Saturday, September 25, 2010
Last night, I clicked the "add a blog entry" link in my In my sparkpoints tracker. I opened the blogging window and...started to cry. This crying thing, so unlike me, was a trend yesterday. When the nurse at the clinic I've been going to since my husband lost his job (and our insurance) back in March '09 asked what was going on today, I teared up a little. When, before she left the room to bring in the PA, she asked if she could pray for me, I thought she meant to add me to her prayers. I'm not religious. At all. And folks preaching at me is generally a huge annoyance that I only don't react angrily to because I admire their ability (and respect their right) to believe. As long as it doesn't cross the line into crazy wingnut. Plus, I'm just a nice person.
I totally didn't expect her to touch my arm and bow her head and ask with soft voice, in great detail, that I be healed... Yeah, I'm tearing up again. I'd never seen her before, she didn't know me. But to finally be open and honest, to say to another person "I need more help, I can't do this anymore" and for her to respond, not only by bringing me a PA with the powers to give me better drugs but to offer me *her god* as well?
So. The blog window was still open when I sat down to my desk today. Still here. As am I. I got some new meds, one for which the second sentence of the thirteen paragraph IMPORTANT WARNING (as opposed to the plain old ordinary regular warnings, which follow) mentions "may cause death" and another to help counteract some of the other--non death--side effects of the first. Oh, and I got a parking upgrade. But only a temporary tag because this new med is going to work and help my knees so I can walk for exercise and train for another damn 3-Day, if I want.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I bought a knee brace today. It has metal hinges and wraps around, rather than slipping over the foot. I'm having a hard time reaching my foot without hurting my knee. Plus, you know, fat thighs just make things like a slip over knee brace roll down.
So anyway. Yeah. Knee brace. I was hoping it would help get me back out walking sooner. Blah. Just as I feared, the damn thing does. not. fit. I can stretch the lower (below knee) band tight enough to overlap but the top one is several inches from meeting, much less overlapping. Swelling and fat. The very things that contribute to my knees being so screwed up I can't walk keep me from wearing a knee brace that might help.
I need to lose weight in hopes I'll be able to exercise in order to lose weight.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Huh. Just a couple posts ago, I talked about how much I hate doing the same damn thing over and over again. Um. That was something like three years ago. And here I am again. Bigger than ever. How truly disappointing.
The good news is, I quit smoking almost seven months ago. After thirty five years. Sure, I quit a few times over those years but never for very long. And never forever. Now, it's forever. Because I know if I ever picked up another cigarette, I couldn't do this again. I did it, I'm done...I'm an ex-smoker for good and ever. Amen.
I went easy on myself. OK, really it wasn't easy. It was permission to eat whatever I wanted. Chocolate and chips? Why not? As long as I don't smoke. Donuts, bagels, homemade french fries, cinnamon rolls. Yes, I'm a carbovore.
And now? Now I can't walk. I've been off my RA meds for far too long (med insurance, yes we need it. I'm in too much pain. The extra weight makes it even worse. I need to take some pressure off my knees to see if that makes them better enough to function again with meds.
So. Here I am, again.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
1) Make a list of at least 3 reasons you want to lose weight
2) Post one thing that YOU WILL DO TODAY that will help you reach your goal
My 3 reasons--
1. to buck the family trend of obesity, diabetes and heart disease (both my grandfathers died of heart attacks, my dad has type 2 diabetes, my mom and her mom both have had their knees replaced...my mom, her brother and his two kids have all had weight loss surgery--scary! )
2. to feel better about and in my body--more confidence and energy
3. to set a good, healthy example for my children and teach them how to be healthier so they're not stuck in the family cycle of bad health
I am going to exercise (either walk/bike/skate outside or ride my stationary bike) and stay within my calorie and nutrients range
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