TRENTDREAMER   15,041
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Weekly Weigh-In 10.20.2012 (First One In A While)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

OK, so after about 6 months of very poor activity on Spark, a lot of stress and having to go back to the fat clothes that I fought so passionately to not have to wear any more, I realized that I needed to start tracking and start reestablishing some of the principles that got me almost to my goal two years ago (*)

Please note I haven’t and won’t use the term “Starting Over”….because I’m not (because this type of thing is part of the journey that I started three years ago and will end when I reach my goals).

Please note that I’m not getting back on any wagons. If I’m getting on any wagon, it’s a new one because I’m in a different place than I’ve been when on various wagon(s) in the past.

Please don’t tell me to “stop beating myself up”. I’m not. I’ve gained some weight which I know I can lose.

And please don’t tell me that tomorrow is another day. My choices will reflect whether or not that is the case (and heck, I ask rhetorically “Why wait until tomorrow?")

Now that I have all of the cliches accounted for (**)

My weight and bf% this morning:
- 212.2
- 23%

Not numbers to write home about (***)….

but it’s where I am; four 2s and a 3 to change and a 1 to relocate.

195.0@15%

- TD Out


(*) Wow, it’s been a while

(**) I think I’ve covered them all, anyway

(***) but hey, mom did give me stationary that I haven’t used. Makes me wish this blog was shorter, as rewriting it in cursive will be a chore.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLOWDER6 10/21/2012 12:08PM

    It's just a matter of focus and prioritizing. You already know emoticon You can and you will.

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FITGRL124 10/20/2012 5:16PM

    I agree with Liz - it is what it is. UGH! Tough I know...I've been there (and am there) too. :(

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JUMPINJULIE 10/20/2012 5:02PM

    Rewirting in cursive would be a job and a half. Glad you used them all i have none to say so just keep on keepin on. right. emoticon

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MEADSBAY 10/20/2012 9:09AM

    ** It is what it is.
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MARVEEME 10/20/2012 9:06AM

    ONEderland awaits! GO!
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WELLNESSME09 10/20/2012 8:01AM

    Wishing you much success towards your goals! emoticon emoticon

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PICKIE98 10/20/2012 7:32AM

    Young man! That stationary is intended for the sole purpose of writing long letters to ME! Be a good son and get cracking on the first one, I love you son. Love, Mom

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TRYINGHARD54 10/20/2012 7:31AM

    I guess you already know what to do.... emoticon

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And the Four Year War Continues......

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I joined Spark people about three years ago (August of 2009). First blog still posted.

From then though mid July of 2010 I struggled and fought towards my goal of 195, with many great and supportive SparkFriends (All of whom I love very much).

In late July of 2010, I broke through the 200 pound mark into the 190s. That Saturdays was one of the greatest success of my life. That blog still posted as well.

"Surely", I thought, "195 is just 5 pounds away". I went for it. I fought for it. I hit 195.8. plateaued for a few weeks and then gained a few. I hovered between 199 and 202 for about two years. This year under a lot of pressure in three different areas of my life, I've gained 10 pounds and have been hovering between 210 and 212.

I need to lose the weight. I need closure on 195. It's been over three years. By August of 2013, I want this war to end.

That blog will be posted early/mid next year.

Thanks for reading.

- TD Out!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKELAZ 10/19/2012 10:15AM

    Fight on, TD. It's all any of us can do. It's a tough battle but better by far than surrendering. Closure - a-ah closure! We all long for that.

Good fortune to you (as you would say) for tomorrow - except it's not good fortune unfortunately, its ****** hard work!

