Thursday, September 23, 2010
So today is dreaded day #3...you know what I'm talking about. The aches from my protesting body are screaming at me today. I always believe day #3 is the hardest. For me it's the day that proves if I'm really comitted to something or if it's just a fleeting whimsy.
I went for a power walk this morning after seeing the kids off at the bus stop. Didn't even give myself a chance to go back home and get "busy" doing something else. The first mile was pretty uneventful. I got into my rythm, listening to my feet hit the pavement in the cool country morning air. Feeling just a tad guilty about all the work to do at home. (I should mention here that Thursdays are hectic days for me. As a foster parent to 4 siblings, today is visitation with their mom, whom we drive 2 hrs to see, spend 2 hrs at the visit then drive the 2 hrs back home-usually getting back about 6:30.) I feel I need to get as much done as possible in the morning.
As I turned back down the road to do my mile home, it hit...the WAVE of guilt, the devil inside my head saying, "Really?! Do you REALLY NEED to work out? I mean so you've put on a few lbs. It's not the end of the world. You're not THAT fat! Don't you know you have laundry to do!?" And I continued to sabotage myself for another half mile.
Thankfully there was another voice in my head. A voice so small at first that it was easy to disregard. But it grew louder & louder until it could no longer be ignored! A voice that quite frankly said, "Shut the hell up! I will not allow you to do this any longer. You ARE worth it! It's not just about the weight, it's about you being healthy! It's about you feeling BETTER about yourself! And yes, you NEED this!"
I immediately decided to name the second voice my "skinny me" who has been residing under all the "baby fat". And seeing as how I AM losing weight, there will not be enough room for me, her & that no count, self-loathing she-devil... So I kicked the bitch out. No room in my head for all three. And the devil, well she's been there long enough!!