VICKYMARIEC   52,969
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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries

Disappointments

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

My blogs lately have all been about what i've been achieving lately...and that won't change. But sometimes you just come to that moment when your chin drops to your chest, you squeeze your eyes shut, and you say to yourself, "Why?" That was me this morning.

If you have read my blogs, there is no doubt that you know i kick ass in the gym with my cardio, strength training and core workouts. My weight has been dropping. I've been in range or very close to range in regards to my calories. I'm on day 16 of the 100 Day Challenge, i've already walked, ran or biked my way through 758.03 miles this year. This month alone just over 207 miles. So many victories! So many things to be proud of...yet...

This past Monday morning i stepped on the scale and it read 269.8lbs...i was out of the freaking 270's! I jumped through my apartment (i live on the first floor) pumping my fists in the air i was excited...i even shed a few tears. So what caused my disappointment this morning after such a great victory? The scale said 270.6lbs...yesterday it read 271.4lbs...

I know i've been over on my sodium - but can i really BLAME the gain on the sodium? Or...as my head hung in disappointment this morning...was the 269.8lbs on Monday a fluke? I mis-read? I stepped on that dang scale 4x on Monday just to make sure it was right...same response every time...so what gives?

I'm my worst enemy. I can cut myself down quicker then any jerk ever can. I can have a butt load of triumphs, but give me one disappointment and it clouds everything i've overcome. Victories? What victories? This one thing can place a cloak of invisibility over everything else. Yes, i shed a tear this morning. I work so darn hard (not that you all don't, but this is about me) and i want to see my efforts pay off. I rarely get anyone to say anything about how they can tell i've lost weight...i mean it's still close to 50lbs. When i do tell someone i've lost 50lbs, they just look at me and don't really say anything else. I know i have a lot to lose still, but 50lbs is about a third of what i need to lose.

I have to ask myself why it is that i WANT the praise of others? My answer is simple...for me it's because i've never gotten praise. I've never been told i was beautiful (I HATE the "you've got a pretty face" - that's what people say to fat people not to be mean). I love Spark because so many of us understand this concept! We praise each other and sometimes it's those few kind words that let me know that someone understands me. I don't mean they just get it...they've lived it, are living it, have lived it - they truly understand the pain, hurt and disappointments.

I love myself, i really do.

So this morning, after i hung my head, whispered "why?" and shed a tear, i took a deep breathe and said, "Just keep going!"

I know i'll get there one day. I know my wish was that the one day was now, but it's not. So for now, i'll take it one day at a time...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RICHILA 6/29/2012 5:49PM

    Sodium is evil! Hang in there! I am fighting the same few pounds trying to get to my 15% weight loss. I want to be not be morbidly obese. I know it will happen, but it always seems to take so long when I am close to a milestone.

emoticon Spark On! We Got This!

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 6/28/2012 2:15PM

    My scale has ranged between 208 and 204 for MONTHS despite me keeping to 1300-1700 calories and working out to beat the band. So I feel ya.

I just let it "hang" there for a while and am now getting up some momentum and seeing some lower numbers.

Be gentle with yourself during the hot months, especially while working out hard. Don't let the scale dictate your self worth (I know, that is a hard one and one I'm still working on!)

And keep posting. We will get it DONE together!

Good Friends Are Like Stars.....
You Don't Always See Them,
But You Know
They're Always There!


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BRAVENEWGRL 6/28/2012 11:53AM

    Yes, sodium really can do that to your body. I weighed in at 186 at my doctors yesterday afternoon and this morning I was 189. I had sushi for dinner with soy sauce (it was low sodium but it's still packed with sodium!). Did I gain 3 pound over night? No. According to my weight loss doc sodium is the ultimate evil because it likes to help us retain every ounce of the water we like to drink so much. So if your weight is bouncing around like that it's probably the sodium.

Deep breath. Realize it is what it is and keep moving forward. Your weight is probably always going to fluctuate on a daily basis - so what! Let it! Just know that's your cue and reminder to keep things in line. I can guarantee you that for me, after my sodium overload, the next few days will be unprocessed low sodium foods!

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AUNTIELES53 6/28/2012 11:23AM

    i totally get where you are coming from. i let the scale win me over all the time :(

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/28/2012 9:24AM

    I feel your pain. Monday the 18th I was thrilled to be down to 213, than I only managed to lose 0.2 pounds by this past Monday's weigh-in and this morning I was up to 213.8 for my Biggest Loser weigh-in. So I'm up a pound since Monday and I am religious about my sodium intake, so I don't even have that potential excuse. It really really really sucks to do EVERYTHING right and have the scale moving in the wrong direction.

