VICKYMARIEC   51,588
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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries

Defying the Odds

Friday, March 14, 2014

I wrote this on my FB page yesterday...

I LOVE my perfectly imperfect journey! There are times when "friends" will ask me why i'm eating what i'm eating (like a burger or pizza) and i simply tell them it's because i don't refuse myself anything. Once i start denying myself then i'm on a diet and eventually i'll stop doing healthy things all together. Ask anyone that has EVER been over-weight...i mean OBESELY over weight...and they'll share with you that throughout their journey they ate a burger and fries and pizza and whatever else they loved for the exact same reasons that i do. Here's the thing...a burger or some pizza will not kill me. NOW if i were to eat the amount or eat it as frequently as i had in the past is a different story. My weightloss is slow and i'm PERFECTLY fine with that because it allows me the time i need to adjust to the changes. It allows me to evaluate what i'm doing right or wrong in my progress. Would i love to lose the remaining 98lbs (Yes, I said it!) with the snap of a finger? NO. If i were to lose my weight more quickly I'm afraid that I won't learn the lessons I need to learn along the way. My journey is perfectly imperfect and as long as i'm still active and moving and eating nutritiously MOST of the time...well then that's a hell of a lot better than i was living a few years ago. But then that's just my attitude about it...



It's funny because no one ever asked me why i wrote this because i feel as though i had a little attitude in my post. On FB i've made it known that i'm losing weight, moving more and eating better. I don't hide behind anything. I've even posted what my current weight is and where i started. And sometimes i REALLY want a burger...or some pizza...or pecan pie (I'm from Chicago and now the south!) When someone sees me eating anything that they don't consider diet food they look at me as though i've been lieing to them the entire time. I see the side-ways glances and the pursed lips of those that want to see me fail. In reality it's not so much that they want me to fail as it is that they don't want me to succeed. Why? Because THEY are stuck!

I've never really been ashamed of my body but i have denied myself many things because of it. I think we all have this fear of being laughed at and for some of us it can easily stem back to when we were kids in school and those rotten little classmates would taunt us, point fingers and make up all kinds of insulting jokes on our behalf. But it's time...i mean REALLY time to step out a little further.



It's time to forget what society says is acceptable. It's time to shut our ears to the taunts of people that are so far gone past ignorant. It's time to FINALLY grab life by the horns and LIVE! Why can't we as obese people not enjoy everything that's ever been created? Who the hell cares if someone laughs? Who the hell cares if someone watches you? I am so much more active than most of the "thin" people I know. I say thin, because let's be honest. Thin does NOT equal healthy.

I get people asking me all the time why I don't go out to dinners or go and hang out with friends. Why i'm working out so hard and not having fun. REALLY?! First i take a deep breath so that i don't unleash on their stupidity. Then i simply state that I choose NOT to be lazy by sitting at someone's house doing nothing but watching tv and eating. I invite anyone to go on a walk or run with me. I have yet to have any takers. And as far as going out to dinners is concerned, i do go out but i CHOOSE when i go as long as it does not INTERFERE with my training schedule. You see, people hate when I started looking to take care of me FIRST. Those people in my life that are well-rounded understand this concept. They are the one's that ask in ADVANCE if i have plans or can go out to dinner. They are the one's that pat me on the back for doing a great job. They are the one's that are supportive and don't ever bring others down. They get it!



So i'll continue with what i'm doing because it works. I'm no longer living my life according to what someone else wants from me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THINRONNA 3/16/2014 12:19PM

    Fantastic blog! Keep up the great work!!! You got this!

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RUBYSNANA 3/15/2014 8:36AM

    Good for you! emoticon Keep up the good work! emoticon

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SUGAR0814 3/14/2014 11:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DEBADEAU 3/14/2014 7:30PM

    I agree with you on not going out to dinners, drinks, etc. It seems these days that's what people do. Living in Wisconsin, we don't have much of a choice in the winter if you don't like winter sports (like me). I used to be a pretty big drinker, now I have one or two. It's been an adjustment for both myself and my friends because I'm not the crazy party girl I used to be, but I don't miss those days. If you want some pizza, eat some pizza! I enjoy the fact that I can eat something not so good for me because it's not a habit anymore. You go Glen Coco!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/14/2014 4:52PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 3/14/2014 3:42PM

    You're pretty awesome! :D That's a great blog!

