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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries

June 6th: How is beauty found?

Thursday, June 07, 2012

June Goals:
* My ultimate goal this month is to get that bridesmaid dress to zipper up all the way
* Complete 202 miles...completed 37.74
* Yearly goal of 1500 miles...completed 586.36

Today's Goals:
regardless if its pouring rain out, i will go to the gym and complete by treadmill and bike miles. I will also complete my ST circuit.

How is beauty found? Do you stare in the mirror and believe that you are beautiful? Were you raised to believe you are beautiful? Or do others need to tell you that you are beautiful in order for you to believe it?

I have 64 days remaining before i'm in my friends wedding...that makes me a little nervous. I have this bridesmaid dress that i purchased 2 sizes smaller then what i was in April. Currently, it does NOT zipper all the way up. BUT i did try it on last week Friday, and it seemed to zipper up a bit more then it had the two weeks prior (I only have like an other 2 inches to go). So that's a good sign. I just need to stay true to my plan and i'm confident it will fit for the day. I'll try the dress on again on the 15th of June to see where i'm at with it fitting. Since i've purchased my shoes to go with the dress, i'll need to see if i even need to get it hemmed. I may luck out! I found a picture of how i'd like my hair to look for the wedding. She's leaving that up to us and since it's so humid in Chicago in August - and the church is old so there isn't airconditioning - i've decided on an up's the picture of how i'd like my hair to look:

My make-up is another story. I've never been taught how to apply or properly wear makeup. I'm sure in grammar school i looked like a whore (I have pictures of the heavy makeup), and in highschool and beyond i didn't wear much at all. Maybe just some gloss and pencil eyeliner across the top lids. That's all...BUT...i have this scar near my eye and cheek that i'd LOVE to cover up and hide. It's's old acne scars

This is the thing...i've never really had to look "nice" for something before. I didn't go to prom back in highschool. I've never been on a fancy smancy date - not even when my exhusband and i were dating or married. We got married at city hall and afterwards he went to work (i know red flags were all over the place the entire time we were dating). I've never been to a dance or a party where i had to wear a dress and look good. So for me...this is huge. Really, in my heart it's a milestone...a HUGE moment in my life. I get to dress up. I have a dress - it may not be my favorite, but it is flattering. My hair will be done nicely. And i'll have my sister do my makeup. She has always been beautiful and i cannot wait to allow her to work on me. For me, even though this is my friends wedding, it's my moment to shine. I've never felt beautiful...hell, i've never felt pretty. I don't think i'm hideous, but pretty - certainly not.

So now i've lost a little weight, but i still have plenty to lose, and i'm going to this party where i have the chance to look and feel beautiful. I've placed a lot of stress on myself and this is the first time i'm truly admitting this. I'm not being vain. I just want something i've never had and always wanted. In a blog a few months back, i mentioned how i've never been told i was beautiful (just the dreaded fat girl "you have a pretty face" comment, BLAH). And this event...this event i want to feel beautiful for me. I may not get told that from someone else, but i want to make myself proud. phewww....that was a lot.

So this morning i was shaving my legs and i noticed something. When i was looking down at my legs there was this "bump" on the side of my calf. So my other hand went to the "bump" to feel it...YUP i have calf muscles!!!!! I LOVE calf muscles. I see other women walking/running/biking and i see their calf muscles and i'm envious. I think they are truly sexy and i've always wanted to develop my own calf muscles. so Wooooo Hooooooo to me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THE_NEW_MELISSA 6/8/2012 9:41AM

    I think you are beautiful. You seem to "glow" in your pictures. I'm not just saying that either, I wouldn't say anything at all if I didn't really feel that way. Hope you take pictures of you all dolled up to show us from the wedding! You're going to look fabulous and feel awesome!

Love your NSV! I envy calf muscles too!

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SPUNKYDUCKY 6/8/2012 12:23AM

    This is a wonderful blog. Full of honesty and hope. Regardless of how the dress fits exactly I am confident that you will feel beautiful that day. I look forward to seeing pictures.

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/7/2012 10:40PM

    First, I just wanted to say that my parents got married at city hall on their lunch break then went back to work. They've been married 36 years and I've never seen two people who love each other so much. So I wouldn't have considered that a red flag in your relationship.

