Thursday, November 28, 2013
As I sit here typing this, I am thinking why am I putting this out there? Truth is, I need to. I have been married for 23 years, to a wonderful man, I thought we had a good solid relationship. Not only was he my husband, he was my best friend. After a few nights of staying out all night and having no idea where he was, he finally came home Monday morning, and told me, he wants to be honest, he is not happy, and hasn't been happy for years, then I got every cliche in the book. This is the hardest thing I have faced, I worry for my kids, my life, everything. I know I need to work through my hurt, anger and grief. It would be so easy to just give up. I won't I may love him and not want to lose my marriage, but the truth is that is out of my control. The only thing I can do is keep positive, we had great marriage, 2 beautiful kids, somewhere along the line, his feelings changed. And that is ok. Because I love him, I want him to be happy, and I hope he has found it. For me, I am focusing on becoming the person I want to be, to get my confidence back, to get my voice back. I am going to create a great life for myself and my children. I don't have the time or want to spend the emotional energy on anger or grief. Its time for me to find myself, to be the best person I can be. I wish I could tell each and everyone one of you, how inspiring I find your story. You have been through a lot, through tremendous heartache and turmoil, and yet you preserve and push ahead. You are my inspiration, and you are what keeps me going in times like these. YOU remind me I am worthy of being taking care of, and it is up to me to treat myself well. Thank you and have a beautiful Thanksgiving.
Monday, August 19, 2013
So on July 8th, I started Ideal protein, my initial weigh in was 240, I know I was heavier when I started, my weigh in was prior to our one week family vacation. In which I had all the cheesesteaks, ice cream, french fries, and vodka I knew I couldn't have on this new "diet". We not really a diet, its a new way of living. One that isn't centered around food and crazy cravings. It works, it works really well if you follow it 100%. With that said I am human, I follow it maybe 80%, still have trouble with vegtables and finding an acceptable salad dressing that is on protocol, that actually tastes good. With that said, I have lost 19.2 lbs. in 6 weeks. There have been days where I want to quit, but I want to be healthy and active even more! Right now I am at 220.8, excited to hit the teens. Onederland is just around the corner. I don't expect it to be easy. I do know I can do it! I have great friends and great support on the IP Sparkers team, they just keep me going!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
This weight thing is not easy, no one ever said it would be, and the truth is I am the only one who can do this, no one can lose my weight for me. Recent events in my life have me thinking about accountability, I know what to do, I know what I have to do, why is it so hard to just do it? I know I see this huge mountain, and I need to attack it bucket by bucket, little steps, eventually it becomes a hill, and then nothing. I know alot of it is self esteem, let's face it if you are obese, its probably at an all time low. I wish I could see myself like others see me, and I know in time it WILL happen, right now the important part is that I don't give up , that I keep plugging away...
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Ok, plateaus are annoying, but in fact they can be helpful. I have been on one for the past few weeks. Actually its more like a roller coaster, my weight goes up a few pounds, then I steel my resolve and work to get it back to 214. I decided to look at it as 'maintenance in training'. I will reach my goal weight, and when I do I will have a new battle of maintaining it. I decided that my plateaus will be real life training exercises in how to deal with the emotions and changes I need to make in order to succeed. I am tired of starting and stopping. So I am just going to continue. Things will never get better if I just moan and whine about them. Just keep moving, I will persevere... that is my new motto.
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Right now I am in an upswing, that is what I call the days I feel like myself. I am happy, annoyingly so, I am positive, I can do anything, nothing overwhelms me, I can accomplish any goal by looking at things one by one. Its weird how your mind plays with your body, when I am positive everything hurts less! I am not hungry. I can eat normal portion sizes and be ok.
On other days, I am the complete opposite. Everything hurts, I am easily overwhelmed, I am negative. On these days, I know I just need to stop, breathe, everything will be fine, but it is like the negativity is compulsive.
The one thing I do know, is that I deserve to be healthy. Working out helps me get out of a funk. I know I have to do it every day. If I don't feel like working out, I need to at least move, go up and down the stairs several times.
I am a serious type A, I need everything in its place and organized. I have to do the same with my diet and exercise, it keeps me honest and on track. I know I will get there. I didn't gain the weight overnight, I won't lose it that way either, and that is OK.
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