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GOOGIE1262 6/28/2012 9:14AM

    I can totally relate to the struggle to remain positive in this journey. I am fighting to get there, as well all are. Don't give up. You have come so far:)

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ONLYONEPEA 6/28/2012 1:19AM

    awwww lovely, I think you and the scales need to part company.. just for a day or so.. You are working so well towards your goals, don't let it get the better of you!! I think we emphasise too much on the scale.. if we do the other things right, thats going to follow.. it just is..
So why not go to once a week weighing..? its not going to change how much you lose.. or when you lose it.. but it will stop the scale having the power to put you down.. its only a bit of machinery!!!

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TIDESONG 6/27/2012 2:52PM

    Oh, that darned scale. I feel your pain. But we fluctuate day-to-day, which is why I've had to go to weighing in only once a week, so I don't see that daily up and down that frustrates me so much. Of course, there are some weeks where the scale doesn't move down as quickly as I'd like, and that's another whole issue. So I try to focus on non-scale victories. My clothes are falling off. I did an extra 5 minutes on the elliptical. People are telling me I look fantastic, and that I've been an inspiration to them. But we live in a society that is so focused on that darned scale that it's hard to break away from that. You've done such an incredible job so far. Take a deep breath, and keep pushing forward. I bet the scale will drop back down soon, possibly for no discernible reason, just like it had gone back up. Hang in there, and keep going! We're all rooting for you!

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GIGI0607 6/27/2012 2:38PM

    I have had alot of people tell me lately that we fluncuate on the scale by a pound or two daily and to not get discouraged. You have been working extremely hard in the gym and in the long run it will all pay off. I weigh in only once a week & had a fit when the scale said I was up 1.5 pounds but I weighed in again today and it was gone.

Stay positive and keep on track, dont cry or get upset. You know how hard you are working towards your goals and you can see the differance in your pics. Stay strong and keep at it.

emoticon Im sending you some love and hope that scale in nicer to you in the future.

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BAM0827 6/27/2012 12:40PM

    Darn scale!!!

Hugs

I've been there many times (have gotten way better about it though) and after I've been bummed over the number for a bit I remember - 3500 calories equal a pound of fat. Need to overeat by that much to gain a pound - anything else is water weight. While we'll never know if the "low number" is loss of a lot of water weight - we do know the higher number is gaining it if we know we've only eaten 2000 calories the day before.

Love the "just keep going" attitude because in the end we have 2 choice ... looking forward or giving up. Successful people just keep going forward!

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June 21 - Rambling & Pictures - 100 Day Challenge: Day 11

Friday, June 22, 2012


Yes, i have started associating myself with this picture!

I had the gym all to myself for about 90 minutes...it was fantastic!

Getting ready to head on out towards the gym...it actually took me almost 45 minutes to make myself leave home. All i wanted to do was veg out on the couch with a book. But i went anyways...


On the tricep extension/bicep curl machine...this is one of my favorites!


Took advantage of being alone to get some full body shots...not too crazy about these emoticon



And i ended the night doing my 3.74 mile walk on the treadmill...


Another great 2.5-3 hour workout session (includes my core workout that i did at home).

FRIEND UPDATE
So my friend, the girl that works out with me sometimes, well she had a stroke yesterday! She's in the hospital and they've run all kinds of tests on her. Her speech is slurred and her eye droops heavily. later on today the speech therapist will come in and evaluate her. Keep her in your prayers! Found out she also has HIGH cholesterol. She did NOT tell them how during exercise she often has her leg or her entire arm go numb. I told our mutual friend that is keeping her company about it and she was mad (they've been friends for many years). So she's going to make sure the nurses and doctors know about that too. I hope everything turns out ok. She'll need to take better care of herself. She's been reading up on what she can/should do after a stroke and there's quite a few things that will need to change...at least that's what our mutual friend was telling me. Oh, i hope she's ok...

IN THE NEWS
Did you guys see that news piece on the grandma being bullied by 13yr olds on the school bus? It was sick and so EXTREMELY heart-breaking. And this poor woman basically sat there and took it. Times like that when i wish the school teachers could still spank those dang kids! They needed a GOOD butt whooping!

TREADMILL NEWS
So yesterday i ran a bit more. I walked 3 minutes, then ran 1 minute at a 4.5mph pace. I only did this for the first 30 minutes then i slowed down to a 2.8mph pace for the rest of my walk.

TONIGHT
I need to rest my body a little. So my plan is to hit the gym and do 6 miles on the bike, which is 24 minutes including the cool down. Then i'll sit in the sauna for 45 minutes and read my book. Then i'll do another 4-6 miles on the bike to wrap up the night.

