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Saboteur. SABOTEUR!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

So, went to my parents house last night for a birthday party. Before hand I had asked what was for dinner. They were grilling out and they asked me what if I would like chicken. Sure. Grilled chicken sounds great. I found out there would be salad as well. I decided I would cut up a chicken breast, throw it in with my salad, and I would bring my own salad dressing that I had pre-measured and brought in my own container.

~Ramble~
The secret to not overdoing the dressing on a salad is to measure it out, then put it all in a sealed container, like a Tupperware dish, and shake vigorously. The dressing will very nicely coat everything.
~Ramble~

When I got there I saw one of my weaknesses on the stove. Corn on the Cob. Wow, corn on the cob is amazing. And since I stopped buttering mine about two years ago, it really isn’t that bad for me. I grabbed my mom’s laptop and went to sparkpeople to see how many ears I could have. If I added 5 ears I would get to 2300 calories for the day. Just shy of my 2500 maximum goal.

See, measuring everything and being diligent I can still “pig out”.

After dinner we were getting ready to go and there was a bunch of chicken left over. It was VERY good. My dad suggested that I take some home and handed me a Ziploc bag. As I started putting a few pieces in there he said:

“That’s your moms chicken. Its got nothing extra. She just fried it with salt and pepper and CANOLA OIL. That stuff is fine.”

WTF!?!?!??!?!?

CANOLA OIL?
CANOLA OIL!
CANOLA OIL?!

I politely offered no visible reaction and managed to ‘forget’ the Ziploc bag as I left.

CANOLA OIL! I have diligently tracked everything I eat. I have been specifically avoiding stuff like CANOLA OIL for 8 weeks. CANOLA OIL, like all cooking oils, is 14 grams of FAT and 120 calories PER SERVING. A serving is ONE TABLESPOON!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CUBS07 7/24/2009 8:44AM

    I admire your dedication. There are times when we eat something we didn't realize was so bad for us. You are so good about tracking everything else so don't dwell on it. New day new chance.

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LAKEWOODGARDENS 7/23/2009 6:07PM

    i admire that you are really keeping track of everything and every calorie. keep it up and you will reach your goal. i wish i were as committed as you. nice job. parents are hard. i am so happy my wife lets me take the responsibility. at my mom's she is always watching what i eat --all the time. it makes me feel like sneaking food or acting out in a rebellious way.

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TSABONIS 7/23/2009 1:39PM

    That was where my confusion was. They did grill. They grilled the hamburders, steaks and hot dogs ... it was JUST the chicken that was pan fried. I guess they assumed that I knew the chicken would be pan fried/

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KYREE90 7/23/2009 1:34PM

    Canola oil? In what universe does canola oil mean "grilled"? Sorry your parents just don't understand.

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CARRENK 7/23/2009 1:15PM

    Kudos for thinking and planning ahead! Unfortunately, there will be times when you get misinformation or miscalculate. The good news is you minimized the impact by being aware of everything else.
Congratulations on your progress - keep up the good work!

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AAQUWAA 7/23/2009 11:33AM

    lol, that sounds just like me. I'll be going to my mom's soon for a visit. Where Sunday dinner is like 3 kinds of potatoes, 2 or 3 kinds of pasta and various other fatty foods. Plus peach cobbler or muffins or what ever. Hugs, Carmen

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A Shot of Adrenaline

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


I am not sure what the cause is. I can only speculate, but wherever it came from, I am thankful. Actually I think my wife is more thankful than I am.

It took about six weeks of my journey on the path for it to click. I can no longer just sit and watch tv or surf the internet. Well, I can, but only after I have used up all this extra energy I have. During the past week I have just found the need to keep busy overwhelming.
During the past week I have found myself:
• Doing dishes while making breakfast
• Cleaning out the garage
• Cleaning the spare room and turning it into a bedroom
• Fixing the cable TV in two of the kids rooms
• Rearranging TV’s.
• Doing dishes immediately after making dinner

That’s a whole lot of stuff.

I will give credit to the 45 pounds of FAT that I have thrown away forever since June 1st.

