UUSUZANNE   47,190
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Here we go again ...

Monday, December 22, 2014

So once again I am going to try to at least find the track that I want to be on (can't get back on track until I find it, you see). I quit recording my foods a while ago, and haven't been on SparkPeople at all for weeks; I still work out with my trainer but with the holidays she won't be here for a couple of weeks now, so if I don't want to disintegrate completely I'd better get my act together.

Frank (hubby) is still in chemo; he has two sessions left. At this point the side effects are really starting to pile up, and he is exhausted, in pain (neuropathy and cold sensitivity), and generally miserable. I've started working on a large freelance assignment again (writing a test bank of questions for a new college physics textbook); I need the money but it's hard work (75 multiple choice problems per chapter, and I have 14 chapters left to do).

Today I recorded my foods and my exercise, and checked in with Spark Coach; I will take things a day at a time.

Oh - the other thing is that my Spark Activity Tracker isn't working right (again); it's only been recording about half my steps. I know that what really matters is what I do, and not what the tracker says, but it's frustrating and a bit demotivating. I'll write the help desk again and see if there is anything else I can do to get it to work. Sigh.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 12/23/2014 3:52AM

    Stay calm & keep on tracking & trucking

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Trying to come back

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

I was looking over my last blog entry, where I talked about how unfair it was that Frank has a hernia on top of everything else. Ha! Little did I know.

I've been struggling with staying on track anyway since Frank's cancer came back. Last Tuesday (a week ago yesterday) we went for his regular chemo appointment. He was in a lot of pain from what we thought was constipation - he'd eaten very little on Sunday (I've told him this is not really a good way to deal with his ostomy, but...) and then had a huge dinner; since then he'd had no output at all, which was worrying as he usually has to empty his bag quite a few times per day. They did an X-ray to check for a blockage; there was none so they started his chemo. However, he was feeling worse and worse, and after the first set of medications was finished, they sent us to the emergency room.

Well, guess what? It turns out Frank had a kidney stone! At least it wasn't the cancer (which we were very worried about) but still not fun. And talk about not fair!!! Won't he ever get a break??

They admitted him, gave him lots of painkillers, and waited for a few days for the stone to come out. When it didn't, they suggested removing it, which was done on Sunday. Afterwards the pain came back, so we wound up staying another night in the hospital and finally came home on Monday.

I always stay with him when he goes to the hospital; I just can't stand leaving him there. I worry too much. I am lucky to be able to do this; I am retired, and my adult son lives with us and can take care of the cats and dogs (that's our dogs on my background here). So I slept on a reclining chair for 6 nights, ate cafeteria food (or snack machine food), and got very little exercise.

I still haven't weighed myself; I can tell from the way my clothes are fitting that I've put some, if not all, of the weight I lost back on again. We're home now - yesterday they finished up the chemo that Frank had missed last week - but I'm exhausted, frazzled, anxious, and probably several other adjectives as well.

I know I need to stay healthy and strong - not just for myself, but also so I can continue to care for him - but it is SO hard to drum up the enthusiasm for it. Fortunately I have a trainer that I meet with 3 times a week, or I wouldn't get any exercise at all (except dog walking).

I know there's no magic formula for weight loss; I need to eat less and exercise more, and do it continuously. But I'm getting back to my old habits - I get stressed and reach for something - anything - to eat. And then I play a lot of computer games :-)

Thanks for listening!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLESSEDBEING 10/22/2014 11:19PM

    When you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed (as I am with a very unsatisfactory job situation), I always go back to babysteps. What's one small positive thing I can do? When my energy is really low, I don't feel capable of much, but I can do one small thing. Then next hour or next morning, I can do one more small thing.

Tiny steps will add up to progress, and I love knowing I've done something (however tiny it may be) for my own good and betterment! Don't know if this helps, but I'm cheering you on!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon

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Doing a little better

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Well, I am doing a little better although not a lot. I am still eating too much, and didn't weigh in last Sunday, but I've been recording most of my foods, and walking a little faster - even almost jogging a bit - with the dogs. It's still a struggle every day, though; many days I just want to curl up and stay in bed all day. But each time I go out with the dogs I feel better; as long as I remember that, and use it to motivate me, at least I should keep getting some exercise!

Also Frank has a hernia (apparently it is not enough to have cancer, as well as Crohn's and celiac disease, and an ostomy) so he can't walk the dogs at all - he can walk but I need to do all the dog handling. So I am. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGING-TURTLE 10/1/2014 4:55PM

    Keep up the good work emoticon emoticon

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Having a terrible time

Monday, September 22, 2014

Well, for a while there I quit recording my foods, quit exercising except for walking the dogs (which I got my son to do a lot of), and quit weighing in. I finally did weigh on Sunday, and have put on 3 pounds in 3 weeks. Not horrible but not the right direction either. I have recorded my foods so far today and plan to keep it up.

I have been really tired lately; I think Frank's cancer coming back is really depressing me. He's depressed too, didn't get up this morning at all. He doesn't want to eat, either (so I've been eating for him, I think, which doesn't work at all). He still can't get his ostomy bag to work, either; I've found some resources for him but he is still very upset and depressed about it too.

So there it is. I'm not doing either of us any good by falling apart, so I guess I will get myself back together again. Sigh.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UUSUZANNE 9/23/2014 5:54PM

    Thank you all for the support! It really does mean a lot to me. And I am doing a little better today. One day at a time...

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GRAMMIEOFTWO 9/22/2014 3:52PM

  You are not alone and I hope it helped you some to vent. Try to keep your chip up.

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KNITTINGNAN22 9/22/2014 3:42PM

    Don't be so hard on yourself. You are overwhelmed! No one can blame you! One day at a time can mean one moment at a time on those days that are so overwhelming. I'm not walking in your shoes but try to take a moment for "YOU" and go on a short walk with your adorable dog.

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MJRVIC2000 9/22/2014 3:37PM

    Faith makes everything possible; Hope makes everything work; and Love makes everything beautiful! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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End of stress blogs - how did it go?

Friday, September 05, 2014

Well, I don't know that I can call these last 28 days an unqualified success. I have not really thrown myself into the stress management program as thoroughly as I had imagined myself doing when I started. However, I have learned some good techniques for dealing with stress, and goodness knows I've had enough stressful situations to practice on!

The main thing I want to do is to keep working with my trainer. She's a counseling student as well as a physical trainer, and the 3 hours per week I spend with her are good for me in many ways. I tell her things I don't tell anyone else, and I know she will keep my confidences. This has been very useful, especially during these last couple of months. I am going to be sad when she graduates!

So that's about it for now. Have a good weekend, everyone!


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