VICKYMARIEC   51,545
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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries

The Girl Within Me

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

I've noticed something about myself lately...I still think I'm that 320+ pound girl that I was a few years ago. I still get nervous about trying new things. I wonder if people will stop, stare and laugh at me. I wonder if I'd make a fool out of myself. I wonder if I'd feel ashamed afterwards. I wonder a lot of things when I ponder trying something new. The truth is that has always been something I've done. That has not changed.

what has changed though is me. I'm almost 70lbs lighter yet I still think along the same lines as that 320lb girl I used to be. After a LONG debate with myself I finally hauled myself to a Zumba class...yikes! Here I am, still overweight snd going into a dance class where I'll jiggle for all to see.

Guess what? I had a great time. I didn't know all the moves. I couldn't shimmy my butt the way some of those women could but I was in there doing my best and I had fun. The woman next to me said that as long as I kept moving I'd be fine and I'd get it next time.

I went back for a 2nd class the next day.

Here's the thing. Sometimes it takes our mind and thought process a lot longer yo catch up to where our bodies are in this journey. There are times when I look in the mirror and I still see that 320+ pound woman. There are times when I still mentally beat myself up because I'm so over weight. Sometimes I just need to stand there, in front of the mirror and remind myself just how far I've come.

in losing almost 70lbs this woman that I'm starring at had stepped out of her comfort zone many times to defeat old demons. Ive made both the new me and the old me very proud. I've completed 5k's, 10k's, 2 half marathons, lodt nearly 70lbs, taken aqua classes, zumba classes and started running. I'm even contemplating completing my first full marathon early in 2015. These are things I never even dreamed about at 320lbs.

so while on occasion I still have the mentality of the 320lb woman...she is extremely proud of the woman she is today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CNJ91602 1/8/2014 11:19AM

    That is an amazing transformation! Very inspirational!!
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SHELTIE2013 1/8/2014 7:25AM

    Keep going!!!

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SUGAR0814 1/7/2014 11:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NEWLEAF16 1/7/2014 3:20PM

    Way to go!!! Love that you challenged yourself and are going out of that comfort zone!! emoticon

I also did some Zumba - the person next to you is right. Even when I did not know the moves I just kept moving. It did not look great but no body even cared and I was dripping with sweat and smiling when I left. Have fun with it!

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NATURALLYME126 1/7/2014 1:19PM

    Awesome blog and wonderful outlook!

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ZOEANAEL 1/7/2014 11:25AM

    Amazing job!!! It's is so hard to change the way we see ourselves... I totally understand you.
I'm taking zumba as well, isn't super fun?!!

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IAPHOTOGIRL75 1/7/2014 10:38AM

    WAY TO GO!!!! I love Zumba and I am so glad someone else found it and loves it too!! You are just gonna shimmie your way even smaller!! :)

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WENDYSPARKS 1/7/2014 10:27AM

    emoticon

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GLITTERYKRUNKLE 1/7/2014 10:21AM

    Good job! I'm proud of you too! Keep it up!

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FITMARY 1/7/2014 10:14AM

    Zumba is the best!!! I'm so glad you found a fun class. I agree with the lady next to you: just keep moving! I can't do the twirls and things because they make me dizzy so I stand in the back and just keep moving whenever the others twirl around. And that's OKAY!!! Pretty soon you will not even remember that girl who was afraid to join in!
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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/7/2014 9:50AM

    itīs funny vickie while i had the opposite problem.even though i weighed 330lbs i never saw myself as fat and because of that never let it stand in my way.i would dance and swim in public,ride a bike go inline skateing etc,etc.my husband used to ask me doesnīt it bother me the peoples stares my reply was always,what stares as i never really saw them.it was only after i lost some weight and had the facial paralise did i notice,probably because i noticed the facial paralise myself it made me more selfconcious and now i have to fight against this self conciousness thing myself to do things.i am still not sure if it was a good thing or bad thing that i never noticed my size as if i had i might have done something about it long before i did.i think you are awesome and what you do is also awesome.i am so proud to know you and call you my friend love.keep on keeping on emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JBECK0 1/7/2014 7:47AM

    emoticon It definitely takes a while for our brain to catch up with our body. Never forget how far you've come!

