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Plan B: New Course of Action

Friday, October 11, 2013

OK, so my doctor said i cannot continue my walk training for the next 7 to 10 days. That stung! My first thought was, "What the hell do you mean, i can't walk?" In that split second all i saw in front of me was my gaining back every pound i ever lost. Every pound i FOUGHT to lose. But just as quickly i realized he said i could not continue with my walk training but i could do other forms of fitness that would keep the impact off of my foot.

So as i drove back to work from his office i started to devise a plan.

I would attack my ST. I mean my upper body is pretty weak to begin with anyways. I could also use the stationary bike so long as i do not press on the area that needs to heal. SO...

I've hit the gym and the following has been my Plan B:

* Ride the stationary bike for the SAME amount of time i would have been walking. So if i knew i would have walked for 2 hours, my butt is riding that bike for 2 hours. I need to keep my legs moving for the same amount of time.

* Build leg strength:
- Inner Thigh machine at 90+ pounds per rep
- Outer Thigh machine at 80+ pounds per rep
- Leg Extension machine at 110+ pounds per rep
- Leg Curl machine at 110+ pounds per rep
- Leg press machine at 145+ pounds per rep
- Calf Press machine at 110+ pounds per rep

* Build upper body strength:
- Pec Flys (machine) at 55 pounds per rep
- Deltoid Flys (machine) at 35 pounds per rep
- Lat Pulldowns (machine) at 70 pounds per rep
- Vertical Rows (machine) at 70 pounds per rep
- Bent Over Arm Rows at 10 pounds per rep
- Arm Extensions at 15 pounds per rep
- Bicep Curls at 10 pounds per rep (I do the come half way up sets, all the way up to half way down sets and full sets)
- Shoulder press at 35 pounds per rep

* Build Core Strength:
- Wood chops with 8 pound medicine ball
- Standard Crunches
- Reverse Crunches
- Oblique Crunches

When i was at the gym the wall near the weights is nothing but mirrors. MAN! I saw all the loose skin around my arms as i was watching my form. I can see muscle BUT i also saw all the skin..sigh...time to tighten and tone.

Sometimes i feel like Rocky

Can you tell i'm worn out?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVER-HOPEFUL 10/12/2013 6:00PM

    no i can´t tell you are worn out but I can tell you are a pink viking.way to go love.keep on keeping on emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITMARY 10/12/2013 8:11AM

    Wow! I can't believe how much you are doing on the Leg Curl and Leg Extension. That is SO much weight! I'm down at 45 pounds and having trouble! So, yeah, you are fabulous! As for those upper arms, sigh, it is so hard to firm them up. I've been working for a long time on it. Still, our progress does show so time to award a

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    Woohoo. Well done you emoticon

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SUGAR0814 10/11/2013 9:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SKINNYSTRUMMER 10/11/2013 8:17PM

    Way to regroup and tweak! Keep moving!

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MALAMI518 10/11/2013 8:09PM

    emoticon You have made an awesome Plan B. That's a huge step because you could have easily given up instead. emoticon

My arms (and many other parts) also have a lot of extra skin now. You look much younger than me, though, so I think yours will tighten up quickly. I may be stuck with mine forever. But loose skin is still better than skin plumped with fat. I can definitely see the muscle definition that you are building. emoticon

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BEBOP4ME 10/11/2013 5:56PM

    Fabulous coming up with another plan!

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DRKYASHI 10/11/2013 4:41PM

    emoticonpost! And emoticon"Plan B"!
emoticonfor sharing and keep us posted on your progress! emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/11/2013 4:42:44 PM

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I've Come Further than I Thought...

Friday, October 11, 2013

Looking back over this past week i've realized something now that i'm a bit more clear headed...I've come further along than i thought.

You see, even though for a day or so this week I was fighting with my inner demons (that bitch voice in my head that lives to torment me with my past) I came out of it with a better understanding of who I really am.

Who am i?

I'm a WARRIOR. Warriors fight in the midst of the deadliest outcomes and with all of their heart still press forward until they are either left for dead or walk away victorious. I've always been a fighter. My parents were abusive growing up (while some kids got spanked with a belt, my father spanked us with a leather spiked belt...yes, leather METAL SPIKED belt, my mother would pull me around by my hair and slap or punch me in the face if she felt so inclined to do so). I could have easily given up on life and became like them. BUT i CHOSE to love others instead. I CHOSE to be kind to others. I CHOSE to bring out the best in others instead. I CHOSE to always see the good in others and learn to love people in spite of their downfalls.

