TRICIABFIT   14,815
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My not so happy life....

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Ok, so I was told I should blog about this to get some insight. I actually kind of know what I want to do but not sure how to go about it.

I am married to a man that has three kids and we also have one of our own. I have been married to him for a year and a half but we have lived together with his kids for almost 2 years (oh and their Mother just moved out after living with us for those 2 years). His two older kids cause a lot of problems. They are both girls one is 15 the other almost 14. The younger one is a boy and is 8, don't really have any problems with him.

I have always had a problem with them giving me no respect. If I ask them to help me with something it is always a no and if I press it then it is a huge fight. They have even cussed me out a few times. They have continuously gotten in trouble in school. They don't do homework, they don't participate in class, they disrupt class, they are disrespectful to the teacher, they have very poor grades, etc. Which brings me to this Friday when they both were suspended from school.

Almost two weeks ago, when my husband was out of town, The girls brought in 5 guys to my house, when I was still at work. It ended up with a cell phone being stolen and finding out the 15 year old had smoked weed that day and the 13 year old, I found out, had sex with someone. I found out about the 5 guys because of my neighbor watching our house and making sure the girls don't do something they shouldn't be doing. Now their Mother lives like 5 minutes from us and I think they should have been staying with her while my husband was gone, but he said they could stay at our house if they wanted to. Their Mother only lives in a one bedroom apartment. After the fiasco with the 5 guys I told them they could stay with their Mother the rest of the week. Needless to say that ended with a fight and them calling my husband and stating that they feel unwelcome in their own home, which then ended with my husband calling me and telling me I am just an unfeeling *itch.

Anyways this is where I am at in my life. The last 2 years have been miserable, no one helps me clean, my husband doesn't take out the trash, do yard work or anything else. He does watch our 1 year old only if I beg him too and then he just pawns him off on one of the older kids. I can't keep going on with my life like it is. I am so unhappy and I just don't want to put in the effort anymore.

I don't know where to begin on how to move out. How do I afford it? My husband won't let me leave this state and so I have to find a place of my own, but barely can afford anything on my income. Just so many questions and so much to figure out. I feel lost right now.

I guess if someone could point me in the right direction as to where to find help to find somewhere I can afford to live and get my life moving in the right direction again, that is what I am looking for.

I also keep second guessing myself, whether I should continue to stick this out. Sometimes I think it will get better, but then things start happening again then it is all down hill. My health is being affected too. I have high blood pressure and I also had to start taking anxiety medication again. When is enough, enough?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRICIABFIT 6/3/2013 9:24AM

    Thanks everyone for the kind comments and advice! Kim thank you for the offer of a room, I really appreciate it!!
We had a good long talk on Saturday about everything, once again, so we will see if there are any changes.

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WALKINGCHICK 6/1/2013 1:53PM

    I am so sorry to hear how things are for you - I don't live in the US so can't be of much help, but my thoughts are with you. Try to be strong, and raise the issues, and if you don't get the result you need, then start looking out for yourself and your child. Lots of emoticon

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KAB7801 6/1/2013 1:03PM

    If you need a break there's room at my house

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YANKEEBELLA 6/1/2013 10:28AM

    I suggest you call Social Services in your city. They can direct you to resources.
Be strong and look out for yourself and your children.

My prayers are with you.

Susan

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TRICIABFIT 6/1/2013 9:11AM

    Thanks LESLEE33, I have tried and tried to talk to him about it, but he continuously doesn't do anything about it. His ex-wife doesn't do anything about it either. He just thinks I am mean and hate his kids. This is not the case, although I am quite sick of dealing with them at all anymore. I feel like I am only in my house for my paycheck and to be a maid....

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LESLEE33 6/1/2013 8:50AM

    emoticon This sounds like a very high stress situation, like your on a team all by yourself. Before trying to move out, I would have a talk with your husband, let him know that you need help to lay down some rules, and consequences if those rules are not followed, and support you by co-parenting. The girls are this way, because it sounds like he always takes their side, so they feel they can do whatever they want.
What I am most concerned about is your baby! This is not a good environment to be bringing up a little one, also your health.
Even if you have to go on assistance until you can get on your feet, I'm sure there are different ways you can leave the situation.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, and I hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself.