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ELIZEBETH87 1/7/2014 7:43AM

    Wow! I just recently started this journey and have a lot of the same mentalities about starting and trying new things, especially the part about wondering what other people will be thinking (even friends and family). Reading this was VERY encouraging to me! Thank you so much!! emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 1/7/2014 7:38AM

  Excellent attitude! And it does take time for the mindset to change. Be patient, and it will come. Keep up the great work! emoticon

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SLEEPERELLA 1/7/2014 7:28AM

    Keep on jiggling all that stuff until it doesn't jiggle anymore!! You go! emoticon
Laura

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Final Race of 2013

Monday, December 30, 2013

Just a week ago today I completed my final race of 2013. The Jingle Bell Run 5k. It's been just about a month or so since i started running. My goal was to try to finish in under 45 minutes. Well..













I set a new PR!

One of my 2014 goals is to complete a 5k in under 40 minutes, so now i'm that much closer to my goal!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFEFOUNDONARUN 1/10/2014 11:14PM

    I love this! Congratulations! Keep up the awesome work!!

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EDDYMEESE 1/4/2014 10:37PM

    Such a cute outfit and woman, what a great time you made!!!!

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FITMARY 12/31/2013 8:11AM

    WOW! So cool!

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SUGAR0814 12/30/2013 11:41PM

    emoticon emoticon

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FAVALL 12/30/2013 8:59PM

    Yeah for you!

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NICOLETTEJJ 12/30/2013 8:20PM

    Your'e emoticon Vicky emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 12/30/2013 6:16PM

    wow vickie those are really great photos.love them and love your outfit.re the time what can i say but totally awesome.all i can say now is all the best for the new year and hereīs for you to getting under 40minutes. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOSS61 12/30/2013 5:52PM

    Race? As in running? Wow, better you than me.

Spark gets me trying all kinds of new things. Not that one.

Scared. If you were obese, male and 52, you would be too.


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STINAMARIE86 12/30/2013 4:12PM

    Wow! How awesome is that! I currently walk 5k's, to run/jog them, my long term goal! emoticon emoticon

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IAMZBEE 12/30/2013 3:56PM

    It's been very fun and inspirational to follow your progress. Keep up the great work!

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2013 Year-End & 2014 Goals

Tuesday, December 17, 2013



2013 held many accomplishments for me.

In February I unexpectedly completed my first half marathon. I had been in training for a half that would take place in May, but two friends decided to back out of the February race since it was only 30 degrees and windy. So a friend and I took their bibs and completed the half marathon.



Then in May i completed my 2nd half marathon.



Within 2 weeks of the second half marathon i began training for the Susan G Koman 3-Day, 60 Mile walk. I trained from May through October and walked ALL 60 miles the first weekend in November.



These were three HUGE physical accomplishments for me. BUT they were not my most prized accomplishments for 2013.

Somewhere and at sometime during this year I realized that i was enjoying life! For so many years i just allowed everything to pass me by. I refused to dance when asked because i thought people would be looking at me. I refused to go out to certain events if i had to dress up because i didn't think had any cute clothes that fit just quite right for me. I refused to play any physical sports because i thought i'd be out of breath and huffing and puffing. I just sat on the side lines. NOT that anyone placed me there...i just willingly went to the so called bench and sat out on life. BUT...

Something happened this year. I got out there and realized that life could be fun if I stepped out of my own way.

I just recently started running and i've found that even thought i'm not FAST i'm pretty good. I can breathe and still carry on a conversation after 6 miles (longest run to date). All that walking over the past year has really conditioned me. I also started swimming laps at the gym pool. I'm not a great swimmer and i have a lot to learn with breathing techniques, but i'm in the water swimming my laps, looking stuff up on the web and asking friends that are swimmers for advise and guidance. I even took part in an aqua class...i was in my bathing suit with a GROUP of other people bouncing and moving around. I LOVED IT!



