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So it's come down to this...

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I don't know why I bother jumping on the scale anymore. All it does is glare back in big red numbers and tell me that I'm doing things wrong. As of five this morning I have officially reached my highest adult weight. I told myself I'd never be up there ever again, but here we are... and I don't know what's causing it. I'm not eating any more than normal, I'm not drinking soda, and my stress levels aren't any higher than usual... but here I am, steadily gaining weight.

I said something to the boyfriend last night and got the "you're fine as you are" talk. Again. In his opinion, I don't need to lose weight. I carefully explained to him that not only am I seriously unhappy with my size and weight but thanks to PCOS the extra weight will cause complications that will kill me, and that kind of ruins our plans for immortality, now doesn't it. He said that he'd support me whatever my choice, but it's going to be hard...

Seriously, though, I don't know what's causing this weight gain.

I texted with my former roommate last night who has admitted she too is in less-than-ideal shape and wants to get together for our usual walkies and even invited me along as her guest at her gym that she admitted she rarely goes to. I told her we need to return to being a kick in the ass for eachother.

Boy howdy do I need it.

So here I am, getting ready for work, trying not to cry and give up on today. Good times my friends, good times. *sigh*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OSDOWNS 9/18/2014 5:54AM

    I too suffered from PCOS. It is so frustrating that your hormones wreak havoc with yourbody and making it so difficult to lose weight. Hang in there and talk to your doctor.
Have you had your thyroid tested?

Know you are not alone.

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OPHELIE 9/18/2014 5:48AM

    Do you track your food? I too thought that i was doing well with my nutrition until I started tracking, and realized that my perspective was biased...
Don't give up though, go for a walk with your friend, and maybe start going to her gym. Take your boyfriend's comments as compliments of his feelings toward you, and show him how you want to be. emoticon emoticon

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Super pre-shrunk for your esteem-shattering needs!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Sooo... I bought a few Halloween tees yesterday because it's that time of year and who would I be if I didn't score more witchy apparel... and I picked up my normal size... and... either the clothing companies are totally screwing with me or I am seriously too large to be allowed. Both tees looked plenty large on the hanger, but once I put them on they sucked to my torso and highlighted every bulge. Good grief, I looked so trashy and like I'd seriously let myself go.

And that's what it's come to.

Makes me believe I should re-think my Halloween costume this year. No one would take a fat Marceline seriously... next year, perhaps. This year I'll go with something corseted.

Just thought I'd put that out there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHCALSIX 9/19/2014 7:29PM

    It's not just you, the clothes styles are very tight fitting now and the fabrics they use now are ultra clingy. Everything I try on highlights my bulges ARGH!

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Couln't have said it better myself...

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

No surprise, I am a HUGE fan of The Oatmeal. What's The Oatmeal, you ask? The Oatmeal, AKA Matthew Inman, is a web artist who is just a wee bizarre who has several comics (and a book!) about struggling with "The Blerch" and dieting and why he runs ridiculously long distances. Now, I've never participated in any running/walking events, but if one of his ever comes within reasonable driving distance to me I am so there. :D
_chart - Why Dieting Is Hard
sponse - How your body responds to exercise - Dos and Don'ts of running your first marathon

Seriously, I love this dude. Not ALL his comics are about weight and running. Some are about cats. Some are about farts. Some are hilariously weird. A few are strange and yet tug your heartstrings something fierce.

But today, the pie chart really had me LOL'ing. I gave myself the hiccups for the THIRD time today because of this website. First happened at work, second was a list of hilarious questions raised about the Harry Potter universe on Tumblr, and third... pie charts. Oy.

That said... still avoiding soda, still chugging water... whee. :) Haven't been back out on the bike lately 'cuz I'm in a sewing crunch. Less than two weeks until I'm helping a friend with her craft booth. I may not be exercising like mad, but when I'm sewing I don't have any hands free for eating. Haha! And besides, I'd have to keep washing my hands to keep the fabric clean. And really, who's got time for that?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHCALSIX 9/11/2014 1:38PM

    Great job! Not big on running either but may participate in one some day. Getting the water in is super hard for me for some reason...

have a great day!!

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Get the behind me, sugary carbonation...