What else am I?

I'm a hard worker. I've worked full time since i was 14yrs old. I was a freshman at the age of 14 and as long as my GPA was above a 3.7 the school signed a waiver stating i could work. I made my own money and paid for all of my own things. All that i depended upon my parents to provide was a roof over my head. I admire hard working people. It does not matter what you do as long as you work hard to either provide for yourself or for your family. There's something about working hard that builds this sense of accomplishment within you. This same sense carries over to our working hard for our health.

I'm an open book. There should never be a moment where someone has to guess how i feel about them. I'm never rude (at least i try not to be) but i am honest, frank and straight forward. Some may consider that rude, but i'm the same in the broad of day light as i am alone at night. I share my struggles because i know there are others out there going through similar situations. Why not be open and honest and help one another out?

Why did i just write all of this?

Because even though this past week i was battling with my inner voice I know i am victorious.

* I've lost 62lbs
* Even though i was told by my Dr to not walk, i was not defeated. I did not just decide to sit on the couch. I came up with a Plan B to keep my legs, body and heart healthy.
* I love myself in spite of what the world may think of me.
* I find the greatness in others when they themselves cannot see their strength, wisdom, and all that is amazing about themselves.

I'm a lot of things but what i am not is..

* I am not a quitter
* I am not beaten
* I am not ignorant
* I am not unworthy of anything
* I am not unloved
* I am not fallen
* I am not weak

All of the things that have ever happened to me, all of the things that inner voice tries to remind me about...they just prove to me just how damn strong i actually am.

* I survived abusive parents
* I survived an abusive, failed marriage
* I survived moving across the country to a state where i knew no one

I've survived and i'm living my life the best I can.

I may still be overweight in the worlds eyes, but i am so much more of a warrior than i ever dreamed of being.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GGJUNEBUG 10/11/2013 7:32PM

    That's pretty awesome. Also heartbreaking. I'm really sorry you went through all of that abuse.

God bless you!

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BEBOP4ME 10/11/2013 6:00PM


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.DUSTY. 10/11/2013 4:33PM


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EVER-HOPEFUL 10/11/2013 1:26PM

    you are not just a warrior vicky love but a pink viking warrior and that makes you doubly strong and a part of our family.a family that is supportive,loving,honest and will always be there for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DANCIN2ANEWME 10/11/2013 1:17PM

    In a world so full of negativity it is hard to see the great things we have done and how far we have come. emoticon that even with setbacks that you can see all of the wonderful things. emoticon emoticon

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SIMONEKP 10/11/2013 12:40PM


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XRSIZE18 10/11/2013 10:06AM

    Positive affirmations! I love it.

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PIGGYWAY 10/11/2013 10:05AM

  We kind of had the same life style growing up and I am not a quitter either I learn to fight for myself also

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ELRIDDICK 10/11/2013 10:02AM

  Thanks for sharing

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FIRECOM 10/11/2013 9:57AM

    This is A GREAT BLOG. thank you very much.

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What do you mean i can't walk?!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

It's no secret that these last few days have been a bit emotional for me. Just dealing with a lot of self infliction and such. But i was not prepared for what came today...or maybe I was.

I've made it known that i've been training for this Susan G Koman 3 Day 60 Mile Breast Cancer walk that is coming up in 21 days. I've been on point about my training and my eating. It's been a HUGE goal of mine. I first did the walk back in 2009 but was so ill prepared for it that i only ended up completing a total of 30miles. NOW...the walk isn't about the people walking. It's solely about awareness. But for me, after that 2009 event, i made it a personal goal. I will complete all 60 miles.

This past weekend i walked 18.49 miles on Saturday and 15.76 miles on Sunday and ended the day on Sunday with a HUGE popped blister.

On top of that i have not been feeling well. I thought i may be coming down with a cold or the flu or something worse. I'm not messing around with only 21 days to go until the event. So i made a doctors appointment when they opened up t his morning and two hours later i was seen by the doctor.

There's good news and bad news...

The good news...i just have allergies. Well...i guess i'm finally a Texan after having lived here for 4 years.

The bad news...i had him take a look at my foot. I just wanted his advice. While he looked at it i told him about my training and about the event in 21 days...repeat...21 days.

