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Tomorrow, tomorrow

Friday, March 18, 2011

I keep saying I'm going to get restarted tomorrow. Tomorrow, unfortunately, never comes. Even tonight, I'm not doing my Diva challenge, I'm waiting for tomorrow's to start. And yet, I'm not sleeping, like I should be, right now. So it's unlikely I'll have the energy tomorrow. I'm also eating leftover burrito and calzone tomorrow, in addition to corned beef and cabbage. Not healthy.

So do I start Saturday? I'm probably going to be down in Humboldt Saturday, which means eating out, which means less likelihood of healthy. Perhaps will be going up to Portland one last time to see Samir before he leaves for rehab in L.A. on Sunday. None of this allows for good food, and Portland does not allow for exercise.

I'm not seeing a good jumping off point.

Perhaps that means I should just do it. No time will be better, cuz all times suck right now. Having said this, I now have to point out to myself that I wasted 1.5 hours fiddling on the internet. Didn't exercise, didn't sleep. Could've exercised and showered in that time.

Going to move my alarm clock across the room tonight. Perhaps that will get me out of bed and up to exercise in the morning. Going in late tomorrow cuz my poor puppy, Kodi, has/had a bladder infection. Going in for a second check up to see if the antibiotics are working well and that's not til 8:30. Point is, I should have time to cardio if I want.

Going to bed. Tomorrow is 9 minutes away. Let's hope I have better luck with it as a new today than I have had in a while.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAMANOS 3/19/2011 1:08AM

    I've been in those endless loops of 'when to start, when to start', and you're right, there's never a good time. I used to just pick something that made sense...the beginning of the week, month, year. Now I know that it's a form of procrastination that does no one any good, least of all me. Do whatever you must to get yourself started, and if it isn't perfect or orderly, that's ok.

BTW, how is Samir? Out of danger, I assume, since he's going into rehab. Any progress on movement?

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FCRAFT 3/18/2011 5:02PM

    yesterdays tomorrow is today !! So no time like the present even if you are doing things as you can fit them in ( meaning you NEED to fit them in) will help you. Sleep is also an important thing without it your body does not function properly. emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 3/18/2011 11:49AM

    You should listen to your mother.

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I am living in interesting times

Friday, March 11, 2011

I am living in interesting times, in the bad way.

1.) Samir breaks his neck and is paralyzed. Trying to get to Portland to see him as often as possible.

2.) Samir's grandfather dies. Expected, but added stress to their situation.

3.) My best female friend goes through a lot of emotional trauma, that requires lots of support. Trying to get to Portland to see her too.

4.) Aunt taken to ER with dangerously high blood pressure and splitting head ache this week. Turned out to have compression on her spinal cord from her spine. Stupid hospital couldn't figure that out despite C-T scan, or the fact that her eyes weren't dilating the same (which they entirely missed), and she spent over 5 hours there to see the doctor for maybe 5 minutes. I'm so grateful they saved Samir, but if anything's not critical, they are just the worst. It's called Sutter Coast. Colloquially it's called Slaughter Coast. Should be grateful for what we've got I guess. And there are some good doctors and nurses there, it's just kind of hit and miss who you get.

5.) It's grant writing season, which is my most stressful time of the year. I was supposed to go see Samir on Thursday. Got delayed because of too much work and couldn't go. Made plans to leave at 2 am so I could be up in Portland for Friday morning and work long distance to get some stuff done while I could talk to my boss, who would also be working after 8:30, but could still be with Samir and my friend Lexie in the afternoon.

6.) Delayed again cuz Dad taken to ER with unstoppable nose bleed. Not apparently high blood pressure, as first feared, but don't know what's up. Spent several hours there last night. He feels all right.

7.) FRICKING TSUNAMI! Caused by the horrific earthquakes in Japan. Crescent City is one of the worst hit in tsunamis on the California coast, as is Brookings-Harbor in OR, due to the shape and positioning of the harbors. Both the harbors are decimated. My uncle is out on his boat, and our boat is fine, but a lot of people are going to be seriously impacted by the loss of their fishing vessels here. My friend couldn't get to their family boat, and don't know what's up with it, and she's stressed. My family is all fine, thank God. My mom is trapped at her office, since her house to the south is in the evacuation zone, and the highway is closed to the south and north of her, but everyone else in family is virtually unimpacted. Last I heard was than an 8.1 foot wave was the largest, but a bigger one just hit, and we don't have the info on it. Just heard there's an even bigger wave yet coming.

8.) Topped on all of that, my poor dog has a bad bladder infection. Poor baby.

Geez. They keep giving updates on the radio about Japan too. This is just so terrible.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAMANOS 3/11/2011 10:18PM

    They say bad things happen in threes...but I think you've had more than your share. Be sure you take time to take care of yourself.

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NAYPOOIE 3/11/2011 6:00PM

    Interesting times indeed. Looks like I can get to CC, just have to turn off the highway as soon as I get of the hill.

It's so fun having the cops knock on your door at 05:30 saying you have to evacuate.

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My boytoy

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Sorry Mom, had to post this :p

MY CURRENT INSPIRATION


Dang. Like, seriously, wow. THIS is my (still relatively) new boytoy, Todd, of whom I have spoken before. He's hot. Like, seriously, wow, hot. Nobbled this from his Facebook profile, where he's not afraid to post it, so, lol, he knows his physique is good too. He works hard at it.

Currently, as titled, he is my weight loss inspiration. Everytime I see him I'm still vaguely surprised that this example of masculine perfection (at least as it comes to physique) is interested in me. Not that he's ever anything other than perfectly complimentary to me, but seriously, wow, I just don't think I can compare. Despite sticking with me for almost four months now, I keep being afraid he's going to notice this and move on.

