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Stuff Trentdreamer and the Voice In His Head Say

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

(Trent parks in front of the store gets out of car walks toward store entrance)

Voice in TD’s head: Going to buy some new jeans, eh.

Trent: Yup!

Voice: Really stylish ones for when you hit goal or ones to hold you over until you get there?

TD: Neither

Voice: Huh?

TD: You heard me. Neither.

Voice: I don’t follow

TD: What’s not to follow? I’m going to buy a pair of jeans that looks good on me and on me now.

(Trent enters store)

Voice: Um, you have four pairs of fat jeans that you’re getting by with.

TD: So?

Voice: So, you already own them. You’re going to lose a massive amount of weight in the next few months. Just wear them until you can fit into your thin ones again.

TD: Why? I want a new pair of jeans.

Voice: But you won’t need them in a few weeks.

TD: I don’t technically need them now. The four are looking worn. Heck I just had to take another pair out of circulation. I’m replacing those.

(Trent arrives at jeans section and grabs a pair of 38x32 jeans and looks them over)

Voice: You’re serious.

TD: yup.

Voice: OK, Stop right there.

(Trent stops)

Voice: Some of your happiest, most victorious blogs have been about not having to wear 38x32 jeans anymore. You’ve been calling 38x32 jeans “Fat jeans”. Why are you doing this to yourself?

TD: (inquisitively) Doing what to myself, pray tell?

Voice: You know…….

TD: No, please. Say it. I dare you.

Voice: ….You’re admitting defeat!!

TD: (nods) Yup, now we’re getting somewhere. Actually, I’m not. I’m buying a new pair of jeans. I’m buying a pair of jeans that I like. A pair of jeans that will fit me well and look good on me.

Look, I liked being 210-215 pounds a lot better when I was on the downswing, weight-wise. I admit that. I refer to 38x32 jeans as “fat jeans” because I wore them when I was overweight. But hey, I’m 8 pounds away from obesity. The cold hard fact is that I am fat.

At the same time, I looked good back last time I was this weight and I look good now. I had swagger/confidence. I was dating someone who appreciated my physical appearance. The 6-8 pairs of jeans/khakis I wore were new and great looking back then. They’re not anymore. The four pairs that are still wearable are faded, dated, worn and just not attractive.

If these new jeans I buy today go back into the closet after three months then so be it. I’ll wear them if I gain the weight back in the future. Yes, it may happen. Hope it doesn’t, but it may.

I didn’t leave the house wearing ratty, worn out jeans two years ago. Why should I settle for doing so now. It’s time to move on.

Voice: Oh, I see….(pauses)…..sooooooo…

Trent: Yes?

Voice: You going with the faded blue rock washed ones or the plain navy ones?

Trent: The faded ones. They’ll go better with two jackets I wear most. I may come back for the others though.

Voice: Sounds like a plan.

(Trent picks up the pair of rock washed 38x32 jeans and starts walking toward the front of the store)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJCANNON 10/27/2012 9:45AM

    emoticon Very Wise to Enjoy The Moments along the way!

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MARVEEME 10/27/2012 9:06AM

    It is in the joy and confidence you feel and reflect that others will recognize and be drawn to you to further encourage your journey. When you put on those new jeans, name them your "new you" jeans and smile, often, while wearing them. It's a win win!

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AKELAZ 10/25/2012 3:23PM

    If new jeans - in whatever size - make you happy NOW - then NOW is when you should get them. Deal done! Good for you for listening to yourself - which ever self that was!!

AND - many thanks for your visit to my blog - probably sounded more self critical than I intended - disappointed was actually what it was - just wanted the better habits to stick more than they have. Need to stay on my guard consistently I guess. Thanks also for the blog reference - certainly a worthwhile read - you always find something to inspire me with. Thank you XXX

Comment edited on: 10/25/2012 3:38:05 PM

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MEADSBAY 10/24/2012 9:59PM

    I could not agree more, my friend.
We need to,
deserve to,
look and feel comfortable in our clothes,
no matter what that effin scale says.
I am sorta in the exact same place in my thinking about new clothes.
I have so few clothes I am happy and comfortable in right now.

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JUMPINJULIE 10/24/2012 10:35AM

    You should love yourself no matter what size and look good at that size. My Dad was a big guy for along time and he had to lose weight and lost it all but people would say to my dad you don't look fat. Here's a secret were pants/jeans that fit. And you won't look fat. emoticon

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FITGRL124 10/23/2012 9:38PM

    I love how you have this dialog with yourself and then you post it for all of us to share with you.