T



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKIM1 9/18/2009 11:07PM

    Hey - can you email this blog to Jeremy...OMG I would love for him to get a burst of energy! And get off of the computer! He works 12 hour nights, gets home, gets on the computer at 8...knowing he has to get to bed to wake up at 3...and stays on until 9 or 10, then gets 5-5 1/2 hours of sleep. SLEEP which he needs....we all know that lack of and irregular sleep does not aid in weight loss or all around good health. Anyway...this is so my little moan and whine session...I have been sick...and I mean really sick...so sick I can't walk without being winded (from bathroom to bedroom...I live in a ranch style house...not a long walk) I asked him to take out the garbage Thursday...there it still sits Friday...he can check his facebook for 2 hours a day but can't find the energy/time for anything in the house or gym. AND I have a little girl with an auto immune disease who needs to stay away from me...I should not be preparing meals or helping with homework, I should not be unloading clean dishes from the dishwasher...but will he do it, nope...but is facebook being maintained....yep. Ok...I don't feel a lot better...but I so needed to vent! Thanks :) I don't need to blog...I will just comment on yours...they seem to hit all the topics I want to talk about anyway!

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CUBS07 7/22/2009 9:09PM

    Healthy and helpful! Your wife must be thrilled. Keep losing like that and you'll be building a second home -- lol. Send some of that energy my way - please!

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IUHRYTR 7/22/2009 6:06PM

    Wow! Thanks good news. Active and down 45 pounds? That's terrific. Your attitude is catching. Keep up the good work. -- Lou

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Beast and Path: Volume Two

Monday, July 20, 2009

Volume One:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public
_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2225068

Beast and Path: Vol. Two

Ages had passed and the child was now a man.

The man sat as he had nearly every day since he was a child. He stared off to the path longingly; at least he believed to be looking at the path. Truthfully it had been so long since he walked the path that he could no longer find it. He began to worry that he may not be able to use the path again even if beast allowed him leave of this place. Countless times, beginning when he was a child, he had had the same exchange with beast.

“Would you mind if I walked on the path for a bit?”
I WOULD HATE TO BE ALONE NOW, JUST STAY WITH ME THIS TIME, PERHAPS TOMORROW WOULD BE WOULD BE BETTER.

Man was finally beginning to be restless. Others were moving past him, on their own paths. Friends of mans past had faded, and been replaced by ones more to beasts liking; now mans friends had their own beasts. No two beasts were the same, but they were all similar. They all abhorred any business with the path, and they all adored being around other beasts.

Then man shuffled and tried to build the courage to speak. When the child was first seduced by beast, it promised to destroy shame. Beast did not destroy shame, he enslaved it. Now shame was one of beasts many weapons. Shame had helped keep man in check when beasts love was not enough. When man began to question beasts love, and the source, shame attacked with a ferocity rarely seen.

The man cleared his throat and spoke quietly; “Beast, I grow weary of this life we have. I need something more. I feel that I have missed so much. “

Beast smiled as he usually did when the man spoke nowadays. That mirthless facial twitch that belied favor. HAVE I NOT GIVEN YOU EVEYTHING I PROMISED? I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE ABILITY TO LOVE YOURSELF ABOVE ALL. I HAVE GIVEN YOU CONTENTMENT, WHICH HAS LED TO WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS JOY. AND YET TIME AND TIME AGAIN YOU WONDER IF THERE IS MORE. SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE MISSED. THERE IS NOTHING MORE. THIS IS EVERYTHING THERE NEEDS TO BE.

The beast then began bellowing. The cataclysmic sound drove the man to his end. Beast had been doing this often of late. When the man did something upsetting, beast would explode like this. The only way to quiet him was to join him, and consume. Beast had won in ways the man had not imagined possible when he was a child.

So man sat, and consumed and beast relented.

The man began to wonder how to slay the beast. He started by looking for the path. As beast had wallowed in NOTHING and CONSUMING for its whole existence, it needed rest. This afforded man the chance to seek the path.

