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Deja Vu Ankle

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

September 27, 2014 I sprained my right ankle badly. We were doing an Oktoberfest Craft Show, that is how I remember the exact date. I came out of Subway, stepped off of the curb, and went down. I tried to get up and couldn't put any weight on my right foot. Several people helped get me to a chair, and my husband took me to the ER. No breaks according to the x-rays, but an MRI is scheduled for Oct. 22nd. I don't see my foot Dr. to get the results and a recommendation until the November 7th.

Since it has been a few weeks, I am starting to adjust as well as I can to crutches and a wheelchair. I HATE the fact that I am in this situation, that I did this to myself, but I am trying to stay positive. Being down like this forces me to stop and think and reevaluate my life.

So I have decided that darn it, this ankle problem is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Because I am going to make it that way.

This is my first Blog in over a year, and I have sporadically tracked my food and fitness. My goal is to be here at sparkpeople everyday from here on out.

I did two of Coach Nicole's chair workouts today, one cardio and one for abs, totalling about 25 minutes. It felt good to move again. I plan to continue with the chair workouts daily, unless it proves to be too much for my injury. So far modifying the excercises has kept the workouts from hurting my ankle.

Here is hoping I am consistent and stick to the promises I make myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKELAZ 10/16/2014 2:25AM

    Hey Traci - good to see you here. Sad to hear about your injury. Hope all goes well and that you recover as quickly as possible. The fact that you're taking the opportunity to review your life can only be a good thing. Will be interested to know how that turns out. Your Sparkfriends will be here for you so do let us know how it works out. Like SLIMMERJESSE I have also been wondering how your decision regarding your job has gone - would be good to know if you are inclined to tell us.
Have been popping by your page in the hopes of of seeing you there - very happy you're back and wishing you well. emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 10/15/2014 8:17PM

    Hope you heal quickly. Reading your last blog again, and my response to it, I wonder how you feel about your decision from a year's perspective. How has it been going for you?

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Made a HUGE decision...now for the consequences.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Friday I put in a 30 day notice for quitting my job. I have NEVER quit a job in my life, so I am feeling like a failure at the moment. My workplace has been good to me, and I do not blame or harbor bad feelings toward any one person. My biggest reason is that I cannot physically or mentally handle the stress any more. We are a small company and we recently purchased a few other companies. This is good...it has kept us in business. But we have very little staff to deal with the huge amount of work these purchases have generated. Unless I put in overtime every week, I have no chance at keeping up. I have no problem with occasional over time, and have done it often, but this is either putting in 4-5 12 hour days a week or working normal hours during the week and then putting the extra time in on the weekend. I am already working 40 hours before adding all of this, and I just do not have the stamina to keep up. And I have dozens of priorities and goals that are receiving no attention because I cannot keep up with work. I know this may sound wimpy to those of you who work long hours to support your families. Maybe I am a wimp. But I can tell you I know I have done my best to resolve all of the issues before I came to this point. I have spoken to both of my managers about the workload and the lack of time, and they have responded by hiring a part time person to help answer phones and help me with other duties. But it has not been enough. The phones never stop ringing and often there are only a few of us in the office to answer them, leaving no time for actual work to get done. I have gained so much weight from the extra hours sitting in front of a computer, and the bad food choices I make because I have no time to prepare healthy food and little time to exercise. I have been thinking about this decision for a long time. I wanted to make sure I had done all I can to get help and make sure I am working as hard as I can and not wasting time. Also to make sure I wasn't making a mountain out of a mole hill. So after a particularly disheartening morning when I had an angry customer that was told we were making a service call, a tech that said he wouldn't go, and a manager right next to him that refused to talk to me (he knew it was me, not the customer), I had just been hit by the last straw. One of my favorite things about my job was the customer service aspect. Now my manager is out in the trenches working with the employees (not a bad thing) and I have lost multiple customers because he will not talk to them or talk to me about them to give me the tools I need to keep them. I used to be able to count on that support. It isnt often that a customer says I want to talk to your manager, but when it does happen, I know if I was the customer I would want to know that the manager cared enough to talk to me. So bottom line is the cost benefit ratio is wayyy off. The job is costing too much and the benefits are not worth it for what I am losing each day in my sanity. Monday morning my manager wants to talk to me about it. I am not looking forward to this conversation. I know it is scary to only have one person in the household working (my husband) and I know I have awesome benefits through this job, but what is the point if I am miserable?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUEANGELLK 6/20/2013 2:33PM

    It might be scary now, but I will bet you look back on this as one of the best decisions you have ever made. Good Luck!

