Saturday, March 30, 2013
So today was an interesting day. I went through my old closet and decided to throw away all old clothes that I havenīt been wearing for more than one year and that donīt fit me anymore. And of course I stumbled over these clothes, that I kept for the day I might fit into them.
Guess what: This day has come! So I tried them on and I realized one thing. Although I fit into them right now, they still donīt look good on me. So, they are just the wrong clothes. So, if I will ever gain my old weight back, I will not buy these clothes that I might ever fit into them.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Hello fellow Sparkpeople!
I have a confession to make. I am worried almost all the time. I am worried to fail in my exams, I am worried of moving to a new city, I am worried of being alone and most of all I am worried to never lose my weight.
I have been on a plateau for a few months now. Ok, honestly, this is what I wanted. I planed not to lose 20kg at once, but to do it step by step.
However since January, I have not lost a single pound and that annoys me and -quelle surprise- I am worried of never being thin.
I have the feeling that I donīt want to lose the last pounds, because I am afraid of never liking me. I thought I liked my new body and my new shape, but when I went to the beach last weekend I still felt extremly fat. A friend even said to me: Isnīt it annoying that you lost so much weight, but you are still not thin!
Wow, that was the meanest thing I could imagine. I guess it has also to do with my body type. I lose weight at my legs and sadly not at my tummy. So I guess in a bathing suite I still donīt look thin....but I can buy clothes in every store now.
So...argh, I guess I am just angry at this friend. What a mean thing to say!
And yeah, I am really afraid of never liking me. Now, when I compare myself to other thinner women, I realize that I am a normal shape, but they are still not happy.
So will I ever be happy with my big body?
Urgh so confused.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
So this is a blog entry devoting itself to the cliché of a new year being the time for new beginnings.
Last year was amazing. I lost almost 15 kg and I have been able to keep them of for the entire year! That would be the first time that I was able to maintain weight, that I have lost. Why? Because I knew, that I should stick to my diet and workout routine, even after I lost the first 10kg. I am very proud that I did not fall of the wagon and even when I did not eat properly and gained two kg back, I did not despair, thought about all the changes I had already done and went back to my current weight. Actually the fact, that I did not give up, was one of the biggest accomplishment this year.
I have started with Spark teams in 2011. Spark really helped me to exercise and then in 2012 I successfully started a new diet and successfully changed my eating habits.
So this year (and here comes the cliché) I want to lose the last 8kg and I will have a healthy weight for the first time of my life! So now, I just may not lose faith in myself, I want to be prepared when I am invited for cookies, pizza etc., I want to exercise regularly and I want to finally not to be afraid to be a normal weight girl. Yes, I admit, for a person that has always been the overweight one, it is a thrilling thought to be thin and not to be the fat girl.
In fact I am very pleased that I took my time for all these changes. Now I just want to reach the finish line!
I hope we will all reach some of our goals this year!
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
So this week has been interesting. Last weekend I visited my parents house. It was the first time in months that I went there without my boyfriend and I knew it would be very exhausting for me without him.
So I stayed at my parents house for a two days. I usually know that I tend to overeat at my parents house. Not because they are such great cooks or anything, but because I feel such a pressure when I am there, that I donÂīt know any other help than stuff myself. It was the first time in months that I wanted to stuff myself with noodles. I am not talking about just eating noodles, no, I mean eating so many noodles until your stomach hurts. However hehe, instead of giving in that craving, I just decided to eat something small and spicy. It was weird and a bit sad to notice that the Harisa sauce satisfied my wish for noodles. It is sad, that I have the inner tendency to hurt myself when I am at my parents house. I think the burn of the spicy sauce satisfied that need for pain. I am however very proud to solve the symptom by eating the spice. That will be my strategy until I really find out, why i want to hurt myself when I am at my parents house...
Another thing happened yesterday. I had a huge problem at the university that really threatened my future career. I was very upset. However instead of stuffing myself with food to feel better (not to hurt that time), I lay down in bed, watched a bit crappy TV and then got up again and started to think about how to solve my problem. My boyfriend even suggested that I should buy some alcohol to get over that very difficult afternoon. But I decided that I had done so many bad things to my health simply by being overweight, that alcohol or any other drug, should not be the next best solution in a crisis. Watching TV helped me to collect myself, than I went to a party ( ok there I drank alcohol) and today I went shopping and bought my first shorts in years. I am so so glad, that my coping mechanism get better and better. Instead of being angry at myself and eating (and than feel even worse), I accepted my mistake, was sad for a bit and than decided to accept the challenge that is facing me right now. I remembered how I trained for a 5 k and how amazed I still am that I can run it. I didnÂīt get there by sitting at home and wishing, but also not by destroying myself, but by constant slow and patient effort.
I watched The Biggest Loser last year and I always wondered why those people say that they especially changed in the inside (it is reality TV, so I still donÂīt believe them). But in my case, since I took my time, it really happened. I am amazed and I hope that I can keep up this thinking.
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