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MARYBETH4884 3/14/2014 1:56PM

    emoticon You are truly on the perfectly imperfect journey and it is truly your own!! Keep up the great work!!

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SIMONEKP 3/14/2014 1:50PM

    good for you

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CINDYBEL 3/14/2014 1:43PM

    Good for you!!! emoticon

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Sometimes You Just Need to Start Over

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

I'm treating Yesterday as my "new" start date. Why? Well, over the course of the last two years i've lost roughly 75lbs. In the course of the past two weeks i've GAINED back almost 15 of those pounds. So i'm starting back at Day 1 at 259lbs. I'm thankful that I only gained 15lbs and that i'm still in the 200's versus being back in the 300's. I know what i need to do...we ALL know what we need to do. It's the actual doing that's the hard part.

I got up early yesterday morning and walked 4 miles. After work i headed over to the gym to jump on the stationary bike and then take an aqua class. I love the aqua class! Afterwards they have a ST circuit that i had been wanting to try out but i've been too nervous to actually do. :Last night i did it! It had been so long since i did ST other then the kettlebell and dumbbells i have at home. WOW is my body sore today!

I woke up this morning (I'm an avid weigher) and jumped on the scale. It read 257.8lbs. So i'm headed back in the right direction.

What did i do?
- I cut back on the amount of calories (I had been WAY over eating these last two weeks)
- I watched my sodium (It went no higher than 1600)
- I worked out hard to create a sweat (i had been half @ssing it these past few weeks)

Basically I did what we all know we have to do when we go off track.

259lbs

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVER-HOPEFUL 3/14/2014 4:25PM

    so proud of you vickie love that you are getting so quickly back on the wagon so to speak.you know you can do this,i know you can do this.so just do it emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUGAR0814 3/12/2014 12:25AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JESSAAMI 3/11/2014 10:20PM

    You can do it!

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DEBADEAU 3/11/2014 8:33PM

    Great job, I recently re-starrted myself, but I had been off track for about a year. I only gained about 10 lbs back during that year, but it needs to come off plus some! Keep it up!

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KIMMYLOU4 3/11/2014 8:22PM

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SIMONEKP 3/11/2014 1:22PM

    nicely done

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FITMARY 3/11/2014 12:05PM

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Cute new picture too!

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FIT4MEIN2013 3/11/2014 10:45AM

    Way to go! Congratulations on nipping it in the bud and not getting out of hand. You rock!

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MIRAGE727 3/11/2014 9:58AM

    Outstanding! There will be times in the journey...
(even after maintaining for 3 years!)
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...when you have to recover from a spike, and regroup! Whether it's from a run injury, OR relatives visiting! (Yeah, my cuz is a party animal!)
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You know now what can happen. That's why I live the lifestyle, and preach it! This is forever, and you can still enjoy life to the fullest! Portion control, stay with my exercise, keep tracking, and eating clean will get us going forward! I know you will do it, Vickymarie!
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LISASGONNADOIT 3/11/2014 9:08AM

    Great job getting back on track! You knew what you needed to do and you did it, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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WALLINMW 3/11/2014 8:54AM

  Stay motivated!

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Finding YOU while losing weight...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

When i started this journey a few years ago all i thought about was losing the weight. I had this crazy notion that once i was at "THE" weight everything would fall into place. I imagined falling in love, having babies, looking BEAUTIFUL in the best clothing, feeling great about myself and just loving life. What i did not realize is that "losing weight" and "finding yourself" tend to hold hands throughout the journey.