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AKELAZ 6/20/2013 4:44AM

    Only just caught this Traci as I've been away. It does sound like you need a space in your life and I congratulate you on your courage in taking the step to change things. I've been in this position in my life and I can only say that you've started a process that WILL lead to a better life. When you've had a breather you'll be a better person for yourself and for your husband and in a better position to take advantage of something different when it turns up - as it surely will if you stay open to opportunity.
In the meantime - take care and make yourself well. The rest will fall into place.
BIG BIG emoticon Will be thinking of you XXX

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KT-NICHOLS-13 6/18/2013 5:33PM

    A major life decision ... SOOOO tough! I can't imagine the thought process that went into this decision. Mental & physical health should always be a priority. I applaud you for taking control of your life.

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PENNYSAVER2 6/16/2013 3:11PM

    It's wise that you do what's best for you!! You and your household will adjust. Best wishes. emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 6/16/2013 12:32PM

    Sorry to hear.

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 6/16/2013 10:11AM

    Congrats!!! Your body and soul deserve a break from the constant stress. May you have a healthier environment in your next job. Been there, loved the change!!!

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GYPSYROVER 6/16/2013 10:08AM

    The decision to quit a job can be agonizing, but sometimes that decision is necessary. And sometimes, it is how we find the place we were meant to be!
Wishing you every success as you strive to find health & balance in your precious life! emoticon


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RASPBERRY56 6/16/2013 9:41AM

    I hope this turns out for the best for you!

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SLIMMERJESSE 6/16/2013 9:32AM

    I did this as well and it saved my sanity. No kidding. You are very smart to do this. Congrats!

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A Wake Up Call... but I want to sleep and dream of candy.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Monday morning at 4am my husband awoke with chest pains, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling in his arm. I drove him to the emergency room where he was immediately surrounded by nurses and hooked up to machinery. I was worried, but feeling confident that we were airing on the side of caution and would be sent home. Nope. Dr. came in and said my husband was going to be sent to Petoskey as soon as they had an ambulance and that he would be getting a heart catheter. Boy were we shocked. What followed was the first heart cath with no blockages found, then that afternoon a second 'heart attack' (they are traditionally not deemed an attack unless caused by a blockage, but they look and feel the same as a heart attack). After his second attack they determined he needed a second heart cath to make sure nothing was missed the first time. Still no blockages found. It was determined that he has myocharditis, inflammation of the heart caused by a viral infection. He was sent home wednesday. I stayed with him, have been off work for a week. I caught a bad cold in the meantime. We have had lots of support from family and friends. Norris is stable right now, other than being in pain where they did the heart cath.

So above was the wakeup call. But my reaction to it has been less than stellar. First I got a bad cold why? stress... but no doubt facilitated by a week of eating nothing but crap beforehand. In my head I know what I need to do, and want to do. Eat better so I can be healthy and in a better position to enjoy life and deal with the unexpected stuff life throws at me...but what am I doing?

Sneaking twizzlers, eating cookies that were brought over, all I want to do is escape by eating crap and more crap. Which is going to just tear down my immune system and mood even more. But my desire to be healthy is not winning out over my desire to crawl under a rock with a bag of oreos and never come out again. You would think that such a scary experience would motivate me to stop messing around and take care of myself. My husband is eating healthy, and policing everything I eat, which makes me want to sneak crappy food even more. STUPID CHILDISH BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!! How do I get past this and start making good decisions!????!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KT-NICHOLS-13 9/2/2012 10:40AM

    Oh Dear, Oh My! It's good to hear that hubby is doing well and has no blockage. What a scare.

With love and affection I will tell you what you already know ... and that's to put those chips, cookies, twizzlers down - actually just toss them. Ask your Mr to stop policing your food intake too. Having tempation around right now is not what you need, you are a fragile state of mind so just toss the lot. As for someone - anyone - policing our food intake, I've been there & it leads to sneaky ways and feelings of resentment. Your grown and are making grown-up decisions now just make the better ones. Start with small steps to better your eating and find ways to occupy your time, hands, and mind when you want to nibble. Yup, it's not easy and like me you have a few habits to break.


