Thursday, October 07, 2010
I've lost weight. I've lost about 5 lbs from the highest point I've been at during this challenge, though I can't really remember at what weight I started it. I've lost all 5 of those pounds over the last two weeks, without doing anything to earn them. I'm sure they're not water pounds, because I've been weighing with consistent results, almost everyday, shocked that such a thing had happened. Never jumped up again.
Also, two independent people, without prompting on my part, said that I looked like I lost weight. Which is crazy to me, because 5 lbs is 5 lbs. It's 1/7th of the way to my ultimate weight loss goal (which is cool to think of) but still only 5 lbs. But, two people, my grams and my coworker. I know I've been losing in my face, because that's where I always lose first, but in my body, like they say I have? I dunno one way or the other. They did say it, but if I measure my waist, which is generally the only measurement I take consistantly, it says the same as before. But I can't think in what other part my clothes might be fitting differently that people would notice. (though rereading this, I forgot I'm wearing a sports bra today, which might have contributed to the apparent weight loss).
But, here's my new theory. It's the de-stressing. I blogged a bit ago about the 10 day vacation I had that left me feeling amazing. Rested, unstressed, ready to face the world again, feeling vibrant really. And it's stuck with me. Except for one day where I had a bit of a meltdown, I've been even keel, and happy. Dancing to the music on the radio and on my computer. Smiling at strangers. Sleeping well and waking rested. The thing is, I remember hearing an ad about some stupid weight loss pill which said that cortisol, a hormone brought about by being stressed, is one cause of maintaining, vs. losing, weight.
Maybe my stress hormones are down. Maybe, my body not feeling stressed, feels free to release the fat that it's been storing against a rainy, foodless day. I doubt my metabolism can tell the difference between stress over having no food (something that would come up in the evolution of mankind and which might cause the body to respond by retaining weight), and stress over three grant applications due.
Of course, losing this weight has only improved my mood. Lol, it's been my happy place. Everytime I started to think about something negative and unproductive, whether it's life, work, or relationships, I instead thought about the fact that I've lost this weight, and I felt good again.
But, I haven't done too much in the way of earning it, like I said. I've been eating within my range, and eating mostly good foods. But I've hardly exercised. Went hunting last weekend, but again, saw nothing of interest. I did do some stalking, but if you've ever stalked deer, you know it's a slow, non-cardio intensive thing. My style is: take three slow steps, pause for 5 seconds to scan, take three slow steps, pause for 5 seconds to scan, etc.
But again, I'll take it. I'll run with it. I'll let it make me happy.
But, I really do need to become more active, not only physically, but in this group. We've got some great people in it, and I'm missing out on interacting with them. I have had a lot of work (as I've already got my forty hours in for this week since Monday) so haven't been taking the time, but I'm really going to focus on it next week, at least if I'm not out camping trying to catch ravens for work.
Going to bed now though, cuz I'm super exhausted all of a sudden. Hope everybody reading this had as great a Wednesday as I did.
Friday, October 01, 2010
I'm at the lowest weight that I have been since I came back from college. Past blogs have elucidated my frustration with gaining and losing that dang water weight from week to week. Or maybe I was gaining and losing real weight, I don't know. But, for the past three days my weight has been consistantly around 169, and today I'm at 168.6.
So perhaps that means I actually lost the weight, and the water weight, and that's where I stand. That'd be nice. I have such a misunderstanding about how my body best loses though, that I'm worried about the next steps. I have been shooting for Spark's suggested calories. But I seem to lose the most when I'm on the high range or apparently blow it and eat between 2000-2500, like I did when I went camping last weekend. A sparkbuddy of mine, VAMANOS, suggested that I might be a mesomoroph, which is a body type that just requires more calories to operate efficiently. At my current weight, according to the calculations from the webpage on EHow.com, I should shoot for 2500 to maintain.
At first glance, that's crazy. I mean, every nutrition lable in the U.S. is based on a 2000 Cal diet, which makes one feel like going over is overeating. However, when I'm not tracking or trying to diet, 2500 is about where my calories fall just naturally, and I've been maintaining my weight here for quite a while, neither gaining nor losing significantly, which implies that 2500 is indeed my maintenance Calorie spot, at least at this weight. The website suggests just a bit less than that for weight loss, so I'm guessing around 2000-2250.