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MAY GOALS

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Ok, so my goals for last month were not reached, not even close! Course I have many things going on in my life, but I still need to make time for me!
I did, however, go from 221.4 to 217.4.
I did start jogging in April as well, on my treadmill and that is going really well and I love it!! Really need to focus on doing toning videos though and also weights.
This month I kinda need to focus on the same stuff.

*Drink more water!
*Exercise daily
*No junk food!
*I am aiming for a 5 pound loss, not unreasonable, but I have been up and down between 4 pounds for about a month in a half, totally my fault too, so here is to a better month!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAB7801 5/9/2013 5:07PM

    Its great you put your goals on paper, I need that
Thanks Kim

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LAINYC 5/1/2013 4:05PM

    emoticon

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GINGERHAWK 5/1/2013 12:35PM

    I'm all for a better month though 4 pounds and getting moving on your treadmill are fantastic accomplishments for April!

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APRIL GOALS

Saturday, April 06, 2013

I thought I would try to write a blog about my goals for a change. I need to chisel out some time to reach my goals and I haven't been doing that! So here it is:

*3 times a week do the C25K
*2 times a week strength training
*5 days a week at least one bottle of water!
*lose at least 5 pounds this month, I really need to get to my 20 pounds gone goal!
Starting weight is : 221.4

Also want to work on maybe cleaning the house a little bit each day instead of massive cleaning one day a week. Maybe by doing that I will feel like I have more down time on my only day off of work!

That about sums it up, I will update this blog at the beginning of May and see how I did!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AHSOKA70 4/7/2013 2:31PM

    Great goals! They sound very attainable emoticon

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TDEMAIO2 4/7/2013 10:27AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LEVELPATHS 4/7/2013 3:30AM

    Good goals.

emoticon

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FEELING REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

I wasn't sure if I would ever get my mojo back after losing 50lbs 2 years ago and then gaining it all back, but it looks like I did!!!!!
It started out rough and then I lost about 6 pounds, then nothing for a month and a half, now for 4 weeks straight I have lost pounds! Granted it isn't a lot of poundage, but I am happy none the less!
I have been walking every morning before work and have now started walking/jogging! Yes! I started jogging again, I love jogging, if feels great! I use to do it all the time when I was smaller, I would jog 2 miles a day and weighted about 110 pounds for a long time, hoping to get back into that again!
I believe I have convinced my husband to buy a treadmill once the tax return money gets here, I would seriously use that thing multiple times a day!!

On the home-front, the step-children will be moving back to Florida come June. This is a step in the right direction, we got along so much better when they didn't live with me. I feel bad for my husband, because he feels like they are abandoning him, but hopefully he can find a job down there and we can live close to them! I would love to move back to Florida, I miss it soooo much!

Anywhoo, that about wraps up my thoughts for the day, hope everyone has a great day!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HA_MONICA83 2/12/2013 5:13PM

    Thats great! Gives me hope!!! If you can do this, I can do this....we can do this! :)

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40LESSOFERIN 2/7/2013 10:07AM

    YAY!!! Great job on staying the course!! It does pay to not give up!! Thank you for the reminder.

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LEVELPATHS 2/6/2013 12:39PM

    Excellent! :-)

emoticon

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TDEMAIO2 2/5/2013 7:20PM

    Good for you : ) Keep up the GREAT work! the weight will come off stick with it :D

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In a funk....

