Wednesday, June 27, 2012
My blogs lately have all been about what i've been achieving lately...and that won't change. But sometimes you just come to that moment when your chin drops to your chest, you squeeze your eyes shut, and you say to yourself, "Why?" That was me this morning.
If you have read my blogs, there is no doubt that you know i kick ass in the gym with my cardio, strength training and core workouts. My weight has been dropping. I've been in range or very close to range in regards to my calories. I'm on day 16 of the 100 Day Challenge, i've already walked, ran or biked my way through 758.03 miles this year. This month alone just over 207 miles. So many victories! So many things to be proud of...yet...
This past Monday morning i stepped on the scale and it read 269.8lbs...i was out of the freaking 270's! I jumped through my apartment (i live on the first floor) pumping my fists in the air i was excited...i even shed a few tears. So what caused my disappointment this morning after such a great victory? The scale said 270.6lbs...yesterday it read 271.4lbs...
I know i've been over on my sodium - but can i really BLAME the gain on the sodium? Or...as my head hung in disappointment this morning...was the 269.8lbs on Monday a fluke? I mis-read? I stepped on that dang scale 4x on Monday just to make sure it was right...same response every time...so what gives?
I'm my worst enemy. I can cut myself down quicker then any jerk ever can. I can have a butt load of triumphs, but give me one disappointment and it clouds everything i've overcome. Victories? What victories? This one thing can place a cloak of invisibility over everything else. Yes, i shed a tear this morning. I work so darn hard (not that you all don't, but this is about me) and i want to see my efforts pay off. I rarely get anyone to say anything about how they can tell i've lost weight...i mean it's still close to 50lbs. When i do tell someone i've lost 50lbs, they just look at me and don't really say anything else. I know i have a lot to lose still, but 50lbs is about a third of what i need to lose.
I have to ask myself why it is that i WANT the praise of others? My answer is simple...for me it's because i've never gotten praise. I've never been told i was beautiful (I HATE the "you've got a pretty face" - that's what people say to fat people not to be mean). I love Spark because so many of us understand this concept! We praise each other and sometimes it's those few kind words that let me know that someone understands me. I don't mean they just get it...they've lived it, are living it, have lived it - they truly understand the pain, hurt and disappointments.
I love myself, i really do.
So this morning, after i hung my head, whispered "why?" and shed a tear, i took a deep breathe and said, "Just keep going!"
I know i'll get there one day. I know my wish was that the one day was now, but it's not. So for now, i'll take it one day at a time...
Friday, June 22, 2012
Yes, i have started associating myself with this picture!
I had the gym all to myself for about 90 minutes...it was fantastic!
Getting ready to head on out towards the gym...it actually took me almost 45 minutes to make myself leave home. All i wanted to do was veg out on the couch with a book. But i went anyways...
On the tricep extension/bicep curl machine...this is one of my favorites!
Took advantage of being alone to get some full body shots...not too crazy about these
And i ended the night doing my 3.74 mile walk on the treadmill...
Another great 2.5-3 hour workout session (includes my core workout that i did at home).
So my friend, the girl that works out with me sometimes, well she had a stroke yesterday! She's in the hospital and they've run all kinds of tests on her. Her speech is slurred and her eye droops heavily. later on today the speech therapist will come in and evaluate her. Keep her in your prayers! Found out she also has HIGH cholesterol. She did NOT tell them how during exercise she often has her leg or her entire arm go numb. I told our mutual friend that is keeping her company about it and she was mad (they've been friends for many years). So she's going to make sure the nurses and doctors know about that too. I hope everything turns out ok. She'll need to take better care of herself. She's been reading up on what she can/should do after a stroke and there's quite a few things that will need to change...at least that's what our mutual friend was telling me. Oh, i hope she's ok...
IN THE NEWS
Did you guys see that news piece on the grandma being bullied by 13yr olds on the school bus? It was sick and so EXTREMELY heart-breaking. And this poor woman basically sat there and took it. Times like that when i wish the school teachers could still spank those dang kids! They needed a GOOD butt whooping!
So yesterday i ran a bit more. I walked 3 minutes, then ran 1 minute at a 4.5mph pace. I only did this for the first 30 minutes then i slowed down to a 2.8mph pace for the rest of my walk.
I need to rest my body a little. So my plan is to hit the gym and do 6 miles on the bike, which is 24 minutes including the cool down. Then i'll sit in the sauna for 45 minutes and read my book. Then i'll do another 4-6 miles on the bike to wrap up the night.
I mentioned yesterday that i was scrapbooking. I actually started my weight loss scrapbook last year. So i have an album for 2011 and one for 2012. I was thinking of taking pictures of each page and posting them on here so that you guys can see it. This year i am working on a 2012 album for my friend that is getting married in August. It goes from January and will end at her wedding .Actually it should go beyond that, but that's her gift from me so she'll need to do additional pages,
June Mini-Goals (20th-30th)
So now that i've tweaked my long-term goals, i've started thinking about my short-term goals. So here they go...