Saturday, September 06, 2014

As I sit here I'm consciously trying to keep myself from slouching. I am a horrrrrrrible sloucher. When I'm at my laptop I slouch. When I'm working at the computer at work I slouch. It's comfortable, it doesn't take effort, I just wanna slump over and... NO. Sit up straight, dammit. So here I am, forcing myself upward every time I start to slump. I can feel it in my back, which is why I wanna slouch over... It's a shame that my "desk" is waist high and makes it impossible to sit on an exercise ball instead of an actual chair... well, barstool. My desk used to be a display counter at work, but when the leased department left they put all their furniture and displays up for sale and score, I got myself a nice waist-high sewing/crafting table. My sewing machine is on the right side, and my laptop and Cricut is on the left. I have a swivvel stool I sit on to sew and type, since I'm constantly up and down when I'm working... but I still wanna slump. Sitting up straight is supposed to engage your core and make it stronger, but... it makes my back ache. Ugh.

So, I've been avoiding sodas for the last week. Down a pound, but I'm not sure if that's from avoiding sodas or just my hormones settling back down. When I'm home I'm dragging my glass of ice water from room to room. At work, I'm constantly ducking into the breakroom to chugalug from my gallon in the fridge. At restaurants I'm ordering iced tea (and thank gawd I live in the North were UNsweet tea is readily available. I cannot count the number of times I had to order straight water at Araknsas restaurants because they couldn't wrap their heads around tea that WASN'T syrupy sweet...). And you know what? I don't really miss it. I'm a Dr. Pepper fan. Unfortunately, it's never consistent. Rarely do I get a perfect glass; always too flat or not enough kick. Mr Pibb doesn't have that problem, but many places stopped carrying it to get Dr Pepper instead. Coke is okay, but not my favorite. I dislike Pepsi, unless it's Wild Cherry; then it's tolerable. I only drink Sprite when I'm sick, and Sierra Mist gives me headaches. Diet soda gives me vicious migranes. No one carries Jones Soda around here anymore (and that bites 'cuz they have fun flavors). Hell, even Jonathan is giving up having soda in the house. He's constantly drinking soda at home and water at work and the combination and amount gives him vicious muscle cramps when he's trying to sleep.

So there's that.

Wandered around the site a couple days ago and dug up some fitness tests. Did the push-up and the crunch tests. I'm average at push ups (my chest muscles gave out after 17) and good at crunches. If I did them faster I could easily reach excellent. *lol* I feel like that one chick in the movie Keeping The Faith, the one who was trying to get Ben Stiller's character to sock her in the stomach to show how awesome her abs were.

I was also going back looking at some of my old photographs. For some reason, I look totally normal from the front, but from the back I look malformed. What gives? *lol* It's got to be an illusion. I also looked at some photos a friend of mine took three years ago while we were out hiking. Three years and 20 pounds ago. Damn I looked good. :) Can't wait to get back to that.

Hell, I can't wait to go hiking again. The weather's cooling back down again, so I may need to get together with the old roomie and see if she wants to go hiking again. Beach hiking, fernwood hiking, russ forest... yaaaassssssss...


On the road again...

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

today I discovered a whole side of my town that I didn't know existed. :) And it only cost the city... what did the guy tell me? almost $700,000. *snerk*

I went to the Ren Fest with my family and my boyfriend on Sunday, and I had a great time... 'til I saw the pictures mom took. I heard somewhere that cameras add 10 pounds, but seriously, how many effing cameras were ON me?! Am I really that wide from the back? gawd, I have no waist. Ugh. And I was even in a corset! *sigh*

Also, very annoyed with myself that I didn't take my step tracker. I'd have made my goal before lunchtime. *lol* I'm talking about the Michigan Renaissance Festival in Holly, MI. It's a 17-acre perma-site that takes all day to browse and to see all that's offered. Jousting, comedy shows, music, competitions, food and drink, activities, all sorts of good stuff... like Tartanic! Eeeeeee, bagpipes!! ^_^ I've gone almost every year I could, and you bet your boots I dress up. :) I've found that you don't get pestered and harassed by costumed performers as much if you're dressed up. *lol* Bonus points if you're a little bitty kid or a stunningly accurate adult. My early 16th century Italian noblewoman's gown never fails to get complements.

