Monday, June 02, 2014
I have not been active on the website since March, and I have put weight back on. I have not been succeeding and this is due to the fact that I stopped being careful in what I consume and I give in to my lazy nature. I still walk at least 1 mile 5 days a week, but because I have not been watching my calorie intake, and I do not push myself physically, it has stopped my progress.
I do wear my activity tracker most days. I have come to realize that it does not work for me while at hip level, but any pedometer I have tried never worked for me at hip level. I have switched to putting it on my shoe and it seems to work much better for me there. I love how it tracks the difference between regular walking and exercising. I was able to get a more accurate time frame for how long it takes me to walk that mile.
At this time the only thing I want to promise myself as far as getting back on track is to keep wearing the activity tracker everyday and to be more careful of the foods I eat. I know the important thing about falling off is that I get back up and keep trying, but I am afraid that because I keep doing that over and over that I am not going to succeed. Part of me feels that maybe I should just give up and face the fact that I will always be big, but then part of me still desires to be thin, and to not feel tired all of the time. I have become so comfortable with who I am that I forget sometimes the reasons I joined in the first place.
There are a lot of things about myself that I need and want to change. First and foremost, I need to stop giving up and giving in. I always back off when things get rough instead of pushing through. I need to be more careful when setting goals and making promises. If I say I am going to do it, then I better make sure it is something I can do and follow through with. Most important, I need to be more truthful to myself. I cannot keep making excuses for myself when I am not doing what I should to stay on goal. When I lie to myself or try to hide my setbacks, I am only hurting my progress.
So here I am, Starting again. If I am being honest with myself and anyone who is reading this, then I cannot promise that I will not fail again during this attempt. But, I can say with all honesty, I will never succeed if I do not keep starting up when I fail. So I go on and hope that if I have disappointed anyone that believed in me before (including myself) that I can one day prove that I can make myself a better person inside and out, and finally succeed in all of my goals.