Thursday, September 24, 2009
I really had to control myself today. Though I wanted to go back for seconds after dinner, I had tea instead. Knowing that my stomach was already full, it was just my brain and my mouth that wanted the food. I also ate a cookie today but I still managed to stay within my calorie goal, just barely though.
My son made cookies with Omah yesterday. They are heavenly - peanut butter with crushed heath bar. They are soft and oh so good. It's hard not to want to eat them all. There is only one left though so the kids can share it for a special treat tomorrow.
I haven't drank all that much water today and I think that is a reason why it's been a difficult day. When I drink 12 cups per day I do much better than 8 (and I've only had 6 today so far).
To make matters worse, I am so not in the mood for treadmill. I had a rough mommy day and I just want to get in bed and watch all the good TV premiers that are going to be on in a bit.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Last night I hit the treadmill while watching Biggest Loser. While my body wasn't up for running, watching the drive of the Biggest Loser challengers made me feel like, "If they can do it, so can I!" So I walked and walked while being inspired by the Biggest Losers. It really helped.
I had a great diet day yesterday and am really proud of myself. It was hard wok but I'm going to keep it up. My goal is 7 days with no cheating. I need to create better habits and, if that means being super strict right now to accomplish that, then so be it.
I was officially in the 130's today also (139.6). I haven't seen the 130's since 2006! Next weight goal is 135 and I'd love to see that by mid-October.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Three months ago, when I decided to start running, my goal was to run this race with ZoŽ (my sister-in-law) on her birthday. It's sort of her story to tell so I'll just link you to her blog post about it www.runzoerun.com/2009/09/this-is-wh
y-i-run.html . Anyways, I wanted to do it for her to not be alone and I wanted to show her how much other people care (since she is why I run).
Well, my goal was to run the 5K Run Wild race at Northwest Trek (a wildlife park about an hour south). It sounded like a neat race through the trails and next to the animal exhibits. But then she signed up for the 8K (5 miles). Could I do it?
I kicked up my training and made that my goal. I registered super late because I wasn't sure I was going to actually run the 8K. If I was going to sign up, I was going to run the entire thing, I wasn't going to sign up if I couldn't do it.
So today, for ZoŽ and her mom, I ran my first 8K race (with a personal record for my mile pace). Here are my stats:
Actual Time: 55:22
Pace per Mile: 11:07
Overall Place: 164/189
Place for Females: 87/105
Place for Females 20-29: 27/32
And, ZoŽ ran awesome. She finished top 5 for the women's 8K! You can read about her accomplishment here www.runzoerun.com/2009/09/run
So my running goal is complete! Now I'm going to focus on 5K's (3.1 miles). I'd like to get my time up so my next goal it to run a 5K in 32:33 mins (which means picking up my pace by about 45 seconds per mile)!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I remember last time I dieted (I lost 15lbs and then gained back 5) I got really depressed in the first few weeks. I have an emotional attachment to food and I think having to curb my emotional eating weighs on my mind. I know it'll pass, I just have to stick to it.
It sucks because I used to eat so different than I do now. I used to eat only vegetarian/vegan foods. I was thin and full of energy. I've always had a problem with food though. I've struggled with weight from about 7th grade. I've always viewed myself as "fat".
Then I had kids and gained weight and my mental image of myself just went down hill and I can't regain control on my eating. I can't believe I ever thought I was "fat" before. If my former self saw my current self now, she'd be pretty discussed.
Sometimes I wish I could go back there. I remember a point in my life where I ate under 100 calories every day. I'm not saying I want that life again but, to have that control... there is no way I could do that now. Now I struggle to stay at 1,400 calories per day.
Yes, I exercise but that will only go so far if I'm eating garbage all the time. I have to admit, there are parts of me that want to find the "pro-ana" sites and go back there. Because it felt easier then. Because I felt strong and empowered then.
I know I probably have some sort of body dimorphic disorder. I hate it when people tell me I'm skinny. What I see in the mirror is very different from with is really there. But, Im aware of this - I'm aware of all of it - and therefore, I don't worry.
I want to lose my 20lbs (or about 16 now) and be done with it. I don't want to be 110lbs again, okay, there is a part of me that wouldn't mind that, but I don't actually want it. I just want to get to my normal, lose this baby weight and live my life.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Well, I went over (by 100) on my calories yesterday. But not too bad. I went over because I ate a big glop of peanut butter. In my defence, it was something I needed because of my awful stomach cramps caused by lack of sodium. Who knew you could actually get too little sodium?
Today has been a much better day. I'm actually under calories (so I'm going to have a treat) and I walked for 3 miles with my husband, ran for 5 miles with my sister-in-law and did all my strength training. I am really making an effort to be far, far more active than I used to be. Hopefully I can keep it up and start seeing results soon!
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