TWILIGHTMOM's Recent Blog Entries

Its starting again.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

shaking my foundation.
last time at least I could work.
oh. oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.oh.
last time my mom was here and she held me and told me I would be ok.
last time we only had one kid.
last time we weren't looking at high school tuition...or any tuition.
last time we had a safety cushion.
last time we SPENT the safety cushion.

I am spazzing right now.
I will probably get through this.
I feel shot in the chest.
I will get through this
I will be ok.
I just have to get through this panic.
I will be ok.
I will be ok.
I will be ok.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYZABELLE 3/14/2009 1:50AM

    Sorry you are going through so much. I will be praying for you.

It is the weekend so I have time to come online to post!
I missed you all so much! Weigh in is tomorrow! EEK!
Sorry but my laptop is still not back! Time to catch up
on my friends blogs and pages!
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emoticon FOOD FIGHT! Toss some at your friends!

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SWIMGIRL 3/8/2009 2:11PM

    On that creative thinking front, have you heard of Angel Food Ministries. It a great program open to anyone. No financial proof of hardship needed. It's helped stretch our food budget a lot this past year. Generally, you make your order by the second Saturday of the month & then pick it up on the last Saturday of the month. Each site varies a little on times. Here's their site address: Check it out, maybe it can be a resource for your family.

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SWIMGIRL 3/8/2009 1:53PM

    I'm sorry your going though this stress right now. You will make it through this. It is a pay cut, but he still has a job. Like Dusty said, it's time to start thinking creatively. Use those mad computer skills you've got. emoticon

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CANNOTFATHOM 3/6/2009 9:23PM

    Sorry you have these stressors in your life!


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.DUSTY. 3/5/2009 10:23PM

    Get a grip girl! You WILL get through this! Time to start thinking creatively. How about looking in to selling on Ebay? So many do and it would be a great way to help get you through this. emoticon

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KELLEYCAN 3/5/2009 8:58PM

    You will get thru this. It will be ok. God is holding you close and will take care of you. No matter what happens, you will be okay. Hang in there!! {{{Hugs}}}

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Historic presidential election—how do you feel?

Friday, November 07, 2008

One of my teams has this thread running. I put this there, but worked on my response for a while. I thought I would put it in my blog. Apologies to those who read it there.

I had written a long post the day this thread was first put up, hit the wrong button and it was gone. I was so upset I just put it on the back burner with the idea that I would come back.
I still agree with what I said, but with the ensuing days I am glad I have a little more information.
I wasn't thrilled with either candidate; I was concerned about McCain's age and Obama's inexperience. I liked some of McCain’s ideas, and some of Obama's. I hated some of McCain's ideas and some of Obama's. I wished I could just mesh the two together until I got what I thought would be the best mix.
I voted for McCain...but knew in my heart Obama would win. I was okay with that.
While this is truly a sign that America as a whole is not looking at African Americans as unequal or inferior, I worry that extremists will try to harm him. This would be very bad...for one, just because I believe he is a good and decent man, but for two it would be terrible for our country. I pray for his safety each day, and hope others will too.
I am very impressed with Senator Obama's work ethic of getting right down to business. He has a lot to learn and get together for January and he seems to be taking this seriously. He seems to be focused on the job now. His demeanor has changed...he seems more Presidential. He is inspiring hope and trust in me...I am surprised and pleased.
I was also very impressed with both men and their speeches after the results. I was especially touched when Senator McCain called President-elect Obama, "My President." Whether we voted for him or not, he is OUR President (elect), and we need to support him if we are going to get out of these crises.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMMASMART 11/13/2008 11:38PM

    That's exactly what I meant. Just because the election is over and it went my way.. My work is not done. I think I am going to have to pay attention to politics local state and national to ensure that we do feed the poor, insure the uninsured. Just because Obama wants those things and he President-elect doesn't make them happen automatically, it takes political will. So letters to the editor with copies to my congress man and the New Pres. I want them to know who I am and what I think. My work is not yet done... I'm talking about me. I mean this is my job. Anyone else who wants to take it on, I'd appreciate the support!


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EMMASMART 11/12/2008 11:46PM

    I'm happy about the election but I cannot rest. There is so much else to do. Feed the poor, insure the uninsured my work is not yet done. I have to do my part!