I want to be unselfconscious when I walk next to him down the street. Want to feel comfortable when he puts his arm around me. Lol, want to not cringe when he picks me up. He's only 5'8" (compared to my 5'5"), and though he is technically bigger than I am, and heavier due to all that copious muscle mass, I always feel like I'm going to squash him when he does that.

Thinking about going back to roller derby to get the cardio that I need. It's indoors, warm, and out of the wet that doesn't show signs of stopping anytime soon. It's also a lot of fun. It's also $40/month. Gross. But still, thinking about it. I did get a raise in the time since I last tried it, so I should be able to handle it financially, right?

My cousin-in-law Andrea says that they'll be starting up sessions for beginners and the injured again soon. I asked her to let me know when that was. Want to lose some weight, and then get back to my P90X to pretty up my form. Love my P90X and miss it.

Anyway, gotta do this. Should go to bed now though. It's 12:26 and I have a long day tomorrow.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 3/10/2011 3:25PM

    So did you cut his head off?



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ELIZABETH_SKY 3/10/2011 12:55PM

    I think your attitude is a pretty good one, actually. I think it's fair to critique (but not criticize!) yourself. I think it's reasonable to feel uncomfortable around a partner who (you think) is hotter than you are.
Just be sure you don't let it turn into doubting your worth in the relationship.
My lovely boyfriend weighs a bit less than me (in other words, he's also technically obese), but I adore him so much that I don't think I'll ever be as wonderful as he is. That's just love. What I refuse to do, though, is start thinking that he won't love me because of that. Cause guess what...apparently (for some reason!) he thinks that I'm pretty darn wonderful too.
I'd bet your man feels pretty similarly

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PAMATX 3/10/2011 12:50PM

    I second what Vamanos said! She is so awesome! I love watching roller derby. Go for it!

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VAMANOS 3/10/2011 12:47PM

    Don't know how that happened, but I guess it was worth saying twice!

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VAMANOS 3/10/2011 12:47PM

    Did it ever occur to you that your curvaceous self is probably a sweet armful? I think you suffer from inability to see yourself as you really are, which many of us do. Alas, I have the opposite problem, failed to see the pounds piling on before SP. My advice is to take what's offered and not question it.

It just occurred to me to also mention that my son, who is every bit as hunky as your Todd, loved a woman who outweighed him by a long shot for as long as she stayed with him. It was she who left. Afterwards, when I finally felt comfortable mentioning her size, he told me quite seriously that she was sexy as hell, and size, in this case, didn't matter. She was twice your size around, and quite a bit shorter. Stop being so hard on yourself!

On the other hand, roller derby sounds like loads of fun, so go for it!

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VAMANOS 3/10/2011 12:41PM

    Did it ever occur to you that your curvaceous self is probably a sweet armful? I think you suffer from inability to see yourself as you really are, which many of us do. Alas, I have the opposite problem, failed to see the pounds piling on before SP. My advice is to take what's offered and not question it.

It just occurred to me to also mention that my son, who is every bit as hunky as your Todd, loved a woman who outweighed him by a long shot for as long as she stayed with him. It was she who left. Afterwards, when I finally felt comfortable mentioning her size, he told me quite seriously that she was sexy as hell, and size, in this case, didn't matter. She was twice your size around, and quite a bit shorter. Stop being so hard on yourself!

On the other hand, roller derby sounds like loads of fun, so go for it!

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More Samir

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Kind of obsessed. Most of my life still seems to be revolving around thoughts of the situation, but I'm gradually working my way back into focusing on other things.

That said, and contradictory to having said it, back to Samir. The same day as the last blog we found that he had feeling down to his elbow :) Had been about halfway down his upper arm previous to that. Faint, but if his eyes were closed he could still tell which elbow was being squeezed. Not as powerfully as above, but progress.

As to me, I'm still up the five pounds I gained the first week, but haven't gained more, despite the lack of exercise. Need to. Don't really care honestly. Trying to balance visiting Samir, work, Todd, and family. Need to care. This is a long term thing, and at this point we're in something of a waiting pattern while they ween Samir off of the respiratory machines, which, if he can get off of them, will open a lot of opportunities. But my life has to go on, and for my own health and mental sanity I need to be thinking about diet and exercise. Though, even typing that, I feel selfish. *sigh* But my NOT giving it some attention is hardly going to help Samir. Guess I'll get some sleep and try to exercise in the morning.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACIE52 3/7/2011 12:49PM

    I am so glad that he is making progress. I know you are going through it right now so what you really need to do is give up any feeling bad about not exercising or eating right. There is time for that. But if you feel like exercising, then do it. If you don't, rest. You won't lose weight with any additional stress anyway. Just take care of yourself while taking care of your friend.

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VAMANOS 3/5/2011 11:35PM

    Glad I had the chance to catch up tonight,and very glad to see that there is good news and solid progress. The advancement of feeling seems like very positive news to me, but of course I'm no expert. Hope he continues to improve!

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Progress on a couple different levels

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

First off, physical progress. Not sure how long this has been the way of it, but we found out today that Samir can feel hunger, and can feel a full bladder. He still can't feel his arms, or sensation on his skin below his pecs, but it's encouraging to me that he has some sort of nerve response from down there :) Sat upright in this special chair they've got for 3.5 hours today, which is a lot longer than he could handle before.

As to finances, he got approved for Medi-Cal today, and very well might be able to get into the Santa Clara Valley Medical Center, which has a rehab center given specifically to spinal cord injuries. Which everyone agrees is the better way to go. It's supposed to be a good one. Anyway, his family and GF are going out to eat, and to find Samir a portable DVD player, as he's a big movie watcher. So cutting things short. But I'm feeling optimistic today :)

  


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