SCRAPBOOK
I mentioned yesterday that i was scrapbooking. I actually started my weight loss scrapbook last year. So i have an album for 2011 and one for 2012. I was thinking of taking pictures of each page and posting them on here so that you guys can see it. This year i am working on a 2012 album for my friend that is getting married in August. It goes from January and will end at her wedding .Actually it should go beyond that, but that's her gift from me so she'll need to do additional pages,

June Mini-Goals (20th-30th)
So now that i've tweaked my long-term goals, i've started thinking about my short-term goals. So here they go...
* I'd love to weigh about 269 come Monday morning - that would give me a 50lb loss
* To complete my daily goals for the rest of the month (as listed below)
* To stay within my calorie range through the weekend (baby steps)
emoticon June 20
emoticon June 21 (went over by 260 - after my workout i was starving so i have a protein bar that i did not plan on having)
June 22
June 23
June 24
June 25
June 26
June 27
June 28
June 29
June 30
* To complete my scrapbook project for my friend, the one that is getting married, by this weekend
* To complete an additional two pages of my own weight loss journey scrapbook album
* Work on July goals

This morning:




June Goals:
* My ultimate goal this month is to get that bridesmaid dress to zipper up all the way
* Complete 202 miles...completed 165.91

Other Goals:
* Yearly goal of 1500 miles...completed 714.53
* Yearly goal of dropping 100lbs...lost 45.4lbs
* Overall goal of dropping 169lbs...REACHED 26.86%

Here are my goals for the rest of June:
emoticon 6/11 6.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 6.82 miles walk/jog, 8.71 miles on the bike, Core, and a little ST)
emoticon 6/12 6 miles, ST (ACTUAL: 6.1 miles walking, ST)
emoticon 6/13 3 miles, 8 bike miles, ST (ACTUAL: 3.04 miles walk/jog, 8.66 miles on the bike, ST)
emoticon 6/14 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 4.76 bike miles, Core)
emoticon 6/15 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 6.41 bike miles, core)
emoticon 6/16 6 miles, 8 bike miles, ST (ACTUAL: 3.03 walking miles, 15 bike miles, ST)
emoticon 6/17 6.74 miles, ST (ACTUAL: 6.77 walking miles, 6 bike miles, ST)
emoticon 6/18 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 4.22 walking miles, 8.06 Bike miles, CORE)
emoticon 6/19 6 miles, ST (ACTUAL: ST)
emoticon 6/20 3 miles, 8 bike miles, ST (ACTUAL: 3.46 miles, 8.9 bike miles, ST)
emoticon 6/21 3.74 miles, Core (ACTUAL: 4.15 miles, 6.93 bike miles, core and arm ST)

6/22 3.74 miles, Core
6/23 6 miles, 8 bike miles, ST
6/24 6.74 miles, ST
6/25 3.74 miles, Core
6/26 6 miles, ST
6/27 3 miles, 8 bike miles, ST
6/28 3.74 miles, Core
6/29 3.74 miles, Core
6/30 6 miles, 8 bike miles, ST

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNROSE126 6/27/2012 6:30PM

    emoticon

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WONDERJUL 6/23/2012 12:49PM

    Good job on getting yourself to the gym yet again! I hope you feel awesome and strong!
Sorry about your friend. I wish her a speedy recovery and that is something you can keep in your mind when you struggle with whether or not you go to the gym!
Keep us updated!

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/22/2012 4:57PM

    Wow! I was definitely not your friend's number one fan, but I never wished anything like that upon her. That's just awful! I hope she recovers quickly and starts taking better care of herself.

As for the grandma who was bullied on the bus, that was here in Rochester, where I live. Well, technically, it was Greece, which is a suburb of Rochester, but it's where my sister and her family live and it's about 15 minutes from my house. It's been on the news like 24/7 here. Someone put up a web site where people could donate money to hopefully send the woman on a nice vacation and it has since raised over a half a million dollars, so now she can outright retire! Also, Southwest Airline is sending her and her family on an all expenses paid trip to Disney World.

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GIGI0607 6/22/2012 2:30PM

    Sorry to hear about your friend, she is in my prayers. yes, heard about those nasty kids too. Your pics are looking good & you really see the changes - Keep up the great work. emoticon

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 6/22/2012 2:14PM

    OH NOOO on your friend...I will pray for her..how very sad that is! I am glad you mentioned that to her other friend!~ You have amazing goals and I am positive you are going to have success this month..and all the months after!

By the way, I adore the scrap book idea..how cool!