I'm more active than MOST of my friends. And it feels good. Because of this i feel good about myself. Sure, there are still a great number of things i'd like to change, but i'm working my way to those changes. I'm still sitting at 251-ish pounds. IMAGINE what i could accomplish if i were lighter?! The fact is - that the weight didn't hold me back. All that ever held me back were my own thoughts...my own PERCEIVED thoughts about myself. Once i learned to quiet that voice in my head, i started really picking up momentum. Why? Because i wanted to be so much more than the gil that always took herself out of the game.

2013 isn't quit over yet. I set a goal for myself to complete 1500 miles in 2013. I currently sit at 1397.96 miles. I'm still confident that i can reach my goal.



2014...what am I looking to accomplish next year?

I have a good number of races that i'm currently registered to complete. BUT what i'm really looking to accomplish in 2014 includes:

1) Completing a half marathon in under 3:15 (currently at 3:41)
2) Completing a 10k in under 90 minutes (currently at 95)
3) Complete a 5k in under 40 minutes (currently at 45:19)
4) Be able to swim 1760 yards (1 mile)
5) Start riding a bike to get used to cycling

I'm not sure what the second half of 2014 will look like for me. I've thrown around the idea of competing my first tri...or start the training for a marathon. I haven't yet decided.

What i've noticed is that i've moved away from wanting to lose such-and-such amount of weight, do wanting to improve on my performance. The weight will come off as long as i continue to fuel my body appropriately.





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 12/25/2013 2:13PM

    FABULOUS! I can't wait for 2014 :)

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MONIQUEDVA 12/19/2013 9:44AM

    I cna't say enough how much i LOVE this blog post. You're not waiting to live life anymore until you have the right clothes or are the perfect weight or anything else. You're living life...right now...right where you are...as it was intended for YOUR life!!! Keep setting those goals & keep kicking booty!

You're amazing...just like you are!!!
Monique

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SUGAR0814 12/17/2013 11:22PM

    Great goals! emoticon emoticon

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TREE57 12/17/2013 10:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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SANDYSHORES24 12/17/2013 9:55PM

    I really like your goals and your page! Especially the part that says you are not the mistakes you have made! emoticon emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 12/17/2013 7:03PM

    wow you are looking awesome vickie and i love your goals for next year.as to all that you have accomplished this year emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSANITAL 12/17/2013 6:06PM

    OMG girl I loved your blog.. it really reached out to me.. and inspired me.. so much because I got off the side lines 3 years ago and I have been enjoying life since and it feels so good don't it.. congratulations on your running and swimming.. for me. its cycling, which this year I plan on doing some times races.. thank you for your motivation because we can do it..
Keep up the great work..

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ZAPPATTACK 12/17/2013 2:37PM

    This is such an inspiration to me!! I've been contemplating signing up for a half and I can't believe you have accomplished so much in one year (including that unexpected half!). You are going to do amazing things next year and I'm excited to cheer you on! Thanks for sharing all of this with us, especially the pictures!!

You look fantastic emoticon

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NIKKICOLE83 12/17/2013 2:08PM

    I must share this with you: Your blog in May after completing your second half-marathon touched something in my soul. For over two years I have been saying that I want to do a half-marathon but I continued to put it off. Your face and story has been on my mind since then. I must tell you that because of the inspiration you have provided me, I will be running my first half-marathon on May 4, 2014 in Lincoln, NE. I have no intention of running the whole thing and I am not chasing a time. But I will do it with a smile on my face and I will finish. My husband has committed to doing it with me. Thank you for being so spirited and positive and for helping others with their break through.