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Really none of my blogs have been very uplifting, lol. Haven't worked on myself like I wanted to and I take all the blame for that. I think secretly I just didn't want to, so I didn't.
I believe all of this stems from stress and my coping mechanism is binging. Yeah, great coping mechanism! Just make myself fatter and it will all get better, NOT!
My home life is not what I want it to be, I don't get along with my step-children, especially the middle one. This is not from lack of trying on my part, but because I expect them to clean up after themselves (the oldest are 15 and 13) it is a constant struggle. I am away from home about 12 1/2 hours a day and I come home to a mess every single day. Not one person tries to help me, I don't get it, I would never have done this to my parents! The 13 year old cussed me out yesterday just because I asked her to wash the dishes for me, needless to say she is minus all electronics for the next few days. I am not proud of the fact that I hit her on the arm, not very hard mind you, but I let my anger get the best of me and that is never ok. She is the biggest problem in our house, really she needs to go get some professional help. I do have my husband working on that for her, I just don't know what else to do with her.
Aside from all of this I also have a 10 month old and again I work 6 days a week.
I already talked to my husband about starting to go to the gym later in the evening, it is literally like 5 minutes from my house. He told me he would watch the baby while I do that, now I just need to start going and also start trying to get myself to stop binging and start directing my emotions towards working out. I believe that once I start working out, then my mind-set will be much clearer and I will be able to deal with things at home on a more positive note.
Last time I lost 50 pounds, that was about 2 years ago and I was really focused, but I didn't have a family to contend with, so I just need to think of this as a much bigger challenge. I know I can do this, I need to for myself and my family!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRICIABFIT 12/8/2012 7:40AM

    Thank you everyone for your kind words. Unfortunately things have gotten worse and my husband and I are talking about separating. We love each other very much, but the kids just cause too many problems between us right now. The kids don't listen to him or their Mother, but I get the most disrespect. Pretty hard to take when their Mother barely pays child support and all of my money goes to helping them have a better quality of life. I go without things just so they can have.

Annie, I know you can do this!! We both can, I am here for you if you need me! Not only does exercise make your mind more clear it has the added benefit of getting your body in great shape!! :)

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VICKI-IS-LOSING 12/7/2012 12:20PM

    Sorry the kids aren't co-operating. It's difficult when you're a step parent. The kids don't feel they have to mind. I hope it'll get easier for you. At least your husband is being supportive. emoticon

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GINGERHAWK 12/7/2012 10:04AM

    So sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It's so hard to juggle everything and it's easy to let stress get the best of us. Family counceling may be a good idea if you can get everyone focused on it. Additionally, taking time for yourself (gym, a movie, quiet time) as much as you can is key. We all need a moment to just breathe without focusing on everyone else's needs. Hang in there and I hope things get better. Feel free to drop me a line if you need support!

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TDEMAIO2 12/7/2012 6:30AM

    Yes working out it going to help you in a BIG way! bless your heart emoticon I know times like this seem to overwhelm us - but this trial your going through is making you a stronger person- Believe you can do and you will

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LEVELPATHS 12/7/2012 3:06AM

    "I believe that once I start working out, then my mind-set will be much clearer and I will be able to deal with things at home on a more positive note.
Last time I lost 50 pounds, that was about 2 years ago and I was really focused"

I like this! I need to get focused too - I was just about to blog about it - maybe more exercise will help me to do that too.

Hey girl, we can so do this!

emoticon

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TRICIABFIT 12/6/2012 5:23PM

    Thanks guys. Yes, I have sat down with them many times and explained how hard it is and how much help it would be if everyone would pitch in and pick up things on the floor, washing the dishes, etc. but nothing has worked. It has really put a strain on my marriage because of this!
I just keep praying they will go live with their Mother, as bad as that sounds!! The only way I get through it is with God's help, that is it, oh and food!! lol
I am actually hoping we can all go to family counseling...

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CLASSYLADYMAY 12/6/2012 5:03PM

    Oh wow girl.. that is so much to deal with.. i dont know if i could do better than you..! Have you had a family meeting..?? with kids and husband there so you can say how you feel.. in a nice way.. not pointing a finger but telling them how hard this is..
I think you need to go and exercise for you.. so you can deal with the stress better and exercise will help a lot!~ so dont give up.. keep journaling. even if its a good report.. i am praying for you.. hugs Geri

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PARKERB2 12/6/2012 4:49PM

    emoticon When you realize what exercise can help you with, you will be glad you are going to go to the gym.

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