spark people, it can be so liberating to just put it out there. The fact that you were willing to put it out there shows that you are ready to get this thing turned around. We have come too far to give up now. It gets hard, and it gets rough, but we can't throw it all away. You will turn this around and I am proud of you. emoticon

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DEBADEAU 4/15/2014 7:01PM

    You definitely aren't alone! It's great to confess these types of things because it gets them off your chest. Here's to new beginnings and sticking with the lifestyle!

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MADMANSMAMA87 4/15/2014 6:03PM

    Sweetheart,

First, I am so very sorry about what happened to your brother! I hope you & your family were given the justice you deserve! As for the 19lb gain, I am very proud of you because you acknowledge that you messed up & are now striving & working for better! Being able to admit that you fell off the wagon takes true power & true strength! YOU can & WILL do this! I believe you have within you EVERYTHING you need to make your dreams your reality! Keep pushing, Darling! YOU are WORTH it!!!

Stay Fabulous,

Jes

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SILENTGRL44 4/15/2014 5:54PM

    You can do this. Everyone struggles!

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POSITIVEHOPE 4/15/2014 5:44PM

    We all start out enthusiastic and optimistic on this journey. Along the way, our initial enthusiasm wears thin. Wrong thinking often leads to wrong eating. A couple wrong turns later and many of us end up lost in "The Pit of Despair."
The danger of The Pit of Despair is that in hindsight you look back at your journey and in hindsight, see the path not taken adding a case of the "If Only's". If Only, I had stayed on track, I would be miles ahead and receiving the rewards I deserve. Please don't go there. It's a dead end road.
The Pit of Despair is part of this journey. They are the same side roads and dead ends we've encountered in the past. It's where we met Frank Failure and he broke our heart. This road has lots of turns, twists, and sharp curves and it's easy to be unexpectedly blown off course.
So glad you are back and standing proud.

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DANCIN2ANEWME 4/15/2014 5:31PM

    I know exactly what that is like...everyone is always so surprised when I tell them I gained because to them I am the perfect image of healthy eating and exercise. It is much easier to hide it all BUT it feels so much better when you know you are not alone in it AND you helped me know that I am not alone either so 2 wins!! emoticon Thank you for sharing and we can get through this together!! emoticon emoticon

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SOUL2SHINE79 4/15/2014 5:12PM

    This was beautifully honest! So sorry about your brother..that is horrible. I do the samethings, when i'm down...resort to my own private world, where no one would suspect i'm feeling really crappy. Sometimes it's easy to hide, but it doesn't feel good to hide. Way to take the first step, and shed that guilt..for a fresh start! :)

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EVER-HOPEFUL 4/15/2014 4:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HATTIE2012 4/15/2014 4:54PM

    You're definitely not alone here! Don't keep it bottled up. See a counselor if you need to. emoticon

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Half Marathon Recap

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

This past weekend i completed my 3rd half marathon...YUP all of them I have been over 250lbs. Anything can be done if you train your body!

I wasn't sure how this half would play out. I've been plagued with knee pain for the past month. My nutrition has not been up to par lately. I went into it feeling defeated and therefore sluggish.

I have a goal for 2014 to complete a half marathon in under 3hrs and 15mins. i KNEW this was the not half to do it in. My shortest time so far had been 3hrs and 40mins. I finished this half in 3hrs and 36mins. I basically walked all but MAYBE 8 minutes. I have three more half's to complete this year that i am already registered for, so we'll see how they go.

Saturday was the expo...and i LOVE this expo. Why? Because i always walk away with a TON of freebies to try! I had actually woken up with some lower back pain and i had a free electro massage while i was there. I could have stayed there all day it felt so good! But it worked and the pain was gone.







The forecasted weather called for 40% chance of rain...not what i wanted with knees that have been bothering me. But it NEVER rained. It was over cast the entire race but not one drop of rain.







