Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Wow, I haven't blogged in a long time! This past year was nuts. I'm not sure how many of you know just how crazy it was for me, but let me say that I'm SO glad it's over! The year started off fabulous since I spent the first half of January in my favorite city in the world... Prague. But it quickly fell to pieces after I got home, my dad got sick, I got super sick, my grandma got sick. I got a second job because my original one wasn't scheduling as often as I needed them to, but I absolutely HATED this new job. I never hated a job so much before. I felt like I sold my soul every time I had to go in, and I cried a lot. My grades suffered. My grandma passed away. My car broke. I was just about going to quit school after my summer semester. But somehow things started falling a little more in place. I decided I would stay in school one more semester, finish up my associates degree, instead of quitting all together. Although my plans were to go to another school that fall and get my bachelors degree. And I also found a program in pharmacy tech and got certified. So obviously the last 16 weeks of school were lost in my life. They flew by and I got a new job in the meantime. It was stressful. It made sense I was away from SP.
So now it's a new year. This year is going to be different. I'm not going to get depressed over little things (not that a lot of what I experienced was "little"). I'm just going to improve my life. I have time to focus on ME now! School is done. I cant even begin to describe how happy I am now that school is over. I mean, dont get me wrong, I like school. But enough is enough! I am almost 28. I need to establish a career, save money, and enjoy life. It's nice having time to read books for fun, watch movies, have ACTUAL days off which doesn't consist of last minute homework, or cramming, or squeezing in a load of laundry before I tackle my list of a hundred things to do.
So since I have time for me, I'm going to work on 2 major things in my life. My spiritual life, and my physical life. I had some sort of calling in the midst of all the chaos last year that brought me closer to God. I used to be at one point but fell away for a few years. But maybe it was the crazyness, or maybe it was a friend's inspiration, or maybe it was something I wont realize until later in life, but I felt like I need to know God better. I also feel new to this. When I fell away for those few years, I lost my sense of community. So it's like I'm starting over. It's kind of hard, especially alone. But I'm going to work on the community thing. I want to do anything I can to become the person He wants me to be.
In my physical life, I have gained about 20 lbs since I came home from Prague Jan of 2011. It's disgusting. I don't know how it happened, I really didnt eat too differently this year but somehow, maybe from stress I gained a lot. So now, I have 20 more pounds to add to my weight loss. Ugh!!! It's so frustrating... but I'm not about to let it frustrate me to the point of adding an additional 30 or 40. Yes theres things I'd like to look good for this year. We all can think of reasons. But I've decided I need to think of all the things I do that are bad, bad habits. For one, I create reasons why I need to lose weight by a certain time. This is no good. I'm not doing it. I'm going to look the best I can for various trips, but I'm not going to make them reasons to lose weight. I end up becoming sad over the thought that I DIDN'T lose in time. Number 2, I give in to sweets TOO easily!! I need to stop this. At one point I remember eating more fruits helped with distracting me. Maybe I should take on this challenge again. Number 3, I am really turned off by the thought of working out. I have been for over a year now. I think maybe because of all the sweat I invested, all that hard work, and time, and for what? Nothing? Well, ok maybe not NOTHING, but you can see how I'm discouraged. But maybe I should do more every day things, like walking to the store at the corner. I walked A LOT in Prague. And I don't know if I necessarily came back lighter than what I went there as, but I know for a fact, I was much more fit. Everything felt looser, I felt great, I was muscular. That's all I want. Well anyway, I'm sure I can think of a million other horrible habits I have, but these were the main ones. Maybe I'll add to the list someday, but for now, these are my focus. 2012 IS going to be my year!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sorry in advance for any mispelled words. I spark from my phone and for some reason my phone works super slow on the spark website. Anyway, I haven't blogged in a while. And I'm going through my yearly super motivated time, probably because summer is near. I have done this my whole life. I have planned and planned since junior high (roughly 15 years ago) to lose wight for summer. Its depressing to think of it like that, so I won't dwell on it, but it just solidifies the fact that I know theses feelings all too well. Anyway, for some reason, I really believe this is my year. I probably say this every year, and can't ever seem to stop the nagging in the back of my mind saying I will fail like all the previous years. But this year I. Know I can do this. I need a change in my life. I feel stuck because of school and petty jobs. I need good to happen this year. So far this year has sucked. I feel overwhelmed with all I need to accomplish, I have no money whatsoever, and there's been family health issues that seemed to have cleared up now but were stressful at the time. Go figure they all came up at once! So this year im ready for a new me. I am trying to improve my life by becoming healthier and getting better grades. I feel this semester is really showing me what I'm capable of. I'm proud of how well I'm doing and I hope I will continue to succed. And ever since I came home from my month long stay in prague, I've been very interested in eating right. Ever since I've been back I realized I can't focus on both school, eating right and working out. Its just too much, especially when I'm taking on so many other activities. So I have decided I will focus on eating healthier vs working out. Eating right was always the part that kicked me in the butt. It always kept me from losing the weight I wanted. So I will focus on this to see where it gets me. Today was the first day I logged food since who knows when (probably at this point, 2 years ago), and I was shocked to find out I was in my calorie range! Id like to stay at the lower end of the range, but for now I think logging can be wuite fun and motivating! I have to admit I didn't eat perfect today (had TWO snickers) but it was my first day, so give me a break! Anyway, I have a question though, while thinking summer and vacation and weddings and logging food intake are motivating to me now, what do I do when they wear off? Like what do I do when I just HAVE to have that whopper or piece of cake? How do I deal with that? Because that's what always gets me. One thing will pop in my head and life won't go on until I get it, but then I spiral downhill from there. What do you do to stay on track?
