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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries


Thursday, July 28, 2011

This is a story about control, my control
Control of what I say, control of what I do
And this time I'm gonna do it my way
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready? I am? Cause it's all about control
And I've got lots of it
(Control by Janet Jackson)

Control? We can't control much of what goes on around us but we can control ourselves. We can control how we react to situations. We can control our daily actions. We can even control our thoughts...even if sometimes it's a little fun to let them run wild. Basically, we can control ourselves.

This past week has been stressful for me. Last Thursday my car battery died. It wouldn't even hold a charge after a friend tried to jump it. So i had to pay for a new battery and to get it installed. THEN Friday my drivers side window fell inside the door! Yes - just fell in. They said the motor and regulator are dead. All i saw was more money out the window that I just don't have. I had to wait until today (payday) to have enough to pay to get the parts ordered so i can have it fixed. SO, i'm driving with plastic on my window. BUT since it's so hot here in Texas the adhesive has melted. SO today after work, i must pick up shrink wrap - you know the kind that movers use or that are around pallets. I'm hoping that will do the trick. I can't get the window worked on until NEXT Saturday.

So i had a melt down last night...

I cried. I asked why me? I hate going through things like this alone. I had a pity party for about an hour. Then...

Then i said to myself, "You cannot control what happened to the car. You cannot control that you need to wait until next Saturday until you can get that window fixed. BUT...

I can control the type of temporary fix for the window. I can control how i'm reacting to the situation. I can control my actions.

So i set the glass of peach daiquiri aside, put on my heart rate monitor and went for a 5 mile walk. Then took a cold shower - it's still 100+ degrees outside! It all felt good.

There's something relaxing and soothing about working up a sweat. You release stress, you let go of the anger, you work it all out while you are working out. That's good medicine for ya!


we all have the capability of it.

Some prefer to relinquish control. I decided to grab it by it's horns and kick its bootay!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELBUGSMAMA 7/28/2011 10:25PM

    Ugh on the car issues but way to go on taking control of the issue!

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TJHIERS 7/28/2011 10:17AM

    hope things get better for you real soon, hang in there !
keep on sparkin !

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    This is such a great post. You're so strong! I think sometimes that's where people... ummm... don't succeed as they may want to. Because they know and even make some of the needed lifestyle changes, but then they allow that control to be taken away from them by various situations and they let bad situations make bad decisions for them. But not you! And that's amazing. emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

And I'm sorry to hear about your car emoticon But when something bad like that happens to me, I just try to tell myself "Will this matter in a month?" And if the answer's no, then it's not worth my worry. emoticon So don't forget - in a month it'll all be fixed and then it'll be behind you! emoticon

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Ooops! There it is...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

So...have you ever had one of those days where you just didn't feel like sticking to your plan?

Did you say yes?

Then follow me on this journey that I took yesterday:

My goal was to walk last night. Through out the day i kept pumping myself up to walk 10 miles! Yes that's right - 10 miles. By the time i got home from work i was so exhausted that i conked out on the couch - yes i just fell asleep. I woke up at 7:30pm! YIKES!!

So i ate dinner (which consisted of Smacks cereal and 1% milk - healthy i know!). Then i went for my walk.

FYI - in case you didn't realize it i live it Texas. It's been well over 100 degrees for about 3 weeks now.

Within the first quarter mile of mile 1 i was not feeling well. I was nauseated and can taste my dinner as well as my lunch. But i drank my water and carried on. By mile two i was trying to convince myself to just stop BUT i needed to get in at least 5 miles to make myself feel productive for the day. SO...

As soon as i hit about 3 miles IT happened...i vomited!

It was gross and funny all at the same time.

I mean i did a double take to see who saw. AND it wasn't like it was a little was like all of my breakfast, lunch and dinner decided to eject itself!

Then i finished my 5 miles.

What could i do? I was feeling better. I kept drinking my water. And i had to finish anyways.

SO the moral of my story...what i took away from this experience...

Sometimes the heart outshines the body.

My heart, everything in me said to WALK.

This is for me. It just takes that first step. No one else can do this for me. How badly did i want to lose weight? My heart said to get off my lazy butt and walk!


My body said NOOOOOO! And threw up in protest line a whining child in a supermarket.

The heart won yesterday!

That puts a smile on my face because now the fighter in me is coming out. I want this so bad i can taste it.

...last night i literally tasted it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELBUGSMAMA 7/21/2011 11:48AM

    Wow, tat is some determination!