Anyway, sooo not the point of your post. As to the actual point of your post, I can completely sympathize with your never feeling "beautiful". I've never worn make-up. I went decades of my life without owning a dress! I've never had my hair in a fancier style than a pony tail. So I can completely understand why you are seeing this upcoming wedding as an opportunity to try to look and feel beautiful for the first time. I hope you are able to fit into that dress and I hope you feel as awesome as you are!

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NISHIYO 6/7/2012 1:49PM

    I was just browsing through different spark pages and blogs and stopped at yours and I have to say, I loved reading it. I too have to lose a whole person so I can relate. As for the dress! 2 inches in 2 months easy peasy for you! you are out there exercising already. Beauty radiates from inside I believe, when you feel beautiful and confident then you look beautiful and confident. Like you I've had the pretty face comments. In august you will shine, you will fit beautifully in that dress, your hair and make up will be to die for and you will have some sway when you walk down that aisle so proud of yourself and so you should be! emoticon

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June 5th - Buckets of Popcorn! Oh ya!!

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

June Goals:
* My ultimate goal this month is to get that bridesmaid dress to zipper up all the way
* Complete 202 miles...completed 31.74
* Yearly goal of 1500 miles...completed 580.36

last night after work i did NOT work out. At about 3pm i started getting dizzy and light headed. So when i went home i ate dinner (chicken breast and broccoli) and layed on the couch watching Friends...really, is there a better show then Friends? I did go out to see Snow White & the Huntsman...GREAT movie. I must say Kristen what's her name did great in this movie. Usually she's very unemotional, but this was good! Don't get me wrong - she is good in Twilight but it calls for her to be unemotional - which is just how i usually see her in anything - except this movie.

Well...i finally got the shoe pictures they go!

Tonight's goals:
Cardio - lots of it!
Gym ST circuit

So last night at the movie's i ordered a BUCKET popcorn (oh ya!) with butter in between the layers of popcorn and a LARGE Coke Zero. I'm quite proud to say that i shared the popcorn with a friend and at the end of the night - the bucket was still MORE then half full! YAY me! And i think i took like 4 or 6 sips from my Coke. Lots of wasted money - i mean i could have ordered the small of both, but the point is that i didn't gorge out! Back in the day i would have finished both the bucket of popcorn and the large coke and wondered if anyone would notice if i got a refill! YAY for changes happening!

So at the movie i was sitting next to this guy that's a bit newer to my group of friend (he's the one i shared my popcorn with). He's a cutie. But here's the thing...i start to mentally beat myself up when i start thinking about whether or not i would be interested in a guy. I typically dismiss the idea with a , "why would he ever want to date a fat girl like me?" or, "I'm fat, i'll never be more then just a friend." Or, "What do i have to offer him? I mean besides embarrassment?" Yup...those are my thoughts.

BEFORE you all jump all over me - DON'T! These are my blogs and i'm free to say what i feel without someone that doesn't know me - or has at least read through my blogs to know me - tell me that i'm being self destructive. I'm really not. These thoughts that i shared - they are based on my experiences.

Anyways, i shared this tid-bit of information because i read a friends blog earlier this morning and she was down in the dumps. And it got me to thinking that i go through these cycle's where i'm great and life couldn't be better, to those moments where i wonder, "will it ever really matter?" I think these thoughts are common. I think those people that want to tell me that my thoughts about the guy (above) are wrong are lieing to them selves if they even think they've never had that thought at some point. I think EVERY overweight woman has had that thought at one point or another.

Yesterday i was talking to a friend about the shoe's i purchased for this wedding. Most shoe's out there are made for these narrow petite feet. And we both agreed - when in the world will the shoe people get with the times and realize that America is fat?! We need CUTE, STYLISH, shoes that fit our feet! Yes, i know you can get wides - but come on those aren't always easy to find in the shoes you want! Just because we are fat does not mean we can't look good in our clothes!

Anyways...i'm off to save the world!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAMIELOGICAL 6/6/2012 9:10PM

    I think the self-conscious thoughts you had about that guy are perfectly normal. No one is 100% positive about themselves 100% of the time, especially not overweight women!

