Today was difficult.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I really had to control myself today. Though I wanted to go back for seconds after dinner, I had tea instead. Knowing that my stomach was already full, it was just my brain and my mouth that wanted the food. I also ate a cookie today but I still managed to stay within my calorie goal, just barely though.

My son made cookies with Omah yesterday. They are heavenly - peanut butter with crushed heath bar. They are soft and oh so good. It's hard not to want to eat them all. There is only one left though so the kids can share it for a special treat tomorrow.

I haven't drank all that much water today and I think that is a reason why it's been a difficult day. When I drink 12 cups per day I do much better than 8 (and I've only had 6 today so far).

To make matters worse, I am so not in the mood for treadmill. I had a rough mommy day and I just want to get in bed and watch all the good TV premiers that are going to be on in a bit.

  

Working Hard!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Last night I hit the treadmill while watching Biggest Loser. While my body wasn't up for running, watching the drive of the Biggest Loser challengers made me feel like, "If they can do it, so can I!" So I walked and walked while being inspired by the Biggest Losers. It really helped.

I had a great diet day yesterday and am really proud of myself. It was hard wok but I'm going to keep it up. My goal is 7 days with no cheating. I need to create better habits and, if that means being super strict right now to accomplish that, then so be it.

I was officially in the 130's today also (139.6). I haven't seen the 130's since 2006! Next weight goal is 135 and I'd love to see that by mid-October.

  

Run Wild

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Three months ago, when I decided to start running, my goal was to run this race with Zoë (my sister-in-law) on her birthday. It's sort of her story to tell so I'll just link you to her blog post about it www.runzoerun.com/2009/09/this-is-wh
y-i-run.html . Anyways, I wanted to do it for her to not be alone and I wanted to show her how much other people care (since she is why I run).

Well, my goal was to run the 5K Run Wild race at Northwest Trek (a wildlife park about an hour south). It sounded like a neat race through the trails and next to the animal exhibits. But then she signed up for the 8K (5 miles). Could I do it?

I kicked up my training and made that my goal. I registered super late because I wasn't sure I was going to actually run the 8K. If I was going to sign up, I was going to run the entire thing, I wasn't going to sign up if I couldn't do it.

So today, for Zoë and her mom, I ran my first 8K race (with a personal record for my mile pace). Here are my stats:

Actual Time: 55:22
Pace per Mile: 11:07
Overall Place: 164/189
Place for Females: 87/105
Place for Females 20-29: 27/32

And, Zoë ran awesome. She finished top 5 for the women's 8K! You can read about her accomplishment here www.runzoerun.com/2009/09/run
-wild-8k-recapyes.html .

So my running goal is complete! Now I'm going to focus on 5K's (3.1 miles). I'd like to get my time up so my next goal it to run a 5K in 32:33 mins (which means picking up my pace by about 45 seconds per mile)!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRASIETA 9/21/2009 4:19AM

Congratulations on running that race! I'm sure Zoë loved having you there! Keep us posted on your 5K times! Report Inappropriate Comment

CARED88 9/20/2009 1:52PM

Congratulations!! You should be proud of yourself for being such a great friend and athlete! Report Inappropriate Comment

NEWNARAYAN 9/20/2009 11:07AM

great job!! Report Inappropriate Comment

Feeling Depressed and Unmotivated.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I remember last time I dieted (I lost 15lbs and then gained back 5) I got really depressed in the first few weeks. I have an emotional attachment to food and I think having to curb my emotional eating weighs on my mind. I know it'll pass, I just have to stick to it.

It sucks because I used to eat so different than I do now. I used to eat only vegetarian/vegan foods. I was thin and full of energy. I've always had a problem with food though. I've struggled with weight from about 7th grade. I've always viewed myself as "fat".

Then I had kids and gained weight and my mental image of myself just went down hill and I can't regain control on my eating. I can't believe I ever thought I was "fat" before. If my former self saw my current self now, she'd be pretty discussed.

Sometimes I wish I could go back there. I remember a point in my life where I ate under 100 calories every day. I'm not saying I want that life again but, to have that control... there is no way I could do that now. Now I struggle to stay at 1,400 calories per day.

Yes, I exercise but that will only go so far if I'm eating garbage all the time. I have to admit, there are parts of me that want to find the "pro-ana" sites and go back there. Because it felt easier then. Because I felt strong and empowered then.

I know I probably have some sort of body dimorphic disorder. I hate it when people tell me I'm skinny. What I see in the mirror is very different from with is really there. But, Im aware of this - I'm aware of all of it - and therefore, I don't worry.

