Thursday, October 17, 2013
I use to be addicted to food. What does that mean? It means EVERYTHING i did revolved around food. Friends are coming over...what should I cook and bake? Meeting up with friends...where are we going to eat? Lets watch a movie...what size popcorn should i get? Every emotion triggered my making multiple trips to the kitchen. God i love food...I still do. But just because something is good, does NOT mean that it is good for you. Too much of anything can be dangerous.
I don't really know why it happened or even how it happened, but sometime about seven weeks ago I decided to make another change. I've always worked out. And for the first 9 months all i had to do was move and still eat junk and the weight came off. All be it was 55ish pounds, but i didn't have to work hard at it. When you go from being a couch potato to actually moving your butt, the weight can come off pretty easily. THEN my body got used to the moving...my food intake did not change. So for the next year i stayed right where i was at until seven weeks ago.
I needed to refocus and REALLY learn what it meant to live a healthier lifestyle. Its not all about moving. It's about what we fuel our bodies with. I wholeheartedly, now, believe that what we eat makes ALL The difference in our efforts.
For so long i would eat anything I wanted and then head out to the gym. Pizza, burgers, icecream, chips...you name it and i probably loved it. I enjoy cooking and my passion is baking. This was and still is my greatest challenge. I had to reprogram my brain. I took to the computer and found ways to swap my high fat, high calorie, high carb recipes for recipes with lower fat/calorie and carb dishes while still keeping the great taste. It's like everything else in life, if you want the good stuff you need to work for it. It won't just be handed to you. You need to earn it.
As far as my fitness goes, i practically walk every day. No less then 3 miles and upwards of 18 miles on a given day. Walking is free (except for the fitted shoes). It was what got me started almost 2 years ago. I can easily remember my first ever 5k. It was TORTUROUS! I came in last...dead last! I mean the awards were given out and the ONLY people still there were my two friends and the clean up crew...and the 70+ year old man that rode the golf cart next to me encouraging me to keep on going. Everything in me wanted to just stop and cry. But i kept on going...i needed to prove to myself that i could do it. My pride was hurt (yes, women have pride too) but i did it. And after that i kept on walking.
Seven weeks ago things changed...
I needed more. I needed my body to feel a different kind of pounding. So i asked a friend if i could join her on her training runs. So i started running...slowly, but a runner is a runner REGARDLESS ff their speed. WOW...who knew that running could be my next love. BUT i had to be logical. I'm still in my training for the 3 Day event which calls for ONLY walking. So i ran on my off walking days. Once the 3 Day event is over and i've rested, I will be training to run my next events.
One week ago things changed...
After completing an 18.49 mile day and a 15.76 mile day back to back (per my training) i ended up with a blister of all blisters. The doctor told me to stop my training for 7 to 10 days in order for my foot to heal. I could do other things, but i could not do anything that would cause my full weight or friction on the ball of my foot. So i took to the stationary bike and to weight lifting.
Weight lifting and kettlebells...i've dabbled with them all before. BUT this time something happened. Can a woman really fall in love with weight lifting and kettlebells? You bet your sweet bottom she can! It wasn't so much the weights and bells themselves..it was the sweat dripping down my face and chest that i loved. It was the way my legs and thighs would feel the next day. It's the way my arms, back and shoulders would react to such a thing. It was all so...magical!
So i swapped a food addiction for a fitness addiction. As i stated before too much of a good thing could be bad. I tend to over-do and dive right in to whatever passion is on my plate. The effects of the changes i've made are inspiring to me. While the scale is FINALLY moving in the right direction, i'm more tantalized by the changes in my body. The scale is not my tell-all...it's the woman in the mirror that I am starting to fall in love with..as if i just met her for the first time...I'm starting to really love me and that is the biggest victory of them all.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Sometimes looking at the BIG picture can place a damper on your efforts...even if it's just for a short time.
