Saturday, October 20, 2012
OK, so after about 6 months of very poor activity on Spark, a lot of stress and having to go back to the fat clothes that I fought so passionately to not have to wear any more, I realized that I needed to start tracking and start reestablishing some of the principles that got me almost to my goal two years ago (*)
Please note I haven’t and won’t use the term “Starting Over”….because I’m not (because this type of thing is part of the journey that I started three years ago and will end when I reach my goals).
Please note that I’m not getting back on any wagons. If I’m getting on any wagon, it’s a new one because I’m in a different place than I’ve been when on various wagon(s) in the past.
Please don’t tell me to “stop beating myself up”. I’m not. I’ve gained some weight which I know I can lose.
And please don’t tell me that tomorrow is another day. My choices will reflect whether or not that is the case (and heck, I ask rhetorically “Why wait until tomorrow?")
Now that I have all of the cliches accounted for (**)
My weight and bf% this morning:
Not numbers to write home about (***)….
but it’s where I am; four 2s and a 3 to change and a 1 to relocate.
- TD Out
(*) Wow, it’s been a while
(**) I think I’ve covered them all, anyway
(***) but hey, mom did give me stationary that I haven’t used. Makes me wish this blog was shorter, as rewriting it in cursive will be a chore.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I joined Spark people about three years ago (August of 2009). First blog still posted.
From then though mid July of 2010 I struggled and fought towards my goal of 195, with many great and supportive SparkFriends (All of whom I love very much).
In late July of 2010, I broke through the 200 pound mark into the 190s. That Saturdays was one of the greatest success of my life. That blog still posted as well.
"Surely", I thought, "195 is just 5 pounds away". I went for it. I fought for it. I hit 195.8. plateaued for a few weeks and then gained a few. I hovered between 199 and 202 for about two years. This year under a lot of pressure in three different areas of my life, I've gained 10 pounds and have been hovering between 210 and 212.
I need to lose the weight. I need closure on 195. It's been over three years. By August of 2013, I want this war to end.
That blog will be posted early/mid next year.
Thanks for reading.
- TD Out!
Thursday, August 09, 2012
So last week, I dared myself to lose a whopping 0.4 pounds.
My weight had ballooned up to 208.2 (about 10 pounds higher than I've been at for the past couple of years).
I made a promise to myself that if I weighed 207.x pounds, I would buy myself a jacket that I really liked.
I hit my target. 207.4
So this week, I'm doing a similar dare to hit 206.x pounds. a little over a half of a pound.
This week's belated midweek points to a really close one.
We're talking Kennedy/Nixon 1960 close!
We're talking Bush/Gore 2000 close!!
We're talking Savage/Steamboat 1987 close!!!
We're talking Boxing Kitty/his Match 2012 close!!!!
So it's this Saturday. Will Trent go below 207?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I would say this type of thing to no-one but the absolute best of friends (*). It was about 3 months ago a friend of several years and I had finished dinner and were wrapping up the evening. I donâ€™t even remember the exact comment but it was something to the tone of â€śYeah, this area of my life needs some improvement, but Iâ€™ll be fine.â€ť
I was too tired to do my classic arms flailing, â€śAre you serious? What are you smoking?â€ť monologue that I usually only use with my tough-guy macho co-workers when the issue is not personal. But I wanted to.
As it was, I explained to him with barely an eye still open:
No you wonâ€™t, Dylan. Your life is a total mess.
You work for about a third of what you are worth. You work for a boss who has major mental issues. You work 60 hours a week. Even if you decided you wanted to leave, you have no idea what youâ€™d want to do.
You have an uncle who you canâ€™t stand who is cheating on your aunt who you care very deeply for. There is nothing that you can do about it and it kills you. Even if you could it would put your cousins behind the 8 ball because they are still living with them. You walk on eggshells every time you get together with them (which is often)
You go to a church that doesnâ€™t even come close to believing what you believe and its stated religious doctrine claims it to. It knocks you down and marginalizes/ostracizes you for dissenting with them. They are the only church within reasonable distance that has a decent sized singles ministry, so you feel that you have nowhere else to go.
Speaking of which, you have an ex-girlfriend who has even more severe mental issues than your boss, by a long-shot. The girls at your church are a mind field of religiously frustrated cultural ones who are realistically there only to find a husband and get out. You have a big bulls-eye on your back in this regard. You hate it. You canâ€™t stand them. But you stay at the church. Again, you have nowhere else to go.
There is not one area in your life that is at all satisfactory for you or even safe. This one problem you mentioned is just a symptom of your life. Even if you did address that symptom it and it went away or fixed itself, it would change nothing.
He sort of got it. He agreed with what I said. We are still friends.
At the same time he is not ready to deal with what it would take for this all to get addressed/fixed/eliminated.
How about you?
If Dylan was on SparkPeople and overeating was his â€śissueâ€ť, he would have pulled the invariable. â€śWhatâ€™s wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? I need to try harder. Itâ€™s time to get back on the wagonâ€ť routine.
As one who loves you very much and wants you to succeed, I want you to get real with yourself. How is your life going? Take inventory. Everything:
-Your dreams/desire (present and past)
Paint a picture of your life and see what percentage of your life is/isn't one that you donâ€™t need to self-medicate with food to deal with. Even if you turn to another coping mechanism, will that sustain you long term? I ask, â€śWhy settle?â€ť
What is the pattern in your life?
What is that pattern based on?
In Dylanâ€™s case, he has a pattern in his life (based on how he was taught to see himself) that he needs to break which starts by admitting that those who he believes have/had it totally right, totally donâ€™t get it, He suffers for not living up to their expectations. He defines himself as they judge him even though they donâ€™t even live up to their own â€śstandardsâ€ť.
How about you? Why are you where you are? Is there a root pattern in your life that you need to unroot? If so, whatâ€™s causing it? As one who loves you, I beg you to address. Otherwise, you will most likely continue in the tailspin that youâ€™ve been flying in.
Choice is yours. Please choose wisely.
- TD Out!
(*) or perhaps an anonymous SparkPeople.com/Blogger.com blogosphere.
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