Like I said, I ended up walking WAY too much but i needed to listen to what my body was telling me. I couldn't push it and risk serious injury. And to be honest, i want to race for fun not to kill myself trying to beat a time.



NOW...while the medal was great the real prize for me was going out for lunch afterwards. Breakfast is my favorite meal and we decided to go to The Original Pancake House where i ordered the stuffed omelet...it's stuffed with chorizo and cheddar cheese! AND it comes with the most delicious pancakes EVER!!!! I don't even want to know how many calories are in this meal...but i burned over 3600 calories during the half so i deserved it! At least i tell myself that i deserved it...





Here are my upcoming races:

April 5th Irving 10k
April 12th Victory over Violence 5k
May 3rd Biggest Loser Half Marathon
May 10th Hope for Heroes 5k
May 18th Disco Run 10k
June 14th Must Dash 5k
July 13th Too Hot to Handle 15k
September 21st Plano Balloon Half Marathon
October 25th Monster Dash Half Marathon

Races i will probably sign up for:
June 8th Wounded Warrior 10k
November 16th BlueRed Run 10k
November 27th Thanksgiving Day Run 5k
December 25th Christmas Day Run 5k
December 31st New Years Eve Run 5k

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGAR0814 3/26/2014 10:25PM

    Great job! emoticon You are such an inspiration! emoticon

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JESSAAMI 3/26/2014 7:30PM

    Yay, good job! Keep having fun out there!

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NOTGVGUP83 3/26/2014 3:59PM

    you are amazing my friend! Keep pushing and enjoying life. I love what you said about you're racing for fun; not to kill yourself trying to beat your time. You are totally going to make that 3 hr 15 min goal this year! Keep rocking!!!!

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MALAMI518 3/26/2014 2:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I am signed up for my first half marathon in May, and I love reading all about them.

You have a lot of races this year, and I hope that you have a great time at every one. I love your smile!

There is an Original Pancake House in Buffalo, NY (where I grew up), and I'm partial to their potato pancakes. I don't want to know the calories in those either. I wish I were running a half marathon near there so that I could eat some guilt-free. Your omelet looks delicious, too.

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EDDYMEESE 3/26/2014 2:13PM

    Wow, fantastic! Great job!

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MOTHEPRO 3/26/2014 2:04PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/26/2014 12:48PM

    awesome vicky as i always say you rock,love.keep on keeping on. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VORTEX33 3/26/2014 12:25PM

    I could have written this post for me! Signing up for half marathons is a great way to stay motivated to work out. Congrats on another finish and PRing!

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Not Where I Want To Be, But Closer Than I Was

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

I'm not where i want to be in my weight loss but i am a lot closer than i was. There are many times when i start to think about how far i still have to go and it gets discouraging. I started with a weight of over 320lbs. I didn't really want to weigh myself and I only weighed myself after i had lost some weight so i don't know what my true starting weight or heaviest weight was/is. That was back in 2011. I'm currently sitting at 256.8lbs. It's taken me over 3 years to lose 63.2lbs. Mind you that in that 3 years i probably did nothing for a year and a half.





My goal weight right now is 159lbs BUT i'd be happy living in the 159-180lb range. I've been down to 180 back when i was 22yrs old (15yrs ago). I still have 97.8lbs to lose for me to reach my goal. That's MORE than what i've already lost to date. Looking at it from this angle it seems so disheartening.



But a little while back i decided to change my mind set. I'm not going to dwell on needing to lose almost 100 more pounds. Instead i will focus on the next 6.8lbs and after hat i'll look at every 10lbs until i reach my goal.



While I'm not where i'd like to be I'm so very proud of where I am. This ME of today is enjoying life so much more than the me of yesterday. I can move so much easier. I can breathe when i reach the top of the stairs. I can live life so much more comfortably than i ever have been able to.



That first picture was taken in 2012 and i ONLY ran across the finish line when the picture was snapped. The second picture was just a few months ago and i actually ran/walked the entire 5k!

