Tuesday, July 03, 2012
My mom has got us both on Atkins. She has bought me most of my food for two weeks of induction. This is an effort to keep us both on track, as we're doing this together. It seems she's doing pretty good, or at least hasn't reported otherwise, and so am I.
So far I've lost 6 lbs in about 7 days. Of course a portion of this is water weight, as always. My ring was falling off the ring finger on my right hand and I had to move it to the middle finger of my left.
I feel good, and by this point it's easy. I was noting to Mom a little while ago today that Grams, her mom, gave me a bag of potato chips for my roommate's caregiver who does eat chips, and I don't want it. Potato chips are my downfall. They are my ultimate temptation, especially with jalepeno cheese dip. I cannot pass them up. Even when I'm committed to going into the store and getting something healthy to eat when I didn't bring lunch to work, if I don't have a specific plan, and even if I do sometimes, I veer towards potato chips. But, like I said, don't want it. No urge. Totally fine passing it by.
And it's easy to eat low calorie to lose the weight. Sometimes too easy. For several days there I wasn't hitting my minimum caloric intake. Finally got enough last night with a low carb enchilada drenched in cheese. But I neither crave things, nor do I overeat at dinner. I get full, and I stop. No need or desire to keep going.
I had a period there of what Mom says is called Atkin's flu. I was tired. Bone deep tired. My muscles and skeleton ached with it for 4 or 5 days. That could have been getting over this now four week cold as well, but I think it contributed. But it seems to have passed. I'm still tired, but that's probably because I haven't slept more than four hours a night for the past couple.
I do feel like I'm flabbier this time at this weight than I was last time. It's possibly because I'm doing less exercise. Almost none. I don't think I was particularly muscular last time though, so that seems odd that I should seem less toned. Of course, I have been neglecting my body for almost 1.5 years now. Definitely could have had an impact and I just don't realize what I had.
Anyway. A little bit less than a week left in induction. Hope Mom and I can make it through the Fourth without too much havoc. I know they have a BBQ at the festivities, which should have lots of tasty meat options. After induction is over I start adding in a greater variety of veggies. I don't particularly plan to Atkins, really. This is just getting me kickstarted and over my cravings. But my goal IS to eat whole foods, and I will have to be careful to not overindulge in the sweet healthiness that can lead me astray. For example, strawberries in whip cream. Awesome. Healthy enough with homemade whipcream, but sweets make me want more sweet.
In any case, glad to be back down almost to 160. I had been 153 before I started neglecting myself, the lowest I can remember since high school. I had gotten back up to 167 by the time I started this.
*yawn* Super sleepy. And done with work. So going to go home and cuddle with my honey while he plays video games. Don't even have to cook dinner because I have plenty of leftovers.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Don't like 'em. My evening has, as usual, escaped me. Spent my time blogging before dinner, then wrote a Facebook note about Native Americans and Obama, and then FB messaged with my dad for 30 min after dinner, since I never pay him enough attention, then talked to Samir on the phone for over an hour (I'm off on business), then talked to my mom for 20. By the time I was done, it was 10:30 and I was tired. Too tired to do much of what I had planned on tonight, which includes a run and working on a basket for Aaron for graduation from Nursing school.
Maybe it's a matter of just getting it out of the way first. Probably not in the morning, because I really really really don't like getting up. But maybe first thing after work, without even going home first. Can't find distraction then. But, probably not tonight.
*yawn* Sleepy time. Hate that the biological needs of my body supercede what I want to do with my life. How much could I do if I didn't have to sleep?
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Okay. Nothing we haven't heard a thousand times on this website, but it's time to start over. I'm getting back up to where I was pre-sparkpeople. I started at 186, having acquired that weight rapidly after leaving collee, super quick rapidly dropped to 174 once I started focusing because my body hated that, plateaued forever, dropped to 164, plateaued forever, worked my way down to 153 then bounced up to 155 and stayed.
But, after Samir's accident and treating myself like crap because I told myself I was too tired, I started developing bad habits like lack of exercise and fast food. While I was helping him, between work and help I was often pulling 19/20 hour days, and so through the increased daily activity I didn't gain signficantly. BUT, Samir has now acquired more help from other people, and my time is a lot more free than it was, and I'm still not making the right choices. I'm emphatically making the wrong choices, and now I'm gaining, rapidly again.
There are so many ways in my life that I need discipline, which will hopefully fix this. Food, exercise, how I spend my free time.
