Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Going through a valley right now and thankful that I came across a few things that tossed a log or two onto my Spark-fire.
I have choices, I can choose to sit here talking about what "I need to" do, or I can choose to get up and do it.
I can choose to spend my time sitting and bemoaning difficulties and obstacles or I can choose to rise to the challenge of overcoming them to the best of my ablilities.
I can choose to listen to the lies Satan tells me about myself when I temporarily fail in moments of weakness, or I can claim the power of GOD's truth(Eph.1:19-20) over my life and keep seeking his strength to rise to the me I know I truly am and am intended to be. I guess the only thing TRULY standing in my way is not any difficulty or obstacle, it is simply the answer to the question...do I want this? The answer is YES, I want it...and I want it bad. I have determined that for me, difficulties and obstacles of any kind, even the unforeseen and uncontrollable, are simply...excuses. No matter what the circumstances or context, I ALWAYS have a choice to be better, to do better. Thank you Lord for stepping on my proverbial toes, no matter how much it smarts!!!
No excuses. I, without a doubt, want IT bad enough!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
There truly are no words that could ever come close to expressing the soaring levels of emotion and true, pure joy that I experience during this race. This was my third half, and now that it is in the books it is time to not only look forward, but to also process, to fully absorb and appreciate every iota of what I was so blessed to receive this past Sunday. This race in particular will be a part of my life until I am no longer able to run or at least hold a cup at a water stop as a volunteer. What I experienced on and as a result of April 19, 1995 was a catalyst for courage and change in my life....I just would not understand the how or why until many years later. Were it not for the mission behind THIS race, I am certain I would never have had the courage to even consider it. Life is a precious gift that can be cut short in the time it takes for one cowardly, insane individual to light a fuse. To live in any other way than to squeeze every second of every day for all it is worth would be so dishonoring to those 168 wonderful,cherished,loved, and desperately missed people who are no longer here with us. Fear, doubt, and insecurity are no longer accepted in my life...I no longer allow them to keep me from squeezing with all my might.
Someone asked me why...why do you do this, why do you want to run, of all things? I run because....nobody, chiefly and including myself ever thought something like this could be possible for someone who spent the majority of their adult life over 320lbs. I run because my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ had other ideas and revealed to me the truth and power in scripture....I CAN DO ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 I run because, maybe, just maybe....someone over 320lbs. who feels as hopeless as I did that life will ever hold anything aside from a butt-shaped indention on the sofa will read this and see that it IS possible and not wait another minute to make changes and begin to DREAM BIG!! But most of all, I run for those who can no longer run into the open arms of their loved ones, for those who haven't gazed upon the face of their loved one aside from a tear stained photo in 17 long years, for those who could not have known that it would be the last time they rocked or read to their little one...and that they would not be here to grow into the adults they dreamed of, I run to remember...and I will never, ever forget. That being said though....this race is a CELEBRATION of life and all that it can and should be....about having the courage to live boldly and accept challenges head on...and to be triumphant in the face of adversity, no matter what. I am so, so deeply blessed to have been but just a face in the very united crowd of 27,000 plus people who came from all over the country to celebrate alongside each other! So bittersweet it is over....so excited for next year....find your passion...get excited about it...give God the glory...it is the best...and only way to live!!!
Somewhere around mile 3 before the rain set in.
Crossing the finish line, soggy but with spirits soaring!
The picture says what words cannot. I was so honored to have crossed the finish line just behind the young man in black with the green bib, he lost his father in the bombing.
Cannot wait to do it all again.
I finished 28 minutes faster than last years time and knocked 14 minutes off of my only official 10k time. My garmin(I actually remembered to stop it this year,lol)had me with 13.22 miles in 3:14:06, my official time was 3:14:49 I think. I had to stop briefly at mile 11 to quickly stretch my calves due to some mild cramping. Other than a couple of "black toenails" that occurred way back during training, I am feeling great and ready to roll...saw a shirt at the expo I loved...it said "life is too short to have perfect toenails" lol! Amen! I was so surprised and encouraged by my time, I'm going to knock another 15 minutes off in the next year and be ready to attempt the full. YEAH!
So thankful to God that He has allowed me to have the abilities I need to experience all these wonderful things....don't sit back and think I'll start Monday...or even tomorrow...NOW,this very minute, is the time to take the first step towards the life you dream of!!! Don't let ANYTHING, not even yourself, stand in the way. "Go CONFIDENTLY in the direction of your dreams, LIVE the life you have imagined." ~Henry David Thoreau
Saturday, February 25, 2012
You never know when "it" is going to happen. Your eyes are wide open, every sense keenly aware...your brain making a choice, setting in motion a response that your heart was not invested in. You are present, in every facet of the word...as hand goes to mouth, repeatedly...excessively...defeatingly. I devoured every morsel of illegal contraband that I chose to allow across the border of my resolve last night. I chose.
