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VICKYMARIEC's Recent Blog Entries

It's FRIDAY, Equipment and Killer Dolphins

Friday, March 04, 2011

Like the smell of Spring in the air, the joy of the weekend (away from work) is almost upon us!

I purchased a new pedometer this week. It's an Omron Go Smart. It tells me the steps, miles, calories burned and minutes of aerobic activity. AND stores up to 7 days of data! $20!

I play racquetball again tonight. The other night we had a blast! We are beginners and just really enjoyed ourselves playing. I got hit with that rubber ball in the back, on the butt, in the neck and on the forehead! So did my friend! We just kept laughing we enjoyed it so much. Playing racquetball...not getting hit.

Tomorrow we play 2 hours of tennis and then heading for the gym for some gym time. She's been training for her half marathon so she purchased a treadmill about a year ago. She did the marathon last Sunday and finished just over 2hrs and 26mins. BUT, she tells me this week that she's tired of seeing the treadmill and wants me to have it...YAY! So i have a friend that has a truck with a lift on it. He's going over tonight to help us get it out of her place and into mine. It feels like Christmas! I'm toying with the idea of buying an elliptical in the next 2 months. Any ideas on a good one? Around $800 is ok...

So i'm willing to share these photos with you...BUT i have a purpose. I want to save you some tears!

I went to Sea World last May. I love dolphins, in fact i have a tattoo of dolphins on my calf. My friend took pictures of me as i was feeding the dolphins. Once i saw her pictures i cried! I've NEVER seen my back fat if you haven't seen yours beware!

Oh - and i think a dolphin tried to eat my hand! That's why you see me freaked out in one of the shots...LOL

See those rolls on my back?! Yes people...we need to worry about those rolls too...sad...

That's the dolphin that tried to eat me!

Look at all those vicious teeth! MONSTER! hahaha

ATTRACTIVE! Look at that face! hahaha...i was terrified...

Where's my neck? I can't wait for it to come out of hiding!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICKYMARIEC 3/9/2011 11:37PM

    Memoriesof2011...its a point game. BUT my friend and i play until we're tired. It's a great game to play to work your arms, legs and to burn a ton of calories!

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MEMORIESOF2011 3/9/2011 5:39PM

    You are adorable! I have also seen my back fat, it's scary. We will say goodbye to it soon enough though. The Dolphin adventure must have been a blast, even if the one was after ya.

I have never tried racquetball, but it sounds like it would be a great time. Is it a point game or "play until you're tired" kind of game?

Hope your week is going well, talk to ya soon!

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BAM0827 3/4/2011 3:55PM

    Great news all the way around! Your new sport, tennis tomorrow and a new treadmill! How generous of your friend!

Some good "before pics" - I'm looking forward to "during" and "after" ones!

Have a great weekend

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Monday, February 28, 2011

So i went to the park to walk. Each lap is 1.25miles. I planned on doing 4 laps for 5 miles...I forgot about that beastly hill! For about 0.25 miles you are walking uphill at a pretty steep incline. Needless to say i only did 2 laps for 2.5 miles. Next time i will conquer that hill 4 times!!!

My heart and passion is very much like my eyes...just like my eyes are sometimes hungrier than my stomach, sometimes i want to walk a whole lot more than i'm able to. Next time dear time

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELAOPET 3/1/2011 1:45PM

    Yes ma'am! I'm here to vitnes you'll get that 4 and a whole lot more - keep pressing, keep WANTING, keep sweating - soon, so very soon, you'll be taking it to the bank! I was where you are last year. We grow when we do not give up!!!!!!!

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BERRIMOUSE 2/28/2011 11:03PM

    emoticon with that positive attitude

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GLASSPAK22 2/28/2011 10:54PM

    What a great attitude. emoticon Keep up to good work.

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Vision & Mission

Sunday, February 27, 2011

This journey, though it has been short so far, is tough! I started Sparking January 5th and it started off great. BUT...somewhere along the way i've completely lost my mojo. I mean every now and then i'd get all gong-ho and write out a plan and say, "this is it!" But after that first time back at it my motivation was overcome with wanting to just lay on the couch watching television or a movie. WHICH always led to eating crappy.

I've been reading many of the blogs of my fellow Sparkers and i've noticed what has and hasn't worked for them. So I thought long and hard and came up with a plan for me.

The picture below makes me so sad. It's funny how when i look in the mirror i don't see all the imperfections, but seeing my self in a picture and i instantly go,"OH MY GOD! When, where and how did THAT happen?" I see a sad girl. I see someone that is trapped by layers of fat. And by being trapped by the fat, my mind directly goes towards the"
- you're ugly
- you're disgusting
- no wonder no one wants to date you

So over the last few days i've decided to restructure my priorities and what i want out of only life. I want more than...well more than THIS! So i created my vision board:

The actual picture in the middle is from a trip i took to the Grand Canyon years ago (yes, that rock is in the shape of a heart). On that trip i was the Canyons Beotch! I couldn't walk more than 3 miles and i was done. My goal is to hike all the way down the Grand Canyon, camp out and hike back up the Canyon next April/May. That's my ultimate reward. I think about being able to do that and my heart swells up with pride and determination.

