Saturday, February 15, 2014
Captain's log, stardate 2/15...
The BF found a job, hooray! After almost two months of searching he's found employment as one of the most annoying people in the world. *lol* You know what I mean, those perky-as-hell folk that try to sell you something when you walk into a store. *snicker* As long as there are cougars out there interested in switching to DirectTV, he'll be fine. My BF is a seriously good lookin' dude, and the older ladies can't get enough of him. *lol*
Anyway... this is his second day and... oh my gawds, it's quiet as a tomb around here. Yesterday I about went up the walls because of how quiet it was. I'm so used to him being here that when he's not it feels far too empty. Wasn't I just enjoying this emptiness three months ago? *loL* Anyway, I spent yesterday doing laudnry, cleaning the apartment, and cooking. Me, cooking. And it was actually GOOD. *lol* Go fig. Today, I slept in. Today, I blew the dust off my go-to workout DVD (Hello, Carmen, how've you been!) and... wow. I used to be able to get through this DVD with no problems, but now I'm shaking like mad and had to stop several times to catch my breath.
I'm trying hard not to be harsh on myself. I've been sitting on my ass most of the winter, I can't let it get to me that I can't keep up just yet. I did it before, I can do it again. Just keep swimming until the snow melts and we can strap on sneaks and go run. Well, attempt to run for me. *lol*
I let Emily know when I was free in case she gets squirrly and wants to attempt walkies in the next week. We've finally hit the mid-winter thaw (40 degrees! HEAT WAVE!) and as long as I'm back in time to fix dinner (The first one home is on dinner duty!) we can go hit the riverwalk.
Someone remind me to go dig out my bike. It's... buried at the moment. I hate to think of the rust that's going to need removing. :P Really should have got a tarp. Grr.
I've been wearing my SparkTracker doohickey almost every day. When I wear it to work, I easily reach my step goal. Im a manager in a retail setting, and I'm constantly walking. I wore the tracker out of curiosity of how many miles I walk during my shift. Almost made 10,000 steps one night. *lol* I have a sale-set tonight, so I wouldn't be surprised if I did it again.
You know what irks me about work, though? Not the work itself (that's a whole 'nother story), but the fact that the majority of my coworkers have LOST weight while working there. They didn't change their diet, they didn't do anything outside work, but they lost weight. For me to lose weight I have to add working out before AND after work AND limiting my food to bird crumbs. *lol*
Speaking of food, I need to go fix some kind of lunch option before work. AND fix some kind of dinner option to take to work. Toodles.
Friday, January 31, 2014
I'm pissed. Angry-pissed, not falling-down-drunk-pissed (y'know, for those of you playing the home game 'cross the pond). I am seven pounds away from being at my heaviest recorded weight. I'm pissed at myself, mostly. I know better than this, but did I listen to myself? Nooooo. I let myself get comfortable and lazy and look where I am now. And I'm pissed.
I was standing in my kitchen this morning, all my cabinets and even the fridge door open, staring at the odds and ends, trying to figure out what to make for breakfast... well, lunch at that point, I should say... and I was irritated because it is damn hard trying to figure out a meal for two when both people don't care what they'll have and will have what the other person is having. Ugh. Anyway, I figured eggs would be good for me, but he doesn't like eggs, so... back to the drawing board. We have oatmeal, but we had that for dinner (Like I said, I'm down to odds and ends here). I ended up getting rather frustrated and ended up doing laundry instead.
A lot of this is cabin fever. I'm in lake-effect country, and other than work and groceries I haven't left the apartment. It's too cold to get out and do anything... I'm talkin' negative wind chills and ten minutes to frostbite. I'm supposed to go out on a dinner date with the ex-roomie, who is in the same boat I am at the moment, so at least I can count on her to make a healthy dinner date choice.
I explained to the BF my frustrations, and he's willing to alter his cooking style and habits to match mine. He too wants to eat better and get back to a running routine, but right now he's concentrating all his efforts into job hunting.
I'm too disgusted right now to even type.
On a positive note, two loads of laundry are halfway done, and bills are paid up. Once I fill up the car, I won't have anything left for groceries, though.
Last pay period I splurged and bought myself the Spark tracker gadget thingie. It came yesterday, and is sitting on my desk staring at me. I think I'll go get that hooked up and running. It can tell me how lazy I am in realtime. *snort*
Enough out of me. I have laundry to fold. Duces.