Yesterday I had a conversation with someone at the office that proceeded to tell me how his wife started running and has enjoyed it because of the weight she had lost. The rest of the conversation took on a tone of, "If you move more you could lose some weight too." hmmmm...i'm good at NOT lashing out, biting my tongue and being polite. So i just refocused on his wife and what a great accomplishment she's been making.
As the meeting began i started to play a slide show in my thoughts...
This person sees me everyday. Sometimes when you see someone everyday you don't notice the gradual changes they are making in themselves or the changes that are happening to their body.
BUT i did start looking at the ultimate BIG picture for me.
My weight goal is 169lbs - which is still at least 30lbs heavier than any chart or doctor will say i should be at for my height. BUT i'm ok with that...169 is my goal. I currently sit at 258lbs even as of last Tuesday (tonight is my official weigh-in). That means i still have 89lbs to drop to reach my goal. I'm lost 62lbs to date.
sigh...i need to lose MORE than what i've already lost...almost 1.5x more than what i've already lost!
Here's the thing...
From Thanksgiving 2011 to August 2012 I lost roughly 53lbs. Then i took a LONG break...i still worked out, i just stopped caring about what i ate. Then towards the end of August 2013 i decided to refocus. This is NOT the body i want to live in the rest of my life. Since then i'm down 14.6lbs (I gained a few pounds over that LONG break).
I'm making the effort because there is so much more that i want out of life and i FEEL that my weight is holding me back. The reality is that i'm ALLOWING it to hold me back. It's easy to hide behind the excuse of the weight. I've done it my entire life.
So yesterday i felt a bit defeated looking out at that BIG picture...that dream goal...and all i wanted to do was drive towards home, stop and pick up some pizza and veg out on the couch.
Did i do that?
I ended up passing through Subway to pickup my favorite sandwich (steak, egg and pepper jack cheese on flat bread with jalapeņos and tomatoes). Then i went home and did my second workout of the day. After a while i decided i wanted to try something else. So i popped in a DVD and did some kettlebell work.
There's something about sweat dripping down your face and chest that puts a HUGE smile on my heart.
Because i KNOW i'm taking the steps i need to continue on with my journey.
Do i always feel like working out? NO
But i do it anyways because i know i'll feel better afterwards.
Funny how things change. It used to be that when i was feeling down i would just eat and veg out and cry. But i've been learning to replace that with simply putting on my workout clothes and making sure i get a good sweat going.
It's not easy...
I was talking with a friend last night and she's training for her first half marathon. She started talking about how she needs to start committing herself to the training schedule. She finds that her boyfriend, family and just hanging out with friends tends to take up that time.
I started laughing...
I asked her, "when do we see each other?" She said, "when we walk or run or go to the gym." I laughed again...i told her that I make sure we keep up our friendship by working her into my training. I did tell her that it gets tough.
I skip out on many dinners with friends because i know i need to be in bed by a certain time. I miss my singles Bible studies because it goes until 10 or 11pm and i need to be in bed early to get up at 3:30am. I miss all sorts of events because i need to be dedicated to my training. BUT you keep up with the rest of your life by including them. I invite almost everyone i know to join me in every race that i complete. I invite friends on my training walks. I invite friends to the gym with me.
Here's the thing i told her...for so long we've placed EVERYONE else above our own needs. It's time we take care of ourselves, make ourselves proud, and in turn we end up being a better friend or people to others.
BUT if you don't train you'll pay for it out on the road.
The BIG picture...ha!
I prefer to break it down into monthly goals.
I used to have monthly weight loss goals, but those never work. So i focus on fitness goals and nutritional goals.
The scale may not always agree with my efforts but my heart sure is happy. And because of that, that voice in my head that likes to torment me gets a little quieter every day.
I need to love that person that stares back at me in the mirror. I used to avoid her. She made me so sad all the time. She was depressed, she was lonely and she was scared. But now when i look in the mirror i see someone that is getting stronger everyday. I see someone that almost always has a smile on her face. I see a warrior fighting to create a better life for herself.
So that BIG picture is on the horizon some day...but for now i'm enjoying the daily grind of knowing i am making better choices.
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