TWAYGOH   9,710
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Tuesday, July 03, 2012

My mom has got us both on Atkins. She has bought me most of my food for two weeks of induction. This is an effort to keep us both on track, as we're doing this together. It seems she's doing pretty good, or at least hasn't reported otherwise, and so am I.

So far I've lost 6 lbs in about 7 days. Of course a portion of this is water weight, as always. My ring was falling off the ring finger on my right hand and I had to move it to the middle finger of my left.

I feel good, and by this point it's easy. I was noting to Mom a little while ago today that Grams, her mom, gave me a bag of potato chips for my roommate's caregiver who does eat chips, and I don't want it. Potato chips are my downfall. They are my ultimate temptation, especially with jalepeno cheese dip. I cannot pass them up. Even when I'm committed to going into the store and getting something healthy to eat when I didn't bring lunch to work, if I don't have a specific plan, and even if I do sometimes, I veer towards potato chips. But, like I said, don't want it. No urge. Totally fine passing it by.

And it's easy to eat low calorie to lose the weight. Sometimes too easy. For several days there I wasn't hitting my minimum caloric intake. Finally got enough last night with a low carb enchilada drenched in cheese. But I neither crave things, nor do I overeat at dinner. I get full, and I stop. No need or desire to keep going.

I had a period there of what Mom says is called Atkin's flu. I was tired. Bone deep tired. My muscles and skeleton ached with it for 4 or 5 days. That could have been getting over this now four week cold as well, but I think it contributed. But it seems to have passed. I'm still tired, but that's probably because I haven't slept more than four hours a night for the past couple.

I do feel like I'm flabbier this time at this weight than I was last time. It's possibly because I'm doing less exercise. Almost none. I don't think I was particularly muscular last time though, so that seems odd that I should seem less toned. Of course, I have been neglecting my body for almost 1.5 years now. Definitely could have had an impact and I just don't realize what I had.

Anyway. A little bit less than a week left in induction. Hope Mom and I can make it through the Fourth without too much havoc. I know they have a BBQ at the festivities, which should have lots of tasty meat options. After induction is over I start adding in a greater variety of veggies. I don't particularly plan to Atkins, really. This is just getting me kickstarted and over my cravings. But my goal IS to eat whole foods, and I will have to be careful to not overindulge in the sweet healthiness that can lead me astray. For example, strawberries in whip cream. Awesome. Healthy enough with homemade whipcream, but sweets make me want more sweet.

In any case, glad to be back down almost to 160. I had been 153 before I started neglecting myself, the lowest I can remember since high school. I had gotten back up to 167 by the time I started this.

*yawn* Super sleepy. And done with work. So going to go home and cuddle with my honey while he plays video games. Don't even have to cook dinner because I have plenty of leftovers.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOUBBIE 7/3/2012 11:28PM

    I wish I had someone in my real life who did low carb! It's so much easier when you have support!

Go give your mom a big hug for being such a good influence and a wise counselor!

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SAINTBETH 7/3/2012 11:05PM

    Glad you have some support from your mom. I'm kind of new to SP, but whatever it takes is my attitude.

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VAMANOS 7/3/2012 10:20PM

    Glad to hear you don't plan to make this a permanent plan, but if it helps kickstart your do-over, that's good. I'm with you on potato chips, only I want sour-cream based jalapeno dip, or Lipton's onion soup dip. Darn it, now I have to go to the grocery store for chips and sour cream! (Just kidding, emoticon)

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LADYJAKE1 7/3/2012 9:22PM

    How lucky are you to have your mom to do this with....... emoticon

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Biological needs

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Don't like 'em. My evening has, as usual, escaped me. Spent my time blogging before dinner, then wrote a Facebook note about Native Americans and Obama, and then FB messaged with my dad for 30 min after dinner, since I never pay him enough attention, then talked to Samir on the phone for over an hour (I'm off on business), then talked to my mom for 20. By the time I was done, it was 10:30 and I was tired. Too tired to do much of what I had planned on tonight, which includes a run and working on a basket for Aaron for graduation from Nursing school.