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35ANGELS 12/17/2013 1:03PM

    emoticon

Can't wait to see what you accomplish in 2014! emoticon



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SUSANELAINE1956 12/17/2013 12:59PM

    What a great year for you. Good luck with next year. emoticon

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NEPTUNE1939 12/17/2013 12:38PM

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December's Harsh Reality

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

For me the month of December has always been that month where a black cloud tends to hover right above me...never quite pouring down on me but just dark enough to feel its presence. Let me explain...more so for me than any reader out here. Sometimes it's just easier for me to write things down, somewhere that i can go back on a later date and reread...it's easier for me to capture why i feel a certain way when i write it all down...i need it to stare me in the face to truly understand it.

In my heart December is the month where family gets together old and young, new and well seasoned. We come together to celebrate with one another over drinks and good food. Maybe that's what my heart has always longed for because it's not at all what i've ever had.

Growing up we always had gifts but they came at a hefty price. My dad was an alcoholic and my mother was a stay at home mom. He's often get his paycheck, cash it and go out drinking. How did i know this? They rarely hid anything from us - i mean they didn't cover up their screaming matches or fights - by fights i mean they'd both walk away with hair pulled out or black eyes. As a kid what did i know...i thought this was the norm.

Sure, we'd always have a tree with gifts underneath it all wrapped up in shiny paper...but what was under the tree was not anything i ever really wanted. The games were nice. The dolls were adorable. But what i wanted you couldn't wrap up.

Even as a young kid i remember wanting things like a hug from one of them. I wanted to hear my dad say he loved me.

dammit...even typing this i have to pause because i refuse to cry about it.

I wanted security. I wanted to know that things were going to be ok. I wanted to feel safe. But growing up that's not what i ever received.

My first memory that i can recall happened around Christmas. I was somewhere in the rang of 3 to 4 years old. My dad was drunk...again...and my mother refused to allow him in our apartment. How do i remember that at such an early age? Because of this...regardless of how hurtful he was, he was still my daddy. What little girl didn't want their daddy's love? Anyways, he stopped pounding. My brothers and i went into a bedroom and started to watch tv when all of a sudden my dad jumped through the window from the fire escape. Glass went everywhere. My younger brother, being about 2yrs old started screaming due to all of the noise. I remember watching my dad pick him up and throw his across the room...THUMP was the sound as his little body hit the wall and slid to the floor. My older brother being about 10yrs old grabbed me by the hand and my little brother who was screaming (thankfully not dead looking back at it when i was older to fully understand what happened and what could have happened) and took us to a neighbors place while my parents fought. This was common. It was normal.

Fast forward to my being married. I was with him for a total of almost 10yrs. I THINK we spent about 4 of those Christmas's together. The others? There was always some excuse...work, he would pick a fight and storm out (i don't yell so it was basically him screaming for no reason like a fool and storming out). Looking back he went to spend Christmas with one of his girlfriends.

If i go back to Chicago during Christmas i spend it with one of my closest girlfriends and her family. But her husband likes to make snide comments about how i'm not really family.

The month of December...it's that month that i aim to just get through and survive. It's my "gloomy" month. I guess it really starts at Thanksgiving for me, but...

Every year I look at December and it reminds me of everything that i don't have...

I don't have family...i don't have children...i don't have someone to tell me that they love me...I still wish for that hug from someone...I still want that sense of security...i want to know that everything will be ok...I want to feel safe.

December...that month that seems to showcase all of my dreams that are still floating around out there unanswered and not to be seen...

I don't walk around looking or acting depressed. Quite the opposite. I'm the one that gives EVERYONE a card and some small gift. I want others to know that someone is thinking about them. I try to make so many others feel special. I never know when or if someone out there feels the way i do and i want to place a smile on their faces...even if on this side of heaven i may never realize it.

I'm typically great with words of affirmation. I love to tell people just how special they are and what great accomplishments they have made, because what if i'm the ONLY one that has ever said it to them? If i love someone, i'm not scared to say it or express it...the down fall of this...the ONLY downfall is that my heart gets crushed when i never receive it in return.

Why are people so afraid to be loving and caring? Sometimes just a simple hug can make someones day be the shining star in their ever dark world...sigh...

this woman will continue to hope for what she wants, but in the mean time i'll continue to love and care for others without reservation...