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ZELDABEE 6/6/2012 10:37AM

    I love your shoes and I totally agree about the sizes! I think your right, I think everyone has had feelings like that in there life, even if they don't want to admit it to themselves - I still feel insecure about myself and my body and I've been in a relationship for 5 years... That wonderwoman picture is fantastic btw and miss piggy rocks too. Hope you having a good day!

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NURSEWITT03 6/6/2012 10:04AM

    I completely agree with you about the shoes, which are very cute BTW. I still catch myself having those thoughts. It is all about changing your thinking along with all of the body changes. Just remember what my friend told me "The only guy that deserves you is the one that thinks he doesn't".


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June 4th: How to Make Weight-loss Motivational Jars!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

My inner Wonder Woman saved the day!

June Goals:
* My ultimate goal this month is to get that bridesmaid dress to zipper up all the way
* Complete 202 miles...completed 31.74
* Yearly goal of 1500 miles...completed 580.36

I must point out that my arms are looking sleeker...and that extra chin is vanishing. I know the picture, due to its angle, can be deceiving, but it's true! My chins are turning into one normal chin, and my arms are shaping up!

So i did my cardio, squats and core yesterday. Today's goals are: cardio and GYM ST routine. Here's my SMALL problem...i'm going to the movies tonight and must leave by 7pm. I need to get in all of my cardio and ST by then. Otherwise, i'll end up making up for what i lack tonight tomorrow night. And tomorrow night is already packed with a workout. I'm confident i'll get it all in - i haven't failed myself these last few days...Wonder Woman to the rescue!

So i mentioned yesterday that i made those weight loss motivational's the breakdown of what i did:

Get two identical jars that can hold up to the total number of stones you will be using

I decided to go with animal prints. So one jar is silver (zebra) and the other is gold (giraffe). Cut the ribbon to the length of the circumference of the jars plus a little overlap. Hot glue gun the ribbon to the jars.

Next i made my "signs." I used letter stickers and adhered them to vellum tags. Hot glue gun the tags to the jars.

Then i took some rub-on quotes and rubbed them on. I used a Believe definition and a Hope definition.

Then i added the correct number of stones to each jar. I ADDED 17 pink gems. Each pink represents 10lbs lost - these were in addition to the 170 stones. I have 170lbs to lose (used 170 stones and 17 gems).

Then i thought to myself..."these jars look naked still?" So i went into my ribbon box and found some christmas ribbon - silver beads and a gold rope with gold beads - PERFECTO!

And that's how i made the jars! I won't lie...i think i may add a little more embellishment OR i may make a magnetic animal print board to go along with the animal theme. Something that i can use as a motivation board at home...hmmmm...back to Pinterest because i know i saw something on there where ppl made them out of cookie sheets!

NOTE: Most of my product pieces were bought at Joann Fabrics. BUT i'm sure they could have also been bought at Dollar General - don't over spend! For my next project (the magnet board) i will be hitting up the dollar store for cookie sheets and clothes pins!

So last night after work i had to do a little shopping. NOW, i know i am a woman - BUT i HATE shopping! AND this particular shopping trip had one thing on the "to Get" list...silver shoes for my friends up coming wedding. Now, i do not wear heels ( I know Wonder Woman always wore heels, but this Wonder Woman is over weight and clumsy). So i hit up about four different shoe stores and came up empty handed. I saw all kinds of shoes that were cute - but not Wonder Woman wearable! Then i ended the trip with a visit to DSW Shoes...i roamed up and down EVERY aisle...NOTHING! Then i eyeballed the Clearance section...i thought, "Ya right, what's my luck in finding shoes in there?" The first step into that aisle and i spotted these silver, glittery, THICK heeled, strappy shoes...i thought, "No! Can this really be?" So i took a deep breathe and slipped them on...I was like Cinderella finding her glass slipper! I mean i think fireworks went off, and someone popped a champagne bottle, and cheers were going off. They fit PERFECTLY! I even walked down a few of the aisles with them on...because the heels were thick i was able to easily walk in them...YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I did take pictures but it's taking forever for them to transfer from the phone to my maybe i'll add them to tomorrows blog.

So Wonder Woman went home happy last night...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANDK156 6/7/2012 12:27PM

    Very crafty and a nice idea!