With you all the way ((XXX))

Comment edited on: 10/19/2012 10:18:01 AM

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MEADSBAY 10/18/2012 9:29PM

    Keep yr eyes on the prize!
We CAN do it!
We can't give up, TD.
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STEELKICKIN 10/18/2012 6:52PM

    You'll get there, TD! Keep the faith!!!
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JITZUROE 10/18/2012 4:26PM

    You WILL get there. Oh yes you will. That darn .8 must have made you want to scream.
I hear ya.
But you will get there. And we will all support you!
Bren

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PICKIE98 10/18/2012 4:11PM

    Go for ounces first, ya silly!! Wasn't it Ron White or Jeff Foxworthy who said that lowering their expectations made life easier???? LOL!

Seriously, I go for five pounds at a time, but when it gets down to what you are doing, it will most likely be ounces, so I do not get discouraged..

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FITGRL124 10/18/2012 8:58AM

    Stay focused TD! You have come a long way and I look forward to seeing that 195 blog!

Thank you for your friendship! It means so much!!!

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HA_MONICA83 10/18/2012 4:36AM

    Keep focused on meeting each day with new strength and determination to do your very best....to be the very best you can possibly be! :)

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KT-NICHOLS-13 10/17/2012 10:49PM

    I am here for ya friend, let me know how I can support you.

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MARVEEME 10/17/2012 9:12PM

    ONEderland was yours, and will be again. We've GOT to stop saying yes to buying the junk food, whether it's in our grocery cart or at the restaurant.

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Rematch This Weekend

Thursday, August 09, 2012

So last week, I dared myself to lose a whopping 0.4 pounds.

My weight had ballooned up to 208.2 (about 10 pounds higher than I've been at for the past couple of years).

I made a promise to myself that if I weighed 207.x pounds, I would buy myself a jacket that I really liked.

I hit my target. 207.4

So this week, I'm doing a similar dare to hit 206.x pounds. a little over a half of a pound.

This week's belated midweek points to a really close one.

We're talking Kennedy/Nixon 1960 close!

We're talking Bush/Gore 2000 close!!

We're talking Savage/Steamboat 1987 close!!!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=21yHgXsLges&
feature=fvwrel


We're talking Boxing Kitty/his Match 2012 close!!!!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYmB55XWpgs

Yeah!

So it's this Saturday. Will Trent go below 207?

Stay tuned.

TD out!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KA7MONTOYA 8/21/2012 2:49PM

    Just popping in to say hi! and to check out how your new short term goal has turned out for you. I want you to know that I'm rooting for you! emoticon

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KA7MONTOYA 8/20/2012 6:29PM

    Yes! Trent will go down to below 207! emoticon

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AKELAZ 8/15/2012 1:27PM

    Def tuning in for the Revolution-ey Day Of Your Jeans - will probably be the highlight of my week.
Love the way you organise everything against the tide - and LOVE your blogs. And as for the Messy Life Part IV - food (oops!) for thought for about 6 months - 6 very worthwhile months, I have to say, if I can sort myself out in that process.
Haven't been to your page for ages (forgive me) cos life has been in my way but am so-o glad I turned up - you are both inspiring and amazing. emoticon

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TSEWARD 8/11/2012 8:52AM

    Nice goals! I love your plan to lose .4 lbs! this is a goal I bet even I could attain. Thank you for the inspiration! emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/9/2012 11:21PM

    Looking forward to hearing about your new purchase. I believe you'll reach your target!!


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MEADSBAY 8/9/2012 8:43PM

    So????
Did you get the new jeans?
I refuse to buy new clothes and even my fat jeans are tight for me.
Maybe I'll hit the consignment store for just a few things.
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FITGRL124 8/9/2012 8:20PM

    I cannot wait to find out!!!!

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Dared Myself This Week

Saturday, August 04, 2012

These past few months have been stressful and I have been focusing on eating more vegetables and slowly building up the workout. Other bad choices have been taking their tole on my health and weight. Sleep has been poor and weight has shot up.

||Last Week||
Last week, I weighed 208.2 pounds and that started to concern me (about 10 pounds higher than I have been for the last 2 years). While I am definitely going to continue the crazy revolution that is crazy and revolution-ey, I defintiely need to just start putting a little more care and planning into my meals and snacks.

