Sunday, May 31, 2009
Today is about how to maintain this "commitment" vs "interest."
I am so feeling this today. Not feeling at all committed. So sleepy. But still, I managed to get out and get some exercise. It's a matter of just doing SOMEthing, so I don't get out of the habit (even though I'm not really back into the habit yet.) It's not letting "one day" go buy without exercise, or diet, or whatever else, because it then becomes the next, and then the next, and then you've lost everything you've gained. So, today sucked when it came to eating (my grandma's house is always a hazard), but at least I got out and exercised.
The homework assignment for today is to come up with three things that I WILL stick to this week.
I guess number one is exercise. I've managed it so far, despite the agony of laziness that has overcome me. Hopefully I get more in before the day ends.
The next is I think this blog. It's keeping me thinking, and somewhat accountable, so I'm all for it.
The third, and last, is always water. I can feel that I'm thirsty, which of course means that I'm already dehydrated. Shooting for at least 8 cups today. I should probably get more, but that's pushing my current habit capabilities already.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
This blog is about, as you may have guessed, commitment. Specifically, I'm to come up with a plan for how to be committed, and list how I've already demonstrated commitment.
In thinking about this, I realize it's hard to plan to commit, lol. Internally I feel like you've either got to do it, or not. Perhaps this attitude is my problem. Many times I've started, motivated to succeed, but after a week or so my passion fades and I fall off the wagon. But still, since I've joined Sparkpeople I've lost 16 pounds from my highest weight and that's nothing to sneeze at and shows a certain level of commitment. Certainly my health is something I think about almost everyday, even if I don't take appropriate action to improve/preserve it. The trick is converting "thinking about it" to "doing it" and keeping myself consistent.
But still, I'm having a hard time coming up with a way to be "committed" in a useful way. I've tried several motivation tactics before, but I never seem to pay attention to them in the long haul. I've journaled. I've tracked. I've got pictures of what I want, and who I want to be. One of the problems is, I have no real memory of what it is to be thin and so my goals seem somewhat unattainable on a visceral level. I've always been a chubby child and I haven't been below a size 10 since I was in puberty. The last time I was a size 10 was during softball sophomore year in high school and I had a coach driving me to strength train, sprint, run miles, etc. I fit easily into a 12 at the start of it, and only into a 10 after about two months of consistent training. Soon after the season ended I got back up to a 12, which I'm still at. That's certainly not terrible, but it's also nowhere near what I want to be.
Perhaps my key to commitment is examining what I've already got. I think one thing that being overweight has taught me is to appreciate the health that I DO have. I don't want to sound arrogant with it, seriously, but the truth is that my body is young and I like it. I'm only 23 and right now that's my only saving grace. Even if it's not fun I can run when I want to. I can hop into the back of a truck easily, using the tire as a spring board. I don't creak when I get up from kneeling or when I get out of bed. My muscles respond when I want them to do so with relative ease. The fluidity I've got that is the unearned benefit of youth is something that I don't want to waste. I think it's totally possible to keep "youth" for a long time if I just start taking care of my body, especially if I do it before it starts breaking down from the undue wear and tear being overweight lays on it. Being overweight runs amongst the women of my family, and they all tell me to get fit now, while it's still easy and my body responds quickly. They say it gets harder as you get older. Obviously I'm not "older" yet (whatever that means) so I have no experience that says things will get harder, but I recognize them as reasonably intelligent women (hi Mom if you're reading this :P) so I'd better listen to them.
Perhaps maintaining "youth" is an unduly optimistic or foolish goal. My body WILL age and change its response patterns, but I plan to accept that gracefully, taking joy in a life well lived. But that's for then, and this is now, and I'll be better able to enjoy my "now" in preparation for "then" if I'm healthy.
Historically I've tracked my food intake, but not so much my exercise. If I think about it I'll mark down "30 min cardio" here or there, but not much more. But my mom is always telling me to keep track of exericse, and that if I'm consistent I'll be able to see tangible result. I'll get stronger; I'll get faster; I'll be able to do more with seemingly less effort and it will all be there in my logs. These goals are really what I want to meet. Today at least (no promises for tomorrow) I don't even really care about the weight loss. Today I want to be strong, and I want to be fast, and I want everything I do to seem effortless ;P
So I guess that's it. Yesterday I was floating aimlessly, content with the status quo, healthy because God has graced me with health and for no other reason. Today I'll start being healthy because God has so blessed me, but also because I won't take my health for granted.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
One of the Sparkteams I'm on (Go BLC Green team!) has started a motivational e-mail campaign with homework assignments which I like. I've going to try and keep up with them, and blog about them as often as possible. While it'd be great if I did these things on my own, most important things in my life require shoring up by community, and so this should be helpful in the extreme.
There have been two such e-mails so far (and I forget in which order they came) and so I'll be responding to both of them in two posts.
The first is in regards to negative behavior. The assignment is to be introspective, figure out how I'm holding my back, and make the proactive decision to change my attitude. I'm actually finding it hard to put my thoughts into concrete thought bubbles, but so far these are my negative-->positive mental transformations in no particular order. We'll see if I can practically apply them, but for the moment, this is where I want to go, or where I've already arrived.
1.) I used to go through life disgusted with myself, but unmotivated to change. Now I'm committed to bettering not only my body but my state of mind as well.
2.) I used to be hungry all the time, but now I make wise food choices and hunger no longer controls me.
3.) I used to be fat, but now I'm "curvilicious" ;)
4.) I used to lack confidence, but now I recognize my strengths and will work through them.
5.) I used to undisciplined, but now I've got a sensible plan and it's going to work great.
6.) I used to struggle alone, but now I've got community to help me through, and for me to help.
Still a little bit garbled, but the need for a plan, community, and self-confidence are really where I'm going to focus this time.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I ate about 150 Cal for breakfast this morning (bowl of cereal) and now I'm starving! If I hadn't eaten, I probably wouldn't be hungry, but I did, and it wasn't enough, so I'm actually going to have to take my lunch at 11:30. Dinner isn't until 6:30, so that's quite a stretch. It promises to be relatively high cal, as I'm going over to my aunt's for a crab feed. I wanted to get a veggie delite from subway and a cookie, but perhaps I should just get the veggie delite, and then bring some nuts to snack on in the afternoon so I'm not starving again at dinner but remain in calorie range.
Ouch! It hurts! Going to go get food now.
Friday, May 15, 2009
My field season is starting up again, and it's a good thing. It means my hours are going to be crazy sometimes, but it also means that I'll be away from my desk and in the outdoors more often. One of the things I'm doing is taking samples from deceased stranded marine mammals to test them for things like DDT/DDE and heavy metals, and I tell you, maneuvering a 600 lb CA sea lion around on my own is a workout. My muscles are sore, particularly my arm muscles and both my upper and lower back muscles.
It feels good. Somehow it's more satisfying to me to be sore from actual work than from exercise. I think I feel like it's going to make me stronger than actually working out because my muscles are being used in a way that is cohesive. They work off of each and with each, rather than working an isolated body part. That should make me stronger practically speaking, just because my muscles are learning how to be effective together.
Anyway, I'm sore, but I'm satisfied.
Get An Email Alert Each Time TWAYGOH Posts