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REVIVED 7/20/2011 10:47PM

    thats pretty impressive! If it were me, I would have never made it past the couch after the nap. emoticon

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MRSB929 7/20/2011 2:06PM

    Haha oh no! I bet that was fairly embarrassing but I am so proud of you for following through! Maybe it was all the sugar in your dinner? Either way you finished which is awesome! Good job! Keep that heart and willpower strong! emoticon

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I'm Morbidly Obese...DUH!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Did I REALLY need to seek out my BMI to know that I am morbidly obese? NOPE! One look at this curvaceous body of mine tells me that i've enjoyed dining without limitations for far too long. One look will tell I could probably tell you just about any television sitcom by just the first 3 seconds of intro music. One look and i can tell that i've rallied one too many games versus being out on the field. One real good hard look will tell me that i'm DONE with this body of mine and it's time to trade it in. So no...I did not HAVE to look and calculate my BMI...but how can you kick somethings ass without starring it in the face first?

So Mr. BMI take this as your formal invitation, and a stern warning, that your ass will be kicked by yours truly!

Morbidly Obese is 35 or greater...what's greater?

I'm at 51.4 right now. I started out at 56.5 so i'm on a good track (Hey Mr. BMI, I think i just sucker punched your sorry ass!).

So for me to get to JUST obese i need a BMI of 34. Soon Mr. your back! I know Tae Bo - I can triple time kick you!

I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition with a dear friend of mine last night. He's that nice guy that doesn't always get the girl - but so deserves the best there is to offer - but he just doesn't realize his own potential. Anyways, we were watching it and discussing what the woman on the show was doing. What causes individuals to wait until they rae at an extreme before they decide to make a change. This slightly turned into a conversation about me.

What caused me to go up to 318.8lbs before i said, "Ummm...maybe i should do something about this weight/" Is it hereditary? Is it learned? Do we just make it our choice?

I'm a firm believer that you are NOT a product of your environment. You may grow up in a crappy neighborhood with crappy parents (as I did), but you can CHOOSE to make yourself better.

I remember being about 7yrs old at McDonalds with my mom. She ordered us 2 Big Macs, an order of large fries and a large coke for each of us. I consumed it all. That was my life style. Greasy and fast were what all meals consisted of. As a kid you didn't have a choice. As an adult you make your own choices.

My weight gain may have started because it's what my parents fed me, but it's where it's at now because I CHOSE to continue a lifestyle that was killing me. Doing nothing about it equals choosing to eat foods in a way that will kill you. REPEAT: Doing nothing = choosing death!

I'm too young and beautiful to die. I chose life. I chose to live a life that excites me and causes me to push myself further.

So Mr. BMI...You are just a general casualty along the way. One by one i will take your troops down. You've enjoyed your free ride for far too long.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    emoticon emoticon emoticon

And incase you were wondering...



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REDHEADMOM2U 7/19/2011 9:37PM

    You are doing great!

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STEPPING_STONES 7/19/2011 9:36PM

    emoticon emoticonI love your sense of humour. I love the image of kicking Mr BMI in his ass! You go girl! emoticon emoticon

We are going to make it! emoticon

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    You WILL kick that BMI's butt down! You are doing great!

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NEWGOALS2 7/19/2011 6:51PM

    You've worked hard to get to where you are today. Great job. Best of luck on your SP journey...

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ELASTI-GIRL 7/19/2011 5:48PM

    I was once in the obese category. Time is on your side :) You can do it!

Tough memory about McDonalds with mom. It can be challenging to internalizing what "normal portions" should look like when we have no point of reference. I've learned to analyze my thin friends' habits and mimic them. It's shocking what I used to consider normal and what actually keeps people at a healthy weight.

The good thing is we can always change what we've known, and you're doing a great job!

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L3DESIGNS 7/19/2011 5:42PM

    You can do it! Great work so far...

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    I like your blog.

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FRENCHTOSD 7/19/2011 4:59PM

    I tracked my BMI down from morbidly obese to obese to now overweight and hopefully soon normal. Every 6 or 7 pounds I go down another step. I hate this BMI thing though. Mr. BMI needs to find some new labels or something!

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TJHIERS 7/19/2011 4:33PM

    i'm going to kick my BMI butt too ! emoticon emoticon

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KARENDEE4 7/19/2011 3:33PM

    Good for you!!