Maybe it's a matter of just getting it out of the way first. Probably not in the morning, because I really really really don't like getting up. But maybe first thing after work, without even going home first. Can't find distraction then. But, probably not tonight.

*yawn* Sleepy time. Hate that the biological needs of my body supercede what I want to do with my life. How much could I do if I didn't have to sleep?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWAYGOH 6/7/2012 11:30AM

    Because I drive 30 min to get home after work, usually my system is somewhat reset and I'm fresh-ish again, so then would be a good time to exercise. I do like how I feel if I exercise in the morning, but I always feel rushed at it then. And I'm less likely to get up.

I can post a picture...this will be my first close weave basket since I was , like, 12, which turned out pretty loppy then. We'll see how it goes.

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VAMANOS 6/7/2012 9:53AM

    Morning is my favorite time to exercise...really don't want to do it after a full day of anything.

Will you post pictures of the basket you're making?

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NAYPOOIE 6/6/2012 11:43PM

    How much could you do if you regularly slept adequately?

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Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Okay. Nothing we haven't heard a thousand times on this website, but it's time to start over. I'm getting back up to where I was pre-sparkpeople. I started at 186, having acquired that weight rapidly after leaving collee, super quick rapidly dropped to 174 once I started focusing because my body hated that, plateaued forever, dropped to 164, plateaued forever, worked my way down to 153 then bounced up to 155 and stayed.

But, after Samir's accident and treating myself like crap because I told myself I was too tired, I started developing bad habits like lack of exercise and fast food. While I was helping him, between work and help I was often pulling 19/20 hour days, and so through the increased daily activity I didn't gain signficantly. BUT, Samir has now acquired more help from other people, and my time is a lot more free than it was, and I'm still not making the right choices. I'm emphatically making the wrong choices, and now I'm gaining, rapidly again.

There are so many ways in my life that I need discipline, which will hopefully fix this. Food, exercise, how I spend my free time.

Hehe, part of the problem is new boy. By new, I mean we're almost to the 6 month stage at this point. I can't get enough of him, Aaron. I'm absurd with it, all twitterpated. I keep waiting for the high to go down when I'm around him, or think about him, or communicate with him, but it doesn't. He's sensible, practical, disciplined, observant. Intelligent, at least as smart as I am, (which, who knows how smart I am, but my point is we're well matched there), technically inclined, witty (his humor tends to puns, which require a quick draw in conversation). He's generous, always getting posts on his Facebook wall from so and so friend about thanks for the help. Sweet, constantly using his observational skills to see where I'm letting little things go, like organizing the silverware drawer, or not replacing watch batteries, or letting some small thing remain broken and so he fixes them, usually without telling me so I run across it later and am made happy. He's not afraid of expressing his emotional connection to me and is glad to receive my expressions. Hehe, he likes PDA, but not to an inappropriate degree, hand holding, little kisses, arms around waists and the like. He's skinny as a rail, with almost no muscle tone compared to most guys I know (he's a gamer), but has the PRETTIEST eyes, and I love his voice, all deep timbred. I can feel the vibration when he's holding me close and we're talking.

*sigh* Anyway. I loved Samir, but was afraid to commit while we dated, and only after we broke up and became friends did we really grow close emotionally. I never loved Todd, only appreciated him for the strength of character he exhibited, and we also remain friends. Now, it's different. I love Aaron. He's perfect me, and I hope I give as much pleasure, and joy to him as he gives to me.

BUUUTTT! I am using all of my spare time either to hang with him, because I can't get enough of him, or to hang with my family. Both worthy uses of my time, but taking too much of it. I need to spread my time out a bit, focus on my health as well. I also need to be conscious of all the decisions that I'm making. This is relevant in regards to how I spend my time, if I'm being organized, lazy, eating badly, not exercising, whatever. I have so much I want to do with my life, I need to keep busy and make sure I'm making the right choices. My leisure time, my down time, is my time with Aaron or family. The rest of it, I need to keep at it and work constantly. No laziness.