Then i created a "BEFORE" collage of photos...all sad. Look how sad i looked. My eyes give away my real sadness...

Then i created another page for a "BEFORE" and my "DURING" progress pics. What I'll do is at every 10lb interval i'll post a new picture. Ultimately i'm building my scrapbook of my weight loss journey. So after i hit 290 i'll post a before at 318+ and me at 290 and so on. Once i hit 280 i'll take the old page and insert it into my album and tack up a new page of the 318+ photo (always the same one) and my 280 picture. I'm killing two birds with one stone!

Then guess what i did? YUP! I worked out! How could i not? I was motivated and pumped! I think i did just about 2hrs of strength training. Here's me after my workout:

Notice the stability ball, weighs and kettlebell in the background? My favorites to use!

I know i have muscle under here somewhere and i can't wait to see it!

Sometimes we just have to learn to believe in ourselves. Often that's the hardest part. We sabotage ourselves. We think we are less than worthy. WHY IN THE WORLD DO WE THINK THIS WAY? We are so worth the fight! I'm worth the fight and i'm in it to win in! I believe in myself. I believe that on December 31, 2011 i will get on that scale to find it reading less than 200lbs. I know it!

So now i must go strength train...oh, i'm also training with a friend to complete the Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon. I'm not looking to come in under that 4hrs but i am going to complete it.

Bye for now!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYEISH 2/28/2011 2:35AM

    Can I just say that I LOVE your last picture?!? It made me smile! And I want to commend you for your bravery in posting such an exposing, puttin-it-all-out-there before picture. (I SO wish I had taken one of those!) It *IS* hard to stay motivated at times, but always remind yourself of why you wanted this in the first place. And if you fall of the wagon, don't wait till some magical first-of-something restart date (1st of the year, first of the month, first of the week...). You can always get back on the wagon later the same day...or the very next day. There's no time like the present. (Check out my most recent blog for some tips that have been VITAL for me.) Keep up your great attitude & keep on Sparking!!

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    You have some great motivational collages there!! You can do this!!!

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JESSLHT 2/27/2011 1:25PM

    Wow! You've done so much work. Great job, your collage is beautiful. Good luck on your journey. There are ups and downs along the way but that's what makes it realistic. Hope you are having a great weekend!

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Today's a Fat Day

Friday, January 14, 2011

Today i'm having what i call a fat day. My clothes feel tight. I have pimples (REALLY?! i'm 34). I feel alone. I feel lonely. I have nothing going on (man, as i'm typing this all i hear is whine, whine, whine). So what does this make me want to do? EAT! But i can't even do that since i cleared the fridge and pantry of crap foods! I can go grab my tub-o-peanutbutter!

I get these days when i feel like i don't deserve to lose weight. Almost like i deserve to be fat. I know i self sabatoge myself but once i'm in this funk it takes a bit to get me out. There's so many things that i want out of life and maybe i'm scared that even if i lose all the weight i still won't get anything that i've only up to now dreamt about. Because right now i'm allowing my weight to be my excuse. It's because of my weight that i don't get asked out. It's because of my weight that i cant be loved. It's because of my weight that i don't play sports. It's because of my weight...i can go on.

I have this deep fear...but i need to explain a little something first. There's one thing that i've always wanted. And up to now only two people know here goes...The one thing i've ALWAYS wanted is to be told i'm beautiful. I'm 34yrs old. I was married for 10yrs. I have 3 brothers. I had parents. one has ever looked at me and said, "Vicky, you are beautiful." It's because of my weight...Can you imagine being married and not being told you're beautiful? It hurts my heart just typing this. I read what i'm typing and i sould like a big baby, but i'm scared that even after i lose the weight that still no one would say i'm beautiful. To me thats a bit scary. Every woman wants to hear that someone thinks they are beautiful. Every man wants to feel needed. It's engrained in us. 34 years...34 years of not feeling beautiful. I mean i can think it about myself, but if you've never heard it said to you, you start to feel, think and conceive the thought that you are not. So thats me.

I lied! You see my profile picture? I'm 318.8lbs in it. I emailed it to a close friend. Her 3yr olddaughter saw it and said, " look so pretty." Yes i cried...because it was the only time someone referenced me as being pretty. I will admit I took the picture at the perfect angle as to not capture my second and maybe third chin...