* I'd love to weigh about 269 come Monday morning - that would give me a 50lb loss
* To complete my daily goals for the rest of the month (as listed below)
* To stay within my calorie range through the weekend (baby steps)
June 21 (went over by 260 - after my workout i was starving so i have a protein bar that i did not plan on having)
* To complete my scrapbook project for my friend, the one that is getting married, by this weekend
* To complete an additional two pages of my own weight loss journey scrapbook album
* Work on July goals
* My ultimate goal this month is to get that bridesmaid dress to zipper up all the way
* Complete 202 miles...completed 165.91
* Yearly goal of 1500 miles...completed 714.53
* Yearly goal of dropping 100lbs...lost 45.4lbs
* Overall goal of dropping 169lbs...REACHED 26.86%
Here are my goals for the rest of June:
6/11 6.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 6.82 miles walk/jog, 8.71 miles on the bike, Core, and a little ST)
6/12 6 miles, ST (ACTUAL: 6.1 miles walking, ST)
6/13 3 miles, 8 bike miles, ST (ACTUAL: 3.04 miles walk/jog, 8.66 miles on the bike, ST)
6/14 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 4.76 bike miles, Core)
6/15 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 6.41 bike miles, core)
6/16 6 miles, 8 bike miles, ST (ACTUAL: 3.03 walking miles, 15 bike miles, ST)
6/17 6.74 miles, ST (ACTUAL: 6.77 walking miles, 6 bike miles, ST)
6/18 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 4.22 walking miles, 8.06 Bike miles, CORE)
6/19 6 miles, ST (ACTUAL: ST)
6/20 3 miles, 8 bike miles, ST (ACTUAL: 3.46 miles, 8.9 bike miles, ST)
6/21 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 4.15 miles, 6.93 bike miles, core and arm ST)
6/22 3.74 miles, Core
6/23 6 miles, 8 bike miles, ST
6/24 6.74 miles, ST
6/25 3.74 miles, Core
6/26 6 miles, ST
6/27 3 miles, 8 bike miles, ST
6/28 3.74 miles, Core
6/29 3.74 miles, Core
6/30 6 miles, 8 bike miles, ST
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
100 Day Challenge, Day 9
All i did for Day 9 was ST. I ended up going to the movies last night and by the time i got home i just wanted to relax and go to bed. At least i got something in for the day.
There's this lady at work that is EXTREMELY rude! I don't talk to her and avoid her on purpose because she typically makes comments like this to me, "You would actually look pretty if you put makeup on, and did your nails and wore your hair differently." Yup, the biotch actually said that to me before. I blew up at her once because i was tired of her comments and she cried and walked away. She walked back to my cube 10 minutes later saying that i am the rude one and that i should check my attitude. My response, "don't talk to me unless it's work related. Otherwise, i have nothing to say to you." So this morning i come in and i'm trying to put my lunch in the fridge and she says, "How's the dieting going? Have you lost any more weight?" I know it's because of my past with this lady, but i swear i threw daggers with my eyes. All i said was, "It's going fine and yes." Then i walked away, but i saw that her facial expression was that of a pissed woman. I don't need to chit chat with her about my private business. On New Years i made it a resolution to be overly nice to her this year. Every morning i say hello and ask her how she's doing. I know for the first month she was looking at me like i was crazy. So maybe it's my own fault - being nice probably made her think i wanted to be friends with her - NOT. She's just rude. She once asked my boss (male) if he was dieting. It was such a rude question to ask a person of higher management. Some ppl need to learn boundaries and what is socially acceptable.
Just as Spark is a motivational tool, i have a wall at home that i hang motivational plaques and such. Here are a few of them...
Monday, June 18, 2012
I'm a little...ok a LOT proud of myself. Yesterday i had a goal to walk 3.74 miles and i decided to see i i could complete it within an hour. I didn't make the hour, but i did do it in 64.08 minutes! How did i do it? I walked for 3.5 minutes, jogged at a 4.3-4.6mph for 1.5 minutes the entire time. Actually the last 14 minutes i walked 3.5 minutes, jogged for 1.5 minutes, walked 3 minutes, jogged 1.5 minutes, walked 2.5 minutes, jogged 2 minutes. I burned 814 calories doing this! The entire time i kept telling myself...
* You've got this!
* Look how far you've come!
* You're amazing!
* You're doing great!
* You have far exceeded your own goals for yourself!
* Push it! and be proud!
* Prove it to yourself that you can do this!
* Just keep going!
* One foot in front of the other...that's all you've got to do!
The entire time...why? Because i was tired and refused to allow that other voice in my head a word. My goal for tonight is another 3.74 miles, but i'll walk this one a bit more. I've got to allow my legs a lighter night.
Here's the funny thing...on the treadmill right by mine, there was this lady on there, my guess is about 225 pounds. She would walk for a minute and then jog for a minute. She didn't last longer then 25 minutes - but i was proud of her for doing it regardless of her time. It's hard for us bigger girls to even go to the gym, let alone run on the treadmill while our jigglies are flapping about in front of everyone. Great for her!Anyways, my point is that from the corner of my eye i could tell she was trying to see how fast i was going and what i was doing. I was just trying to push and pace myself. But aren't we always in a "secret" competition with those on the machines around us? Or is that just me? HA!
So a few weeks ago someone asked about the gym i work out in. It's actually just my simple apartment gym. BUT when i have friend over and we go to my gym, they are a little amazed by it. So yesterday i took some pictures of my apartment gym...
Here's the weight room...
The other side of the weight room...
The cardio equipment...the first row didn't really make it in the shot but it's the stationary and recumbent bikes, the 2nd row is all treadmills, the 3rd row has steppers and ellipticals and then we have about 8 cycling bikes for a spinning class...
So you can see into a room - that's the open space classroom. We have tons of yoga mats, a punching bag(2), various balance boards, free weights (the girly ones) and stability balls. Our complex offers various classes...P90x, Insanity, yoga, spinning...Down the hall on the right side of the picture is the old fashion scale, a sauna and 3 tanning beds/rooms...
After my workout i spent some 15+ minutes relaxing in the sauna...
So i'm a little disappointed in the scale this morning....i'm back up to 275.6...BUT i'm pretty sure it's because of water gain (TOM is right around the corner). So i'm not stopping what i'm doing, i won't eat junk because the gain is bothering me, i'm casting all blame on water weight and i will continue on...
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