He sat back in his chair and let out a slow, long sigh...i just sat there and held my breath...

"I'm going to prescribe some cream for faster cell regeneration. BUT you cannot do any training for 7-10 days. If you want to complete your 3 Day you will stay off it as much as you can for 7-10 days."

I released my breath...


My initial reaction was that i was going to die. What do you mean not walk for 7-10 days?! My event is in 21 days. I NEED to train. I quickly texted three friends. All people i completely trust, all people that know and care about me, and all people that i knew would understand my frustration. I thought this was it...for about 2 minutes.

Pity party is over..

My next thoughts were...ok, so no walking. BUT i can still get in cardio and ST. I can use the bikes (spinning and stationary and i can lift weights. OK...i need to sit down and put a plan of attack together that will keep my legs and heart strong until i can walk again.

It's now a few hours later and i've had this huge revelation...

back in the day i would have cried and given up. BUT this time i just said i need o change my course a bit so that i can still get to where i need to go.

It's funny how life changes you.

Just a few days ago i was so emotionally beaten up and yet today i see clearly just how strong i've become.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANEMAR2 10/11/2013 4:36PM

    I have to say that of all the changes that I have experienced over this journey realizing that my mindset has changed for the better is always the most rewarding.


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EVER-HOPEFUL 10/11/2013 1:09PM


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FITMARY 10/11/2013 8:13AM

    The truth is that you could probably do the 60 miles without any additional training. You've been working really hard! So let that blister heal!!!

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SUGAR0814 10/10/2013 11:06PM

    That looks painful! I hope it gets better in time for the walk. But I think staying off of it means staying off of it. Not doing anything. Did you ask your doctor if you could do the alternative exercises? emoticon I just don't want you to make it worst.

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INNERJETTIC 10/10/2013 9:33PM

    Amazing how we expect to be able to do this weight loss journey while at the same time, in the back of our minds, we expect to not have any obstacles. Even if you don't get to do the 60 mile walk, please don't beat yourself up. You have made amazing leaps forward in your health. There will be obstacles. You are doing the hard thing by continuing to tackle them. Doing nothing is easy and that's why a lot of people do it. I don't even know you, but I am proud of you. Right now, enjoy being off your feet. Then enjoy getting out there when you can do it again. emoticon

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DANCIN2ANEWME 10/10/2013 8:26PM

    It is so tough for me when things don't go as planned so I completely understand how you feel! WTG for making a backup plan AND listening to the doc. That is so hard because you know he is right but at the same time really don't want to do what he says! haha You will be back at it in no time Miss Vicky! :D emoticon emoticon

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JAE_HENNINGTON1 10/10/2013 6:07PM

  looks so painful

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ANDI1984 10/10/2013 5:55PM

    Great job for making a backup plan instead of giving up! It can be a hard thing to do and that definitely IS a great way to measure how far you've come. Sorry about the giant blister. I'm sure after your healing period you will be ready to go and will make all 60 miles!


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CHOCOHOLIC2276 10/10/2013 5:07PM

    That does not look good.

Make sure to take care of yourself and follow the doctor's orders so it will heal properly and in time for your walk. emoticon

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EG8383 10/10/2013 2:54PM

  ouch that looks painful! You're a trooper for coming up with a back up plan so quickly to still keep you up to speed to continue on this goal to complete the 3 day walk. I think you're going to be just fine! Listen to that foot, baby it, use the medicine, and keep pushing!

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Follow-up to Battling Demons

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

I think it's funny how a complete stranger can take me back to where i need to go. Yesterday I was battling with my inner voice. That voice that loves to tell me how terrible I am, how i'm never going to amount to much in this world, how I will always be that lonely fat girl that could only wish to be happy. I battle with that inner voice often.

And days like yesterday that voice claims victory over me. I was so beaten by the time i finally got home that i just laid on my couch and cried.

Here's the amazing part...

As i laid there with tears streaming down my face I spoke to the one person that i KNEW would get me. I'm a believer. I have been since i was 14yrs old. I was not raised in church. In fact, my parents believed in us kids finding out for ourselves what we wanted and believed in life. At the age of 14 i met some amazing people and they had a love that i never had. I found out that love was the gift of Christ in their lives. I was hungry for it because it was something i never had or experienced. So after about 4 months of searching and learning and digging a bit deeper I gave my life over to Him.