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AKELAZ 9/1/2012 12:18PM

    First of all - I'm very very glad your husband hasn't had a heart attack and is on the mend.
Second of all - stop blaming yourself for your cold - they are caused by bugs after all and you could've got it anywhere and NOT because you've been eating less than well. I blame my eating (and drinking) habits for all sorts of things that don't apply and just succeed in making myself even more guilty - AND stuffing it all down with more food.
Give yourself a break - you got him to where he needed to be - in time - and it doesn't sound like you panicked around and made him feel worse. More power to you.
You could deal with a big emergency so actually you CAN deal with yourself and your habits. The Oreos etc may, to some extent, be a reaction to the worry and stress of all this and if your husband wants to take on helping you out with habits that you want to be rid of, try and accept it - lots of women - I for one - would be happy for help in this way. I know what you mean about childish behaviour - DON'T tell me what to do or how to live - has been my mantra for years - but that's self destructive in itself.
Love yourself enough to accept this loving gesture from him and without pressurising yourself you may find your habits improve.
Will be thinking of you both - let me know how it all goes?
BIG emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/1/2012 12:24:35 PM

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OTEN36 8/31/2012 5:16PM

    Super Excited your husband is on the mend.
You on the other hand need to be a friend to yourself.
Slimmerjesse is correct on the baby steps.
Do keep us posted.
Best wishes

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/31/2012 5:07PM

    Very glad your husband is okay. Your cold might have been from exposure to viruses in the hospital, where they
are in plentiful supply. As far as
eating, this isn't the time to get
down on yourself. Just sit and plan
baby steps during this stressful
time. It's the last thing you need to
add pressure when you've already
got a plateful. Best wishes for a quick recovery.

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Perhaps there is hope...?

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Each day this week I exercised before work. I alternated 1.5 miles biking one day, walking another. Not a sterling exercise program, but one I know I can do consistently. My ankles and arches start to really hurt when I embark on any new exercise regime, but doing this little bit and taking the pressure off my feet on biking days really makes it doable. I have new shoes coming! The brand new support on the new pair will help.
I have kept an eye on my weight this week. At one point it appeared that I lost a half a pound. I think I gained it back with the past two days of sweets. I gave myself permission to have just one mini box of milk duds, my blood sugar spiked, and I have been feeding that sugar high ever since.
Not today though! I am going to continue with the good habits I was practicing all week.
On the down side, I feel like losing the weight is a HUGE undertaking, that I will never be able to do it. My recent experience shows me losing and then gaining it back plus 10 more. I am trying not to get discouraged and give up.
On the UP SIDE you would not BELIEVE the purpose, energy, positive mood, and clarity of thought I had all week after exercising every morning! I think I have finally found the right balance of activity. In the past I over did and felt only the negative effects of overdoing. Plus I slept better. If I can come to the same balance with my eating, I think I could sustain a healthy lifestyle on into the future, without giving up because I feel exhausted or hungry.
Perhaps there is hope?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KT-NICHOLS-13 8/22/2012 3:35PM

    It really does sound like you are finding balance. YAY!!!

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TRENTDREAMER 8/20/2012 10:45PM

    "On the UP SIDE you would not BELIEVE the purpose, energy, positive mood, and clarity of thought I had all week after exercising every morning!"
* Totally can. Exercise has had a really healthy effect on me when I've been consistent.

Continued success to you!

emoticon emoticon

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LLREED 8/19/2012 10:28PM

    emoticon blog! Thanks for the encouragement!

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AKELAZ 8/19/2012 6:38AM

    *purpose, energy, positive mood, and clarity of thought I had all week after exercising every morning! - - - - Plus I slept better.*

Look at YOU!! emoticon

SO there IS hope. No 'perhaps' about it!

Iím hopeless at balance! I'm an all or nothing person! So I totally understand. However, I AM working on it. So, plainly, are YOU.

None of it is easy but we just have to keep at it until it comes good and even in the case of difficulty in finding computer time, which I also understand.

Will be thinking of you
emoticon emoticon emoticon

BIG emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/19/2012 6:39:24 AM

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/18/2012 12:46PM

    Wow, good job!

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FEMISLIM 8/18/2012 12:16PM

    Of course, there is hope and you will attain your goal. Just remain focused and determined. You can do this!!!