The man got up and walked away from beast, towards where he believed the path was. He pulled aside the brush and peered down the narrow expanse. I KNEW YOU WOULD NOT LISTEN. Beast was no longer smiling. YOU WILL NO LONGER FIND THE PATH. OH, I CANNOT REMOVE IT, BUT YOU WILL FIND THOUSANDS OF PATHS. GO AHEAD, SEEK THE PATH, YOU WILL ONLY FIND MISERY, FAILURE, PAIN AND SHAME. TRUTH BE TOLD I WILL ENJOY WATCHING YOU FAIL. IT WILL BE A WORNDERFUL EXPERIENCE FOR ME. PLEASE, BEGIN THIS FOOLS ERRAND NOW.

The man looked back at beast. The figure had grown MASSIVE as the seasons passed. He seemed an impossible force, but he was no longer smiling. That long familiar feeling beast had rained down on the man was fading. The man began to speak, trembling, “What happened to love? The love you promised me?”

Beast ROARED with laughter. THIS was true joy emanating from beast, this is what it TRULY loved. THAT IS PRICELESS! AFTER ALL THIS TIME, YOU ARE STILL HOLDING ONTO THAT LOVE I TRAPPED YOU WITH. I NO LONGER HAVE ANY NEED FOR LOVE. I HAVE A CONQUERERS ARMY AT MY DISPOSAL AGAINST YOU. I HAVE SHAME, GUILT, DENIAL, PROCRASTINATION, PAIN, FEAR, GLUTTONY, CRAVINGS AND MANY OTHERS. AS I SAID THIS WILL BE A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE FOR ME. YOU MAY TRY TO WALK THE PATH, BUT WHEN YOU FAIL, AND TRUST ME YOU WILL FAIL, YOU WILL COME BACK HERE. YOU WILL SIT NEXT TO ME AS YOU HAVE DONE THESE MANY YEARS, YOU WILL DO NOTHING AND YOU WILL CONSUME. THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE, YOU ARE NOTHING AND CONSUMPTION. I HAVE BUILT YOU IN MY GLORIOUS IMAGE. YOU WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING ELSE, YOU CAN NEVER BE ANYTHING ELSE. YOU WILL SEE AS YOU BEGIN ON ONE OF MY SHADOW PATHS THAT, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, YOU CANNOT SUCCEED. THE YEARS AT MY SIDE HAVE RENDERED YOU IMPOTENT TO MY POWERS. BUT, I AM SLOWING YOU DOWN, I NEED TO WATCH THE SHOW, PLEASE CONTINUE TO YOUR PATH. I WILL BRING SHAME NEXT TO ME TO WATCH, HE WILL ENJOY THIS NEARLY AS MUCH AS I WILL.

Beast continued bellowing as the man stooped and began to pull back the branches. It certainly did look like it may have at one time been the path he had traveled. He took a step forward, and waited. Beast was still having a grand time, but the path felt right and the man continued. After a few steps it began. Shame was on top of him, howling. It was deafening. Craving came slashing out of the underbrush. Clawing, biting, tearing at the flesh of man. He tried to fight back, when he struck cravings with a stick he picked up from the ground, gluttony came bursting from in front and threw the man back towards beast. The man wept, he so badly wanted to walk on the path again, but it was too hard, too painful. Beast’s friends, his enemies, were too great.

The man lowered his head in defeat and spoke softly as he often did, “You were right. I am sorry. Would you mind if I sat beside you again?”

The empty smile returned. YOU ARE FOREVER WELCOME HERE, MY DEAR FRIEND. I DID ENJOY THAT A GREAT DEAL. THANK YOU. REMEMBER THIS MOMENT NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A DESIRE TO WALK THE PATH. REMEMBER THIS FEELING OF SHAME, REMEMBER THAT YOU HAD NO POWER OVER GLUTTONY AND NO SHIELD AGAINST CRAVINGS. IF YOU PROMISE TO REMEMBER THIS, I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LOVE AGAIN. CAN YOU MAKE ME THAT PROMISE?

The man wept. He had wept before, but never like this, never openly in front of beast. He had trouble getting enough air to speak the words. “I promise.” As soon as the words passed his lips, the feeling of self love returned. It was different this time, it was not as it was before, it seemed hollow, but it was the only thing he had to hold onto.

The man sat and consumed. He joined beast in NOTHING, and beast smiled true.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKIM1 9/21/2009 8:37PM

    So depressing, yet knowing there is a bright side is uplifting. May we never return...