Friday, January 24, 2014
All that's in my head right now is Whitesnake. Yes, Whitesnake. It's been months since I've last made an entry (please excuse the inch of dust) and all I can think is, well heeeere I go agaaaaaain on my owwwwwwn... *snerk* Seriously, how many times have I abandoned SP and come back shamefaced? Twelfth time the charm?
Anyway... A lot has changed since I was last here. Jonathan finally graduated college and moved in with me. I'm ridiculously happy, but... he is a seriously bad influence when it comes to food. For the first few weeks we ate out constantly. And it shows. Every time I sit down and look down at my belly I shake my head. Every time I put on clothes that fit fine, or were even a little loose six months ago I sigh in defeat. Jonathan tells me not to think about it, that I'm fine no matter what shape I am or size I wear, but... ugh, I still feel... squishy. Jiggly. Like I'm swiftly approaching maximum capacity.
Normally when I feel like this I go outside. I go get on my bike and pedal until I can't think about it anymore. Normally. Right now it's 5 degrees outside with two feet of snow and a wind-chill warning... so, no biking for me. I thought about getting a memebership to the local Y so I could pedal indoors, but until Jonathan finds a job, I have no money to spare. Besides, a gym membership up here is ridonkulously expensive. Right now my exercise is either running back and forth between stations at work or happy-fun-sexy-times.
Really got to rectify that.
I'm at that point where I'm slightly afraid of food. Where I know I need to eat, but I don't want to. No worries, I get over it in short order.
I haven't weighed myself since just after Christmas. I came down with a flu that aggro'd my asthma something fierce, so I went in to the walk-in for some medical intervention. I weighed in at 174 in clothes, which is kind of funny because my home scale tacks on a pound and a half when I'm naked. Go fig.
It really doesn't help that work is a bucket of stress right now. Our store was picked for a remodel this year, and... no one is on the same page. The night crew in charge of the moves leaves the place trashed, and instead of doing the support work the morning crew spends their day picking up after the night crew. We're going nowhere fast, and we need to be done at the end of next week. Customers are constantly complaining that they can't find anything, which is like preachin' to the choir because neither can we! Every day something is moved and we have to reaquaint ourselves. Also, since our payroll is concentrated on the overnights, we have no one to run the store during the day. This was expecially trying when there were only two of us running the shop and I had to sprint the length of the store a couple times when a guest brought up an item with no barcode.
(Seriously, sometimes I wonder if people do that on purpose. Tear off the 'code and say, "Oh, it's x dollars" when we know that it's twice as much and we NEED the 'code to ring it in.)
Plus there was the whole unpleasant business of losing someone far too young. Oy. I have a friend named Dawn who is like another mom to me. She considers me another one of her kids, and we all have a wickedly fun time together. She has three daughters and a son; all three daughters have two sons each. The youngest, Cassie, passed away on the 16th. 21 years old, leaving behind two babies.
Anyways... I did measure myself. Kinda wish I hadn't. But it's a starting point. Gonna try this once again. I need to re-commit to myself. And I need to be serious with Jonathan about keeping me on the straight and narrow.
I explained to him a previous philosophy about how if I wanted junk foods I had to make them from scratch instead of buying them premade. I'm generally too lazy to actually make anything more elaborate than chocolate chip cookies. *lol* So it works for me. I also told him what foods I tend to keep out of my kitchen because I can't stop eating them, i.e., cream cheese. I now have to add wheat thins, sour cream -n- onion crackers, and those puffed caramel corn things to the list.
And because we have no microwave, my laziness becomes a huge plus. *lol* I have to cook everything on the stove or in the oven. No quickies for me.
So yeah. I'm shuffling back in, tail tucked firmly between my legs. Impatiently waiting for the weather to warm up so I can get outside and get active without dying of exposure... or activating my asthma. :P
Let's see how long this attempt lasts.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
When people have babies, I knit blankets. It's almost a Pavlovian response with me. Oh, your (insert relationship here) is preggers? BLANKET TIME! It's a simple pattern (See Stitch-n-Bitch, "Big Bad Baby Blanket"), it keeps my hands busy, and it takes care of the stitching itch that rears its head every so often. This time around it's my boyfriend's younger sister Samantha who is having another boy. I got my yarn, and I've been steadily stitching for the last few days. I'm about 55 rows in, roughly a third of the way done. Admittedly, I'm not exactly burning calories like whoa when I'm on my ass knitting, but think about it. If both hands are occupied, I haven't a hand left to snack with. ;)
One thing I like to do while knitting/crocheting/cross-stitching is catch up on TV. I tend to watch informative shows like Modern Marvels and the like... when it comes to fantasy tv, it's Doctor Who or get out. *lol* Anyway, I discovered there are six or seven episodes of Extreme Weight Loss on On Demand.