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I fought, but Sugar won.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

I got serious about weight loss and my health again. I stopped putting creamer in my coffee, at fruit instead of sugary desserts, and started eating outside of my comfort zone (baked sweet potato fries). I started incorporating fitness into my everyday routine..walking to the video store, taking a bike ride before bed instead of eating ice cream, gardening, helping my husband in his wood shop.
I only lost a pound, probably because I couldn't seem to get my calories under 2000, I am aiming for 1800 for slow and steady weight loss. I felt better.
But then I just stopped caring. And I am trying to care again. Help? right now I feel hugely bloated and unhealthy due to eating dairy queen and mcdonalds and office treats. I haven't walked or ridden my bike in days, and I am not sleeping well. I don't have any huge obstacles in my life right now, am not dealing with a fraction of the stuff many sparkers deal with on a daily basis. But I am not getting the sleep I need because I am stressed out to the max. Work has been really busy. We are a small company and chronically short staffed, but having a guy out on vaca and our part time helper move on to another job has left me scrambling. I mostly feel discouraged and overwhelmed in every area of my life. I can't begin to keep up at work right now, but I am trying to be reasonable about that. I feel like I am always at work, when in reality I have only had to put in a few hours of overtime each week. By the time I get home, I am wiped and don't care. It is like a domino effect. I walk in, see the dishes and clutter and think of all the to do's I need to do and my brain just shuts down, I get a bad attitude and go sit on the couch like a lump. I can't go on this way. There has to be a way to live a stressful life (who doesn't have stress?) and take care of my health and lose weight. A way to cope without slowly killing myself. How do I start? I am overwhelmed by the smallest of goals. I am sitting here surrounded in checkbook receipts, dishes aren't done, SO MUCH TO DO!!!.
Sharing with you all has made me feel a little lighter. I think I will get up and do something. Thank you for listening, and my apologies if I sound like an ungrateful whiney butt. I know I am fortunate to have a job, husband, house, and dishes to wash. I just feel overwhelmed right now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKELAZ 8/15/2012 1:52PM

    So much good advice here - pick the bits that appeal to you and work on them - very very gently. As you know Cannie is one of my heroes here and I agree with her that picking just ONE thing and doing it will make you feel so much better because you have achieved something that you want to do.
I've been where you are so many times. I can hear that you are feeling really down and without much hope - you need to prove to yourself that you can give yourself hope - however good our intentions we can't do it for you but you CAN encourage yourself to act in small ways.
I use yellow stickies - on my bedroom wall to encourage me to start the day well and on the walls of the kitchen/bathroom/living rooms etc for things that need doing. If I just pick one sticky off the wall in each room(or even just one room) and do it, it does give me hope and I truly feel a bit better.
The fact that you are here and trying again is a VERY good sign - try and make your return work for you in a gentle and positive way.
Keep me posted when you can and in the meantime - take very good care of yourself. ((XXX))

Oh - AND - thanks so much for your comment on my last blog - would have thanked sooner but life just got in my way emoticon Forgive me. More Xs

Comment edited on: 8/15/2012 1:57:16 PM

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CANNIE50 8/12/2012 12:56PM

    Oh, honey, I hear you. I was stopping by to remind you that, underneath your struggles, you are quite remarkable. I can sense it every time I read one of your comments. " I mostly feel discouraged and overwhelmed in every area of my life. I can't begin to keep up.." I was feeling this way last week - I feel this way more often than I care to, but last week it really caught up to me. I am not feeling that way today because yesterday I cleaned my car. I picked one task that I had been avoiding, that was making me feel bad, and that overwhelmed me. I spent TWO hours cleaning my car (including taking it to the car wash) - dealing with everything in the car - putting stuff away, throwing stuff out, organizing what was left in the car, cleaning the seats, etc. I felt so much better after that that I tackled other tasks. Today I am dealing with my laundry room and master bathroom. My point is that I broke the inertia. I like the suggestion that you check out Flylady.net. I no longer subscribe to the site because I can't do SP and Flylady, but I still use the suggestions to spend 15 minutes on tasks. I set a timer and tell myself - "clean this kitchen until the timer goes off, then you can stop". Clutter stresses me out so I am not one who can take the advice to leave the dishes, etc. I will never have a spotless house but I do have a fairly orderly, tidy home. I also tell myself "three things, just do three things" and then I quickly make my bed, fold a load of clothes, make a phone call or whatever three tasks I choose. Just like we can't lose 50 lbs all at once, we cannot put our entire lives in order all at once. One ounce at a time, one meal at a time, one walk at a time, one task at a time. People here care about you and we want you to take lovely care of yourself but we can't want it more than you, dear Sparkly girl. That was a big lightbulb moment for me, when I realized it did not matter how much people cared about me, or how many people cared about me, if I didn't care about me and take care of myself. Take care, doll - you deserve a life you feel good about. Let me know how you are doing, okay?