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NICETOCYOU 6/6/2012 8:07PM

    I saw the jar idea on pinterest, and I still want to make it

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CANDY1023 6/6/2012 9:34AM

    love the idea of he jar i might steal it!!

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YESCURLYCAN 6/6/2012 3:40AM

  Each time I see a picture of you, I can see a difference from the previous one. Way to go! The jars look very pretty and yay, you got shoes. You couldn't be luckier to have found them and in the clearance section to boot! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/6/2012 3:41:53 AM

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TRACYZABELLE 6/6/2012 3:22AM


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TRACY31502 6/5/2012 7:14PM

    love it!

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    Hurray for those silver shoes! I want to see the pix! :) Those are awesome weight loss jars! I think I want to make some, too. :) I'm just afraid my son will play with them. I'll have to seal the tops, too.

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JAMIELOGICAL 6/5/2012 2:01PM

    You have definitely inspired me to make some weight loss jars. I will either make it a project for when I get home from vacation or enlist my parents to help me with them while I'm visiting them this week. It seems like the sort of thing they could get into, so long as I'm willing to admit to my parents how much weight I had to/still have to lose!

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LILLITO 6/5/2012 1:51PM

    hooray for WW!

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June 1st - June 3rd Gotta Keep on Movin'

Monday, June 04, 2012

What a great start to June!

June Goals:
* My ultimate goal this month is to get that bridesmaid dress to zipper up all the way
* Complete 202 miles...completed 27.74
* Yearly goal of 1500 miles...completed 576.36

Friday I completed cardio, core and squats
Saturday I completed cardio, lower body and upper body
Sunday i completed Cardio, lower body and upper body (I know i shouldn't have done this 2 days in a row, but i did)

Today is cardio, core and squats. I have to say that doing squats are so much easier now then they were 2 months ago. If you want to know exactly what i did, my fitness tracker is up to date and can be viewed. Let's just say that I did a lot!

So at the end of May i was sitting back at 279ish of this morning i'm 277lbs! I've now (and once again) lost 42lbs. I'm just 0.25 pounds away from losing 25% of what i want to lose! I've also decided that i will...yes i WILL weigh myself every morning. Why? Because mentally, it works for me. When i was just weighing in on the 15th and last day of the month, i had no clear picture of where i was in my weight loss. By seeing the number every morning, i can determine if what i ate the day before was working. I've been eating ham sandwiches with chips for lunches and while calorie wise it's just about 350 calories - the sodium is a killer - even with the low sodium ham. I've switched to turkey meat and it's better but still not great. But this way, i can see the direction the scale is moving and either celebrate or fix what isn't working.

So this weekend i made myself a visual aid. I've seen it on Pinterest, and one of my Sparkbuddies also posted ones she's made...i made my weight loss jars!

Currently there are 128 stones in the "Pounds 2 Lose" jar and 42 stones in the "Pounds Lost" jar. The pink gems are extra. Each pink stone represents 10lbs lost. So there are 13 in the "Pounds 2 Lose" jar and 4 in the "Pounds Lost" jar. I'm looking to lose 169lbs, so 170 stones are in there in total.

I also made the start of my charm bracelet.

So far i just have 3 charms for good luck and the ribbon for breast cancer awareness (I've never had breast cancer, but i support the cause). Once i lose 50lbs i'll add a "50" charm. I'm also looking for a "25" charm, a "sneaker" charm, a "foot print" charm, and a "5k" charm. Then i'll also add on the following charms as i earn them: 75, 100, 125, 150, 169(custom), and a GOAL charm. Since next year i'm doing the 10k, i'll get a "10k" charm if i complete the 10k. The same goes for the half marathon i'd like to complete next March.

Speaking of this half marathon, so far i'm up to jogging 12 minutes out of the 60 minutes i'm on the treadmill! I'm trying to improve my time as well as jog the majority of the hour in preparation for being able to complete the 13.1 miles next year. No one knows i've signed up for these, except you guys. I'm nervous and I don't want the support while i'm out there. Here's the issue...i have 6 to 9 other ppl doing the half marathon. So when they ask me to support them out there, i'll turn them down and i'll get a lot of pressure to cheer them on - especially since i've been their #1 supporter these past 2 years. But next year, i want to feel proud walking/jogging across that finish line. It looks like i start training for the half towards the end of this year. I just need to make sure i can do the minimum before that time arrives.