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TSABONIS 7/24/2009 10:49PM

    Ot turns ... the end is already written, and it is 'sunny'.. I've almost got use there, but not quite ...

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TLN-NOW 7/24/2009 6:22PM

    ...I am REALLY looking forward to the turn in this story!

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A Brithday Gift to Myself.

Friday, July 17, 2009

For as long as I have honestly looked at myself I have dreamed of weighing less than 300 pounds.

So, when I started on this path I had a plan. Truth be told I have done so well that my plan is pretty well shot. I wanted to lose 30 pounds over the summer. As of this past Monday, I have lost 38 pounds. I ran into someone who I had not seen in six weeks and they were floored and they asked how I was doing it. I paused for a moment and simply replied “The right way.” No pills, surgeries, crazy drug therapies, or anything extreme. Just 3 simple steps

1. Eat Better
2. Eat Less
3. Move More

Anyway, it is time to readjust my goal. I believe that the most I can reasonably expect to lose is one pound per week. Just one. When I stopped caring and ate everything in sight and sat as much as possible, I gained 63 pounds in 54 weeks. If I can only expect to gain a pound per week, then I can only expect to lose one pound per week. Taking the long view, that is 50 pounds in a year, which is dynamite!

Here is my weekly weight loss this summer:

• Week 1: 15.0 pounds
• Week 2: 3.6 pounds
• Week 3: 6.4 pounds
• Week 4: 4.2 pounds
• Week 5: 5.6 pounds
• Week 6: 3.0 pounds

Looking at that track record, my current weight of 327.2 and my 34th birthday on September 24th, I have decided on my birthday present. There are 10 Mondays between now and then. Mondays being my weigh in day, which means I have 10 weigh in days, with a couple days left at the end to make up a bit.

I have decided to give myself the greatest gift I have ever given myself. On the morning of my 34th birthday I want to look down at my scale and have it say:



This is no longer a dream, something up in the sky, unreachable. No longer an imaginary event this WILL happen, it’s just a matter of when.


Will I make my deadline? That’s a tough one, 2.8 pounds per week, and last week was only slightly above that with 3.0.

But I will get there, this is no longer an "if". Only the date is in question.

T


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKIM1 9/18/2009 11:00PM

    adding the 299.9 scale image was breath taking...and made me tear up...

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JUDY1676 7/20/2009 10:54AM

    What a great attitude! With that you CAN reach your goal! Keep upthe attitude and the great work!
Blessings,
Judy

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 7/18/2009 6:42PM

    You are right on with this. Just keep sticking at it. Think about the feeling you had blowing by that first goal. While you may not blow by it, you will still achieve it and the victory will be as sweet.

Keep working at it.

ttyl

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JESSICAMAE83 7/18/2009 3:03PM

    You can do it. You seem to be doing great so far. Keep it up!!! emoticon

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KARVY09 7/17/2009 5:11PM

    Sounds like a great goal, and even if you don't get there by your birthday, know that you will get there very soon at the rate you're going! You're doing fabulous!

By the way, I read your last blog and immediately made myself a breakfast taco for lunch. It made me want it that much!
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MARJIJANE 7/17/2009 1:05PM

    Hey! I'm on board for that goal! When we see that working a logical food plan is a way of life, instead of a deprivation, the perspective changes to "when I get to that point" instead of "if I get to that point" . I am so happy for you that you have turned the corner of realization! I pray you will continue to be successful with the losses, large or small, during your journey.

I thought I would have a plateau at the 200 mark, but that never happened, so everday I just wake up thankful... then I smile at the lady in the mirror and she smiles back. Very soon we will be welcoming you to the "two-fers' land. My birthday wish for you is that you will be able to share that "2" number with us when it happens! Woo Hoo!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TLN-NOW 7/17/2009 12:58PM

    I read a lot of blogs where people get unconsolably discouraged when things slow down. Hec, I'm a little frustrated m'self! My Lofty Goal Date is in 6 weeks. I, like you, have become more reasonable and realistic about this being a lifelong journey, not something that has to happen by a certain date. Though, it's good to give your self a date just to be accountable and turn your 'dream' into an objective, it's not a success or failure sort of goal. I'm just doing the best I can. And as long as I hold true to that - That's Success! You are doing absolutely GREAT! We will both/all achieve our goals for a healthier life soon enough! We all just have to hang in there!

