Thursday, January 31, 2013
the way I feel about myself,
my self esteem,
my self worth,
the amount I can give to others,
the way I see others,
my attitude towards life, towards people around me,
my sleep (thanks Laura ;) )
the way I view things in my life,
the way I eat,
the connection to my inner self,
the love for myself,
the love for life and
the love for the whole universe with everything in it.
to say it with one word:
Now one very good question: Why oh why keep I forgetting this?!?!?! Actually it is so easy it is unbelievable I keep slipping back to my lazy old habits - unbelievable!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
It's been over a year now since my last blog entry. My weight hasn't changed much. It is still the same old, same old cycle of being active and watching my diet for some time, loosing some pounds and getting back to where I started from. My belly is so huge...I am aware of this cycle and it leaves me tired and frustrated. Showing me again, that I am not consistent and loose my motivation and focus once getting started.
I keep telling myself that I just haven't found my 'right' way, but it sounds like an excuse for not putting enough effort into myself. This is not me pitying myself, I just need to get this down on 'paper'.
Since July last year I am meditating once a week in a fantastic meditation group. The teacher is great and she inspires me a lot. Some things have changed since then. I am much calmer, I laugh more easily and my emotions don't swap me off my feet as much anymore than they used to. Also, during the day I feel much more connected to myself. These are small changes, sometimes I am not even sure if it is just a momentary thing which changes back to same old, same old. But somehow I have this feeling that this small seed is preparing to grow. All it needs is mindfulness.
Be good to yourselves, blessings,
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Today's Hot Mess WO really got my respect already before the start. Something inside of me didn't want to begin with this thing. When I saw it's design I knew this would be a hard one...only to find out afterwards that these 5 rounds are only the first part. OMG - everything all over again - backwards.
Well, I sort of promised to me that I would be doing workouts on a regular basis because it makes me feel good and builds up my confidence - all I need for my first conference at the end of this month. So I started, always in my mind that there is a great possibility that I would quit. But I made it. It took me 66 mins. BUT I DID IT!
Nevertheless, I will watch the effects of this wo carefully since there are some exercises I am not sure are good for my body. Like the first one - the get ups - were hard on my knees. I will pay more attention to what my body tells me and substitute exercises when I think it is necessary.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Today was a day.... Things at work are - as always - stressful and having to get my brain involved in 2 projects and other things is really messing with my good mood. So, today I finished a presentation in a hurry and didn't have the time to look it over again and then I held it in front of my working group and - oh boy - I could tell by their faces....it wasn't a good one.... Since it is not the most loving environment in my working group this really upset me. REALLY upset me!
I have the tendency to always think that I am not good enough, that I am not doing a great job - even though my feedback always tells me different. But not in this job - I don't know what this is...Usually, when I do things I do them right. But somehow I have this feeling that my job and I don't match...Well, enough whining about my job. This is for another time.
Actually another thing made me write this post. I try to pay attention to my emotions and the actions I take afterwards. After my presentation I felt so frustrated, I felt rejected by the others, I felt stupid, unworthy, not loved, alone - and scared, yes, some part inside me was scared. Not nice! I felt like crying at the same time I was thinking - well, very childish - you are a grown up woman - you feel like crying because you messed up one presentation??? Ok, no crying for me. But my inner child wanted - I won.
Since I skipped my lunch for finishing this stupid thing I had a coffee with a friend later on and when she ordered food I couldn't resist. I didn't want to! The last days I am fine with my eating, I notice when I am full, I stop eating, I cook healthy meals with veggies being the major component and keeping grains out of my diet. And guess what I ordered??? Pasta with cream sauce!!!! YES, jackpot for me!!! I chose but I was aware that I did and I know why I did - so this is ok with me. Then the pasta came and the taste was - well, they didn't taste bad because they didn't taste at all....no salt, no acidity - no mouthwatering delicious yummy meal. And 6 tiny shrimps in it. I didn't want to make a fuzz with the waitress so I ate that stuff and with every bite I thought - don't eat it it doesn't taste good. And I returned half of the plate. And this is new to me! I just stopped eating. Same thing this morning. Just stopped.
When I am in the above mentioned emotional mood I also get this craving for cigarettes. Horrible! But instead of doing so I thought: get home, do a WO and then you can smoke - Sure I was NOT going to smoke after a WO. And how I didn't want to workout!!! But I did!
So I guess the day wasn't so bad after all.
Hope I wasn't whining too much ;) Take care everyone, Hugs Mi
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Since last weekend I am on vacation! And I needed it so badly! My parents moved way up into the north of Germany some time ago and travelling there takes me approx. 9 hours. So I don't get to drop by too often an use my vacations to visit.
And now, here I am. Usually, when I get here I start eating like crazy - this always happens when I change location...after a week I start adapting to my new environment and get back to normal eating habits. Here it is always a special task since we have some eating issues in our family - we are all quite a bit overweight and when we meet, we eat. Away too much and always too high in calories.
But that's for another time. Quite a long introduction...I know.
I actually wanted to say that I am proud that I am sticking to a fit and active lifestyle and this makes me very happy! I don't watch my food too much, but I am trying to fit healthy and clean meals in - it works ok for me ;)
AND I am sticking to my BR workouts!!!!! Not every day, but every other day and that makes me proud!
To proof this here's my after WO face (Bad girl WO) - thanks BLUEFIRESTORM for the great idea ;)
Afterwards I felt like having a nice, neat, clean, healthy breakfast which even my dad liked!
That's it from here for now, take care, be happy and keep on rockin'
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