I can't wait until you buy 36x32 jeans next time! :D

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Weekly Weigh-In 10.20.2012 (First One In A While)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

OK, so after about 6 months of very poor activity on Spark, a lot of stress and having to go back to the fat clothes that I fought so passionately to not have to wear any more, I realized that I needed to start tracking and start reestablishing some of the principles that got me almost to my goal two years ago (*)

Please note I haven’t and won’t use the term “Starting Over”….because I’m not (because this type of thing is part of the journey that I started three years ago and will end when I reach my goals).

Please note that I’m not getting back on any wagons. If I’m getting on any wagon, it’s a new one because I’m in a different place than I’ve been when on various wagon(s) in the past.

Please don’t tell me to “stop beating myself up”. I’m not. I’ve gained some weight which I know I can lose.

And please don’t tell me that tomorrow is another day. My choices will reflect whether or not that is the case (and heck, I ask rhetorically “Why wait until tomorrow?")

Now that I have all of the cliches accounted for (**)

My weight and bf% this morning:
- 212.2
- 23%

Not numbers to write home about (***)….

but it’s where I am; four 2s and a 3 to change and a 1 to relocate.


- TD Out

(*) Wow, it’s been a while

(**) I think I’ve covered them all, anyway

(***) but hey, mom did give me stationary that I haven’t used. Makes me wish this blog was shorter, as rewriting it in cursive will be a chore.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLOWDER6 10/21/2012 12:08PM

    It's just a matter of focus and prioritizing. You already know emoticon You can and you will.

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FITGRL124 10/20/2012 5:16PM

    I agree with Liz - it is what it is. UGH! Tough I know...I've been there (and am there) too. :(

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JUMPINJULIE 10/20/2012 5:02PM

    Rewirting in cursive would be a job and a half. Glad you used them all i have none to say so just keep on keepin on. right. emoticon

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MEADSBAY 10/20/2012 9:09AM

    ** It is what it is.

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MARVEEME 10/20/2012 9:06AM

    ONEderland awaits! GO!

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WELLNESSME09 10/20/2012 8:01AM

    Wishing you much success towards your goals! emoticon emoticon

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PICKIE98 10/20/2012 7:32AM

    Young man! That stationary is intended for the sole purpose of writing long letters to ME! Be a good son and get cracking on the first one, I love you son. Love, Mom

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TRYINGHARD54 10/20/2012 7:31AM

    I guess you already know what to do.... emoticon

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And the Four Year War Continues......

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I joined Spark people about three years ago (August of 2009). First blog still posted.

From then though mid July of 2010 I struggled and fought towards my goal of 195, with many great and supportive SparkFriends (All of whom I love very much).

In late July of 2010, I broke through the 200 pound mark into the 190s. That Saturdays was one of the greatest success of my life. That blog still posted as well.

"Surely", I thought, "195 is just 5 pounds away". I went for it. I fought for it. I hit 195.8. plateaued for a few weeks and then gained a few. I hovered between 199 and 202 for about two years. This year under a lot of pressure in three different areas of my life, I've gained 10 pounds and have been hovering between 210 and 212.

I need to lose the weight. I need closure on 195. It's been over three years. By August of 2013, I want this war to end.

That blog will be posted early/mid next year.

Thanks for reading.

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKELAZ 10/19/2012 10:15AM

    Fight on, TD. It's all any of us can do. It's a tough battle but better by far than surrendering. Closure - a-ah closure! We all long for that.

Good fortune to you (as you would say) for tomorrow - except it's not good fortune unfortunately, its ****** hard work!

With you all the way ((XXX))

Comment edited on: 10/19/2012 10:18:01 AM

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MEADSBAY 10/18/2012 9:29PM

    Keep yr eyes on the prize!
We CAN do it!
We can't give up, TD.

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STEELKICKIN 10/18/2012 6:52PM

    You'll get there, TD! Keep the faith!!!

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JITZUROE 10/18/2012 4:26PM

    You WILL get there. Oh yes you will. That darn .8 must have made you want to scream.
I hear ya.
But you will get there. And we will all support you!

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PICKIE98 10/18/2012 4:11PM

    Go for ounces first, ya silly!! Wasn't it Ron White or Jeff Foxworthy who said that lowering their expectations made life easier???? LOL!

Seriously, I go for five pounds at a time, but when it gets down to what you are doing, it will most likely be ounces, so I do not get discouraged..

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FITGRL124 10/18/2012 8:58AM

    Stay focused TD! You have come a long way and I look forward to seeing that 195 blog!

Thank you for your friendship! It means so much!!!

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HA_MONICA83 10/18/2012 4:36AM

    Keep focused on meeting each day with new strength and determination to do your very be the very best you can possibly be! :)

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KT-NICHOLS-13 10/17/2012 10:49PM

    I am here for ya friend, let me know how I can support you.