As a fat person i am UNBELIEVABLY aware that i am th biggest person in the room. I hate being sat next to anyone because i feel like they dread it. Because i invade their space. At church someimes i have to ask for a different seat if the only seat is the middle section because those seats are 2inches smaller then the others. I'm open about my butt not being able to squeeze into them. My friends date. I'm always "the friend". sucks being a fat girl. I know skinny girls have issues too, but...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIAMALLI1 1/24/2011 1:43AM

    I felt the tears welling up when I read this. I have been told that I am beautiful but it has been quite awhile. The last person that said it to me probably wouldn't say it right now. I totally understand where you are coming from. I can't tell you how many times i have walked into a room and wondered if I was going to be the fattest person there. it is a horrible feeling. But you are doing the right thing and walking the right path. It will happen! And one more thing, you are beautiful. And you are unbelievably courageous to say the things you said.

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VERO321 1/15/2011 5:46PM

    Omg I know how you feel. I have alot of those days.. We got to keep ourselves motivated at all times. I know its hard and believe me i know it is. We can do this and it will take time thats the hard part but once we get to that end we are going to look at ourselves in the mirror and say damn I look hot!!! emoticon

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    You ARE beautiful. Thank you for posting this. We all feel this way sometimes, and it sucks. emoticon

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MOMOFJBS 1/14/2011 1:34PM

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in your blog. I hope you realize that you've expressed words so very many of us feel. In fact, I just had this conversation with my husband the other day. About being told I was beautiful. You see on tv...the girl walks down steps, into the room, whatever...and the man waiting for her stares and holds his breath and then says, 'you're so beautiful'. Yeah, every woman should have that happen to them at least once in their life. I'm with you. I've been told I look 'nice' but never beautiful. And if I was told I looked beautiful right now I'd know it was lie.


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SCHNECKERL 1/14/2011 1:24PM

    Want to know something that you might find ironic in time? I'm with someone who thinks I'm beautiful - and he had to literally fight with my inner demons to get me to even accept it when he said it. I went so long not feeling beautiful and not hearing that I was beautiful that it felt like an insult when someone started to tell me that they found me attractive.

Honestly, I hope that the first person to tell you that you are beautiful is YOU. If you can't see your beauty, no one else will. Keep fighting this inner fight. You are worth it. emoticon

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SARA5750 1/14/2011 7:36AM

    I love you for blogging about this. I read it and say, "that's me". Granted, I've lost a lot of weight, and people have told me I'm beautiful, including men. But you know what, I don't believe them! After 39 years of feeling ugly, then being told I'm beautiful makes me want to scoff at them. Even when I weighed 363 pounds, I was told I had beautiful eyes, or nice hair. So I have this psychological image of myself as having a few redeeming characteristics, but never beautiful as a whole person. So how could this be any different just because I weigh less? I've trained myself to pick out my flaws that keep me from ever achieving beauty.

Now, I'm a logical person, and I know it's a psychological injury that will always have scars no matter how much weight I lose. So I'm working on my self-image. I'm trying to take what people say at face value. At the same time, I also have to allow myself to have those feelings and acknowledge my "fat days" too.

So be prepared, losing weight may not solve those image problems. Kudos to you for blogging about it because that means you're acknowledging the feelings. I'm with you, girl!

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JOYEISH 1/14/2011 2:54AM

    I'm impressed with you for having so much insight into what's going on inside of you & for being brave enough to share it with all of us. Kudos for that. My heart breaks that you've never been told that you're beautiful. I'm not going to just blurt it out here, because I know that wouldn't fill that need for you. But I believe that you will hear it one a way that is profound to you. Keep working at your goal. You DO deserve this. Someone I know once said that she felt comfortable & safe in her "fat prison." Don't let yourself stay there!

emoticon emoticon

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SHERRY_LYNN1979 1/14/2011 1:58AM

    emoticon emoticon I too am sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I have those days, they are tough. I have found that if I look myself in the mirror and I OWN my goal weight I stay focused and have less of days like that. Please try to stay positive. It also helps to write down everything positive you can think about yourself. Everyday try to add one more asset to the list. Over time, I have found that you begin to see worth in yourself. Give yourself incentives for losing small portions of weight, celebrate every loss and don't wallow in a plateau or gain. Look in a mirror and tell yourself, I AM BEAUTIFUL and OWN IT!!! Because sweetheart, you are BEAUTIFUL!!!

And I think every woman out there does the FB pose... it really does help hide double chins! :) I do it all the time! Who doesn't want to feel pretty in pictures?

I hope that you will pull yourself out of your slump. You deserve to feel as beautiful as you are, and be told it on a daily basis! Keep it up the lifestyle change and exercising, and soon you will be getting the oh, so fabulous feeling of the "double take"!!! I can't wait to start getting those again! :) HUGS!!!!

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K_FERGUS 1/14/2011 1:16AM

    emoticon I'm sorry you're having such a rough day! Vicky, you are beautiful today regardless of how much you weight. My hope for you is that through this weight loss journey you will start to see your internal beauty as your body changes and become what society deems as beautiful. When I first saw your picture I was blown away with your beautiful eyes. Yes, I KNOW that every fat girl hates to hear about her pretty face, but I did find your eyes stunning. Hang in there~take time to notice the things that make you beautiful today~ and get sweaty! A good workout always makes me feel better. :)

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