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SHELLIEBELLIE2 7/19/2011 3:15PM

    my weight has bothered me but not until i got my BMI did i become devasted and realize just what i was doing to my body. my BMI slammed a reality into me....I HAVE BECOME A CROISSANT!!!!!!!!! with butter...yup, im half its tome to change that number!!!!!

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RONNIE0404 7/19/2011 3:02PM

    I started out at 54.3. Four months later I'm at 48.0.

You can do this. And you're right. You're too young and pretty AND WORTHY to continue living this lifestyle. Best of luck to you on your journey.


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KARENG1961 7/19/2011 2:50PM

  Great blog! Mr. BMI needs his butt kicked - royally. You notice that we automatically went to MR BMI. A woman would never do that to herself. emoticon

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    Sometimes we go through a lot of calculation just to learn what we already knew. I spent a bunch of money for the doctor to tell me I was overweight! Like I didn't know when I made the appointment!

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LINDAMARIEZ1 7/19/2011 2:34PM

    doesn't take much opver to be called that! I am too

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Letter to Myself

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Hi Vicky!

It's been a long while since we've spoken. Maybe I was too hesitant to come out and talk to you, or maybe you were too busy hiding from me. Whatever the reason we are at a point where we can no longer not face one another. We need to talk!

You know i love you, right? You know i care about you. I want to see you happy. I want to see you grow old and be that granny that walks circles around the twentysomethings. I want to see you love yourself and thus allowing someone else to fall in love with you. I know you want all of those things for yourself. But what i don't understand is why you are holding yourself back from having it all. I've failed you and i take full responsibility.

I see you when you cry at night. After everyone has left and it's just you...all alone. I see you when you cry yourself to sleep at night because you are so lonely. I know and understand that you just want to be loved. You just want someone to hold you. To tell you that you are gonna be all right. That you are special. That you mean something to someone. That someone out there is thinking about you. I understand your pain. I know it all too well.

I know your heart Vicky. I know how much you hurt. While your friends just see the smile on your face and the laughter from your heart, I see the smile that you've perfected and the laugh that blankets the pain. You've been told time and time again that you are such a happy person. If only you would allow them in and tell them the truth.

I've failed you. I've gone silent when i should have told you to make healthier choices. I should have told you to go walking when instead i allowed you to sit in front of a television for hours at a time. You deserve so much more then what i've provided. I should have protected you. I should have loved you more. I should have seen the hurt in your eyes and talked to you about what would make you happy. Can you forgive me?

You are beautiful. You need to know and understand that first for yourself. You can change your life. You will have days when you fail yourself. It's ok. Just keep going - be warned that i will not allow you to just sit there when you think you've been defeated. You are a wonderful woman, a great hostess, an amazing cook and baker. You know how to take care of your home. Most men would kill for a woman like you. You are the only thing in the way of your own happiness Vicky.

You are a fighter. You've come through an abusive home. You've witness things that no child should ever have to see. You were raised with parents that consistently told you how much they didn't want you or care about you. You married a man because you were lonely and you survived the divorce. Remember just how much you've gone through. When you do, remember that exercising and eating right are simple actions compared to anything you've ever experienced.

I'm your closest friend. I will cheer you on at each and every victory as well as at any set back. I will wipe that sweat off of your forehead during each mile you walk...and eventually run. I will continually give you the support and guidance that you need to succeed in life.

It's time that I took care of you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWSGIRL2177 7/5/2011 3:17PM

    What a lovely way to get honest with yourself. I think a lot of us can learn from your letter. And now you have a great tool--and honest letter that you wrote from the heart--to turn to when you need it later.
Hang in there, sister. I think you're awesome!

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SRHALLIN 7/5/2011 2:52PM

    It is like you're holding up a mirror with so many well-known reflections sequestered within it. I applaud the courage that writing this letter must have taken. I admire your strength and inner fortitude. And, yes - you can and will succeed at this.

Best wishes to you on your journey.

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TJHIERS 7/5/2011 2:31PM

    just remember we are here for you, take this journey one day at a time, you'll get there,... along with the rest of us.
hugs to ya :)

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REDHEADMOM2U 7/5/2011 2:28PM

    Great letter! Ditto for many of us!

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AUNTIELES53 7/5/2011 1:28PM

    i so know what your going through. We can do this girlie :) keep your head up :) you deserve to be happy and not alone I'm only a spark page away if you need me :)

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GAL7288 7/5/2011 1:06PM

    Your blog really hit home, I've felt the same way for many years until I finally snapped and decided it was time for me to love myself and do something for myself. Thanks so much for posting, I could have not said it better. Good luck on you journey, and really I wish you the best, you deserve it! We both deserve it! emoticon

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My WORST enemy...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

We all have at least one!