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MARVEEME 10/17/2012 9:12PM

    ONEderland was yours, and will be again. We've GOT to stop saying yes to buying the junk food, whether it's in our grocery cart or at the restaurant.

emoticon emoticon

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Rematch This Weekend

Thursday, August 09, 2012

So last week, I dared myself to lose a whopping 0.4 pounds.

My weight had ballooned up to 208.2 (about 10 pounds higher than I've been at for the past couple of years).

I made a promise to myself that if I weighed 207.x pounds, I would buy myself a jacket that I really liked.

I hit my target. 207.4

So this week, I'm doing a similar dare to hit 206.x pounds. a little over a half of a pound.

This week's belated midweek points to a really close one.

We're talking Kennedy/Nixon 1960 close!

We're talking Bush/Gore 2000 close!!

We're talking Savage/Steamboat 1987 close!!!

We're talking Boxing Kitty/his Match 2012 close!!!!


So it's this Saturday. Will Trent go below 207?

Stay tuned.

TD out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KA7MONTOYA 8/21/2012 2:49PM

    Just popping in to say hi! and to check out how your new short term goal has turned out for you. I want you to know that I'm rooting for you! emoticon

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KA7MONTOYA 8/20/2012 6:29PM

    Yes! Trent will go down to below 207! emoticon

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AKELAZ 8/15/2012 1:27PM

    Def tuning in for the Revolution-ey Day Of Your Jeans - will probably be the highlight of my week.
Love the way you organise everything against the tide - and LOVE your blogs. And as for the Messy Life Part IV - food (oops!) for thought for about 6 months - 6 very worthwhile months, I have to say, if I can sort myself out in that process.
Haven't been to your page for ages (forgive me) cos life has been in my way but am so-o glad I turned up - you are both inspiring and amazing. emoticon

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TSEWARD 8/11/2012 8:52AM

    Nice goals! I love your plan to lose .4 lbs! this is a goal I bet even I could attain. Thank you for the inspiration! emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/9/2012 11:21PM

    Looking forward to hearing about your new purchase. I believe you'll reach your target!!

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MEADSBAY 8/9/2012 8:43PM

Did you get the new jeans?
I refuse to buy new clothes and even my fat jeans are tight for me.
Maybe I'll hit the consignment store for just a few things.

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FITGRL124 8/9/2012 8:20PM

    I cannot wait to find out!!!!


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Dared Myself This Week

Saturday, August 04, 2012

These past few months have been stressful and I have been focusing on eating more vegetables and slowly building up the workout. Other bad choices have been taking their tole on my health and weight. Sleep has been poor and weight has shot up.

||Last Week||
Last week, I weighed 208.2 pounds and that started to concern me (about 10 pounds higher than I have been for the last 2 years). While I am definitely going to continue the crazy revolution that is crazy and revolution-ey, I defintiely need to just start putting a little more care and planning into my meals and snacks.

I saw a jacket in one my favorite mall stores and dared myself, knowing that the goal is attainable:

**"If I weigh less than 208 pounds Saturday morning, I'm going to buy that jacket"**

While my eating wasn't too much better in general this week than last, I made yesterday count:
- Intense cardio and upper body workout (9 mins cardio 10 mins weights)
- Did not eat out (lower sodium)
- played some light sports with my co-workers after work
- light dinner

This morning?

**207.4 (-0.8). The jacket is mine**

||Next Week||

This week one of my favorite pairs of jeans that has been on heavy rotation for the last 5 year has gone from being extremely worn to now having a hole. They are 38x32s. They've been baggy and saggy for the past couple of years. Love the color. Hate the fit. They've faded considerably as well.

This week's dare:

**Reward: If I am below 207 next Saturday, I will replace them.**
That's about a half of a pound (my workout regimen alone will get me there at this point).

I will buy a pair of really up-to-date attractive jeans. The ones that wore out were 15.00 generic clearance ones. I'm budgeting far more for their replacement. It's worth it to me now. I'm in better shape than I was back then.

I'll keep you posted

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KA7MONTOYA 8/7/2012 1:05PM

    Wow! You must be amazingly proud! Glad to see you're setting realistic goals for yourself and linking them with tangible rewards.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/5/2012 9:08PM

    **207.4 (-0.8). The jacket is mine** (LOVE THIS)

**Reward: If I am below 207 next Saturday, I will replace them.** (ADORE THIS)

I've recently gotten better at goal and rewards. Feels better than just doing. . .

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FITGRL124 8/4/2012 9:47PM

    Good for you for setting a goal and sticking to it!! Great job!!!

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ROEANDGO 8/4/2012 3:02PM

    I LOVE this!! Good for you! And I will be rockin' those new jeans next week!!!

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MEADSBAY 8/4/2012 12:39PM

    Bet you will be rockin' some new jeans next week!

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