Now, for those who haven't heard of this show, it's about people who have hundreds of pounds to lose who contact this personal trainer to be taken on for a year of intense life changes to get down to a decent weight. I'm hooked, and I have no idea why! Anyway, they go through 4 phases, each consisting of 90 days. The first week is boot camp week where they bust ass and learn new eating habits and food prep techniques and such. Then they're released to the wild with a weight loss goal. Phase 2 usually involves some sort of personal crisis that involves intervention, and Phase 3 starts talks of skin removal surgery. The end is a big reveal and final weigh in which usually has the person reaching their goal weight. Like I said, no idea why I'm so fascinated by this show.
So there I am, watching this show, knitting my hands off, and I get to thinking. As of yesterday I was at 170. My ultimate goal is 135. Given my body structure, any smaller would be ridiculous. I'm only 5'3", but I'm muscly and sturdy. Seriously, smaller than 135 would make me look like Skeletor. My mid goal is 150. I've seen 150 once in my adult life... although, to be fair, I was down with mono at the time and because I'd dropped the weight so fast I looked like seven kinds of hell. *lol* The folks on this show are dropping up to 100 pounds in the first three months (137 in one rare case), which made me say to myself, "Self... if these people can bust ass and lose a freakin' HUNDRED pounds in three months, there is absolutely no reason why you can't hit your mid-goal by Halloween, or at least come really damn close to it."
After every row I knit I wanted to jump off the couch and go run. I am NOT a runner. Geez, I am one easily influenced person. Next best thing, walkies with Em. I text Em, she texts back... and out of nowhere it starts raining like a fool. Oh for Bob's sake, what is this mess. *sigh* After the rain stopped, I took out the trash. As I didn't want to be chatted up by a neighbor who was also taking out the trash, I thought I'd run to the dumpster and back. Yeah, remember when I said I wasn't a runner? Still not a runner. I barely made it to the dumpster and back. It's only at the end of the parking lot! Yes, I live on ONE end and the can is at the OTHER, but... Ugh. No stamina whatsoever.
At the beginning, before the boot camp, the trainer, Chris, asks the people he's helping what they want to do, what their goals are, what they see themselves doing... and it's always something about just living life. Keeping up with kids, living longer, doing things they used to enjoy but can't because of the weight... there's usually some noble, touching, emotional reason why they want to lose the weight. So I asked myself, "Self, what 's your reasoning? Why do you want to do this?" And I answered myself, "Y'know, I already do what I want. If I want to go to the beach in a swimsuit, I do. If I want to go run around the park, I do. I don't have sleep apnea, I don't have any seriously pressing health issues that threaten to take me out the game in my middle years... if I'm honest, all my reasons are superficial. I want to buy a sewing pattern and NOT have to enlarge it because it doesn't come in my size. I want to wear a fitted shirt and not look lumpy. I want to not jiggle."
So, while I was knitting, I imagined myself talking to this dude, and trying to come up with a better reason to lose weight, and what I wish to accomplish with my health... and I started snerking like a pervy little fool. One of the things that truly needs work is my stamina. Back in the day, I could go all night. I used to put on my headphones and dance for HOURS into the night. Not because I wanted to be thin, but because I wanted to MOVE. I would ride my bike all day. I would rollerblade up and down the driveway for hours. Nowadays, I can't do that. I CAN walk several miles without stopping, but that's fairly low impact and easy. Em and I can walk and hike from sunup to sundown. Strong legs, man. :) Anyway... the one area where my lack of stamina truly shows is the bedroom. :3 My boyfriend is a Marine, and has enough energy for twelve people. Me? The spirit is willing, but the flesh can't hang. It's become a running joke between us about how easy I wear out. I want to put an end to that. I want more energy, I want more endurance, I want to be able to be able to enjoy any activity without flagging. Imaginging myself explaining this to Chris only to have him giggle himself silly was oddly satisfying. :)
So anyway... I totally borked on the Barre workout I started in my last entry. It really doesnt' help that I bookmarked it on my laptop and had the laptop throw a wobbly, thus losing all access to said bookmarks. I'm working off the Desktop now. :P
I did take my bike out today. Managed to go from the apartment to the end of the riverwalk and back in a little over a half hour. Woo. My two complaints are 1) the blind spots along the path that have high potential for collisions, and 2) my road is so badly patched that riding it KILLS my butt. But I did it. My ankles were covered in hives (thank you, sudden cold snap, for dropping the air temperature and aggravating my skin), my ears were hurting like mad (once again, thanks, cold snap), the muscles at the front of my thighs were aching, and I felt like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs (thanks, asthma!), but I did it. Now to see if I can KEEP doing it. That's the issue.
