Sunday, November 29, 2009
It's weird(audience: What's weird?). I'm glad you asked.
A goal that I've had for two years has been to be below 220 for 3 straight weeks. I was stuck at 220/221 for seven weeks straight. Went below for one week, then went back above.
It seems like since I've realized that a bad day can just be one bad day, I've actually stopped obsessing about my weight. I feel so confident that I'm going to meet my year end goal that not only are potential setbacks not scaring me, but I'm not even noticing milestones.
The last two weeks I've been at 216.x. This week was 215.2. I actually made the three week below 220 goal and I just noticed this now. This morning, a day after my weigh-in, I realized that I am .2 pounds from my 10 pound milestone. This totally didn't register yesterday.
Now that I know my activity adjusted BMR, am exercising regularly and eating a relatively healthy amount of calories, I feel free. I'm not worrying about my weight, I'm feeling more free to help others who are having a tough day. Heck, I even feel like of I were to miss my 209.8 end of year goal, it probably wouldn't bother me too much (not that I won't fight for it until the end). I'll get there eventually and figure out what's slowing the weight loss.
Bottom Line: My weight doesn't own me anymore.
- TD out
Thursday, November 26, 2009
* I eat a candy bar a day (sometimes two)
* At most, I eat only one vegetable a day
I read so many posts with titles and statements like the following:
* "I hate myself because I ate x,y,z and/or didn't exercise."
* "What is wrong with me? I know that I should do(or not do) x,y,z"
* "I'm so stupid because I did/didn't do x,y,x"
* "I'm a failure"
I don't judge people who put such statement in their posts. I used to do the same. If you are someone who is prone to do this, here's a question for you:
**Would you say the same thing(s) to me because of what I just confessed?
If Yes, why? Why is the candy bar in and of itself that terrible? The vegetable, albeit only one, is still one more than I have traditionally eaten. What about these makes me so bad that calling me stupid and a failure is necessary? How is that helpful?
If No, why not? Come on, I know that I should eat more vegetables and less candy. I'm falling short of the mark just as you are. Why would you let me off of the hook but not yourself? Why do I deserve more grace than you on this?
Is it because you think that you're better than I am ("Poor stupid TD just can't hack it. Why beat a dead horse?")? Or is it because you think that you're less deserving of grace ("He's worth helping, but I know myself and I'm not")? Either way, you're judging yourself very differently than you judge me (and likely others).
Bottom line: Treat the bad day/week/binge lack of exercise as something that needs to be addressed. Don't judge yourself as a failure/stupid. The former can and will probably set you free. The later will keep you failing.
Treat yourself with the same dignity, love, compassion and care as you would others.
Next time you do something or have a day where you feel like mentally beating yourself up, come onto my page. Leave a comment on my page telling me exactly what you would tell yourself, regarding my confessions. I can take it. I will even post a comment above saying that I told you to do it (so other visitors will know why).
Tell me how stupid I am for eating that candy bar. Ask me what is wrong with me, because I only ate 1 vegetable. Tell me how much you hate me for not living up to expectations. Bring it. I'm tough I can take it. I will politely, gently and respectfully dialogue with you about it, but please do it.
I doubt that you will do (or would even consider doing) the challenge above. So in all earnestness, try the following:
* Ask yourself if it was just a bad day or is it a pattern?
* If it's one bad day, examine the circumstances and come up with a solution for next time you're in the situation. Make sure it's really an issue worth addressing.
* If it's a pattern, address it. Read articles on emotional/stress/boredom issues or food/sugar addictions. There are tons of articles, teams and staff blogs about these issues. Heck, if you do a web search, you get a SparkPoint(and who doesn't want that?)
* Address the underlying issue. If it's loneliness, be more aggressive about hanging around with friends and family. If it's boredom, get more involved in activities (sports, social groups, volunteering)
* Go ahead and be frustrated, but only for a short time. Don't let it linger. Don't let it turn into self-flagellation.
Judge yourself only as harshly as you would judge someone who is trying hard and falling short. Help yourself as you would help them.
Again, treat yourself with the same dignity, love, compassion and care as you would others.
- TD out (to get his daily candy bar, perhaps)
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Today was awesome, I visited a friend of mine in the city. We agreed to have breakfast. He brought two DD pumpkin muffins and a lot of fruit. It was great. He knows that I'm trying to lose weight so he brought fresh blueberries, strawberries and blackberries. I had just done a huge weight workout, so I was thankful for the muffin.