Oh December...we are half way through...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 12/11/2013 9:39PM

    My goodness, girl, you have a gift with words. Each an every word and sentence was just filled with such power. You might seriously consider writing. You should write children's books. Sorry, I know that's random, but you'd really be amazing at it.

Big hugs to you...I do believe that the best of things are worth waiting for (well, that's what I try to tell myself). You'll find everything you're looking for, I know it. It just may not be exactly what you expected.

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SURF@723 12/11/2013 5:07PM

    (((HUGS)))) Hope you felt it because you are loved....have not met you in person but know we would be life long friends.
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FITMARY 12/11/2013 3:47PM

    You sound like such an amazing person! And your family is that huge group of people that you are reaching out to help every day. Keep going! Keep touching the world! You are getting closer to your dreams every minute....
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MICYWALTON 12/11/2013 3:19PM

    Oh, Vicky! You're such an amazing person! Your friend's husband sounds like he doesn't understand the meaning of "family"...family is whoever you claim as your own.

I'm sorry you have such a hard time with December. You've come through so much, and you're such a wonderful person.

Don't ever change, Vicky. emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 12/11/2013 1:37PM

    hi viicky love.first emoticon to contradict you love you do have a family,just not the family you would have liked to have.but you do have one and because you have the family you had it has made you the person you are today and though you may not see it that way i am for one glad to kow you and call you a friend even if i may never actually get to meet you in person i am still glad to know you.we all at some point or other in our lifes have had things that hurt or effect us in one way or another .it is not so much the things that happen to us but how we deal with them that makes the differance .you have to learn to forgive your parents for what they did to you as a child and accept them how they are so you can move on.sometimes we can be lonely in a room full of people or even be totally alone and not lonely.when we think about it loneliness is actually a state of mind which doesnīt help much when we are feeling lonely but knowing that makes it easier to do something about it.if we celerbrated christmas i would say to you come and celerbrate it with us.what have you actually planned for this christmas love?maybe you could ask at the local orphanage if there is one if you can invite one or two kids to you over christmas time so they can celerbrate in a family situartion or ask at the local old people home if there is anyone there that will be alone for the christmas time and invite them for christmas dinner or go there for a visit.help out in a soup kitchen.seeing that there are people in the same or worse condition than you can make you feel not so lonely and even better.you had your older brother that tried to protect you from your family by taking you do a neighbours house.maybe phone him up to thank him.just a few suggestions or get totally away from it by going to a singles holiday.maybe not concentrate so much on christmas itself but on the new year ,make plans for how you want the next year to go,plan workout schedule,plan dinners in advance.look for new recipes or find ways to tweak up old recipes.look at how far you have come and be proud of it like i am proud of you vicky love.know i am always here for you no matter what time and day.are you on skype by the way?if sop you can give me youir skype address so i can friend you.you can also share email and home addresses with me so i can write occassionally to you or send you an ecard like i do betty and mary occassionally.as i say know you are not alone.take care and keep smiling emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIMMIG133 12/11/2013 11:39AM

    Awww Vicki can I just say that you must be one of the sweetest most caring people that I have been fortunate enough to "meet"?? You are a wonderful person inside and out!!!


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SUGAR0814 12/10/2013 11:41PM

    emoticon

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GGJUNEBUG 12/10/2013 8:51PM

    Praying for you! Funny, how I was thinking about you when I was at the gym earlier, how you were so strong going through those workouts and losing all that weight, winning those medals, and then being so happy you accomplished those goals. Thinking of you and your previous blogs (like your races, etc.) made me push myself further on that treadmill today.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone when it comes to these sorts of feelings during the holidays. I'm an only child on my mother's side, and that's the side I am with most of my life, so I know the loneliness during the holidays.

Keep doing what you are doing, loving others, because all of that will be returned to you in ways you wouldn't expect it. Plus, with so many uncaring people around the world, who would want to be like them? I'd rather be the loving person who reaches out; I think what you have is a gift! There is that saying that we can't give what we don't have. Maybe a lot of those people you've encountered just never received those affirmations or love, and you being in their life, you're pretty much that channel of grace.