That's hundreds and hundreds of Calories above what traditional weight loss theory says I should be eating. Reading books from the 80s, early 90s, I'm told to shoot for 1200-1400 a day. Doable if I eat light meals every few hours, but not really comfortable. Spark says I should eat from ~1450-1800 Cal. More easily doable, and I'll actually feel full. 2000-2250 seems like a lot. Last week I lost a pound eating from around 1530-1830. But the week prior I lost a pound eating absolute junk. So where do I go from here? What's my range? I just don't know. Because other weeks I've done the same and either maintained or gained weight.
I HATE it when people insist that weight loss is just calories in vs. calories burned. It's so much more complicated.
I guess i'll just shoot for eating sensibly, which is what I always shoot for and sometimes miss. Track what I'm doing tightly, and hope for the best.I'm really not learning a lot about how my body works. It seems too random.
In any case, happy to be where I'm at now. Hopefully I get a deer this weekend, because that's nice, lean meat right there.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
So a couple three blogs ago I was a little sad that I'd done wrong and gained weight. My low point in my BL challenge was 169.5, and I bounced somehow all the way up to 171.5, despite diet and exercise. And then I went hunting/camping, ate like crap, felt like crap, and looked fatter to my mind's eye when I looked at my belly in the mirror.
So I wake up this morning, after not really exercising last night and eating a lot of fatty foods. I was in calorie range, but high. II did go running two nights ago, which is something I haven't done for a while, but that's the first real exercise in something like a week and a half. But somehow, I don't look as chubby this morning.
So I figure, for whatever reason, my eyes are lying to me, because I DEFINITELY gained weight when I went hunting. Eating Oreos, salami, cheese in a can...all that good, really bad for you, stuff.
But, just because the scale draws me in, taunting me that it knows better than me how I'm doing health wise because it can give me something MEASURABLE!, I stepped on the scale this morning.
169.4 lbs. One tenth of a lb less than I was when I was actually being good to myself, eating well and exercising.
Now, I know that 1 or 2 pounds really doesn't mean a thing to a woman. We gain and lose pounds every other hour. But, still, what is up with that!?! How does this make sense? How can I eat well and exercise and gain weight, and then eat like crap and exercise significantly less, and recover ground that I've lost? My mom ate the same way on the hunting trip, and she also lost two pounds. How does this work?
It works through this damn water weight business. Until I gain or lose ten pounds, and there's an obvious change in my body, I feel like I can't trust anything my scale OR measurements say, especially as they pertain to my belly, which bloats and debloats on a regular basis.
It's somewhat frustrating to not be able to judge if I've actually lost weight or not. All I can do is just keep pushing until I lose in 10 lb increments that I can trust. When the scale reads 150, I'll believe that I've lost weight.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I stole this Q & A from another sparkie...figured it would be fun to do ^_^
Whats a fact about the last person you were in love with?
I know very little about him at this point. Haven't been in love since I was 18, and I've only seen him a handful of time since. Hmm...He used to play Dungeons and Dragons? That's a fact I guess.
Who was the last person you gave up on?
Seth Duvernay. I think mostly cuz we weren't close enough for me to care.
Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
What did you do last night?
Went running, Sparked, cleaned some house, played with the puppy and cuddled the cats.
Do you think relationships are even worth it?
Today, totally. Not in one, but I crave one.
If you could pack up and move would you?
Nope. I'm exactly where I want to be.
Do your parents REALLY know you?
My mom does for sure. For a while there I was almost a carbon copy of her, but I've grown into myself I think. My dad, not at all I think.
When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Hahahaha. Saturday I think it was, when my mom put her pants on backwards. They WERE sweats, but remembering keeps making me chuckle and smile.
What are you excited for?
Reaching my hotness potential ;p
Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
No...but there are people in my life who will be. I have no doubts of that.
What do you want right now?
Honestly, kisses. Not sure why. It's not like I ever have much of them, but a kiss would be awesome right now.
Are your parents divorced?