I know that as long as i keep moving i will continue to improve and will continue to lose the weight. I know many people would love to snap their fingers and be at their goal weight. But not this girl. I need to learn what works for me and all along the way i'm adapting to the changes and capabilities my body is making. So slow weight loss is welcomed in my book.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUBYSNANA 3/23/2014 7:29AM

    Wow! You are doing great! I love the path you are taking and it is definitely working for you. I am a firm believer in taking it one day at a time and not looking to far ahead. Short term goals that are doable add up to big results!

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FITMARY 3/19/2014 9:32PM

    You look so brave in that first picture. And so much happier in the second! So that's how I think of you: BRAVE and HAPPY!
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GGJUNEBUG 3/19/2014 2:02PM

    That's great, Vickie! I also plan to lose my combined overall goal weight in about 2 years or so.

So glad you have very realistic expectations concerning the time frame. Your route is definitely a very healthy route because you're going at it in a way where you are enjoying the journey as well.

Have a good week!

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Junie
100+ Pounds Team
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RHOOK20047 3/19/2014 11:17AM

    Instead of looking at the 98 lbs you want to lose, make your first goal of 9-10 lbs. That is 10% of you loss and seems much more easy to attain. You are doing great. I have been at this for over 20 years of weight loss and had courted 400 lbs numerous times. I told myself as long as I wasn't 400 I could control it. And I bet within the last 20 years I lost over 100 lbs about 8 or 9 times. Now the weight is affecting my health and I have to take it seriously. I started at 387 and am down to 330 and I don't plan on stopping until I see at least 225! My real goal is 190, but my doctor told me to be realistic. But look at your successes and tell your self that you have done this much and you are capable of so much more! Keep doing the before/after pics. I find them to be the most useful for me to show the loss. Because we look at ourselves and don't really see the changes as others do. emoticon

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CHICAT63 3/19/2014 4:59AM

    You are Awesome !!!! emoticon

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TIGER_LILY_613 3/19/2014 2:23AM

    Rock on !!! emoticon

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SUGAR0814 3/18/2014 10:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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STEPH-KNEE 3/18/2014 9:25PM

    Great attitude!! emoticon

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AMARILYNH 3/18/2014 8:06PM

    You may have more weight to lose than you've already lost but LOOK at the tools you have now that you didn't have in the beginning!! You can do it - one day at a time!! Any time you get discouraged just LOOK at your before and now pictures - you look awesome!! I'm betting you FEEL a 100 times better too - because you are changing your health and fitness! Its not just about a number on the scales - its about your LIFE!!

You have proven you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to - I believe in you!!! emoticon emoticon

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FAYEMD2B 3/18/2014 8:05PM

    I really needed this blog today!! I was having a down moment thinking about how far I still have to go instead of appreciating the strides I've made.
Thanks for sharing.
~Faye

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DEBADEAU 3/18/2014 8:05PM

    Every single pound lost in my opinion is considered a victory. If only weight were as easy to take off as it was to put it on. Even if you aren't losing, you are still taking steps towards a healthier life style, and that is something to celebrate!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/18/2014 6:08PM

    really love that last poster.can i nab it,lol.i think you have not only done amasing vickie love but you also have an amasing attitude which will take you all the way. emoticon

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NOTGVGUP83 3/18/2014 5:28PM

    your journey shows passion, self love, ambition, and determination. You have come so far and yes if you think about it the wrong way it will seem worthless to still have so much to loose after ALL you've already lost but you are strong, smart, and beautiful! You are awesome keep rocking life!!!!!

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STEPHM-ARATHON 3/18/2014 3:48PM

    You have come so far! Way to go! And I have to say, if you are 37, you have to be the most youthful looking 37-year-old! I would have guessed you still in your lower 20's, and I mean that in the best way :) You look great. Young and glowing.