I started this journey using SparkPeople back in January of 2011. I started the year at 320ish pounds and i ended the year at 318 pounds even. It was an EPIC fail. I would work out and eat like crap thinking that the one would suffice for the other. Boy was i wrong.

In 2012, right around March or April, I received a call from a girlfriend of mine that her BF finally proposed (I mean after dating for 6 years sh!t or get off the pot). I was to be one of her bridesmaids. Uh-Oh! As i was on the phone i can remember walking to the mirror and looking myself over. There was NO WAY i was going to be a bridesmaid at a size 26. So i set out to lose weight. I have a purpose this time...it may not have been the right purpose, but a purpose none-the-less. By the wedding date in August i was down to 267lbs and a size 22. So what happened after the wedding? Like i said, i did not have the right purpose...i stalled...and gained.

It wasn't until August of 2013, almost a full year later, that i was tired of stalling and gaining and relosing the same pounds. I can remember, during this time that led up to me refocusing, that i would sit back and ponder what life should be like for me. You see i'm a pretty quiet woman. While i have some amazing friends, i find it difficult to talk with those that i don't know. It's not even that i'm shy. It really comes down to that i don't want to feel rejected in any way. So i don't go out and mingle, unless i'm going to a friends place and they happen to have other people there. I don't date - when and where would this take place if i only go to work, home and church? I even attempted to break out of my shell and registered on an online dating site. That took all of 2 months before i took my profile down. Why? Because i could see who was viewing my profile yet no one was emailing me or contacting me. I even sent emails to 3 separate gentlemen just to have silence in return. Rejection of any kind does not feel good.

So in August of 2013 i refocused and started really watching what i ate and making sure my fitness was beneficial. Funny how when you do that the scale starts to move in the right direction.

Along the way i picked up a few habits. I started running. Not fast, but running none-the-less. And i enjoy it! I'm registered for 3 separate half marathons this year (In 2013 i completed 2 HMs). In running, maybe because i had so much time to myself, i started having conversations with myself (not out loud - i'm not crazy). I struggled with negative self esteem and my conversations with that inner voice were disheartening. I mean, if i didn't love myself, who else would? I had to purposely tell myself to STOP and replace it with thoughts of the good things i'm doing; the things i'm improving upon in my life.

It's now 2014 and this year i am focusing on my weight. I'm just now at 247lbs. The weight loss has not been fast but it's all a learning process.

Along the way i had to find myself. For so many years i thought my weight defined me. I thought i was worthless. I thought i wasn't any good. I felt unlovable. I felt unwanted and alone. I would just hide out at home and eat and cry...I can't even begin to count the number of nights i cried myself to sleep. It was all so discouraging. BUT once i started PURPOSELY changing my thought process I started to grow out of my shell that i cocooned myself in. I'm still pretty shy around people i don't know, but i'm working on it. I no longer look at myself as worthless, unlovable, unwanted or just an all around bad apple.

I'm a single woman with a lot of dreams and desires. And maybe one day a man will come along beside me and we'll walk the rest of the journey together, but for now i'm loving me and taking care of me so that i can live a longer and more adventurous life.

I couldn't lose weight without losing the self negativity first. In losing the weight I found me. I'm no longer hiding behind the weight - using it as a crutch or an excuse - i'm out there, enjoying life while redefining who I am.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVER-HOPEFUL 2/14/2014 5:04PM

    hi vickie love i always enjoy reading your blogs as you always give so much of you away inthem,sometimes even subconciously.i think you are doing great love.keep up the good work.happy valentines day love.take care and keep smiling. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DNJEN471 2/13/2014 2:05PM

    emoticon Way to go!! You look great!! What an inspiration!! emoticon

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MAERETH 2/13/2014 10:51AM

    Thank you for sharing this! You've done an awesome job and are a wonderful inspiration!

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WALKINGITOFFNOW 2/13/2014 6:16AM

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FITMARY 2/13/2014 2:23AM

    Great blog! Adorable picture!
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NETGYRL 2/12/2014 11:16PM

    Great blog! Your insights are right on. I'm glad you are finding success. You look awesome!