I saw a jacket in one my favorite mall stores and dared myself, knowing that the goal is attainable:

**"If I weigh less than 208 pounds Saturday morning, I'm going to buy that jacket"**

While my eating wasn't too much better in general this week than last, I made yesterday count:
- Intense cardio and upper body workout (9 mins cardio 10 mins weights)
- Did not eat out (lower sodium)
- played some light sports with my co-workers after work
- light dinner

This morning?

**207.4 (-0.8). The jacket is mine**

||Next Week||

This week one of my favorite pairs of jeans that has been on heavy rotation for the last 5 year has gone from being extremely worn to now having a hole. They are 38x32s. They've been baggy and saggy for the past couple of years. Love the color. Hate the fit. They've faded considerably as well.


This week's dare:

**Reward: If I am below 207 next Saturday, I will replace them.**
That's about a half of a pound (my workout regimen alone will get me there at this point).

I will buy a pair of really up-to-date attractive jeans. The ones that wore out were 15.00 generic clearance ones. I'm budgeting far more for their replacement. It's worth it to me now. I'm in better shape than I was back then.

I'll keep you posted

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KA7MONTOYA 8/7/2012 1:05PM

    Wow! You must be amazingly proud! Glad to see you're setting realistic goals for yourself and linking them with tangible rewards.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/5/2012 9:08PM

    **207.4 (-0.8). The jacket is mine** (LOVE THIS)

**Reward: If I am below 207 next Saturday, I will replace them.** (ADORE THIS)

I've recently gotten better at goal and rewards. Feels better than just doing. . .



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FITGRL124 8/4/2012 9:47PM

    Good for you for setting a goal and sticking to it!! Great job!!!

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ROEANDGO 8/4/2012 3:02PM

    I LOVE this!! Good for you! And I agree....you will be rockin' those new jeans next week!!!

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MEADSBAY 8/4/2012 12:39PM

    Bet you will be rockin' some new jeans next week!
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The Power of Negative Thinking Part VI ("A Life That's a Total Mess")

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I would say this type of thing to no-one but the absolute best of friends (*). It was about 3 months ago a friend of several years and I had finished dinner and were wrapping up the evening. I don’t even remember the exact comment but it was something to the tone of “Yeah, this area of my life needs some improvement, but I’ll be fine.”

I was too tired to do my classic arms flailing, “Are you serious? What are you smoking?” monologue that I usually only use with my tough-guy macho co-workers when the issue is not personal. But I wanted to.

As it was, I explained to him with barely an eye still open:

"
No you won’t, Dylan. Your life is a total mess.

You work for about a third of what you are worth. You work for a boss who has major mental issues. You work 60 hours a week. Even if you decided you wanted to leave, you have no idea what you’d want to do.

You have an uncle who you can’t stand who is cheating on your aunt who you care very deeply for. There is nothing that you can do about it and it kills you. Even if you could it would put your cousins behind the 8 ball because they are still living with them. You walk on eggshells every time you get together with them (which is often)

You go to a church that doesn’t even come close to believing what you believe and its stated religious doctrine claims it to. It knocks you down and marginalizes/ostracizes you for dissenting with them. They are the only church within reasonable distance that has a decent sized singles ministry, so you feel that you have nowhere else to go.

Speaking of which, you have an ex-girlfriend who has even more severe mental issues than your boss, by a long-shot. The girls at your church are a mind field of religiously frustrated cultural ones who are realistically there only to find a husband and get out. You have a big bulls-eye on your back in this regard. You hate it. You can’t stand them. But you stay at the church. Again, you have nowhere else to go.

There is not one area in your life that is at all satisfactory for you or even safe. This one problem you mentioned is just a symptom of your life. Even if you did address that symptom it and it went away or fixed itself, it would change nothing.
"

He sort of got it. He agreed with what I said. We are still friends.

At the same time he is not ready to deal with what it would take for this all to get addressed/fixed/eliminated.