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JLLOVETT 3/18/2014 3:37PM

    You rock!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ICEDEMETER 3/18/2014 3:37PM

    Just in case nobody has told you yet today: you ROCK!!!

I just love that you are choosing your own path and your own priorities, and are OWNING every single step of the way. You just exude joy, and it's joy that you've earned.

Thanks for sharing your journey here - and your joy at focusing on the journey and not just the "destination".

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Beauty is Seen in the Heart

Monday, March 17, 2014

If what you see by the eye doesn't please you, then close your eyes and see from the heart. Because the heart can see beauty and love more than the eye can ever wonder (Indian proverb).



We all want to be told that we are beautiful...let's just be real...we ALL want to hear it. BUT it's taken me a LONG time to realize that first i need to know that when i look in the mirror that I believe that i am beautiful. We need to view ourselves in a positive light FIRST. If we believe in ourselves the truth is it does not matter what some one else thinks.



So about a week ago i started back at Day 1 at 259lbs. As of this morning i'm at 256.8lbs. That's a loss of 2.2lbs...exactly where i was hoping to be! a 2lb loss per week is my goal. I hadn't meant for Monday's to be my weigh-in days but i guess it works as it would curtail my eating on the weekends knowing that Monday i have to weigh-in.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GGJUNEBUG 3/19/2014 2:06PM

    Nice picture!

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Junie
100+ Pounds Team
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FITMARY 3/18/2014 7:38AM

    2.2 is huge! But you are right: no matter what the scale reads, you are moving forward and doing well!
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SUGAR0814 3/17/2014 10:24PM

    emoticon on the weight loss! I weigh in on Mondays as well!

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DEBADEAU 3/17/2014 8:05PM

    I have my weigh ins set as Saturdays right now because of the whole weekend thing. Makes me wonder if I should rethink that... Great job on your weigh in!!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/17/2014 4:20PM

    that is a great idea,love.maybe i should start weighing on a monday.and by the way i find you beautiful both inside and out.way to go on the weight loss as well my love emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VALIENDRA 3/17/2014 3:10PM

    First of all, thank you for your blog - it means a lot. I've been trying to work on that; seeing how beautiful I am through my own eyes and not my bf's. I'll defenitely try to keep your good words in mind.

Have a good week =)

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AMARILYNH 3/17/2014 1:14PM

    I LOVE this blog - and you ARE beautiful!! I tell my sparkfriends this all the time - WHY do we look for our worst features when we look at ourselves in the mirror? Look instead for your BEAUTY - because it IS there!! I'm so glad you are figuring this out at such a young age - not all of us were as precocious as you!! emoticon emoticon

This is when I wish SP had a LOVE button - like just doesn't get it!!! emoticon

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NOTGVGUP83 3/17/2014 12:42PM

    What a great blog my friend. We don't need anyone's approval other than our owns and if WE think we are beautiful, sexy, and act with confidence then WE ARE! Regardless of what others say or think when they see us with their eyes instead of their hearts. We know how far we've come and we should learn to love ourselves even when no one tells us how beautiful and wonderful we are. Have an awesome week!

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FINDING_MELISSA 3/17/2014 12:37PM

    I love your quotes! They are very uplifting. emoticon

And congratulations on your 2 lb loss! emoticon

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Defying the Odds

Friday, March 14, 2014

I wrote this on my FB page yesterday...

I LOVE my perfectly imperfect journey! There are times when "friends" will ask me why i'm eating what i'm eating (like a burger or pizza) and i simply tell them it's because i don't refuse myself anything. Once i start denying myself then i'm on a diet and eventually i'll stop doing healthy things all together. Ask anyone that has EVER been over-weight...i mean OBESELY over weight...and they'll share with you that throughout their journey they ate a burger and fries and pizza and whatever else they loved for the exact same reasons that i do. Here's the thing...a burger or some pizza will not kill me. NOW if i were to eat the amount or eat it as frequently as i had in the past is a different story. My weightloss is slow and i'm PERFECTLY fine with that because it allows me the time i need to adjust to the changes. It allows me to evaluate what i'm doing right or wrong in my progress. Would i love to lose the remaining 98lbs (Yes, I said it!) with the snap of a finger? NO. If i were to lose my weight more quickly I'm afraid that I won't learn the lessons I need to learn along the way. My journey is perfectly imperfect and as long as i'm still active and moving and eating nutritiously MOST of the time...well then that's a hell of a lot better than i was living a few years ago. But then that's just my attitude about it...