Yes, thank goodness. Not that my dad is a bad guy, but I'm glad it was just mom and me.
Do you fall for people easily?
I trust people too easily. Falling for...almost never.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Not unless I something occurred to me that really meant something. Then, maybe.
What's your mood right now?
Twitchy and happy. Little bit silly.
Did you enjoy your weekend?
Yes, I did. My 10 day long weekend! Yay vacay!
Last person you told a secret to?
Um...I can't remember. I don't really keep secrets. And if I do, then, well, I keep them. I don't tell them.
Are you stubborn?
Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
My dad's coming over. He infected my computer with spyware. I think downloading Halo onto my computer. He's got to fix it.
Are you listening to music right now?
Who else is in the room with you?
No one. My boss just left. I clocked out and am just using the comp a sec before I leave too.
In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Hoodies are more my style, because they are warmer and more practical, but I prefer the look of jackets.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Outside. My office is freezing.
How long can you go without your mobile phone?
9 hours max. And I'm crazy by the end of it.
Ever kissed someone else's girlfriend/̴
No more than platonically.
When's the worst time to say I love you?
If you mean it, I can't really think of a bad time. Maybe when you're trying to get married to someone else?
Who was the last person in your room besides family?
Probably my dad.
What is one place you would love to visit right now?
Texas I think, to see my friend Jenny.
Do you know anyone named Dan?
Yes. Who doesn't?
Is there someone you know you should hate, but you can't?
No. You should never hate.
Is there anyone you trust even though you shouldn't?
Yes. Like I said, I trust too easily.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
Yes and no. I don't really see it happening. I don't seem to be the type. Since I don't see it happening, it's not frightening. But since I have so many psychological issues bound up in my image of myself, I can't see getting loved in return if it were to happen, which is an unpleasant thought.
Have you had the chicken pox?
I think so. My parents can't remember it, but I remember it. I had it at the same time my two boy cousins did.
Are you a forgiving person?
Too much so, if I love the person, or even have strong affection. If I don't, and someone pisses me off, I tend to just drop them as not worth my time, since I wasn't invested in them anyway.
Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Are you younger than 21?
Do you like winter?
When I don't have to go outside to work in it.
How clean is your room?
Laundry in one corner on the floor, but otherwise pretty good. I love my bedroom :)
Do you have feelings for anyone?
Not really. Sort of, but not really.
Is there anyone you need to tell something to?
Do you want to yell at the top of your lungs?
What do you think about people who get hair extensions?̴
Meh. Don't really think about them.
Are you named after a grandparent?R
My middle name comes not from grandparent, but the generations above. My mom has it too though, so I don't know.
Who's bed did you sleep in last?
Mine own. It was gooood.
Do you like the color green?
How many hours did you sleep for last night?
Where was your default taken?
At the bowling alley. Which is funny, cuz I don't bowl and only go there maybe three times a year to watch family.
How do you feel about the last person that called you?
Weird. Smart I think, but weird.
Are you someone's first love?
Last place you smoked a cigarette?
Never have. I don't think.
Last time you received flowers?
I think Valentine's Day, 2007.
Who did you hang out with last Monday?
That was too long ago. I don't remember. Probably family though.
What are you doing tommorow?
Working. Hopefully not chickening out and finally going back to roller derby.
Are you addicted to anything?
Books. And Mountain Dew.
Are you tired?
Not after 10 days of vacay! Seriously, so refreshed.
What are you about to do?
Go home, deal with my dad fixing my computer.
When did you sign up for Myspace?
Couple years ago I think. Don't use it though. I'm a facebooker, having gone to Harvard and all.
What do you do when you get mad?
Yell, stomp, cry.
Where were you saturday night at 12?
Sleeping in my bed.
Whats bothering you right now?
The fact that I'm so twitchy. I wish it would stop. Should go run again.
Are facial piercings trashy?
No, but I do find some of them seriously unattractive.
What color is your tongue?
pink? What else would it be? I'm not a giraffe to have a black tongue.
Is it possible that you could be pregnant right now?
Hellz no. Can't do that 'til I get a raise. And, you know, find a willing donor.