How about you?

If Dylan was on SparkPeople and overeating was his “issue”, he would have pulled the invariable. “What’s wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? I need to try harder. It’s time to get back on the wagon” routine.

As one who loves you very much and wants you to succeed, I want you to get real with yourself. How is your life going? Take inventory. Everything:
-Your job(s)
-Your friendships
-Your relationships
-Your religion
-Your spirituality
-Your finances
-Your dreams/desire (present and past)

Paint a picture of your life and see what percentage of your life is/isn't one that you don’t need to self-medicate with food to deal with. Even if you turn to another coping mechanism, will that sustain you long term? I ask, “Why settle?”

What is the pattern in your life?

What is that pattern based on?

In Dylan’s case, he has a pattern in his life (based on how he was taught to see himself) that he needs to break which starts by admitting that those who he believes have/had it totally right, totally don’t get it, He suffers for not living up to their expectations. He defines himself as they judge him even though they don’t even live up to their own “standards”.

How about you? Why are you where you are? Is there a root pattern in your life that you need to unroot? If so, what’s causing it? As one who loves you, I beg you to address. Otherwise, you will most likely continue in the tailspin that you’ve been flying in.

Choice is yours. Please choose wisely.

Much Love,

- TD Out!

(*) or perhaps an anonymous SparkPeople.com/Blogger.com blogosphere.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TSEWARD 8/23/2012 7:58AM

    Ahhhhhhh! ding! Now I get it! (the butler). After a super positive week, I have had one of the worst weeks ever. I have been selfdestructive, eating crap, going to the store and buying more crap to eat, watching depressing TV, and HATING MYSELF!!! and the weird part is I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!! But reading your blog really made me think. One thing that is becoming harder to ignore is that I am allowing my job to turn me into a person that I don't want to be, a person that I hate, and then I hate myself more for letting it happen! I am (was) empathetic, kind (for the most part), loved my customers and believed the best about them, and same with most everyone in my life. But I am in a toxic workplace all day long. I have one guy that constantly comes into my area and tries to turn me against the assistant manager, telling me how unfair it is that she gets to do this and that and I don't, and telling me to do something about it. I could give a poo less what she is doing, and I understand that this guy is just trying to instigate problems. But it wears on me! And I have started to hate my customers, hate myself, and totally change into this jaded, negative, evil, sarcastic person that my family and friends are finding it harder and harder to live with. I am not sure what I am going to do about this yet, but i am going to do something. At least I have recognized a major contributing factor to my personality changes and self destructive behavior!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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KA7MONTOYA 7/31/2012 10:30AM

    Everything you wrote has truth in it. The trouble with people is that we're so darn human and that comes with a complicated mindset(s). I find that it's much easier to find areas in my loved ones lives that need improvement than to look deep inside and concentrate on my "big picture." I tend to look at challenging areas in daily small increments. Why? Because it's all that I can handle. My world is so full of stuff...to see, to do. And much of my stuff relates to what other people need from me. Just like today. I was going to check in and go for a bike ride at 8:30 this morning. It's now 10:30 am and I'm still on this computer!

But the long and the short of living successful lives is to shed the mindsets that have chained us to our past. We all need to take on Olympic Mindsets and train ourselves as if we were in the race of our lives...and see ourselves winning.

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FITGRL124 7/26/2012 9:39PM

    emoticon you!

You're an awesome friend!!! Thank you for this fantastic blog!



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KT-NICHOLS-13 7/26/2012 12:56AM

    "Is there a root pattern in your life that you need to unroot? If so, what’s causing it?"
What the What? You got into my head again. I'm currently on the path of success - all things point to good. THEN, then it happened and I ate like I had been starved for lifetime. Something primal took over and I ate. In the moment I knew what was happening, I felt the feelings but I couldn't put my finger on the "it" or the "why" ... it just was. I need to figure out the root - I still have some learning and discovering ahead of me.

Thanks! A most helpful blog.

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