TUPPROACH  
SparkPoints
 
 
TUPPROACH's Recent Blog Entries

Nov. 21st

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Well, this is one of the days that I was not looking forward to. It has been 2yrs today since my first born left me for another place. I would like to believe that he is watching over me and that he is with his father and brother. I forced myself to go for my walk and to concentrate on family coming for Thanksgiving but the pain in my heart feels so unbearable at times. I keep asking why? Why them and not me? When will the pain go away or at least subside some? I want so much to be with them but at the same time I don't want to leave my other kids or grand daughter. People tell me that I am such a strong woman but I don't want to be, I want my husband and boys back!!! I know that will not happen but I still want it. They would not want me to be like they would want me to be happy. that is so hard to do when you have lost people that you cared soo much for. I know someday I will find that all elusive happiness again or I hope I do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHATTIEGIRL 9/5/2010 11:23PM

    Hi TUPPROACH;
I know your pain and i know this was written a long time ago but the pain is always with you somewhere in your mine. I lost my husband after 36 years and I am by myself a lot. I keep busy as best I can because I also lost my job of 28 years after an illness. I am stopping by to see how you are doing and i see you have lost weight. I don't know if you are still on spark because you haven't posted a blog but I will be stopping by to check on you. Continue with your healthy eating, routine exercise and reaching your goals. God bless you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
4A-HEALTHY-BMI 11/21/2009 6:01PM

    Hang in there.

Focus on the people who are still here on this side, like your cutie granddaughter...
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Getting along

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Well it is Sunday afternoon and I have made it through the weekend!! I was a bad girl for a few days and did not eat properly. I feel like I gained 100lbs from it but I know that I didn't. It is amazing when you start to work on yourself and your eating how it affects you when you have a slump. Emotionally I have been struggling because for a lot of reasons but this time I really let it affect my eating. I got back on track this morning when I gave myself a yelling at!! With Thanksgiving coming up and other dates that i wish not to remember I have got to have more control over myself. I am working on it. I sometimes feel like why? why should I care what I look like or how I feel? But I know that is not the right attitude and stop myself from going down that road. I can tell you that trying to date at my age is certainly more difficult than when I was a teenager!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHATTIEGIRL 2/13/2011 5:01PM

    Hi TUPPROACH;

We should look good for ourselves and so we feel good. Dating when you loose your love one is the pits and you are younger then me but I think they want a 20 year old looking 67 year old. They like my emails and think I am nice but after a couple of dates no go. Now they don't get back to my house after a few dates and that my be the problem but then I am not 16 or 20 and what they might want is not going to happen. Good luck but hang tough with your standards. Keep up the good work with your healthy eating and routine exercises so you can be healthy. You look great by the way.

God bless and keep you safe. Pass Spark people to others to learn.

Joyce

Report Inappropriate Comment
DDOORN 11/15/2009 6:10PM

    Great to hear from you...was hoping you were keeping on, keeping on...!

YES you have to take gentle care of yourself!

Because: although you may not think so now, you ARE going to feel better and you are going to be SO grateful that you've taken care of yourself so you can get out and do the things that you will be able to enjoy again!

Glad to hear you're back in the saddle! :-)

Don

Report Inappropriate Comment


apology

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I first and foremost want to aplogize to my spark friends from Binghamton and Ithaca. I should have been there Sunday and could not get myself out of the depression. It is no excuse. Just an explanation. I thought I could handle the anniversary alot better than I did. It through me through a big loop. I don't think I have really stopped crying for too long yet. This is the worst month for me. the anniversary of my son's death is the 21st and I hope that I can get through that better than this past weekend. The pain inside is so hard to describe. I appreciate everyone's great words and I do read them over and over. I tell myself that I can't change the past and need to work on the future but sometimes things get in the way. Please bear with me as I work on this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOUDICA26 11/12/2009 4:41PM

    Hey Linda...I lost my husband to addiction and then divorce. It's not the same, but there is still a treamendous saddness for what was and might have been.

I remember forcing myself to get up and go to work...and my friends coming over and dragging me out of the house so that I didn't lie in bed...Time heals all wounds. Force your self to try something new.

I wish you the very best.



Report Inappropriate Comment
DDOORN 11/10/2009 9:40AM

    No apologies needed...!

I'm so sorry you couldn't join us as I think it might have been a boost for you to spend some time out of the house with us enjoying the great outdoors...! Good medicine! :-)

Anniversaries can be so tough...often making plans to keep oneself busy can be an antidote, along with some personally meaningful way to signify the date.

When you can, step outside your isolation...you will benefit SO MUCH!

Thx for updating us!

Don

Report Inappropriate Comment
4A-HEALTHY-BMI 11/10/2009 9:30AM

    No apology is necessary!

Just take care of yourself, and if you feel up to it, we'll see you at the next one!

Hang in there.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


waiting

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Everyone on this site is so nice and I want to thank you for all your thoughts and kind words. The way I am feeling right now is I am just waiting to die. I am sooo tired of battling for every little scrap I get. I haven't been able to find a job in over a year, I lost my husband and then my son 6 months later(day before Thanksgiving to boot), I seem to attract the guys that are jerks and get a kick out of hurting me. I know my kids have struggled and tried to be there for me but I am feeling more like a burden to them than anything else. I feel sooo alone it is unreal! My family has never cared and now is no different. I saw them(parents)this past week and my mom is still as bad. I was never supposed to be born and so it has been held against me and my Dad ever since. Even with the deaths my siblings don't even send a card instead my 1 sister sends me an email telling me to "f" off. this was the day after my husband died no less. Oh well that life right?

  


wedding anniversary

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Well today would have been my anniversary. We would have celebrated 23 yrs together. After being treated the way I have by the few guys I have met it makes me wish even more that I could be in that grave with my husband. He was such a great guy!! He treated me like I wass his queen. We had our share of arguments but he was always so kind and gentle towards me and the kids. This is one of those days that you dont want to get up or be concious for. I know how this sounds and yes I am depressed right now. Life can be very hard at times but my kids are always there for me and if werent for them I would not be here. am slowly learning that life does go on even when we dont want it too.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HUMBLEDAISY 11/16/2009 10:12AM

    So sorry to hear about your loss. But you are moving forward with life - don't think things like weight loss and exercise are vain things. These are important things in helping you move through grieving. They all still take a while, though.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DDOORN 11/7/2009 6:06AM

    There's no doubt that you HAVE been through an emotional meat grinder and it makes SO much sense that your anniversary would stir things up SO much for you. You're finding out that no matter how difficult things are life still goes on. Sounds like in the future it could be helpful to make some plans to be around positive people, doing positive things during such difficult moments as your anniversary.

SO glad you're joining the fun on Sunday! :-)

Don

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARKDORENE 11/7/2009 4:55AM

    sorry about your loss remember the good times

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPECLLDY 11/7/2009 4:17AM

  I am sorry for your loss. I'm not sure how long it's been, but I was told by a therapist that it takes a good 5-6 years to complete the grieving cycle. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays are the worst days. Take a few minutes on those days to remember the good times over those 23 years.
Also, remember one thing, you had 23 years with a wonderful man. That's something thousands of women in this world have never experienced, and it is hard to find a good man these days, but you at least have that to cherish and to smile back on.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALBA06 11/7/2009 4:11AM

  i'm sorry about your loss and i hope you will take a few minutes today to just remember the good and happy times and allow that to seep into your soul so you can feel some happiness. it is very hard to find a decent man. my dh and i have been together a very long time and he is wonderful and caring and generous and most of all he loves me regardless of all that is wrong with me. so i understand your depression but try and remember to think on the happy times. best wishes, melissa emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 Last Page