Have a great weekend!

M emoticon

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DLEVESQUE86 7/17/2009 11:52AM

    This sounds like a wonderful birthday gift to give yourself :)

You can do it !!!! emoticon

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I Love "Diet" Food

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

As I have said many times, I am not on a diet, I feel that word is over/mis-used. I am simply on a different eating system.

On my system, or path, I am simply limiting my fat and calories. Since fat has a higher caloric density than most other nutrients, it is a nice way to trick the system into letting me eat more.

I can eat ANYTHING, as long as I keep my fat and calories in the ranges I have picked out. I jsut cant have as MUCH as I used to.

I am now going to gloat about all the super food I have been eating that has helped me lose 38 pounds in 6 and a half weeks. Yeah, I rule.
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Breakfast Burritos
I have two FAT burritos each morning. (Five days per week, the other days I have oatmeal or cereal as time permits).
1. Cube one medium russet potato and microwave it for 6 minutes on high, or until they slightly brown.
2. Fry one cup of egg beaters egg substitute.
3. Fry two slices of deli sliced luncheon meat, usually ham variety.
4. Equally distribute all that between two 98% fat free tortilla shells with half a serving string cheese added to each as well.
5. Roll it up and put back in the pan/griddle to brown it slightly.
Awesome. 375 Calories 5 Grams of fat and 25 grams of protein each. You can also toss in some salsa if you would like. I found it was better without.

Lunch is kinda boring, just a bowl of soup.

Dinner, wow I make some crazy stuff there.
Pizza Muffins.
Ingredients:
• English Muffin, Split
• Pizza Sauce
• Cheese.
• Toppings as you desire, I like turkey pepperoni.
I think you can figure how to throw that one together and toss in your toaster or regular oven. Comes to roughly 200 calories and 10 grams of fat per “slice”

And last night I made something weird. For dinner I usually get 1000 calories. I make three servings of any pasta (600 calories) and 3 servings of Pasta in the jar (like Ragu, Prego, Classico, Bertoli …) and mix it all in a dish with some of the aforementioned pepperoni torn up and thrown in. Wow was that good.

The really nice thing is, in the past I always had to concern myself with how the kids or my wife would like something, well, these are meals just for ME. So I can get smaller amounts and test the waters. I really like flavor, and trying new foods, the kids and wife generally like keeping it bland and the same.

I am really enjoying my food freedom.

What crazy thing should I try next?

I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll like it when I get there.

T

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMTOTWO 7/17/2009 12:14PM

    This recipe is similar to Cracker Barrel Skillet Breakfast and it is one of our favorites - per person - cut up 1/2 C green (or red) peppers and 1/2 C onion - sauté, add 1 cooked diced potato and 3 oz Farmland 95% fat free cubed ham. After all is cooked (I use individual small fry pans for each person) top off with 2 eggs (fried or scrambled), top with lowfat shredded cheddar cheese and cover until cheese melts. With light wheat toast it makes a hearty meal for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
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KATHY:) 7/16/2009 8:42AM

    It's wonderful that you are having fun with food!!! I really dislike the four letter word "diet"... so I refuse to say anything except I am learning to eat correctly.
Have a great day emoticon

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TOXICANGEL-NZ 7/15/2009 8:45PM

    I love " I am NOT on a diet"! I use that often....

Your foods like mouth watering hehehehehe I love weird food, its awesome to just 'chuck' things together for sure!


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KEENTINA 7/15/2009 7:26PM

    My feelings exactly! I actually like what is considered "health food", though. I can indulge on fruit with one serving of vanilla yogurt and feel like I ate all the fat in the world - without the guilt. You can see my blog (No More Clogging the Arteries) if you want - I figure I'm also improving the earth by walking - it saves gas. I bus, I save money, create less pollution, walk more. I also have less stress riding than I would driving in a metro area. Didn't always have that luxury but for now . . . .

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TOXICANGEL-NZ 7/15/2009 7:08PM

    I love " I am NOT on a diet"! I use that often....

Your foods like mouth watering hehehehehe I love weird food, its awesome to just 'chuck' things together for sure!


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