Aviana, my soon-to-be-3 niece looked ridiculously adorable in her Hydrangea Fairy dress. Everyone, from other kids to the entire cast of princesses, went gaga over her. *lol* I just know as she gets older I'm going to be her go-to for costumery. :D

Anyway... yeah. Not happy with how I look on film. If I were about six inches taller I'd look fine. To me, it looks as though someone or something reached down from above... the Monty Python foot, for example... and squashed me down like so much play-doh. I look misshapen in photos. In my mirrors I look fine.

SOMEONE GET ON THIS. Invent a camera that doesn't do that weird distorting effect on one's appearance.

Today I had one of those ridiculously early morning shifts that had me running for freedom at noon, so I have the whole afternoon to do with as I please. Came home, grabbed the mail, put the chicken Jonathan oh-so-thoughtfully dethawed for me into the crockpot, gathered up the trash, and thought hey, since I'm already outside why not take the bike down to the brand new bike path down the street. SMASHING! Of course, this involved squicking myself out over all the cobwebs and bugs that have made the nooks and crannies of my bike home, trying a few different combinations on the lock until I hit the right one, lubricating all the moving parts (omg, I am so sorry I left you out in the rain!!), and finally wheeling it to my car where I've got a foot pump tucked into the milk crate o' junque in my trunk. Once I was inflated and lubed and everything was secured (water bottle, wallet, cell phone, etc) I was ready to go.

At first I thought I'd have to turn back early. Just getting onto the next street over was a challenge. Mind y'all, I haven't been out on my bike in, oh, all summer, so I'm well out of shape. I got down to the start of the bike path, which is a trial in and of itself because I have to cross a busy road in a blind area and then pedal for my life up a steepish incline. Then I get to cool my heels at a major intersection listening to the crosswalk light tell me "WAIT" in a very stern, 3rd grade teacher kind of way. Ding, it's my turn, I don't get creamed, and I'm good to go!

The new bike path is 3 miles from the intersection to the state line, crossing about 4 side streets, running parallel to a major thoroughfare... although, you'd never know it. The path is fairly gentle; no steep inclines or sharp declines. My only complaint is that there are too many blind spots where the path crosses the roads. I'd rather they cut back the foliage a bit so we can access traffic as we're approaching the crossing instead of having to slam on the breaks, stop, and then try to start off again.

Thing is, I'm 5'3" and I'm riding a bike meant for a tall man. The crossbar hits me right in the delicates when I'm standing, and when I've got my little wallet/phone pack strapped on the bar I slam into it with my belly when I brake too hard and come off the seat. *lol* The brakes are fairly new, and overly sensitive. I'm so used to riding with bad brakes that I have no idea how a working bike is supposed to behave! HAH! And speaking of a male bike... the seat isn't shaped for a feminine rear end. Yeah, Imma gonna be feelin' that tomorrow.

Anyway, the path is surprisingly lovely. I found myself surrounded by trees and flowers, bees and butterflies, and even a bunch of robins getting their last hurrahs in before fall migration. There's some charming wooden fencing up where there are any dropoffs or water access, and there are benches at either end with maps and info about the path itself.

When I got to the state line end of things I stopped for water and to look at the maps and info. I met an older couple who were visiting the area and were on a pleasure ride. I chit-chat with the gentleman for a little while about the area, about bikes, about the cost of the trail and the city's plans for connecting it to the Riverwalk and for expanding it towards Roseland. He reminded me so much of Michelle's dad. Full of quiet knowledge, with an air of unflappable calm. His wife, however, didn't remind me a thing of Michelle's mom. *lol* Michelle's mom is warm and smiley and full of good humor. This gentleman's wife was a bit standoffish. No matter. We parted and I headed back home, enjoying a look at the backside of an area of which I thought myself so familiar. I didn't realize how close I actually am to several places I frequent. "Holy cow... the shoe store is right there! RIGHT THERE! I could get my biking in and reward myself with NEW SHOES. SCOOOOOOORE!" *lol* There were also plenty of gas stations and such where, if I needed to, I could detour and get myself a water refill. Heck, I could even get to my bank on bike. Sweet.

So I made it back, and I feel like imitating my niece, clapping my hands and saying, "I did it I did it!" I seriously didn't think I'd have the stamina or strength to do the entire 6 miles, but once I got past the first one, the rest were a breeze.

Now to get myself to go out on the regular. THAT will be the struggle.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHCALSIX 9/4/2014 1:37PM

    sounds like it was a beautiful bike ride! emoticon
I hate cameras too lol, glad you enjoyed the festival, now I want to go to one!

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