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BONNIE627 11/8/2008 8:55AM

    Well I am happy with the election results. I voted for Obama mainly because of his health care program. I agree that we should all pull together.. I did not like Bush but I did not cry and carryon like some are doing... I agree that this mans safety is very important. People have already tried to kill him and it was discovered before they got the chance. I do not know why people cannot live and let live. We are a nation with some of the greatest opportunities and people want to complain about it. you have a great day.. hugs, Bonnie

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FITTOFIGHT1974 11/7/2008 12:01PM

    From what I see in person and on tv, its the eastern Europeans that are causing problems (Turks, Romainians, Bulgarians etc) that the western Europeans are not happy about. NOW that isnt color, thats ethnicity. However we live on a British post with 16-other nations and we, the US, are highly sensitive to the PC and EEO thing. We listen to the Brits say certain things and we're like, 'wow that is so against the law in our country' and probably is with them, but we've learned how not to say it.

I just wonder, if people saw the military commercials I see and the military life I've led (as an active duty member, now reserves) that the military is colorful in all ways.

I think because we're America built on a very different platform of values and morals (that other country's do not espouse) that we are held to a very high level of standards that our electing a black President is now the open door for other nations. We have been expected to do this for a LONG time. Now we will be expected to choose a female leader which, as we know has been superceded by many countries already. I think the hindrance with electing a female is the fact that we're a very macho country. We have very strong foundations of war and strength that it would be hard for many to see a woman take those reigns. Britain was/somewhat is a military powerhouse and they've had a female PM but their culture is different too.

Lengthy sorry.

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FITTOFIGHT1974 11/7/2008 11:33AM

    I voted for McCain to but Obama is someone I will serve for, willingly. It's interesting how many (if not all) countries were looking to us to vote in the first black President when so many European countries are so phobic about other cultures/ethnicities that it will be a long time before we see it in the EU. They think we had/have problems??

At this point, 2 days later, all of us who are grumpy about our candidate not being elected need to move on. I am. We just have to see what happens and if it pans out, better for us. If it doesnt, we didnt vote for it :)

I liked you blog. I hit the 'I like this blog' button too.

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Help(whimper , whimper)

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Today started out pretty good, but as the day is progressing I am slogging into familiar territory. DOWN! So, then I decide to write about it, but I don't have a clue as to where to put it. Part of me thought, start a post, then blog, but I'm not sure I'll get help this way...maybe cut and paste to both.
I am facing this bottle of water. I have had 3 cups today, ordinarily I can get my water in before noon (If not I'm up half the night), but today I just can't get it in...
I read the motivational article this morning--it was wonderful, but here I am doing exactly what I don't want to do---beat my self up because I'm not drinking this stupid water. On top of that I'm feeling whiney and I'm hurting, and WAHHHHHHH emoticon!
I looked at my motivational images, that helped for a little while.
I hate feeling like this.

Post Script...About an hourand a half later...!
I was wondering if I was hungry...I frequently think I'm hungry when I'm blue, so I thought about how long it had been since I had been a while, so I waited a little longer('bout half an hour) and got some lunch. I feel a bit better. Not quite so whiny. I still hurt, but now I can take some more meds too. The water...ugh, but I see some really supportive comments about this blog and they're very helpful. I'll try some of them. Some of them I knew but could not seem to pull out of my brain. Thank you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMMASMART 9/13/2008 1:54PM

    I will subscribe to your blog after I press Post Comment. It may take me a couple of days to catch it.. But I will watch your blog. I agree with .dusty. that the message boards are for quicker advice! But don't worry about not having readers because I will be subscribed in a hot minute.

I'm sorry you were hurting that stinks. I hope it's much better by now.


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.DUSTY. 9/3/2008 11:50PM

    Hi Ann! Personally I think water is over rated. Drink what you can and then fuhgedaboutit! Some days you'll drink more than others. Why add the extra stress?

(From Ask The Experts / SparkPeople)
"The latest recommendations from the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Science, Dietary Reference Intake for Electrolytes and Water say:

"The fluids consumed do not have to be only water. Individuals can obtain their fluids from a variety of beverages and foods. Contrary to popular opinion, consumers do not need to consume 'eight glasses of water a day' to meet their fluid needs."

Unsweetened Coffee and Unsweetened Teas, Low-Fat (1%) or Skim Milk, Non-Caloric, Artificially-Sweetened Beverages, Fruit Juice (1 serv.), Veg. Juice (1 serv.)