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VICKLET31 6/22/2012 1:39PM

    I hope your friend is ok! I did see the news story - it's so sad and horrible - we NEVER would have done that to an adult when we were kids. What happened to teaching respect for elders?!?!!? (ok, off my soap box =)) Great job on the workouts girl - keep it up!!!!

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June 19th - Mini-Goals - 100 Day Challenge - Day 9

Wednesday, June 20, 2012



100 Day Challenge, Day 9
All i did for Day 9 was ST. I ended up going to the movies last night and by the time i got home i just wanted to relax and go to bed. At least i got something in for the day.

Rude People
There's this lady at work that is EXTREMELY rude! I don't talk to her and avoid her on purpose because she typically makes comments like this to me, "You would actually look pretty if you put makeup on, and did your nails and wore your hair differently." Yup, the biotch actually said that to me before. I blew up at her once because i was tired of her comments and she cried and walked away. She walked back to my cube 10 minutes later saying that i am the rude one and that i should check my attitude. My response, "don't talk to me unless it's work related. Otherwise, i have nothing to say to you." So this morning i come in and i'm trying to put my lunch in the fridge and she says, "How's the dieting going? Have you lost any more weight?" I know it's because of my past with this lady, but i swear i threw daggers with my eyes. All i said was, "It's going fine and yes." Then i walked away, but i saw that her facial expression was that of a pissed woman. I don't need to chit chat with her about my private business. On New Years i made it a resolution to be overly nice to her this year. Every morning i say hello and ask her how she's doing. I know for the first month she was looking at me like i was crazy. So maybe it's my own fault - being nice probably made her think i wanted to be friends with her - NOT. She's just rude. She once asked my boss (male) if he was dieting. It was such a rude question to ask a person of higher management. Some ppl need to learn boundaries and what is socially acceptable.

Motivational Wall
Just as Spark is a motivational tool, i have a wall at home that i hang motivational plaques and such. Here are a few of them...










  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YESCURLYCAN 6/21/2012 6:31PM

  Great goals as usual Vicky :) I love your motivational plaques too.

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/20/2012 2:59PM

    I cannot believe your coworker would say such terrible things to you and then have the audacity to call YOU rude! Wow.

I like your new mini goals. Depending on how they go over the next few days, maybe you could work some of them into your July goals.

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ANNROSE126 6/20/2012 11:48AM

    Congrats on your weight loss and fitness work! i am in awe of you!

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GIGI0607 6/20/2012 9:52AM

    CONGRATS on the weight loss emoticon

"You know that old saying treat others as you would want to be treated" I would treat your co-worker the same way she treats you rude & ask personal questions. Maybe then she'll get the hint about what she's doing. but "kill em with kindness" works too emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/20/2012 9:42AM

    Your co-worker sounds sooo rude! Congratulations on your weight loss so far :)

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June 18: 100 Day Challenge - Day 8

Tuesday, June 19, 2012



On Mondays i spend almost 2.5 hours at the gym, It's actually a night in which i walk at a leisurely pace while on the treadmill (between 2.7-2.8 mph). Why? Because i don't have cable at home, so i don't get any channels at all, and NOW on Mondays they have American Ninja on NBC. My exhusband and i use to watch it ALL the time on G4. I love it! So i have to get there a bit earlier to make sure i get a treadmill closer to the television that is set on NBC. Otherwise i'm craning my neck. I often imagine being that athletic and being able to do at least some of the things they can do. So fascinating!

I did my stretch training already for today. Why? Because i'm going to the movies tonight and i needed to make sure i got part of my daily workout in early. Tonight i'll do my miles. Here's some pics of me working out...i'm sure i looked a fool taking pics of myself, but whatever...

Doing my leg curls and leg extensions (85-115lbs)


Working the reverse row (70-85lbs)


Working the pec fly (45-55lbs)


Another shot of the pec fly


and one of my favorites the leg press (130-160lbs)



It's shining right now, but later on this morning we are expecting some more showers! So i took a picture right before i left the safety of my car to head on into the building to start my day...


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMZBEE 6/19/2012 11:04AM

    emoticon

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CLRWILLIAMS25 6/19/2012 10:28AM

    I love that you have a measurable plan and are acting on it every day! Definitely inspiring me to make a plan for a few weeks and stick to it! emoticon

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/19/2012 10:17AM

    It scares me that you can smile like that so early in the morning.