My worst enemy to my body - right now - is sodium. I've written before about being on blood pressure pills and how much i hate them. BUT the reality is that they are trying to save my life.

I've asked the nurse on staff here if i can visit her daily to get my blood pressure read...i swear every time she's taken it she wanted to get me to the ER. Here are the last three readings:


While it's going down, it's not going down fast enough. She thinks it may be that my dosage is too low. I actually think it may be because my sodium intake it too high. So i've added it to my nutritional tracker. And i've been consuming between 2700-6400mg of sodium...TOO HIGH!!!!!! It's to be between 500-2300mg a day.

She's told me not to exercise or do any form of physical activity. I move on Friday...she just looked at me and then went into this 30minute lecture on what can happen to me. I SWEAR my chest hurt with shooting pains the rest of the day. She scared me! But that's what i needed. I don't want to die. And even though i've always been a fat girl, i've never thought of it as killing me. Until this nurse...she is the first and only person to have ever told me that my weight and eating habits are going to kill me...scared the crap out of me!


i need to make some real changes. I'm only 34yrs old. I'm divorced with no kids. I want to live. I want to grow old. I want to do it with a healthy body.

I can't fool myself any longer. I have eating issues. Which in turn caused me to have health issues...when did this start?

I can honestly tell you that i remember being about 6 or 7 and being at McDonalds with my mom and little brother. And we ALL had 2 big macs each...yup EACH! I remember people looking at us funny and i didn't understand why. My younger brother - though he still eats a lot - is thin and VERY athletic. He works hard at keeping his body healthy. His wife is a personal trainer and makes sure that 98% of the time what they are putting into their bodies is good for it. At Christmas he told me that if even for just two days not eating right or working out that he can feel the difference and see the scale inch up. He said he has to work on it.

My dads side of the family is full of diabetics...i don't want diabetes...

My moms side of the family is FULL of morbidly obese members...i want to get out of that...

I don't want to die...

So i must now fight for my life. No one else can fight it for me.

*** I just saw the nurse today and my readings are 120/94. I need to get that bottom number down. But YAY!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELAOPET 5/14/2011 5:11PM

    YEY is right! You have no enemies! You are smart and have the choice. I was morbidly obese and now I am not. Any more. It's all about the work you are willing to put into changing things. About finding strength to change.

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DOWNTOWNJEN 5/11/2011 9:32PM

    AWESOME - we want you around for a long time too! You are doing yourself a HUGE favor by taking care of yourself. Don't choose that path of obesity or diabetes. You don't have to go there. Choose the life that you want - that you design and live.

You'll make it! You're here and you're doing it!

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SILENTEYES34 5/11/2011 7:08PM

    Thank you for your blog. I find it to be encouraging. It is a blessing to keep waking up in the morning and having another chance to do it right. I have diabetes and high blood pressure due to my obesity as well. I have gotten my bp numbers down. My sugar levels are under control now so I know you can do it. Its not going to be easy but you are strong enough for the challenge I know you are. emoticon

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2FUN2B_LAZY 5/11/2011 10:24AM

    That's a really good point in that comment. I never thought of it like that.
Your blog was inspirational. Maybe if you are close enough to your brother, you can get his help and his wife's help? You had it going, so I know you can keep it going! If you need anything, let me know!

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VICKYMARIEC 5/11/2011 9:16AM

    I think about that a lot. I never run. So i don't play a lot of sports. Even though everything in me wants to get off the sidelines and actually play. When i visit Chicago and i walk the streets i pray that a mean dog doesn't cross my path because i wouldn't be able to run away from it. I'd have to fight it.

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BEINGGUIDED 5/11/2011 9:02AM

    Your life... its the only one you got. Fight, fight as hard as you can!

I realized something a few months back when I first started jogging: If I had to run for my life, like if aliens came or zombies raided the earth or even if a flood or tornado or rabid dogs or something... if I had to run for my life, I wouldn't make it. They would catch me. I wouldn't have a shot in surviving and it sort of bothered me. Then what really got me was that if I had to rescue someone I loved, I probably wouldn't be strong enough or fast enough to do it. And that really made me think because the idea hurt so bad.

You can do it! You can! YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY CAN!

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