How about watermelon once in awhile? When you start feeling down can you go out for a little walk (I know you get knee and back pain) or sit on the porch?

Not everyone reads blogs and I hope the next time (or anytime) you're feeling sad post on the team! Cut and Paste is just fine!

Take care and BIG emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/3/2008 11:49:29 PM

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SUSIEMT 9/3/2008 8:33PM

    Wow! You have two really smart women that responded to you already. I can only add for the third time..don't beat yourself up. Give yourself permission to have that off day. You just might be better for it. Ask that sparktean what she thinks.

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DEBORAHMM1 9/3/2008 2:08PM

    I agree! Try not to be too hard on yourself, ok? What would you tell someone you care about who was upset about this? Be that kind to yourself - you deserve kindness! Guilt doesn't motivate - but kindness and understanding does!

Be your own best-friend!!


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FPH2013 9/3/2008 1:38PM

    Try switching things up. Sometimes, I make this water by putting in whatever I have around..cucumbers (sounds weird but refreshing), lemons, oranges slices or apples whatever, add on or two a dash of cranberry juice, some ice and water and VIOLA..its refreshing and I can drink it by the ton. It's just a nice switch when water it too hard to get down. But there are plenty of other alternatives out there..maybe one or two glasses of those a day can help.
You can do it. Don't beat yourself up over water....silly....tell yourself how wonderful you are for always drinking your water and give yourself permission to have an "off" day. This is a lifestyle change, not a be perfect every single day til the day you die change! Good luck

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Introducing my inner pieces

Monday, August 25, 2008

My name is Ann. I joined Sparks in July. I don't know exactly how much I weigh...I can't find a scale that will weigh me.
I have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful husband. I want to be here for them…when I say “here” I mean on the Earth, not in it. My kids can’t feel me hug them from Heaven.
I want to be here for them, and to do that I have to do something about my weight. I have always been fat. For a long time, I was fat and fit--flexible, active and capable of anything I wanted to do. Of course, I thought I was awful because I was fat...everyone said you could only be fit if the scale said something particular. When I hit my mid thirties I started gaining weight and I got hurt at activity suffered. I got depressed and then my activity suffered more. I didn't eat that much more than I had, I just didn't do ANYTHING. then I got hurt again, and gained more weight, then more depressed then really didn't do anything.
The last time I stepped on a scale, I weighed 409. That’s been 6 years or more ago, and I know I’ve gained more weight.
My blood pressure is up, I’m on meds to regulate it. I don’t have diabetes, but that’s ONLY good genes, and not necessarily going to stay that way. I have symptoms of sleep apnea (according to my husband), and I have arthritis in my hips, knees, spine, shoulders and hands. My biggest concern is that I can’t breathe. I move from one place to the other and I breathe so heavily that I feel like I’ll never catch it. And I’m not talking far…from the chair to the bathroom is only about 6 or 8 feet. From the family room to the kitchen is only about 20 feet. I get there and sound like the big bad wolf on a smoggy day.
But, I have a lot to live for: My beautiful children, my wonderful husband. I have good friends. I love my family. So now it’s time to do what I have to do to.
I told someone recently that it’s only as hard as you make it…I am trying to stay upbeat and keep this fun and not hard. I don’t want to be obsessed, just concerned.

I did an avatar; the largest it would do is over 100 lbs less than my last known weight. Even my “before” avatar is a medium range goal!!
A friend here on Spark people has challenged me to set some real goals and be accountable for them…I am taking her seriously and have started to write them down. It’s truly scary, and exciting too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNEL38 8/25/2008 3:58PM

    Hey, we're all in this together - and it is scary - because change is scary, but we all have made the decision to change our eating patterns and amounts, our exercise levels, and our committment to good health. SparkPeople is a great place to do all of this as it will give you the information and support you need. I too have battled weight most of my life, but while I have lost weight in the past - I have never been able to keep it off. For me the missing piece was exercise - and now I am exercising as I lose and I feeling so much better and hope the tools I am getting from SparkPeople will help me with the healthy lifestyle I want. Good Luck with your journey - you have made the most important decision - TO START!

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LADYJANE126 8/25/2008 2:30PM

    You've taken the first step. SparkPeople is a great place to find support and motivation and encouragement. You can do this!!

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