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Emotionally unstable

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Last week kinda bombed for me. For whatever reason I was very emotionally sensitive and kept picking fights. My reactions were not entirely unwarranted, people were being stupidly rude in my opinion, but I was taking things way too seriously, and past where they needed to go, prolonging fights that needed to end. I hate fighting generally, it stresses me out, so I'd go to bed and wake up still feeling like crud, and then do the same thing again. Luckily I seemed to break out of it yesterday and have been fine since, but I definitely didn't track food or exercise like I should've. I didn't exercise at all, and just ate what food came to hand, though I didn't really seek out junk food or binge eat, which is a blessing.

Still waiting on my weigh in 'til tomorrow in hopes for better things, but at this point I've gained a pound. It could've been worse, but it definitely is not what I'd like to see. I'm starting a stress journal to see if there is something that is weighing me down more than others, and if it's something that can be fixed. I'm having these episodes too often these days.

Going to try and go to roller derby tonight. I keep saying I'm going to go, but then I keep fearing that I'll suck horribly and staying home. I don't know why. The girl's are all super supportive, and I'm not going to get any better just sitting here stressing about it. Lol, and I am stressing about it. It's already gone into my stress journal. This journal is part of the Official Stress Busting Challenge Spark has, so hopefully it'll be the first step towards managing my stressful personality in a healthier, less combative, way.

But, I have to get back to work I guess. On my lunch right now, but on a roll at work so don't want to lose momentum.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAMANOS 9/17/2010 9:17PM

    If it helps to vent, you know your team mates are here for you. I'm wondering if it has been the phase of the moon or something. I've been in a funk for a couple of days, and I'm never in a funk! But I'm coming out of it today, and looks like you're feeling better too.

Just for fun, track the phase of the moon while you're at it. Who knows? Could be...

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NPA4LOSS 9/17/2010 5:22AM

    I had a week where I was depressed about everything people said. I hope that you are able to release some of that tension in a positive way this week. The stress journal helped me and a good session with my counselor. here is a emoticon and emoticon and lots of ((((Skinny Vibes)))) to start you on your week!

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DARKSTAR8 9/16/2010 4:58PM

    Out of curiosity; are you watching roller derby or in it? It seems that that would be a heck of a way to release stress!

Good luck to you. A journal does wonders for me! emoticon

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MISSY455 9/16/2010 4:47PM

    Stress journal is a great idea! Best of luck on your journey!

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SJSLIM2B 9/16/2010 4:31PM

  Good luck!

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Goal for BL Week 3

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Still don't know what's going to happen with my weight tomorrow. Scarfing water like mad tonight to flush salt and lose bloat, so we'll see.

However, next week (starting tomorrow) I'm shooting for 1500 Cal days. That's the low end of my range for burning 2500 Cal a week. I think my Calories were too varied this last week. Too high on one day, too low on the next. Perhaps my body freaked out and started saving. Dunno. But, gonna shoot for lower cal this next week anyway.

We'll see how it goes.

P.S. A couple hours later, and I'm getting more and more frustrated with this lack of loss thing. I should probably go to bed and reset.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONSIGLIEREIII 9/10/2010 11:44PM

    Walking away really does help. When I get really upset and frustrated about not losing weight I need to calm down. You are in charge of your life! Don't let weight take control of you, Sister!
emoticon

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SUSANHCMC 9/10/2010 9:55PM

    keep persevering, it will happen!

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No loss!

Thursday, September 09, 2010

No weight loss since last Thursday. I'm not going to post it on my Biggest Loser Challenge yet, because it's not due 'til tomorrow and who knows what will happen by then, but it's somewhat disturbing.

I swear, other than a bad day on Saturday, which I exercised to compensate for, I feel like I did everything right. Which is a tired old mantra, and something we've all experienced, but I don't like it.

I worked out everyday but Tuesday, either strength training, or cardio, or a combination of both. My calories jumped around, and it ranged from very low to high, but if it was high I compensated through exercise, and when it was low, it was low because I wasn't hungry, which I would think meant I didn't need food. I ate my quota of fruits and veggies, got plenty of fiber, and other than one tortilla chip binge, ate real, healthy food all week. I drank at least 8 cups of water a day, except for Sunday when I drank 6, but then some days I drank 10. I've shot for the carb/protein/fat levels that Spark suggests, came pretty close most days, and one day hit everything right on the mark. My calorie differential was ~4500 Calories burned, based on my BMR, food intake, and exercise.

Now, I did eat this morning, but I also weighed one of the things I ate, and guesstimated the other according to the known weight of first food. I drank water, but one cup of water weighs approximately half a pound, so I could figure that in too. Subtracting my food from the weight on the scale brings me to almost exactly what I weighed last week, 169.5.

The only thing I'm unsure about is if I drank two cups of water so far, or three. If I drank three, then I'm down by about half a pound. If just two, then I break even. In either case, hardly remarkable weight loss.