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June 14-17: The Little Engine that Could

Monday, June 18, 2012



I'm a little...ok a LOT proud of myself. Yesterday i had a goal to walk 3.74 miles and i decided to see i i could complete it within an hour. I didn't make the hour, but i did do it in 64.08 minutes! How did i do it? I walked for 3.5 minutes, jogged at a 4.3-4.6mph for 1.5 minutes the entire time. Actually the last 14 minutes i walked 3.5 minutes, jogged for 1.5 minutes, walked 3 minutes, jogged 1.5 minutes, walked 2.5 minutes, jogged 2 minutes. I burned 814 calories doing this! The entire time i kept telling myself...
* You've got this!
* Look how far you've come!
* You're amazing!
* You're doing great!
* You have far exceeded your own goals for yourself!
* Push it! and be proud!
* Prove it to yourself that you can do this!
* Just keep going!
* One foot in front of the other...that's all you've got to do!

The entire time...why? Because i was tired and refused to allow that other voice in my head a word. My goal for tonight is another 3.74 miles, but i'll walk this one a bit more. I've got to allow my legs a lighter night.

Here's the funny thing...on the treadmill right by mine, there was this lady on there, my guess is about 225 pounds. She would walk for a minute and then jog for a minute. She didn't last longer then 25 minutes - but i was proud of her for doing it regardless of her time. It's hard for us bigger girls to even go to the gym, let alone run on the treadmill while our jigglies are flapping about in front of everyone. Great for her!Anyways, my point is that from the corner of my eye i could tell she was trying to see how fast i was going and what i was doing. I was just trying to push and pace myself. But aren't we always in a "secret" competition with those on the machines around us? Or is that just me? HA!

So a few weeks ago someone asked about the gym i work out in. It's actually just my simple apartment gym. BUT when i have friend over and we go to my gym, they are a little amazed by it. So yesterday i took some pictures of my apartment gym...

Here's the weight room...


The other side of the weight room...


The cardio equipment...the first row didn't really make it in the shot but it's the stationary and recumbent bikes, the 2nd row is all treadmills, the 3rd row has steppers and ellipticals and then we have about 8 cycling bikes for a spinning class...


So you can see into a room - that's the open space classroom. We have tons of yoga mats, a punching bag(2), various balance boards, free weights (the girly ones) and stability balls. Our complex offers various classes...P90x, Insanity, yoga, spinning...Down the hall on the right side of the picture is the old fashion scale, a sauna and 3 tanning beds/rooms...


After my workout i spent some 15+ minutes relaxing in the sauna...


So i'm a little disappointed in the scale this morning....i'm back up to 275.6...BUT i'm pretty sure it's because of water gain (TOM is right around the corner). So i'm not stopping what i'm doing, i won't eat junk because the gain is bothering me, i'm casting all blame on water weight and i will continue on...


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEABETTERME 6/19/2012 11:05AM

    I challenged myself to a 100 day fitness streak too. I ended it with 105 days of cardio in a row on June 5th. It was so empowering and motivating! You CAN do it too! Just keep in mind everyday doesn't have to be over the top or hard core.

Keep up the great work! You CAN do it!
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FITMARY 6/19/2012 8:22AM

    Very nice job! You are doing great! The 100 Day challenge helped me SO MUCH and it looks like you are just ROCKIN' it!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MESAMA 6/19/2012 12:52AM

    First off I must say, I too am impressed by your little apartment building gym... very nice!
Second, I am even more impressed by you! Amazing job on your 3.74 in 64.08 minutes! That is amazing! I am still on about a mile in half an hour mode. I hope to kick it up a little soon. Starting slow, you know? I never once even thought about mixing up the run/jog and walk. That is genius. I have been having a yearning to run lately so maybe I will give it a try.
Keep up the emoticon work darlin. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/18/2012 9:11PM

    Wow, sounds like you might be ready to tackle C25k soon, if that's something your interested in trying. The first week of the program has you alternate between walking 90 seconds and jogging 60 seconds. The "jog" portion doesn't have to be FAST or anything. C25k doesn't focus on speed, just endurance.

Also, your apartment gym looks amazing! Your friends are not wrong.

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GIGI0607 6/18/2012 12:15PM

    Great Job, I know that being BIG is keeping me out of the gym but I also know its the reason I should be there. I wish they had a gym where just the skinnys go :) I know Im being a hater right now but its discouraging to work out next to barbie. I know I keep saying this but you are truly and inspiration and you are doing an amazing job.

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Comment edited on: 6/18/2012 12:16:38 PM

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NISHIYO 6/18/2012 11:19AM

    What a fantastic looking gym, wish I had one in my apartment block! You did so fantastically well with your millage and I know exactly how you feel being a bigger girl in a gym, although I can't do that sort of exercise at the moment. Keep being an inspiration , oh and check your spark mail I sent a note to you!


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