What made the day really awesome was after we ate, we took a two mile walk (give or take) and I wasn't tired. about three quarters of the way through, I realized, "Wow, there is no way that I could have done this two months ago.". I would have been totally winded and my knees would have been sore. My friend even commented that I kept a good pace.
I'm already starting to see where this healthier lifestyle can take me and I am liking it.
- TD Out
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Hmmm. Today I ate almost 3200 calories. I was hungry all day long. Yeah. The rest of this week, I've been eating 2400-2500 calories. On paper, I totally screwed the pooch today. I should be really upset. I should be posting a self-loathing blog, complaining about how I'm a total failure. Heck, I should even be adding humorous non-sequiter footnotes(*1) as a coping mechanism to deal with such a horrific failure. But for some reason I'm just not feelin' it.
You see (*2) I've been through this before. I had an eight day binge when I first started exercising that lead to a whopping .2 pound gain. I was in mental agony every day and all for nothing. I've stepped up my workout big time in the last two weeks. I can feel my legs getting really muscular from the walking that I've been doing. I'm hungry again (aaaaah).
I've had two weeks with generally really good eating. Met all of my calorie goals and been exercising fairly rigorously. Heck, I'm losing weight!!! I'm on track to be 209.8 by the end of the year. Even if I'm not by then, I will get there soon after.
The thing is this: My frustrations regarding my plateau and overeating were not from a sense of failure from a bad day of eating. It was a fear of being trapped, a feeling like I could never overcome. I would always be fat. It wasn't about a bad day, it was the same day (or week) over and over. I couldn't break the cycle. No matter how many times well-meaning blog respondents would say "tomorrow is another day" and "you can do it!(*3)", tomorrow was never different and I didn't believe that I could do it. Let me say this loud and clear TODAY IS THE DAY AND I CAN DO IT!!! (*4). The cycle is broken.
How about you? Did you have a "bad day" or is this a bad pattern that you are in? Are you really frustrated because you ate poorly today/this week/this weekend? Or is it that you feel trapped in a cycle of failure? If it's the former, get over it (a bad penny out of 100 still leaves you 99 cents(*5)).
If it's the later, I grieve for you. I know how hard it is. All I can say is keep trying. Look at your food journal for patterns. Read the nutrition articles about general nutrition and make sure you're getting enough nutrients, lean protein, healthy fats, whole grains, etc.. Intentional persistence has paid big dividends for me. I believe it will pay them to you as well. Don't hang in there. Re-examine. Make modifications. Pray and meditate about what to do. Break the cycle!!
Yes I had a "bad day" today.....
and yes, I'm "over it" now(*6).
- TD Out
(*1) Like this one!
(*2) Yes, I'm talking to you.
(*3) Often times with emoticons. Emoticons rock!
(*4) ALL CAPS= "Loud and Clear
(*5) When did they take the cent sign off of these confounded typewriters!? Consarn it!!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
What a Day! Boy the temptations came fast and furious.
12:30: I go down to the Cafeteria where I work to get lunch. Dave (the owner) has marinated chicken breast and pork tips. The truly healthy decision would have been the chicken, but I had 6-8 oz of lean pork budgeted for calorie-wise. Unfortunately Dave (a) didn't cut the fat off of the tips and (b) felt really generous with the portions (btw his pork dishes are really good). So as I watched him heap on what I would estimate to be 10oz of pork, I cringed.
I thought "Great, I'm screwed calorie wise". I was resigned to the fact that I was probably going to go over. About halfway through the tips it occurred to me "Wait a minute!!!! I don't actually have to eat all of them!!!!!" And I didn't. I trashed about 3oz of tips. I felt proud.
3:00: Extremely stressful meeting with my boss. Not bad stress, mind you. Just a lot of potential disappointment from him and a big decision that I needed to address regarding my career. All of it potentially very good, but very risky as well. Though it went well, my nerves were kind of shot by the end. I needed a drink! No, something stronger.....I needed Chocolate!!!!
I literally had the dollar bill at the tip of the insert on the vending machine. I thought to myself "Is this really what you want" and mentally responded with "Hell, yes!!!!". So don't ask me how I did this, but I forced myself over to the refrigerator and got a cucumber. Victory numero dos!!
5:00: Someone on the train had McDonalds. It smelled really good. I wanted it. I struggled home and still managed to make dinner at home. Yay!!!
So it was a good day. A tough day, but a good one.
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