I'm reading "Organizing From the Inside Out" to get a hold of my physical world. I have a hard time focusing in an untidy space, but so far in life I have proved to be an untidy person. I have a similar book about time management from the same author (whose name I unforunately cannot recall right now.) Methods for learning about what's holding me back in both realms, and then making plans engineered to incorporate those things, and combat them. We'll see how it goes. But, I'm in sessions all day today, so I have to wrap this up.

Hahaha. Yeah, and noticing I wrote about Aaron a gazillion years ago/two posts ago, after our first date. Wow but I was off. Even then I was drawn to him, hence the four hour date, but I always go at dating with a too cynical eye, something I've known about myself forever. The problem was, why he seemed passionless, was that he's so quiet. Hard at first to get him to talk. Glad we kept at it and we're past that point because he really does have some great things to say, and some really interesting interests.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 6/7/2012 10:59AM

    Niki. she took all those little bowls you left there too.

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TWAYGOH 6/7/2012 12:45AM

    Congrats momz on the books :-) What cousin? I am...vaguely frustrated...that I'm here in D.C. and not at home working on this.

And let's do it, on the decluttering. Seriously. It stalls us, holds us back I think. I know I for one hate to be in an untidy space.

Comment edited on: 6/7/2012 12:45:47 AM

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NAYPOOIE 6/6/2012 11:31PM

    Maybe I'll make decluttering part of my next monthly challenge.

I actually did get rid of a box of books a few days ago, I had them packed up to go, but they'd been sitting there for months (I did mention that I procrastinate?). My cousin wandered by and expressed interest, and I gave her the whole box. She probably won't have any use for a lot of it (a number of old textbooks), but hopefully she'll enjoy the novels. The great thing is they're gone from my life.

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WOUBBIE 6/6/2012 11:01PM


Just planting seeds, planting seeds....

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NAYPOOIE 6/6/2012 8:12PM

    Ha Ha! Declutter!

Not laughing at you Woubbie, just the idea. Twaygoh and I are both packrats. I have 30 year old shirts from 100 lbs lighter. I have 20 year old bank statements. I probably have 50 books that I didn't like well enough that I'll ever reread them (I do reread most of my books).

If I could declutter and quit procrastinating, I would be so organized!

Comment edited on: 6/6/2012 11:27:57 PM

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WOUBBIE 6/6/2012 6:32PM

    If you like simple rules for organizing then FlyLady is the way to go ( The principles are really simple:

De-clutter whenever possible: simpler is always easier.
Do a little bit every day: set a timer for 15 minutes and then quit.
Don't be a perfectionist: good enough is good enough.

On the other hand, FlyLady's personality is weepy and gushy and overly sentimental (the one part of the program I detest).

She's a good-hearted lady and i owe her a lot - using her system has given me enough time to play video games every night!

Comment edited on: 6/6/2012 6:34:22 PM

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VAMANOS 6/6/2012 2:51PM

    What a difference 6 months can make! I remembered, re-read your blog about Aaron after the first date. So glad you gave him another chance, for your sake.

Just work on balance, dear, and you'll have plenty of time for all the things in your life, including focus on your health, family, Samir and a new love. Now that Samir has other help, that first you had to prioritize. Now it's all about balance, and yes, organization will help.

Glad to see you back...again.


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KELLYTHEFIT0710 6/6/2012 1:32PM

    Hi there...try to keep the focus on yourself and your health and well won't be good for Aaron or your family if you're not taking care of yourself emoticon I'm just sharing with you what I have been sharing with my daughter since she's been in her relationship with Chris! You deserve to be your best...I know it's hard when you're distracted, but I know you can do it emoticon emoticon

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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Between milk and chips, I just ate like 1120 Calories. Gross. Guess I'm done eating for the day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Nice to see you back! emoticon

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VAMANOS 1/19/2012 7:41PM

    I had exactly the same reaction to an otherwise delicious Smashburger yesterday. Darn fat, tasting good and luring us in! DH says it's one more proof that God has a twisted sense of humor.