One thing I was unaware of was that apparently I'm supposed to have a little voice in my head telling me that i can't do things, that it's pointless, etc... um... I don't have that voice. I have very sarcastic and snarky and hilarious voices in my head, but there's not a voice of defeat. Chris keeps telling these people to kick that voice in the teeth, but... if it's not there, what am I kicking? Listen, dude, if I gasp that I'm not getting enough oxygen and I'm getting dizzy, it's not a voice in my head psyching me out. It's a bad set of lungs that are starting to sieze up and prevent me from getting a full breath. if I don't take a moment to relax my lungs and get some air so I don't pass out, that's not whining, that's medical science. :/ Oh, and sometimes his particular flavor of peptalking makes my eyes roll of their own accord...
See, I'm a naturally sarcastic, snarky, funny person. Don't come at me with "Let's go team!" talk, and don't scream in my face about what you think I can do. The chipper pep talk always comes off as fake, causing me to respond with snark. The drill-sargeant act? Yeah, that will trip my stubbornness button and I dig in my heels. Oh, think you'll do the reverse psychology by telling me you don't think I can achieve something? *lol* Nope, not going to work either. I'll see your reverse psychology and just smile.
Honestly, it's that chipper peptalk stuff that annoys me the most about SparkPeople. Yeah, it's a site where we all boost eachother, but 99 times out of 100 it all comes off as soooooo cheesy and insincere. People leave comments and way-to-go's and... leave me turned off. I'm a solitary animal, I prefer to be mostly left to my own devices. I'm not looking for a cheering squad, just a point of focus. Hee, I sound like a total crabapple, don't I? :)
It's lunchtime... time to forage for nuts and berries before work.
Monday, June 17, 2013
So, in addition to my bike riding (ooh ooh ooh, I bought this cool little velcro pouch thingie that holds my ID and phone and stuff, it's so awesome! Now I don't have to shove all my stuff in my bra! Yay!) I decided to take up this Ballet Boot Camp thing I saw here on SparkPeople (it's actually over on Prevention dot com but I was linked from here). It didn't look out of my range, and I've always been fascinated by dance, even though the majority of my youth experience was six months of baton class... long story there. I'd just like to brag that I won awards for my marching form, and I was one of the only girls with enough poise and proper posture to be able to set my baton on my head and walk the length of the gym twice. If it fell, you did it until you succeeded. ALWAYS got it on the first try, thank you very much. :) Then again, it could be because I have a flat head. *lol*
Anyway... I'm a clumsy, spastic person, so naturally I'm drawn to things that promote better posture and grace. Not to mention it's great on the legs, and I already have good muscly legs as it is, so... I bought a 9" ball and two 3# dumbbells last night (when I bought the bike pouch, woo!) and today I started the program. I'd have started yesterday but I had this... I don't know what to call it. It was a twinge on the left side of my body, in that area between my butt and lower back. I'm sure the wearing of my sexy red slingbacks did nothing to help it. *lol* Yeah, excuses excuses. Anyway, it bothered me enough that I didn't want to cause myself real injury, so I took it easy. Sundays can be my rest days. :D
Today... today I did the first day. I'll admit, I didn't do ALL the reps they asked for, but that's okay. I wasn't expecting to pull it off completely, but I did more than half that was asked for the first few moves, and I count that a success. The last few moves I did ALL the reps. Woo! I was shaking a bit, but I wasn't in pain, and I'm sure my form wasn't the greatest, but I'm okay with that. I broke a sweat. Isn't that the main goal? :) Of course... that could be because it's hotter than dragon's breath outside right now. So... like last time, I'm waiting for the sun to go down a bit before attempting any bicycle fun, or enticing Em to go for riverwalkies.
The barre boot camp is a 25 day challenge. So... day one down? Yaaaaay! I'm also thinking about working on something else I found, a program to work "hip flexors" and what not in order to achieve a full split. I managed to do that ONCE in my entire life, and that was after a day of running around at a park, where I was all loose and limber and full of energy. This was also several years ago. *lol* But I pride myself on being more flexible than most, and I want to stay that way.
That's all out of me. Time for finishing laundry and a sewing project. ^_^
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