I let an emotionally tumultuous week goad me into weakness. But defeat in the moment is something I am simply no longer willing to surrender to. It is not God's best for me.
You never know when "it" is going to happen. Your eyes are wide open, every sense keenly aware...your brain making a choice, setting in motion a response that your heart was not invested in. You are present, in every facet of the word...as the heart dictates a tempo...and the lungs fill in compliance to the call...the legs and feet moving in fluid accord...willingly...resplendently...victo
riously. Today I devoured every moment of one of "those" runs, the kind where I can literally feel an athlete emerge...breaking free in emancipation from a body that no longer "can't" or just "won't". I chose.
Some choices...we could stand to miss out on for having made them. Some choices...WE would miss out for NOT having made them.
"We are only one good choice away from being back on the path of perseverance." ~Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave
Thursday, February 09, 2012
I.Am.Struggling. It actually feels good to say, to own it, to acknowledge that things aren't where I thought or wanted them to be in this moment. Training for a marathon is a monumental undertaking for even the healthiest elite athletes. I knew it would be quadruple that for someone like me...heavy, semi-old and decrepit, and so desperately...S-L-O-W.
I have learned through the training for my two previous half-marathons, that diligence and commitment to training would be imperative for me to take on a full marathon. I knew that it would be time consuming and physically taxing, but I was not fully prepared for the sacrifices those around me would be forced to make as well, namely my children and husband, then secondarily, the state of disarray my home is in and size of my Everest-esque laundry pile, oy.
I had tried to factor in weeks that training would not go as planned, but missing two solid weeks to sickness has completely zapped the energy, distorted the focus, and erased the confidence that I had built up. The old enemies, fears and doubts about myself and my abilities have crept in through the tiniest crack in my resolve. They sneak in so small and quiet, almost undetectable...they lie in wait for just the right moment...and then before I even realize what has hit me, they are working tirelessly to hold me captive and debilitate me. Seeking to undo all God has so patiently been moving me towards for so long now. I have spent so many years afraid of what people think of me, afraid I am not good enough, doubting my worth and abilities...hiding from the very life I wanted to be living. Fear and doubt want to reclaim me...I cannot let that happen...how can two rough weeks be such a portal to this process?!
Just when I began to feel the immobilization setting in, God was so faithful to provide me(as He always does) with a message...a personal word for me, from Him...on Facebook. Yes, that's right...God is on Facebook ya'll. This is what He said in the form of an inspirational quote, unknown author, through a friends FB page: "It is better to have tried and failed then to have never tried at all and wondered what if. Thank God for successes and failures!"
I had already begun the process of reasoning myself out of attempting to reach this goal I had set for myself, been working towards...for years really. God's timing has been much different than the timing I have wished for in my own thinking. I have been frustrated and angry about that very thing several times in the past, but God was so good to keep me from being foolish and hurting myself when I was really not ready, mentally or physically, to take this on. In 2010 I was so stubborn and disobedient to the guidance God had given me in regards to the full-mary, that it took a severe case of plantar fasciitis to get my attention. God didn't make that happen, but He did allow it to happen....in order to keep me from completely crippling my fool self and likely experiencing a level of defeat that would have completely undone me altogether. I was beginning to feel the same way about this race. That possibly God was gently telling me...not now. But after reading that and after several other little messages He has gotten to me in the past few days, I am fairly certain in what I have felt since I started training this time....THIS is it. I try to seek God's will for my life before striking out on these crazy tangents anymore, I fail to do it as much as I succeed at it, but I prayed long and hard before I got my mind and heart set on 2012, and it truly seems in line with God's will.
I have to try. I want to try. I do not want fear of failure to be what I allow to keep me from trying. I do not want to let a fear of not finishing, keep me from being there to move at the herald of the starting gun. I have faith that this is where I am meant to be headed. I have faith and believe in the power of Phillipians 4:13 " I CAN do all things, through Christ who strengthens me." I am equipped to battle both fear and doubt like I have never been prepared to before. The truths that I learned in my Made to Crave bible study recently are still at play in my life right now. I am made for more...more than giving up on the life I want because I let the lies told by fear and doubt convince me to do so. Through Him, I am strong enough to pick up where I left off and keep moving to the finish line. I will have to work harder and longer than most, but I CAN do this. I need to hone my mental edge to it's original sharpness and that will only come with getting back out there. I am ready. I just have to relax and trust the process and be flexible with whatever it may bring. I must rely on my faith. Mountain...you better get ready to move.
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. NOTHING will be impossible for you." ~ Matthew 17:20
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