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TRENTDREAMER 8/12/2012 10:48AM

    "my brain just shuts down, I get a bad attitude and go sit on the couch like a lump. I can't go on this way. There has to be a way to live a stressful life (who doesn't have stress?) and take care of my health and lose weight. A way to cope without slowly killing myself. How do I start? "

* Three questions:
1) Do you actually know what you are up against?
2) Are you sure?
3) Are you "SURE sure" or just "sure"?

**Remember the only enemy more dangerous than the one you can't see is the one who you believe is your friend**

Spoiler alert: The butler did it.

Just sayin'

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WINACHST 8/12/2012 10:36AM

    I cannot tell you how many times I felt like sugar won the battle, but the war is not over yet. I try to focus on how I feel when I eat foods that aren't good for me and compare that to how I feel when I eat lots of greens, fruits and veggies. Often that helps me make better choices.

I agree with some of the other posters that if feeling overwhelmed about the housework, then tackle one thing for a short period of time.

If you are not sleeping well, make sure that you are staying hydrated. I often find that I do not sleep well if I did not drink enough water.

I hope things get better for you soon.

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 8/11/2012 6:37PM

    I feel your pain. I've been there. If you look at everything as a whole it will totally overwhelm you and get the best of you. I've been there. Don't think of ALL you have to do. Think of the small tasks and breaking it down into something small and manageable helps. That way you do feel like you've accomplished something. Small 10 minute breaks of activity help.
A friend of mine suggested that I tackle one thing for 10 or 15 minutes. Give all your attention to that one task and try to get it completed. Then you can move on to something else.
Sometimes you just have to live with less than perfection. I was a perfectionist and over the past eight years I've slowly realized things don't have to be perfect. I lost my husband and had to be a working mom. I got remarried, then divorced. Became disabled and crashed into a terrible depression and didn't care. Now I can say I have lost about 70 pounds, my house isn't perfect but it is neat and clean for the most part. It's not perfection.
Break it down into manageable parts. Keep healthy foods around. Sneak in exercise breaks - just about everyone has time to get outside and take a walk break. It clears your head. My doctors all say walking is the best thing you can do.
Take care of yourself. Just remember you're not alone. You have friends here that have been there, may still be there and know how you feel. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/11/2012 1:00PM

    p.s. Don't think about it as though "sugar won." More like a process of learning to live without that drug/poison. It's been a lifelong struggle for me as well. Patience and baby steps will get you to whatever goals you set. I suggest mini-goals to give yourself the taste of success. Also, about my juicer, I started with an inexpensive one because I don't know how much I'll like juicing and stick with it. Plus, it was a lot of hassle.

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NELLJONES 8/11/2012 9:15AM

    I live One Day At A Time, but when under stress (a lot the last couple of years with being a caretaker for ill family members) I compartmentalize each day. I do my planned breakfast, the period between breakfast and lunch, my planned lunch, the period between lunch and dinner, then dinner to bed. That's 6 separate goals each day, and I don't look out beyond the next goal. Getting to lunch may not be as sexy as reaching a big goal, but I get the same satisfaction. I get to put my head on my pillow every night with a big smile. All those thousands of little goals will always add up to the big one. Good luck.

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/11/2012 9:01AM

    I go through these periods all the time. Just pretend you care and do baby step things daily. And you might not care about the weight part, but think of it as keeping your body well-maintained and functioning optimally.

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JESSYVIRGINY 8/11/2012 8:56AM

    I feel your pain sparkfriend. I too have been in your shoes and it can be very overwhelming at times. I have 2 small kids under 7 and between them and work and my non existing love/social life, exercising and healthy eating have often taken a back seat...lol

But don't worry, just do one thing at a time. Don't worry if the dishes aren't done, or the vacuuming isn't done...ect. Just do a little every day and you will be fine.

I made a list of all my mini-goals for August and stuck it on the fridge door. It helps me to see what I'm aiming for each week.

I wish you all the best sparkfriend.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Don't stop everything at once, it will make you feel deprived and sorry for yourself. You didn't gain all those pounds in a week and they will not go away in a week. pick one "bad item" and eliminate it from your lifestyle. Then next week, pick another one. After several weeks, a bunch of bad stuff will have slipped out of your life and you won't even miss it.

make it a great weekend.

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 8/11/2012 8:49AM

    Spark coach Dr. Birdie had a great video about learning to say no...Dr., five kids, wife and lost 115 pounds.

Another sparker recommended fly lady to me...to help with the feeling of being overwhelmed...spark takes a LOT of time...so get the household in order to be more efficient and less dragged down by the nitty gritty of bills and housekeeping. Im NOT there yet, but it has helped. CHeck out flylady.net.

All the best to you! You are not alone in this!

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