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SUGAR0814 2/12/2014 11:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KKBLOOMS 2/12/2014 11:05PM

    Wow, what can I say but what an awesome blog entry! I can relate to most everything you have said here. Single, almost 300lbs, my best friend is getting this married this year and I don't want to be a fat bride's maid. However, I think along with the goal of not wanting to be a fat bride's maid, I'm tired of just existing everyday. I want more for myself and out of life. Anyway, this blog was just what I needed to read tonight so thank you so much for posting it!

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EDDYMEESE 2/12/2014 10:54PM

    As usual, your blogs are so inspiring! Good things will come your way when you least expect it!

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I_R_WORTH_IT 2/12/2014 6:52PM

    Thank you for sharing. I agree! I am working from the inside out...if I can find a happy me in here, the rest will fall into place as I go!

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NEWROSE27 2/12/2014 6:43PM

    Great blog! Congrats on your progress. You look great.
Thanks for the inspiration.
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MIRAGE727 2/12/2014 5:40PM

    We will fail, we will learn, we will achieve! Stay strong, Girl! You're a winner!
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You just inspired me to post a blog today!
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JUSTJANE40 2/12/2014 4:58PM

    You should be so very proud of your self... what a great mind set. I liked how you pointed out how this is doable but if not for the correct reasons it may not stick. how insightful, and so honest. Amazing! that is what I think... just amazing. emoticon emoticon

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ONTHEPATH2 2/12/2014 4:37PM

    How awesome is that! Look at you - a runner!!! Very cool. I am so glad that you learned to love that girl inside and that she is venturing out! You look fantastic and even better, I could hear it in your blog! Hope to see you along this path! emoticon

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JUSTME9898 2/12/2014 4:25PM

    Weight loss is a learning process! What a great thing to remember on this journey. thank you for your insight

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A Walk in the Park

Monday, January 27, 2014

On Sunday i decided I had enough of the "rest" ordered my my doctor - I had my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday. I needed to get OUT...i needed to get up off the couch and just move and feel alive again. The vicodin i'm on is just knocking me out and i'm tired of sleeping the days away. I looked ta my fitness calendar and 9 miles were on the agenda for the day. I'm 8 weeks out from the HM and my friend that is doing her 1st HM was on her way to my place to pick me up. Neither one of us thought i'd last the entire 9 miles. So we decided we'd go until i said i had enough.

The day could not be any more perfect. It was 71 degrees out with a light breeze. The trails we decided to walk (not run because that would have been too much for me) were mainly flat. So all the elements aligned for me.

Driving over there i was still groggy from the meds i've been taking but I knew i'd be ok if i went slow and listened to my body. If i got dizzy i'd stop and rest and turn back.

The body and the mind don't always work together. My body wanted to stop throughout the walk because i was tired, groggy and a bit dizzy. Not so much that i couldn't continue on. My mind kept telling me to just go a little further. So i did. At the 4.5 mile mark i stopped and took a 5 minute break. I ate a GU (it has never tasted so good! I'm still on liquids and soft foods until Saturday - no chewing or sucking of drinks allowed). I started back towards the car.

My friend started laughing. When i asked what was so funny she said she thought for sure i wouldn't have made it. She said once we hit mile 3 she KNEW i wasn't going to stop. Have i mentioned that I'm hard headed?

Here's what i really took away from this 9 mile walk. While i love, love, love that my friends are willing to walk or run with me regardless of the miles i so desire my own family to walk or run with. On those trails there were husbands and wives walking, holding hands. Or there were couples running and encouraging or challenging one another. There were whole families walking or riding their bikes together. I'd love a piece of that for my own life. It did not make me sad...it just made me realize that i have a strong desire for family and what i'm looking for in a spouse is ever growing.

I've dated men that have no real desire to workout together or to even workout on their own. I can't have that for myself. I need someone with like minded goals.