Friday, November 05, 2010
Sine I last wrote, I got frustrated with not losing at all during those first two weeks of religiously counting points and staying within my range. I ended up not caring anymore for a week. But since my friend and I are keeping tabs on each other while both doing ww,she got me back on track. I don't get to see her often since were both really busy and she lives 3 hours away in Columbus. But it just so happened that I was planning on visiting her that weekend and while I want counting and she was using "flex points" left and right, somehow she motivated me. And it was even more motivation when I found out that despite the weekend, she lost 2 lbs that week. I was like, ok, yeah, I CAN do this! I'm really motivated to look as great as I can for my trip to Prague. I'm GOING to do it! Anyway, I'm all about little mini goals anymore. I never used to have them, and I think that's what's gotten me back on track for almost 3 weeks now. I was using "flex points" that first week back (this is when you're allowed an extra 35 pts a week), and I still lost 2 lbs. At about the end of my first week back, the guy Ive been talking to asked me out on a date so I had little time to lose as much as I can to get back to what I call my "happy weight". I always feel good at this weight and so far have never been lower than 169 since high school, so hopefully soon my "happy weight" will be 159 or something! Anyway, after hard work and no "flex points", I made it to 169 by my date this Wednesday! Yay! So that means I lost 3 lbs from Saturday till Wednesday! I don't know how I did it, but it was so great to feel skinny on my date :) which, by the way, it went well, but I can tell he's super shy therefore he was really quiet, but he likes me and I like him so I think it went decent...were going out again :) so, I will officially weigh myself saturday , and change my tracker. Im so excited to see where I'm at! Thanks for all of your support. I plan on being at 160 by the time I leave for Prague on december 13th, but hey, if my body feels like being at 155, I won't complain! I'll be on track, since my goal for the end of the year was originally 150. I seriously can say, if I can do it, YOU can do it! As you can tell from my notes on the side of my profile, I can be very up and down all within 10 lbs, well not anymore, I'm breaking that cycle, and if you are the same way, try breaking that cycle with me, we will keep each other motivated!
Have a great weekend guys!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I should NOT be sparking right now. I should be either sleeping or studying. But I can't seem to settle my mind to focus which is making me anxious for my upcoming tests therefore I can't sleep. Ugh, the life of a student. Ok, anyway, I'm keeping this short. I'm disgusted right now. Normally, after a sentence like that, I'd follow with something like "I haven't been eating right", but not th is time. As most of you know (or may not know) I've decided to join Weight Watchers. It took me a week or two to get on track from when I made my decision, but believe it or not it was smart because I was able to see where I went wrong in the day and what seemed to tempt me the most. So, anyway, today was the second weigh in since I got serious with it. And honestly, I've fluctuated with the same 10 lbs for so many years now, I didn't have to weigh myself to see what it said. I knew just by looking at my stomach that I was at 173. Guess where I started 2 weeks ago...173. Um hello, what's the deal?! I'm serious about this. I want to lose weight. How do I eat withn my points everyday and not lose weight? This is so frustrating. And I'm trying my absolute hardest to not give up on myself, again! Sometimes its so hard not to though, you know? So I have decided ill give it another wek or two and I'm going to decrease my points down by four and se where I am. I had a goal to be at 150 by the end of the year and I'm still going to try but I feel like this has set me back. I'm not really focusing on the number though, because I don't want to be dissapointed and fail again. But I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm so afraid of giving up again. I don't wnt to. I gotta keep my motivation alive, but its making it hard when I'm not loing weight! Thanks for letting me vent! Phew! Off to study myself to sleep!
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Ok, yay! I'm excited because I've been wanting to blog for a while now but #1 didn't know what to write about, then #2, my internet was down, once I figured out what to write about (go figure!). Anyway, after a week and a half, it's up and running again...phew!
