Saturday, June 15, 2013
I am writing this blog to remind myself of this struggle (and possibly the solution) I have with social eating. When I eat with others, I do not just overeat, but I binge eat.
Before I started my new way of life, it was the other way round. I would binge, when I was alone, but now binge eating only occurs, when I am with others.
When I sit in front of a full plate and I am not hungry anymore, I donīt just stop eating (well, that would be the easy way and why should we do that ;)), no, I eat faster in order to be able to finish the plate. Since I started my weightloss journey, I have always liked and needed to change my way of thinking. So when I walked through the city today, I was wondering, what mechanism locks in, when I am with others. So here are my thoughts: 1. I grew up with four siblings and a hungry father! (I am the third one and I have three brothers, with a great appetite). 2.I always thought, I eat too much, when I am around others, because something in myself was afraid not get enough food...this thought never helped me, because I found out 3. I am a competitive eater! One of the first compliments I remember, was my father saying, that he was proud that I tried every course of a 7 course meal. I was probably fife at that time. So now, when I am eating, I have to be faster and eat more than any person around me. That would also explain, why I am so annoyed, when my boyfriend asks me, if I am already full. HA! Heureka. Letīs see if that thought will help me to get over this habit. I will report it.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
in the last two days people came to me and asked me how old I was. I really donīt understand why that question matters. Today I took a taxi home to my place and I started to talk to him. We started to talk in Hebrew (I am currently in Israel) and then I noticed his Arabic accent, so I started to speak in Arabic with him ( i have been studiing spoken Arabic for about a year now). Out of the blue he just asked me how old I was. So I told him that I was 26. Apparently that was a big surprise for him. And I got very annoyed. He thought I were older, than I actually am. So I asked him, if I look that much older. He said, well, no...and mumbled something.
And two days ago I went to the hairdresser and he also asked me how old I was. And he was also very surprised that I am 26. It is so weird. This year, people thought I am 23 or I am 26 or older. I donīt get it. First of all, who cares? Second of all, i was always considered to be older than I actually am. My boyfriend said, that is because I have an old character? Sometimes I think situations like that make me look older....
Sometimes I wish, I was shorter, had a higher voice and be more...I donīt know...younger? Argh. So I went online and searched for "I look older than I am". Saidly there is no blog entry on Spark that talks about that. But, I found out, that if I take care of my skin, drink a lot of water and eat right (which is very hard for me), I will look younger. I feel younger, because I can do more sports. So anyone out there with the same problem? What are your solutions?
Saturday, March 30, 2013
So today was an interesting day. I went through my old closet and decided to throw away all old clothes that I havenīt been wearing for more than one year and that donīt fit me anymore. And of course I stumbled over these clothes, that I kept for the day I might fit into them.
Guess what: This day has come! So I tried them on and I realized one thing. Although I fit into them right now, they still donīt look good on me. So, they are just the wrong clothes. So, if I will ever gain my old weight back, I will not buy these clothes that I might ever fit into them.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Hello fellow Sparkpeople!
I have a confession to make. I am worried almost all the time. I am worried to fail in my exams, I am worried of moving to a new city, I am worried of being alone and most of all I am worried to never lose my weight.
I have been on a plateau for a few months now. Ok, honestly, this is what I wanted. I planed not to lose 20kg at once, but to do it step by step.
However since January, I have not lost a single pound and that annoys me and -quelle surprise- I am worried of never being thin.
I have the feeling that I donīt want to lose the last pounds, because I am afraid of never liking me. I thought I liked my new body and my new shape, but when I went to the beach last weekend I still felt extremly fat. A friend even said to me: Isnīt it annoying that you lost so much weight, but you are still not thin!
Wow, that was the meanest thing I could imagine. I guess it has also to do with my body type. I lose weight at my legs and sadly not at my tummy. So I guess in a bathing suite I still donīt look thin....but I can buy clothes in every store now.
So...argh, I guess I am just angry at this friend. What a mean thing to say!
And yeah, I am really afraid of never liking me. Now, when I compare myself to other thinner women, I realize that I am a normal shape, but they are still not happy.
So will I ever be happy with my big body?
Urgh so confused.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
So this is a blog entry devoting itself to the cliché of a new year being the time for new beginnings.
Last year was amazing. I lost almost 15 kg and I have been able to keep them of for the entire year! That would be the first time that I was able to maintain weight, that I have lost. Why? Because I knew, that I should stick to my diet and workout routine, even after I lost the first 10kg. I am very proud that I did not fall of the wagon and even when I did not eat properly and gained two kg back, I did not despair, thought about all the changes I had already done and went back to my current weight. Actually the fact, that I did not give up, was one of the biggest accomplishment this year.
I have started with Spark teams in 2011. Spark really helped me to exercise and then in 2012 I successfully started a new diet and successfully changed my eating habits.
So this year (and here comes the cliché) I want to lose the last 8kg and I will have a healthy weight for the first time of my life! So now, I just may not lose faith in myself, I want to be prepared when I am invited for cookies, pizza etc., I want to exercise regularly and I want to finally not to be afraid to be a normal weight girl. Yes, I admit, for a person that has always been the overweight one, it is a thrilling thought to be thin and not to be the fat girl.
In fact I am very pleased that I took my time for all these changes. Now I just want to reach the finish line!
I hope we will all reach some of our goals this year!
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