Every walk/run is an adventure. I go into it thinking about the miles but i ALWAYS walk away from it with a better sense of who i am and what i want.


My one side is really swollen from the wisdom teeth extractions

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITMARY 1/28/2014 10:20AM

    Hope you feel better soon and find that special someone! Wishing you all the best!!!

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WALKINGITOFFNOW 1/28/2014 3:11AM

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SUGAR0814 1/28/2014 12:16AM

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ME_B4_INSANITY 1/27/2014 5:09PM

    Great job pushing yourself. My goal this week was 5 miles for my HM training. And with the headache I had it was a push at times, but it's all about dedication.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/27/2014 1:16PM

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TKTMTA 1/27/2014 11:43AM

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DOLLIE6 1/27/2014 11:41AM

    Good for you for getting out in the fresh air. You sound like you know what you want out of life and are going for it. Good luck to you and keep on Sparking.

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Standing Still or Moving Forward?

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I sit here wondering if i'm currently standing still or moving forward. I'm not 100% sure at the moment so I need to work through some things to figure out if i need to change my course of action.

This was..WAS me just a few years ago.





And today this is me...





While it's clear that i've lost weight (nearly 70lbs), i still wonder if i'm just standing still?

Two years ago I started by just walking. I walked a TON of 5ks. Last year i graduated to 10ks and even 2 half marathons. At the end of last year (2013) I even completed walking 60 miles in 3 days for Susan G Komen. But i still feel as though i'm just going through the motions.

So yes... I'm more active and I'm losing weight. BUT what am i doing with the rest of life? That's where i feel as though i'm standing still. I'm not as afraid to try new things now. But i'm not fully putting myself out there...does that make sense?

As an obese woman it was sooooo EASY to hide out. People ignored me. I was treated as though i couldn't be seen. Now i'm being seen. Other runners on the trails yell out that i'm doing a great job...or that it's nice to see me out there again. People that i have ALWAYS seen but have never spoken to me before now compliment me on my weight loss. So i freeze...it scares me a bit to be "seen"...

To be "seen" now means that people notice me. I don't always know how to react to this. I'm still 255 pounds (as of this morning) so i have a long way to go until i'm in a healthy weight but that hasn't stopped the many compliments that i receive.

I put myself out there in terms of my fitness. BUT in terms of my personal life...i'd rather still hide. The weight loss doesn't change the fact that i'm scared of being hurt again. I became so good at guarding myself and i've found that as the weight has come off some of those layers around my heart have also shed...and i'm not too sure i'm happy about it yet.

So i'm moving forward in my physical abilities...but i believe that i'm standing still in my personal life. I'm just not sure in which direction i'd rather go...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITMARY 1/23/2014 9:04PM

    Oh, yeah, you are DEFINITELY moving forward! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can not be stopped!
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NEWLEAF16 1/22/2014 12:59PM

    This does sound like progress to me! Like others have said, stepping out of your comfort zone sure is hard! You have done it with your fitness, and you can do it in other areas of your life too. Change can be so scary - even when it is positive change. But you CAN do this!!!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/22/2014 12:20PM

    well have you concidered councilling or talking about it to a priest or someone you trust.i personally think that yopu are not standing still in the fact that you admit that some of the layers around your heart has fell,also with your weight loss and you getting fitter you are loving yourself more and that is definately no stand still.you are feeling more worth it etc etc so as i see it even though it might not be going as fast as you like you are still moving forwards.keep up the good work youi are doing great love. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMANDAW830 1/22/2014 1:59AM

    Coming out of your comfort zone can be really hard. Take baby steps and you'll get there. Congrats on how far you have come.

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SUGAR0814 1/22/2014 12:04AM

    Sounds like to me you're moving forward! emoticon Keep moving!

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SHASTABEARZ 1/21/2014 3:46PM

    It sounds like you're asking yourself a hard question, but it also sounds like you already know the answer. Maybe you're only just now ready to come out of your comfort zone a little bit. It's scary! But, you can do it!

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