God bless you Vicky! Hang in there! The real spirit of ANY holiday is love, not just food, drinks, decorations.

:)

Hug!

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Junie
100+ Pounds Team
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SONORA4475 12/10/2013 7:02PM

    You made me cry too!! You are such a strong, inspirational woman!! Keep the faith, December can only get better!!!
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CINDYBEL 12/10/2013 6:38PM

    emoticon It's amazing you're as sane and loving as you are.

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RACHELBUGSMAMA 12/10/2013 6:33PM

    I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. This made me cry.
Sending you huge emoticon !!!!

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FAVALL 12/10/2013 5:01PM

    I just heard a story on K-LOVE radio today about a girl who posted a Craigslist request to borrow some loving family for a few days at Christmas. She was amazed with the response. She had tried hiding her personal pain of a disappointing family. She has since started a ministry that focus on allowing an opportunity for others to share their past and current pain points over the holidays. I really like listening to the nationwide radio station that ALWAYS has encouraging message. Check it out:
http://www.klove.com/

Li
fe has been hard for you and none of it was deserved. It sounds like you are making your own best imprint of love onto the lives of those people that matter to you. That changes the world going forward and for you, too. Be blessed.

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FINCHFEEDER80 12/10/2013 4:52PM

    emoticon Sweet girl.

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ONTHEPATH2 12/10/2013 4:19PM

    Oooooooh! Can you feel it? I'm sending you a warm hug!!! Sometimes it seems the Holidays bring out the worst in some people. I'm with you, continuing to love without reservation. December will soon be gone..... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Self Image

Monday, November 25, 2013

Self image and self worth is something that i've struggled with a lot in my life. Even as the weight melts away, it's still a constant battle with myself. It can be debilitating.

This past weekend i was at he gym with my running partner. She and i work well together. We encourage one another to strive for better. We are open and real with one another. What we say to one another may sometimes be difficult, but we know it's rooted in love and respect for one another. She's a sister to me. Well, we were at the gym and after our workout we were walking back into the locker rooms and the locker room is FULL on mirrors - floor to ceiling mirrors! And there's no escaping your reflection. And i made a simple little comment..."these mirrors are weird." She asked me why i thought they were weird. I told her that whatever it is it makes it appear as though i'm smaller than what i really am. She looked at my reflection in the mirror and said, "no...That's exactly what you look like." I just stared at my reflection and as the tears started to swell up in my eyes i quietly said, "really?"

You see when i look in the mirror i still see the 320+ pound woman starring back at me. Not all the time but a good amount of the time. So to see this smaller woman in the reflection was an eye-opener for me.

I've talked about self sabotage before and how i get to a point in my weightloss and then get scared to actually lose the weight so i gain it back. This is mainly because i'm scared of the unknown. I only know how to be the fat girl. I don't know what it will be like to be healthy and smaller. A big part of me is terrified at the thought that i may be exactly the same. It's so easy to blame things on my weight. I didn't get asked out because of my weight. I didn't make the cut because of my weight. I was this or that because of my weight. My weight became my excuse. And i was terrified if that excuse was missing, and everything else still remains the same then the issue is just me. Then i'm not ENOUGH of whatever it is...for me that's something that i've worked against my entire life.

I grew up in a household where i wasn't loved or cared for. Beatings were a regular part of my life because my parents hated their lives...not so much us kids but just their own misery. I married a man that didn't love me because i felt i didn't deserve more...you get what you pay for, right? He cheated from day one and i kept a blind eye to it. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. He used scare tactics but never actually laid a finger on me. My entire life has been lived with this belief that i was the problem...that i was just not enough. I can remember many nights laying next to my husband and him talking out loud and saying things like, "I wonder what it would be like to lay next to a skinny, beautiful woman." I never said a word about it. This was just something i was used to my entire life.

After the divorce i dated a man for almost 9 months. it was to soon too fast. I should have taken time to heal. But because i didn't I walked right into the same type of verbally abusive chaos. So i ended it because i needed my sanity before it escaped me all together.