I want to lose my 20lbs (or about 16 now) and be done with it. I don't want to be 110lbs again, okay, there is a part of me that wouldn't mind that, but I don't actually want it. I just want to get to my normal, lose this baby weight and live my life.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MACGIRRL 9/23/2009 11:02PM

BALANCE Hey Gorgeous Smile Woman, I was never anorexic, nor bulimic, but my closest closet experience was an over abundance/use of fiber tablets when I was your age. I am glad to hear that you cannot embrace the eating under 100 calories a day. Feeling YOU again? Embrace/Reacquaint with your vegan tendencies again and UTILIZE THE SP food tracker in order to be aware of what you are feeding your body. It is an illuminating tool! Eating is ESSENTIAL for health! Think about what exercise/activities work for you too, and track them on your SP Fitness page. It's a GOOD thing! Feel free to ask any ?? here at SP and Connect! Lynne Report Inappropriate Comment

GRASIETA 9/17/2009 5:41PM

I know what you mean by being attached to food. I can't relate to the "being in control" thing, though. I suffered from a compulsive overeating disorder, and I *never* felt in control. Actually, to me, following my meal plan now is as focused as I've ever been in my life. On one hand, it gives me the sense of "being in charge" when I need it, but on the other, when I really couldn't care less, it's like it's all taken care of, like I don't need to think or worry about it, just do it. Maybe having a semi-strict meal plan would help you? Whatever you do, I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure it's only a matter of time all that exercise is matched with really great eating. Just keep trying! Report Inappropriate Comment

JOCHEBED1 9/17/2009 3:00PM

i think as women we all go through these behavioral problems especially since there is a greater stigma upon women to look perfect. the men can give and take some and that's okay but with women...the society expects perfection and it's not just in physical features. i was just talking to a friend last night that said she is on e harmony trying to find someone and all men want a women who is successful and obviously the physical has to be attached or they wouldn't even look at you. personally, i have go through these struggles often but i catch myself now from entertaining those thoughts and stop them so that i dont get severely depressed. you have to give yourself some slack that you had children...i have had 4 myself and it is a struggle. like you i used to not eat junk food and only ate like 3 small snacks a day (1/2 banana, handful of cereal and maybe a quarter of a burger) but if you want to be lean and healthy then you have to eat like 1000 calories a day and exercise at least 3 times a week. i eat 1000-1200 calories a day of lean/low fat foods (as natural as possible) and then i exercise 6 days a week....it's the first time in several years that i now see results but it is a slow process. forgive yourself an move on...every day is a new chance to make new choices for the better! never give up and never think it's impossible! just keep trying until yo find something that works that is healthy.... :D Report Inappropriate Comment

LOMITCH 9/17/2009 2:58PM

Hey I hear ya. I was never really anorexic but I bordered on it for a while right after college....and you're right.... I always felt great about myself then. I've only been using spark for five days now but I've already lost six pounds and I'm starting to feel that same great way again. If you use the spark tools, like the nutrition and fitness trackers, you can make losing weight fun, almost like a game. I don't want to have to track foods that are bad for me so it gives me the motivation to not put bad stuff in my mouth. I also enjoy tracking my cardio minutes and calories every day on the fitness tracker so it keeps me getting my butt to the gym every day. Eating is essential for health and well being, you just have to make as many positive decsions you can every day. GOOD LUCK!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

Did it again!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Well, I went over (by 100) on my calories yesterday. But not too bad. I went over because I ate a big glop of peanut butter. In my defence, it was something I needed because of my awful stomach cramps caused by lack of sodium. Who knew you could actually get too little sodium?

Today has been a much better day. I'm actually under calories (so I'm going to have a treat) and I walked for 3 miles with my husband, ran for 5 miles with my sister-in-law and did all my strength training. I am really making an effort to be far, far more active than I used to be. Hopefully I can keep it up and start seeing results soon!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRASIETA 9/15/2009 4:46AM

Wow, you're such an inspiration! This past week I've done great with sticking to my meal plan, but not with trying to increase my activity levels! I think, since today I'm "off work" I'll do some cleaning around the house and then go swimming in the evening and see if I can do more than last week's 12 laps (hilarious, I know) I should make an effort to track my food, but living here it's really hard b/c I need to manually enter too many things! Report Inappropriate Comment

ANEPANALIPTI 9/15/2009 4:24AM

Awesome!!!!! Sometimes the results will lag, but it is a GUARANTEE that if you keep up the good choices and be patient, you'll see em! We're here for you! Dimitra PS. welcome to the c25k team Report Inappropriate Comment