So, classes started again. I'm glad to be back. I'm totally sad that this summer is coming to an end, and quite honestly, I was depressed about it a week ago! But, now I'm pretty excited for my favorite season to be here. I just hate knowing what's around the corner from colorful leaves on cool crisp days. Ehh, well. I live in a beautiful state that experiences seasons, and thanks to Bio this semester, I'm more appreciative of it! (We are learning about ecology a bit.) My classes seem to be going well so far. And I notice, already, such a huge difference in my approach. I think spring semester was so overwhelming in my personal life and it didn't help when I bit off way more than I could chew at school. But this semester, my personal life seems to be more molded to my school life, which, honestly is how it should be. I should have the control of putting school first. Chemistry seems like it will be rough, only because a TON is expected of us by the next class meet. Reading chapters and answering 30 questions that take a long time to answer isn't something I want to do ALL day, but I need to do well in the class. Biology seems like it will be a breeze compared to spring semester. My teacher is so easy going and I love her teaching style. And math will be a big struggle, I can tell already. I'm already confused, but I signed up for a tutor, so that should help immensely!
I am in the works of planning a trip after the semester is over. I have been thinking for some time now, that I want to go back and visit Prague. For those of you who don't know, Prague is where I belong. I love it so much there, more than any other city in the world! I have a friend there that is like a sister to me. Her and I met from when she studied abroad here about 3 years ago and stayed with my sister and her family for that time. Then once Bara went back home, we all traveled there (my sister, her husband, their three kids, my parents and I) and visited her. We not only went there but to Vienna and Budapest. Anyway, I planned on moving there for 7 months (to Prague) and was going to stay with Bara's family. I was planning on getting a work visa and working and just traveling when I had the free time. This obviously didn't work out and I was pretty much heart-broken. I still look back wondering how my life would have changed if I did that, but I know it all happened for a reason. Because of the fact I couldn't go, I ended up giving L.A. a shot (another one of my many curiosities in life). Anyway, I always knew I'd go back to Prague, even from the first moment I stepped out into the city. It is amazing there, it's like a dream. Anyway, back to the travel plans. So, through some research, I found out Bara's family is more than happy to welcome me into their home, and I found out the only dates I can fly to and from Prague with my airmiles is Dec 13-Jan 13. So that means I get a whole month there! I'm so excited, but of course, I'm being myself, and not letting myself get excited until I know plans are set in stone. I just hate being disappointed! I found out finals are the week of the 13th and so far I asked 2 professors if I could take my finals a few days early. They agreed, and so now I just need to ask one more. I must say, the friday of Dec. 10 will be a really stressful day!! Oh well, it's totally worth it! Ok, I just needed to vent about that, because until I get permission from all my teachers that I can take my finals early, I'm not really mentioning this to many people.
So, on that note, I have things I wanted to blog about to improve myself as a person. And what better excuse is there, than to perfect these flaws and reward myself with a trip? First of all, the bingeing has GOT to stop! I am the type of person who feels like they have to finish something once it's opened. I can eat a container of cookies in 2 days. And a bag of chocolate in the same amount of time. Over the years, I've gotten a little smarter though. I only eat chocolate at my parent's house because my mom buys it, but it stays there! I get the bag, eat a few pieces, then put the bag in the fridge. But, for some odd reason, my new obsession is doughnuts! What's with that? I used to hate them! Ugh. And, noooo, I can't just buy one, I have to buy 3. Bingeing. I need to stop. Secondly, I plan on being a better student. I am going to study more. I'm going to pay attention more in class, and I am going to get A's! I have no more excuses this semester. If I do poorly, I can't blame it on being in a wedding, or having dramatic fights with friends. It's me not studying this time, simple as that. Thirdly, I am going to start being on time! Another thing I never used to do. I always used to be on time, early in fact, but anymore, life is making me over plan my days. I AM going to make it to events on time, it's embarrassing to be late all the time. And finally, I am going to do what I did a few weeks ago, when I was losing (advice from Tasha, THANKS!), I am going to start weighing myself every morning again. It was good inspiration to eat healthy the day before. I am so sick and tired of setting the same goals. I'm so sick and tired of fluctuating between 169 and 175. I am SOOOOO much happier at 169. I have no idea how I'd feel even at 159, but why is it so hard to stay at 169, even when I know how good it makes me feel? I am done, with all of this fluctuating. I think part of me is always thinking in the back of my head, well I never did it before, so there's no way I'm gonna do it this time. But, this semester is going to be full of reaching goals and achieving self improvements. I AM doing this, this time! I AM going to be 140 by the end of the year. I AM going to be skinny when I walk off that plane in Prague. And I'm doing it for ME!!!
Get An Email Alert Each Time TROPICALSTARS Posts