Hehe, part of the problem is new boy. By new, I mean we're almost to the 6 month stage at this point. I can't get enough of him, Aaron. I'm absurd with it, all twitterpated. I keep waiting for the high to go down when I'm around him, or think about him, or communicate with him, but it doesn't. He's sensible, practical, disciplined, observant. Intelligent, at least as smart as I am, (which, who knows how smart I am, but my point is we're well matched there), technically inclined, witty (his humor tends to puns, which require a quick draw in conversation). He's generous, always getting posts on his Facebook wall from so and so friend about thanks for the help. Sweet, constantly using his observational skills to see where I'm letting little things go, like organizing the silverware drawer, or not replacing watch batteries, or letting some small thing remain broken and so he fixes them, usually without telling me so I run across it later and am made happy. He's not afraid of expressing his emotional connection to me and is glad to receive my expressions. Hehe, he likes PDA, but not to an inappropriate degree, hand holding, little kisses, arms around waists and the like. He's skinny as a rail, with almost no muscle tone compared to most guys I know (he's a gamer), but has the PRETTIEST eyes, and I love his voice, all deep timbred. I can feel the vibration when he's holding me close and we're talking.
*sigh* Anyway. I loved Samir, but was afraid to commit while we dated, and only after we broke up and became friends did we really grow close emotionally. I never loved Todd, only appreciated him for the strength of character he exhibited, and we also remain friends. Now, it's different. I love Aaron. He's perfect me, and I hope I give as much pleasure, and joy to him as he gives to me.
BUUUTTT! I am using all of my spare time either to hang with him, because I can't get enough of him, or to hang with my family. Both worthy uses of my time, but taking too much of it. I need to spread my time out a bit, focus on my health as well. I also need to be conscious of all the decisions that I'm making. This is relevant in regards to how I spend my time, if I'm being organized, lazy, eating badly, not exercising, whatever. I have so much I want to do with my life, I need to keep busy and make sure I'm making the right choices. My leisure time, my down time, is my time with Aaron or family. The rest of it, I need to keep at it and work constantly. No laziness.
I'm reading "Organizing From the Inside Out" to get a hold of my physical world. I have a hard time focusing in an untidy space, but so far in life I have proved to be an untidy person. I have a similar book about time management from the same author (whose name I unforunately cannot recall right now.) Methods for learning about what's holding me back in both realms, and then making plans engineered to incorporate those things, and combat them. We'll see how it goes. But, I'm in sessions all day today, so I have to wrap this up.
Hahaha. Yeah, and noticing I wrote about Aaron a gazillion years ago/two posts ago, after our first date. Wow but I was off. Even then I was drawn to him, hence the four hour date, but I always go at dating with a too cynical eye, something I've known about myself forever. The problem was, why he seemed passionless, was that he's so quiet. Hard at first to get him to talk. Glad we kept at it and we're past that point because he really does have some great things to say, and some really interesting interests.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Between milk and chips, I just ate like 1120 Calories. Gross. Guess I'm done eating for the day.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
I don't like it. It's tasty, but clingy. I want to have my fling with it, and then be done.
Of course, I keep telling it to go away, and then I keep bringing it back in the house. I can see why it's getting mixed messages.
I keep saying tomorrow is a new day. Put today behind you. But my syntax keeps getting mixed up or something and today keeps going to my behind :-P
No real point to this blog other than to say I'm back to my original weight, 175ish. Up from 153ish. This makes me a sad panda. My boobs in particular are getting massive again. Caught a glimpse of myself in the sliding glass doors at Safeway. I felt like a man. All I could see was my breasts.
Samir had moved out for independence sake, and it was working, but he's back in to save money. He's trying to go to school. Looks like next month he'll have enough saved to start his online courses, which is pretty sweet. We really need to increase efficiency though. It still takes all day to take care of him. Tonight is a planning night. We're going to go through and make a list of everything that'll make his life easier and more efficient, and then start coming up with plans as to how to achieve these things.
Still don't see where to fit in exercise. Still don't sleep enough as it is. Have a puppy to train, which is taking time. Life is busy, as usual. I think mostly today I've eaten cookies though, for my nutrition, which is not acceptable. But seriously, I keep saying, tomorrow I'll eat better. Not sure why. Just guess my energy is all focused elsewhere and I don't want to bother. Gross.
*sigh* Hehe, tomorrow I guess. Won't eat anymore today, but today is shot anyway.
I've been in the weirdest moods lately. Tuesday I went shopping, and was super happy that I got almost all my Christmas shopping done. Then I went to Todd's for a minute and ended up weeping on his shoulder. Then I felt at peace. Then I got irritable and withdrawn. Then I saw my friend Justine and was happy. And then I woke up irritable this morning, with everything and its mother waking me up from some much needed sleep. And then I got up and moved around and was all full of energy and positive thoughts. And then there was a wheelchair failure and we couldn't get Samir to PT and I had pretty much a mental breakdown where I literally screamed in the middle of the room and threw a tantrum and everything felt like it was too hard and pointless. And then I slept, and then now I'm all in planning stage and determination and damn it I'm not going to let this situation win. Just wildly fluctuating.
Weird. And probably uncomfortable for the people around me.
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