Tonight's goals:

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAMIELOGICAL 6/5/2012 10:04AM

    You are really kicking butt! That is so awesome. I saw the weight loss jars on a friend's blog and I think they are such a great idea! Once I get back from vacation, maybe I'll hit the craft store and get some stuff to make my own.

Stick to this! It just seems like you are really on the right path right now and it's so awesome!

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VICKYMARIEC 6/5/2012 8:50AM

    I bought most of the stuff from Joann's because i did not like what Michaels had to offer. I found a website where i can get good sterling silver charms for $16-29 a piece.

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    I absolutely love the charm bracelet idea! This would be perfect for my journey! What inspired you to make it, and where did you get your supplies / suggestions (stores, websites, etc)?

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XMAC33 6/4/2012 6:48PM

    emoticon love the jar and stnes idea, might try that myself.

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JANDK156 6/4/2012 5:59PM

    Karendee4 made her own bracelet using supplies she got from Michael's. I'm sure she can give you an idea of what they have there if you ask her. Great goals!

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CALLIKIA 6/4/2012 5:46PM

    One thing, I've read that oft times those "oops" moments don't show up on the scale until two days later. Just remember that when you're weighing once a day that it doesn't always indicate exactly how the day before went. I learned a LOT about my body and weight fluctuations when I was weighing every day and it really helped me to detach myself a bit from the number on the scale because it is just so darn flippy and unpredictable. Love the charm bracelet! Can't wait to see it grow with goal charms!

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QTPIE32387 6/4/2012 5:02PM

    I LOVE the idea of the pounds lost and pounds to lose jar! What a great idea to be able to have a visual!!! I may have to make my own!

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JKPONYGIRL 6/4/2012 4:43PM

    You sound like you are doind so well. I love your charm bracelet!

I weigh myself almost every day too. Just because I am curious. I only log it in once a week though otherwise the line goes up and down and up and down...

Dont worry about who is cheering who during your 1/2 marathon. You can all support each other by just being out there.

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Jealousy or self loathing?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I need some help on figuring something out? Or maybe i already know the answer, but i'm looking for confirmation...ya, we'll go with that!

So this weekend i had a friend over at my place Sunday night through last night. I told her i was getting up at 7am to go for a 4 mile walk and then hit the gym. She SAID she wanted to join me - she's the same friend that i work out with once a week on Wednesdays. Well, 7am came and i was out the door on my own. She woke up and tried to start a conversation, but i told her i needed to get this 4 miles in before it was 100 degrees outside. She didn't want to go for the walk so she slept for another hour.

When i came back to my place i asked her if she planned on going to the gym with me. SOOOO...for a woman that knew and had SAID she wanted to work out she failed to bring anything to workout in or her gym shoes. I lent her a sports bra and a pair of shoes - she went in her pjs. It took us almost 40 minutes to get out of the house because she was taking her sweet time.

At the gym we go our separate ways. I went straight for the ST area and she went for the elliptical. She asked me if i was going to warm up - she actually said "it's a good idea to warm up so you don't pull a muscle or anything." she said it in a way that meant i should do a warm up before i ST. I simply said, my 4 mile walk was my warm up. I went on my way. I spent about 40 minutes in the ST area. She was on the elliptical maybe 20-30 minutes. I then jumped on the treadmill for 32 minutes doing my walk/jog intervals. I saw her leave the elliptical and go into the group fitness room. She grabbed a stability ball and laid on the floor and plopped her legs on the ball. I NEVER saw her do a crunch. I think she just laid there like that. Towards the end of my treadmill time i saw her walk to the ST area. I think she did 1 set of reps and then she sat down at a table and waited for me.

As we were walking back to my place she asked me how my workout was. I said it was great and i asked her about hers - again i clearly saw what she did. She said she felt great and that her workout was amazing. REALLY?!

