Wednesday, October 22, 2014
I was looking over my last blog entry, where I talked about how unfair it was that Frank has a hernia on top of everything else. Ha! Little did I know.
I've been struggling with staying on track anyway since Frank's cancer came back. Last Tuesday (a week ago yesterday) we went for his regular chemo appointment. He was in a lot of pain from what we thought was constipation - he'd eaten very little on Sunday (I've told him this is not really a good way to deal with his ostomy, but...) and then had a huge dinner; since then he'd had no output at all, which was worrying as he usually has to empty his bag quite a few times per day. They did an X-ray to check for a blockage; there was none so they started his chemo. However, he was feeling worse and worse, and after the first set of medications was finished, they sent us to the emergency room.
Well, guess what? It turns out Frank had a kidney stone! At least it wasn't the cancer (which we were very worried about) but still not fun. And talk about not fair!!! Won't he ever get a break??
They admitted him, gave him lots of painkillers, and waited for a few days for the stone to come out. When it didn't, they suggested removing it, which was done on Sunday. Afterwards the pain came back, so we wound up staying another night in the hospital and finally came home on Monday.
I always stay with him when he goes to the hospital; I just can't stand leaving him there. I worry too much. I am lucky to be able to do this; I am retired, and my adult son lives with us and can take care of the cats and dogs (that's our dogs on my background here). So I slept on a reclining chair for 6 nights, ate cafeteria food (or snack machine food), and got very little exercise.
I still haven't weighed myself; I can tell from the way my clothes are fitting that I've put some, if not all, of the weight I lost back on again. We're home now - yesterday they finished up the chemo that Frank had missed last week - but I'm exhausted, frazzled, anxious, and probably several other adjectives as well.
I know I need to stay healthy and strong - not just for myself, but also so I can continue to care for him - but it is SO hard to drum up the enthusiasm for it. Fortunately I have a trainer that I meet with 3 times a week, or I wouldn't get any exercise at all (except dog walking).
I know there's no magic formula for weight loss; I need to eat less and exercise more, and do it continuously. But I'm getting back to my old habits - I get stressed and reach for something - anything - to eat. And then I play a lot of computer games :-)
Thanks for listening!!
Wednesday, October 01, 2014
Well, I am doing a little better although not a lot. I am still eating too much, and didn't weigh in last Sunday, but I've been recording most of my foods, and walking a little faster - even almost jogging a bit - with the dogs. It's still a struggle every day, though; many days I just want to curl up and stay in bed all day. But each time I go out with the dogs I feel better; as long as I remember that, and use it to motivate me, at least I should keep getting some exercise!
Also Frank has a hernia (apparently it is not enough to have cancer, as well as Crohn's and celiac disease, and an ostomy) so he can't walk the dogs at all - he can walk but I need to do all the dog handling. So I am.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Well, for a while there I quit recording my foods, quit exercising except for walking the dogs (which I got my son to do a lot of), and quit weighing in. I finally did weigh on Sunday, and have put on 3 pounds in 3 weeks. Not horrible but not the right direction either. I have recorded my foods so far today and plan to keep it up.
I have been really tired lately; I think Frank's cancer coming back is really depressing me. He's depressed too, didn't get up this morning at all. He doesn't want to eat, either (so I've been eating for him, I think, which doesn't work at all). He still can't get his ostomy bag to work, either; I've found some resources for him but he is still very upset and depressed about it too.
So there it is. I'm not doing either of us any good by falling apart, so I guess I will get myself back together again. Sigh.
Friday, September 05, 2014
Well, I don't know that I can call these last 28 days an unqualified success. I have not really thrown myself into the stress management program as thoroughly as I had imagined myself doing when I started. However, I have learned some good techniques for dealing with stress, and goodness knows I've had enough stressful situations to practice on!
The main thing I want to do is to keep working with my trainer. She's a counseling student as well as a physical trainer, and the 3 hours per week I spend with her are good for me in many ways. I tell her things I don't tell anyone else, and I know she will keep my confidences. This has been very useful, especially during these last couple of months. I am going to be sad when she graduates!
So that's about it for now. Have a good weekend, everyone!
Sunday, August 31, 2014
My husband and I met our minister for lunch on Thursday; I'd told her that he was having a really hard time dealing with the recurrence of his cancer, and she brought some materials that he may find helpful. One of the things she suggested was journaling; that's pretty much what I am doing here. I know these blogs are online where in principle a lot of people could read them, but I suspect that not too many are doing so.
So I continue to struggle with emotional eating. I was doing quite well back in March, when I finally realized that the person making all the decisions about what I eat is me, and that telling myself that I just can't control myself around food is not a useful message. I stayed quite mindful of what I was eating - and aware that every bite I took was a decision I had made - until my husband got sick in late June. Since then I seem to have forgotten that I am the one in charge of my eating, and have let it get out of hand quite a lot. Yes, there is a lot of stress in my life right now, but overeating isn't helping.
So I am going to keep remembering that I am in charge, and will make conscious decisions about what to eat. This should actually be pretty easy for the next two months, while we are still getting our weekly vegetable box delivery. In fact, I cooked up a root vegetable stew this afternoon, and little boxes of it are now filling my freezer while I enjoy a green smoothie.
I also need to fit in more exercise on the days my trainer doesn't come; that's the next project.
Get An Email Alert Each Time UUSUZANNE Posts