It's funny because no one ever asked me why i wrote this because i feel as though i had a little attitude in my post. On FB i've made it known that i'm losing weight, moving more and eating better. I don't hide behind anything. I've even posted what my current weight is and where i started. And sometimes i REALLY want a burger...or some pizza...or pecan pie (I'm from Chicago and now the south!) When someone sees me eating anything that they don't consider diet food they look at me as though i've been lieing to them the entire time. I see the side-ways glances and the pursed lips of those that want to see me fail. In reality it's not so much that they want me to fail as it is that they don't want me to succeed. Why? Because THEY are stuck!

I've never really been ashamed of my body but i have denied myself many things because of it. I think we all have this fear of being laughed at and for some of us it can easily stem back to when we were kids in school and those rotten little classmates would taunt us, point fingers and make up all kinds of insulting jokes on our behalf. But it's time...i mean REALLY time to step out a little further.



It's time to forget what society says is acceptable. It's time to shut our ears to the taunts of people that are so far gone past ignorant. It's time to FINALLY grab life by the horns and LIVE! Why can't we as obese people not enjoy everything that's ever been created? Who the hell cares if someone laughs? Who the hell cares if someone watches you? I am so much more active than most of the "thin" people I know. I say thin, because let's be honest. Thin does NOT equal healthy.

I get people asking me all the time why I don't go out to dinners or go and hang out with friends. Why i'm working out so hard and not having fun. REALLY?! First i take a deep breath so that i don't unleash on their stupidity. Then i simply state that I choose NOT to be lazy by sitting at someone's house doing nothing but watching tv and eating. I invite anyone to go on a walk or run with me. I have yet to have any takers. And as far as going out to dinners is concerned, i do go out but i CHOOSE when i go as long as it does not INTERFERE with my training schedule. You see, people hate when I started looking to take care of me FIRST. Those people in my life that are well-rounded understand this concept. They are the one's that ask in ADVANCE if i have plans or can go out to dinner. They are the one's that pat me on the back for doing a great job. They are the one's that are supportive and don't ever bring others down. They get it!



So i'll continue with what i'm doing because it works. I'm no longer living my life according to what someone else wants from me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINRONNA 3/16/2014 12:19PM

    Fantastic blog! Keep up the great work!!! You got this!

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RUBYSNANA 3/15/2014 8:36AM

    Good for you! emoticon Keep up the good work! emoticon

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SUGAR0814 3/14/2014 11:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DEBADEAU 3/14/2014 7:30PM

    I agree with you on not going out to dinners, drinks, etc. It seems these days that's what people do. Living in Wisconsin, we don't have much of a choice in the winter if you don't like winter sports (like me). I used to be a pretty big drinker, now I have one or two. It's been an adjustment for both myself and my friends because I'm not the crazy party girl I used to be, but I don't miss those days. If you want some pizza, eat some pizza! I enjoy the fact that I can eat something not so good for me because it's not a habit anymore. You go Glen Coco!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/14/2014 4:52PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 3/14/2014 3:42PM

    You're pretty awesome! :D That's a great blog!

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MARYBETH4884 3/14/2014 1:56PM

    emoticon You are truly on the perfectly imperfect journey and it is truly your own!! Keep up the great work!!

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SIMONEKP 3/14/2014 1:50PM

    good for you

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CINDYBEL 3/14/2014 1:43PM

    Good for you!!! emoticon

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