Then we go to lunch. And i'm from Chicago and where i'm from we are honest with those we care about. So i asked her if she really wanted to lose weight. She's 230lbs. She said yes. I told her i didn't believe her and proceeded to discuss why i thought the way i did (i've always been open and honest with friends. It's who i am and they understand it's out of love that i express my concerns). She started to cry and explained how other areas of her life she has no control over (i'm her friend so i knew all of these things). Simply put - i told her she makes excuses for everything. She doesn't put forth effort in most of the things going on in her life. She just lets whatever happens happen and then cries about it later.

Here's the kicker - she proceeded to tell me how she's upset because we wear the same size clothes. She was crying so freaking hard because of it. Remember i'm still around 280lbs so i have 50lbs on her yet we wear the exact same sizes. I had an answer but i did not say anything - the truth is that she doesn't work out so she's flabby. I'm big but i'm solid because i workout and workout hard. The real truth is that the clothes i lend her to wear are extremely tight on her - so she may be lieing about her weight.

She's one of those people that i may need to send to the exit door of our friendship stay. Out of any relationship there is give and take. There are things you take away from it. I see what she can get from me, but when i look at it from my perspective i'm not getting anything. She brings me down. I've had a rough childhood and refuse to ever believe that someone is a product of their environment. You choose if you want to stay in the same kind of crappy atmosphere that you are used to or you do better for yourself. I chose better! She has chosen to let others do the choosing for her. I can only push and help someone for so long. At some point they need to take control of their own lives and do something for themselves.

So, i'm she just jealous or is she self-loathing?

I'm really not mean, i'm just tired of people's self pity parties when they refuse to do anything to fix the problems in their lives.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SYCAMOREROSE1 5/29/2012 9:41PM

    Whether it is jealousy or self-loathing on her part you need to do what you need to do for you. If she is bringing you down then you need to cut the strings, at least temporarily. I believe in standing by my friends but you are right, you can only do so much... and right now you shouldn't have to worry about being strong enough for both of you. Keep up the great work, if she really decides she wants it then you will inspire her.

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CRAFTYDEB54 5/29/2012 9:06PM

    Hi! I miss you on the island!!!
She might be a little of both! The self loathing because she can't commit to helping herself by not eating right and exercising and the jealousy because you ARE so commited to helping yourself and you won't let anything or anyone stand in your way. Seems she wants to bring you down to how she feels and doesn't care about how you want to get healthy.
If you're always trying to help her to get healthy, and she makes excuses all the time, sometimes it's better to go your separate ways. It's hard enough to stay strong individually, and when you have someone trying to sabotage you, it's only going to ruin your efforts.
Ouch, that sounded mean emoticon

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    This is the first blog of yours that I read. I came across it by accident (and really liked it). I'm frustrated to hear that you have a friend who claimed she would go with you for the walk, but then says no, and later on makes it harder for you to get to the gym (she didn't bring her gym clothes, etc). I am, however, so pleased that you are the type of person who managed to get out for your walk despite your friend! Your dedication motivates me! (I'm going to send you a friend request.)

As for your friend, she's probably telling the truth about wanting to lose weight, but claiming that you want to lose weight, and really committing to doing what needs to be done to get there are two very different things. I complained about my increasing weight and 'tried' to lose weight for quite some time before I had any real success. I personally had to hit rock bottom before I managed to do anything about it. Maybe she's not there yet.

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VICKYMARIEC 5/29/2012 8:29PM

    As I stated I wasn't harsh with her. I'm honest and she has always told me to be open with I am.

There are quite a few "non weight" issues that question whether or not she's a person that I would want as a close friend. Some ppl may be good t you but not good for you.

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    Hm. well, I don't know. It sounds like she needed your support and help, but you were pretty harsh with her. It is hard to come to the full commitment and determination it takes to really get to a healthy lifestyle. If she isn't there yet, is that a reason to stop being her friend?

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P0KERS0PH 5/29/2012 4:29PM

    Hmmm difficult one.
I'd say she's probably more than likely jealous of you. You obviously put a lot of effort into your workouts and weightloss endeavours, and perhaps she doesn't think she can 'compete' with you.
We all know you have to be in the right frame of mind to want to lose weight or get fit. Nobody can tell you to do it.
At the end of the day she needs to figure out what is more important to her. You need to decide if she is dragging you down or if you can still remain friends but maybe not workout together.
Have you tried just talking to her about how you feel?

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