NOW...i am no where near perfect. Too often people associate believers and Christ followers with being perfect. I fall from Grace quite often. But here's the thing...He loves me regardless of my mess-ups. Unconditional remember when i first heard of blew me away. as i was laying there crying i called out and spoke openly and just simply asked some pointed questions. I can always tell when i walk away from what i know is right. My life starts to fall apart. I mean, i go to church every weekend, but i lost way somewhere of my quiet time and just my daily conversations with Him. I needed to get back to a love that i knew was perfect and right...and mine.

So as i did that a funny thing started to happen...friends started texting me or reaching out to me and it was just a small piece of how powerful He really is. Just when i needed some tangible lift me up...He provided. It never fails.

THEN this morning i open up my email and see some responses from my blog yesterday titled Battling Demons and i find a fellow Sparkie requesting i look up Psalm faithful He is...

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

I will still battle that inner voice i'm sure. But i need to remember I have a stronger warrior on my side. Way too often i allow satan to rule my thoughts but i must remember my stance in life...i must remember the truth.

Today i'm feeling better. Things are a little more right in the world.


Nothing actually ever happened to cause me to beat myself up. Nothing at all. No one did or said anything. It was just all me. I shared some pictures with a friend and she suggested i place them on FB since i've been using it as an accountability measure with friends. I did because truth be told - what a difference 1.5yrs can make! I was proud of the changes i've made. BUT that inner voice started harping on me and making me feel less than a woman...less of a person. I was so fearful that i would get negative reinforcement that it messed me up all day long. BUT there was not one negative thing said to me. Quite the contrary.

I have amazing friends in my life. And they love me. I just need to learn to love myself more and have more confidence in myself. It's a battle that's hard for me.

But i just wanted to clear the air...there wasn't anything that someone did or was just me battling with myself.

It's so easy for me to lpove others. To encourage others. To lend a hand and lift someone else up when they need it. BUT i fail at it for myself. It's easy to treat others the way you, yourself would want to be treated. Yet it's difficult to treat myself with the same love and respect.

It's a new day. And a new beginning...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVER-HOPEFUL 10/11/2013 12:38PM

    emoticon love and loads of people have the same struggles and misconceptions of them selves.i sometimes wish if we could see areselves through the eyes others see us we would be amased and how astonasing beautiful we all are.after all that is how allah/god whichever name people call him by made us. emoticon my astonisly beautiful friend.

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SUGAR0814 10/9/2013 11:16PM

    Hope your day was a great one! emoticon

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BEBOP4ME 10/9/2013 3:53PM

    I was pretty discouraged on Monday. Better now, but even better after reading that passage. Thank you for sharing!

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INNERJETTIC 10/9/2013 3:42PM

    Oh wow! What an awesome blog! I am so glad to hear you are doing better. I absolutely love that passage. And remember, that is the truth! Anytime those old, mean, lying voices come back, you just go read the truth. Or sing it. Evil hates good music that praises God. Great blog!

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MOTTAMAMALOU 10/9/2013 3:27PM

    You can always count on Him! emoticon

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 10/9/2013 10:50AM


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ELSAT137 10/9/2013 10:41AM

    Awesome! Great verse! Satan knows when you are weak and what to do to keep you down in those times. He is strategic in his plans and he wants you to listen to those negative voices. But God is always faithful and is right there to pick us up!

Have you heard of the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst? It is a great book about keeping our focus on God in this healthy eating journey. I read it along with doing the BLC last round and It really made a difference in my mind and I had great results too!

Keep seeking after God and making healthy choices! I'll be praying for you!

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 10/9/2013 10:08AM

    That was lovely.

I don't know if this helps you any but some days I feel so low or just full of joy that I am bursting. I go to church. There's no mass/service. Just quiet. Peace. I talk to God and tell Him what's going on. Like you said we are not perfect. Boy, if He could complain about'd get an earful emoticon

Huge hugs and hope you're feeling better today. Remember God loves you:)

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TCMAKEUP 10/9/2013 9:25AM

  Thanks for the reminder I was feelling really low this morning

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    The Way
The Truth
The Light

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow

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SUNSHINE99999 10/9/2013 9:11AM

  A new day indeed and what a friend He is. Blessings and success to you. emoticon emoticon

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Battling Demons

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

It's easy to log on and just blog about the great things happening. The races, the training, the eating better and healthier...but what about the rest of the crap?

