Tuesday, April 28, 2009
In memory of Adrian - July 11, 1982 to April 27, 2009
The last year or so I have endured the passing of a few friends and close family members. First there was Jeri, my dear friend of 30 years, taken by cancer. Other than family, Jeri was the only constant link that I had between my youth and middle age. Almost a year and a half later, I still think of her daily, and miss her presence in my life.
In the spring, Aunt Carolyn died of complications from open heart surgery, and within a month, Uncle George, after many years as a invalid, died from a brain aneurysm. A once close friend Judith died from complications of MS, and Kia from another degenerative disorder.
But those deaths, while painful, had been expected. Yesterday my cousin Adrian died. He was only 26 years old, about ˝ my age. He was a pedestrian hit by a vehicle. There are indications that Adrian may have intentionally taken his own life, intentionally stepped in front of that that moving truck. I guess only God knows if it was self inflicted.
I keep thinking, if Adrian were in so much pain, suffering so much that he would be led to end his own life, why didn’t he ask for help. I am certain that anyone and everyone would have stopped everything to help him. His mother and father, his brother, all would have done anything they could for him. He had a church community. I am certain that every member of that church would have done anything possible had they seen his need. The same could be said for my family, his aunts, uncles and cousins. And he must have had friends that he could have asked. Everyone of us would have stopped everything we were doing to help Adrian, if we had been aware of his need.
And then I realized that I, like Adrian, have not asked for help when I needed it. I have been dealing with my own demons for the last three weeks and I have not asked a single soul for help. It is true that I don’t know exactly what the problem is, so it is very hard to articulate my need. But I have not made any attempt to reach out and let my friends and family know that I am floundering. I did not say to my team mates, ‘ I am finding it very hard to stay within my calorie range’ or ‘I am eating without being hungry, and I cannot seem to stop myself’. I didn’t tell anyone that I was depressed and finding it hard to get up off of the couch to exercise, or prepare healthy foods. I did not give anyone the chance to help me. And I know, had I only asked for help, everyone of you would have encouraged me, and would have given me helpful advise. Some would have even prayed for me. And I would have found comfort in knowing that other people care about my problems, even the self inflicted ones.
I hope I have learned the lesson. I am going to try to reach out for help.
Adrian, I hope that you have found peace.