When was the last time you had your hair cut?
A little over three months ago. Gonna let it go one more month than trim it.
Does anyone have a lock of your hair?
Not as far as I can recall. I did turn in a few strands of hair as "organic matter" to my high school biology teacher for a class assignment though.
If you had to go without one food group for the rest of your life, which would it be?
I can't pick. Definitely can't give up meat. I don't care for veggies too much, but some of them I love, and, you know, I might die if I didn't eat them. There is a fat food group isn't there? I could lose that.
When you go to the zoo, what are you most excited about seeing?
Otters usually. Or the various primates.
Who is your favorite talk show host?
I don't watch TV. Definitely don't watch talk shows.
What makes you happy?
My puppy. My flippy/soft kittens. My mom.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I got stuff done! I love it.
Do you like the person you are becoming?
I like me right now, after having rested. I don't know necessarily that I'm growing in any sense, or changing much.
Do you miss anyone from your past?
Tons of people. I really need to get on the phone.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I did, I totally needed this vacation. The big thing was, I was perpetually stressed out, and having a hard time being generally happy, though sporadic get togethers with friends and family helped short term. I was snappish, moody, constantly tired and unmotivated.
Not now :) I got a somewhat unexpected LOOOONNNG vacation. Two Fridays ago, I was sick. For whatever reason, I was coughing, and sneezing and blech 'til about 4 in the morning on Thursday. I took sick time and slept in, and felt good on Friday, but woke up too late to go to work. Then I got word from my boss that I was okayed to take time to go hunting Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And then the Tribal government, my employer, gave us Thursday and Friday off because of the Jump Dance and California Indian Day. Add on this weekend, and basically I got 10 days off, and only have to spend three actual vacation days, and one sick day, on it. One of those is a "floating holiday" or "birthday holiday" that you use or lose in a year, so might as well use it, and I have plenty of time built up in my vacation stash, so that's fine too.
But I feel amazing now. Nothing is phasing me, my interpersonal relations are better, I'm more positive about my life and health. Things aren't grating on me like they did, (like my pile of laundry that needs to be folded) and I have the energy to actually DO things that need to get done. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work, which I haven't been in a while. I love my job, I'm blessed to have it, but I was so tired that going always seemed more of a chore than a privilege before I got this break.
I did gain weight, I'm almost positive, just looking at my belly. Maybe it's bloat, but the way I was chowing down on camp food (never healthy) it would not be unreasonable to assume I gained weight. I felt bad about that yesterday, but in my current mood, that bad didn't last for more than 20 minutes.
I ate crud today too unfortunately. Most of my calories came from pizza and Oreos. But still, somehow, in the nutrition breakdown Spark offers at the end of the day, I came out just right in everything but protein, which I was short on. Not bad I guess. Didn't eat dinner partially because I was over in calories, but then I wasn't hungry either, so it works out.
I also went out walk/running. I walked my dog to my Grams' house, which is about 1.25 miles. My mom drove us back, but later that day I RAN to my Grams' house to get actual exercise. I was going at about 5.5 mph, which for me, someone who hasn't done real cardio in over two months and has never been fast, is not bad at all. I walked back, but imagine I was still aerobic for a least a while. All in all, did 2.75 miles of walking, and one of running, so feel good. Got home and played with my puppy. He killed his last squeak toy (a rubber frog) so bought him a new one at Wal-Mart today. Haha, this one actually squeaks, which the last one stopped doing quite a while ago, so he's been having a good time and amusing the heck out of me.
On another note, lol, when I say I feel good, and I mean I feel GOOD. I love endorphins. When I get a good workout in, I always feel super sexy, don't know why. I recognize that my body is not where it should be, is in fact the same as it was an hour ago, but after I get a good workout in, I have no doubt that I will be smokin' hot when I reach my goals. That good feeling doesn't last of course, and by the next day a look in the mirror smacks me back into reality, but I sure feel good about myself now.
I suppose it's about time for bed now. I don't think I'll get my BL challenge ST in tonight, but perhaps I'll do it in the morning, in combination with whatever we're supposed to do tomorrow. I know it doesn't count for points, but it counts for health.
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