I decided not to date (not that i really had offers). It was around that time that my employer decided to transfer me from Chicago to Dallas. I gladly took the offer...i needed a fresh start. In moving here i had just me to depend on as i knew no one at the time. This was what i needed to heal and learn to love myself. I needed to find value in myself before i could ever allow anyone else into my life.

So two years ago i started on this journey (It took me almost 2 years of living here on my own to finally start making changes in my health). It was in these last two years that I learned my value. Others may not always see me as they should but that's ok because i love me. I'm not perfect in any way, but i do know how valuable i am.

Seeing my reflection in that mirror this weekend was just another swipe of the cobwebs. The cobwebs are removed so i can see a little more clearly now.







There are things that i do for friends because i know what it feels like to not have it done in my own life. I have a set group of friends that i tend to text every night. Even if it's just my sending them something with no return. It's my way of letting them know that someone cares about them. That someone is thinking about them. I struggle with that all the time. Does someone out there ever think of me? Does someone care about me? It's hard and i often have to battle with my past - a time when i knew i wasn't cared about. A time when i questioned if i were to be missed if i were gone...dead. Would anyone ever miss me or think about me. I don't want my friends to EVER feel that kind of hurt...so i reach out and i give them that little something that lets them know they are cared about and loved and that someone (me) is thinking about them. That's what i want.

Self image and self worth are a battle. Even if you lose the weight we need to work on losing the negative self inflictions and perceptions.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GGJUNEBUG 12/12/2013 1:18PM

    You look great Vicky! Keep going! Love the sneakers!

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Junie
100+ Pounds Team
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EVER-HOPEFUL 11/27/2013 6:41AM

    emoticon and remember vickie you are loved and love all the time first by god and that is unconditional,by your vikings sister,your true friends and hopefully yourself.never forget that last one it is as important as the first one my love.by the way you look totally amasing and yes thin.keep on keeping on you are doing great emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEWLEAF16 11/26/2013 1:07PM

    You have so much to be proud of - and I am so happy to hear that you are being proud of it. You amaze and inspire me emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITMARY 11/26/2013 8:39AM

    You've gotten to this newer, better place on your own. That's courage and strength!
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SUGAR0814 11/26/2013 12:00AM

    You're doing a great job! You look awesome! Keep it up! emoticon

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NATURALLYME126 11/25/2013 11:01PM

    That was so beautiful, raw and straight up real!! Thank you so much for sharing that. I definitely can relate to some of the stuff you were saying.

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TREE57 11/25/2013 9:37PM

    You look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!!

You are my hero. I'm so proud of you and your hard work has certainly paid off.

The mirror does NOT lie. These photos say it ALL.

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35ANGELS 11/25/2013 8:21PM

    You are looking emoticon

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KERRYG155 11/25/2013 5:59PM

    When a person has been told and/or shown how "bad" they are for so long it is hard to get past that image. I've always had a bad self image and never really lost it even when I got to goal weight. I'm glad you got that boost from your boss with the transfer. You WILL find a lot of support here.

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MIRAGE727 11/25/2013 3:23PM

    Trust me. If you're my SparkFriend, I'm thinking of you, cheering for you, and walking the journey with you! Word!
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You're doing great! Just stay focused, stay strong, & don't let anyone try to bring you down. You're soaring with eagles now!
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ADVENTURESEEKER 11/25/2013 1:26PM

    Proud of how far you've come! emoticon

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TRUNKJUNK 11/25/2013 1:08PM

    Vicky
You look awesome!

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BEHAPPY0201 11/25/2013 1:05PM

    You are so positive!

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FINCHFEEDER80 11/25/2013 12:22PM

    emoticon What a great idea, sending people messages every night. I know what it's like to be lonely, I should incorporate that idea into my own life. Thanks! Great job so far- you are doing amazing things!

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KIMMYLOU4 11/25/2013 11:49AM

    So proud of you! emoticon

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