Sometimes life just sucks. That's the cleanest way i can say it. I've never hidden my true self in my blogs so why start now? I put my bad days out there because i'm real. There's never a time when someone should wonder how i feel about something. I'm pretty open. I'm open to the point where it hurts.

In the last month or so i've expressed my battles with my inner demon. That bitchy little voice in my head that LOVES to tell me that i'm not good enough, i'm not worthy of anything good in life, that i will ALWAYS be just the fat friend, that i will never accomplish any of my goals. I hate that little bitch!

But guess what? That inner voice will NEVER go away. So many times i've thought about how i can squash her. She knows my inner most fears. She knows everything about me that i hate. She will ALWAYS use it against me. How in the hell do you battle someone like that?

As i sit here with tears running down my face, because the bitch knocked me around a bit today, i've realized something. Maybe others already know this - but they forgot to share the damn secret!

That wretched inner voice is just simply me. It's me not believing in myself enough. It's me not loving myself enough. It's me not thinking i deserve better in life. It's me that brings up my past and flaunts it in my face.

It's all me.

No one else would ever say the things i say to myself.

No one else would hurt me the way i hurt myself.

So why do i allow it to happen?

It's my battle. A battle that has always been hard for me to win.

I can do all of these races. I can have amazing people in my life. I can love the work that i do. I can shower others with praises and words of affirmation. But i lack in providing for myself what i've always wanted.


I have yet to accept myself, flaws and all. I still see myself as that couch potato girl that allowed herself to get her heart and life trampled on by people that didn't give a crap about how much they hurt her.

I don't always easily share this side of me with others. It's not that i'm hiding it (I bear it all here in my blogs) it's just hard to discus it with people that don't understand. But here...most of us have been on a similar path.

There are so many amazing people on Spark. Not because they lost all of this weight or accomplished some heroic event. But because they are real and raw with us. Those are the people i love. Those that aren't afraid to say that they are lost and hurting. Those that are still struggling to find their way in this world. Those are the people that i wish i could just walk over to and hug them. Do you know how much a hug could actually mean to someone that is down and our hurting? It could mean the world. It can make all the difference.

So today...right now...i'm pretty raw. Not because something happened, but because i wish I were something more.

It's my battle. No one can stand in front of me with their sword drawn ready to fight my demons. It's my battle that i need to face. And i need to figure out a way to win otherwise i'll continually walk down this path.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITMARY 10/9/2013 7:00AM

    You know what? That bitch CAN be vanquished! It may take quite a while, but you CAN get her under control. I know this for sure. Yes, it may take a long, long time, but you CAN do it! I was in my forties when I realized what was going on and in my fifties when I finally started winning so don't take as long as I did. You CAN do it! Look again at your before and after pictures from your last blog. That girl CAN do it!!!

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INNERJETTIC 10/8/2013 11:20PM

    And know what? You are another amazing person on Spark. You are an awesome person and I order you to sit down and make a list of all the awesome things about you. I've never met you but I already know that you encourage others (bet those folks did a lot better because of you), you are addressing your health issue of being overweight, and most importantly, you are awesome because God in heaven made you. Assignment #2 is to read Psalms 139.

Much love and hugs!!

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MOTTAMAMALOU 10/8/2013 7:19PM

    We are all with you. emoticon

Thanks for an opening your eyes blog. emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 10/8/2013 3:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHICAMIMI 10/8/2013 3:24PM

    I can totally relate to this whole post. I call that voice of mine, my Gremlin and I often picture him looking like Kreacher from Harry Potter. I'm still battling the awful things I say to and about myself - I have to actually stop and catch it and repeat that it's not true. And the way I talk to myself sometimes, I would never talk to anyone else like that, not even my worst enemy. We're always so hard on ourselves.

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XRSIZE18 10/8/2013 2:32PM

    Sending you hugs and good thoughts. We are all here for you when you need a little pick-me-up - don't forget that!

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SUGAR0814 10/8/2013 2:08PM

    Tell that lil' b**** to put the shut to the up! I don't know the secret since I too battle with my own demons. I have to tell myself to stop it, realize how far I've come & keep it moving. Stay strong! Sending you a big (((((hug)))))! emoticon emoticon

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1STMOMMY1991 10/8/2013 1:37PM

    emoticon emoticon know how you feel, loved the blog! emoticon

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