So frustrating.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VAMANOS 9/9/2010 7:07PM

    Yep, I vote for water weight, which doesn't really count. Double up on water today and that will take it off for weigh-in tomorrow. Don't eat or drink anything before you weigh in, be sure your bladder is empty, and if possible, weigh naked. emoticonThat ought to do the trick.

If you had a genuine 4500 calorie differential, you have lost almost a pound and a half. Do you measure your food? Calories can sneak up on you if you're just estimating. They are sneaky little b*st*rds.

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SUSANHCMC 9/9/2010 6:22PM

    how about your salt intake? tortilla chips are generally very salty. Also, don't go by just the scale, I bet you feel better from exercising and each healthy choice you made. This is a long process, we didn't gain it overnight so we won't lose over night, and any loss or even maintenance is better than gaining! Keep moving and eating right it will all pay off!

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Sleepy Derby

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I should really do Derby tonight. I'm so sleepy though, cuz I stayed up late to exercise last night. But, if I do Derby, then I'm done exercising by 8. I can be home and showered by 9, and then fall into bed in an exhausted heap shortly thereafter.

But I'm soooo sleepy. I think my best bet for actually getting cardio is to do like I did last night. Find a short, 20 minute or so workout online, and have that get me started so I can be energized to do more.

But, I really need to get back into Derby. But, I'm not sure where practice is tonight, since I've been gone so long and there are two possible sites. I'd call a friend, but I left my cell phone at home. I'm such a space case today.

Whine whine whine.

P.S. Forgot that it's my auntie's bday party tonight. That decides me. No DERBY! Maybe a jog tonight though, if we get done early enough. It's been a long time since I've been on one of those.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 9/9/2010 3:54PM

    not to mention cake and ice cream for your aunt's birthday is supposed to happen this evening.

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Turquoise BL Challenge Week #2

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Things went pretty well this week I think. I don't know if I've lost any weight or not, having not yet weighed in, but for most of the week I've felt pretty good physically. I've already blogged about this weekend, cooking good food, getting good cardio in while engaging with family and friends, ST issues.

Even if nothing shows on the scale, I'm moving in the right direction. My skin's clearing up from all the fruits and veggies I've been eating, as well as the water I'm drinking. Most days (today excluded due to a second night with little sleep) I'm enegetic. So I feel good.

If I don't exercise tonight and stick to my meal plan, (though obviously I hope to burn more cals with exercise tonight), then Sparkpeople calculates that I have accumulated a total deficit of 4284 Cal this week, or a little bit over a pound, based on calorie intake, exercise, and my BMR. Now, any woman who's been trying to lose weight knows that the mantra"burn more calories than you eat to lose weight" doesn't always work out. Hormonal changes in our bodies wreak havoc on weight loss. Not getting enough water does too. Or getting too much water. Whatever, it's hard to judge what's going to happen. So, if I don't lose, I'll curse the weight loss demons, and try again next week.

I'm a bit disappointed in myself that I did not do cardio yesterday or the day before. Yesterday I had too much on my plate and too little sleep the night before. But the night before, I could've done it, but I spent too much time doing things that I could've put off. I managed my time poorly. I'm not sure if I'm going to pull it off tonight or not. My dad is coming over to fix my old computer, or try to anyway. We're going to have dinner, then he'll work, and I have no idea how long he'll be at it. I don't foresee me exercising with him in the room.

I'm also not sure about the ST that the BL challenge proposes. I know from the last time I did it that it causes me some serious lower body soreness. Which is good I think. But, I have roller derby tomorrow, the first time in almost two months, and that's a very leg intensive activity. I'm already going to be slow from lack of practice, and 90 minutes of skating on sore legs...I just don't know if I'm up to it. Lol, and I'd rather slack off tonight, in the privacy of my home, then look like a slacker tomorrow in front of all these tough girls. Plus, I'm tired. I'm feeling pretty unmotivated, I have to admit. It seems more likely to me that I'll just go to bed early tonight and try to catch up on some sleep. We'll see though. Maybe if I catch a brief nap it'll energize me enough to do something.

P.S. Ended up exercising. 22 minutes circuit training, 30 mins kickboxing, and the full suggested BL ST challenge for the day. Roller derby is going to kick my butt tomorrow, lol.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOOZLEBEAR 9/8/2010 9:43PM

    You are doing great, wish I could skate like that!!!! I used to do that!! Keep up the good work, you can do this!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 9/8/2010 9:36PM

    We have no skates on the Fitness Emoticons so I will just mention how many cardio minutes you will get tomorrow! emoticon I am working new hours tomorrow and hope that I won't be too sore when I go to be able to sit. You are doing great. I know it is a different team but Sending ((((Skinny Vibes)))) It is working for me!

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GGMOM06 9/8/2010 8:36PM

    YOU GO GIRL, ROLLER DERBY I COULD ONLY WISH I COULD DO THAT (WHEN I WAS 50 YRS YOUNGER,HAHAHA)

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GRANNYS5 9/8/2010 7:55PM

    Don't over do it diva, just do what you feel you can handle emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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