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Saturday, December 24, 2011

I don't like it. It's tasty, but clingy. I want to have my fling with it, and then be done.

Of course, I keep telling it to go away, and then I keep bringing it back in the house. I can see why it's getting mixed messages.

I keep saying tomorrow is a new day. Put today behind you. But my syntax keeps getting mixed up or something and today keeps going to my behind :-P

No real point to this blog other than to say I'm back to my original weight, 175ish. Up from 153ish. This makes me a sad panda. My boobs in particular are getting massive again. Caught a glimpse of myself in the sliding glass doors at Safeway. I felt like a man. All I could see was my breasts.

Samir had moved out for independence sake, and it was working, but he's back in to save money. He's trying to go to school. Looks like next month he'll have enough saved to start his online courses, which is pretty sweet. We really need to increase efficiency though. It still takes all day to take care of him. Tonight is a planning night. We're going to go through and make a list of everything that'll make his life easier and more efficient, and then start coming up with plans as to how to achieve these things.

Still don't see where to fit in exercise. Still don't sleep enough as it is. Have a puppy to train, which is taking time. Life is busy, as usual. I think mostly today I've eaten cookies though, for my nutrition, which is not acceptable. But seriously, I keep saying, tomorrow I'll eat better. Not sure why. Just guess my energy is all focused elsewhere and I don't want to bother. Gross.

*sigh* Hehe, tomorrow I guess. Won't eat anymore today, but today is shot anyway.

I've been in the weirdest moods lately. Tuesday I went shopping, and was super happy that I got almost all my Christmas shopping done. Then I went to Todd's for a minute and ended up weeping on his shoulder. Then I felt at peace. Then I got irritable and withdrawn. Then I saw my friend Justine and was happy. And then I woke up irritable this morning, with everything and its mother waking me up from some much needed sleep. And then I got up and moved around and was all full of energy and positive thoughts. And then there was a wheelchair failure and we couldn't get Samir to PT and I had pretty much a mental breakdown where I literally screamed in the middle of the room and threw a tantrum and everything felt like it was too hard and pointless. And then I slept, and then now I'm all in planning stage and determination and damn it I'm not going to let this situation win. Just wildly fluctuating.

Weird. And probably uncomfortable for the people around me.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAMANOS 12/29/2011 10:46AM

    What you are describing are classic symptoms of clinical depression. Hardly a surprise, given your sleep deprivation and the massive changes that have taken place in your life since Samir's accident. That doesn't go away by itself, no matter how strong and independent you are. You know what I'm saying, right?

Nice to hear that there are some bright spots in your life. I'm sure it's a relief, if not downright exciting, to know that Samir is going to have something to help keep his mind active. You're continuing to find other social outlets, that's good. One thing I'm not clear about is whether you are still working in your old position, or whether you are devoting full time to Samir.

Take it one step at a time, dear, and you will get through this and find some normalcy.


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NAYPOOIE 12/24/2011 5:57PM

    Drink some water.

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CATHYJR73 12/24/2011 3:10PM

    Sounds like you have some challenges in your life to that throw you for a loop periodically Keep your chin up and remember when they come up that they are not the end of the world. Life does go on and gets better with each step you take toward a more positive outlook. emoticon

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VETTRANGER 12/24/2011 12:49AM

    I tell you what ... my philosophy has been to lose weight through what I'm eating, and increase fitness with exercise. I fear that when things get busy, if I'm relying too much on exercise, and I know its the first thing to go, then my diet takes a massive hit.

My wife and I have not really been dieting per se. Yes, we've gotten rid of road mines like pizza, big calorie desserts, and potato chips, but mostly we're doing it through sensible ceral breakfasts, soup and sandwich lunches, and big vegetable portions at dinner. Our desire to snack is far less than it was before we started this.

This probably sound sexist, but when you tell guys that your chest is getting massive, we find it hard to see that as a BAD thing. LOL

Best of luck on your diet in the new year. I have a lot of tips in my blogs over the last six months, and if you'd like to look through some of them I'd only be delighted if you found anything there that helps you out!

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year too!

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