Monday, September 05, 2011
These past couple of weeks I ate poorly. Lots of commitments that involved eating out. Yesterday I ate out for both lunch and dinner. Both large meals, lots of salt, and large desert for dinner. I knew that the scale would probably not say 195, but rather over 200. I was right.
One of the things that frustrates me more than pretty much everything are platitudes. Sayings that are overused to the point that they don’t mean anything:
* “just move on”
* “ok, so you had a bad day, we all do”
* “don’t beat yourself up” (especially funny/annoying when im not)
They all attempt to minimize the frustration, provide false hope and in reality demoralize the person who is struggling
(they do me, at least. Tho ive never seen any one ever respond to one of these with, “thank you. You’re right I can kick 10-50 years of awful eating habits by just ‘moving on’. Ill stop beating myself up now. Thank goodness i just had a bad day!”).
The main one that has frustrated/hurt more than the rest of them was, “tomorrow is another day”
It annoyed me because tomorrow never really was any different. I couldn’t stop eating. I’d try setting a goal and would last 3 days and then id fall back into the same old routine. Always getting reassurances that tomorrow would be another day….
Only to have it be the same day as the previous.
After these past two weeks of just not having much control over life combined with a lot of stress and drama, I woke up this morning and prepared myself a really healthy breakfast (2 kiwis, 1c plain non-fat yogurt, 2T walnuts).
Not because I wanted to do penance for the bad eating
Not because I wanted to “get back on track” or “back on the wagon”.
Not because I want to weigh 195 next week so I can throw myself a blog celebration party.
It was because my body was craving healthy food. I really have not enjoyed eating out. The food tastes weak. My stomach really hurt afterwards. I want a day of freedom where I get to cook lean proteins, drink lean dairy and prep some not-so-convenient whole grain dishes that will make me feel healthy again.
Not because I hate where I am and how I feel.
Rather because I want to feel like I felt two weeks ago.
After so many tomorrows that weren’t really different days……
…This one is.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
One of the frustrating things about being a fat, out of shape, guy is being asked to help move. People equate being big with having at least some basic level of corresponding strength. It’s frustrating bc (a) I h8 to feel like im letting someone down when I don’t do “my part” and (b) I hate to feel like the weakest one in the room.
I have good boundaries, even if they err on the side of safety. I’d make it clear that I don’t have the strength to do the really heavy lifting. I’d know that I would be disappointing them, but would know that if I did “my part” of the huge lifting that my back and knees would suffer for it.
This is all especially frustrating when it’s the cute girl at church who needs help moving.
So recently, a good friend asked me to help move. As far as brawn went, all four of us were big guys. The difference: this time I was an equal contributor. This time I was a “big/strong guy” rather than a “big/fat disappointing guy”.
It was a huge nasty 9 hour ordeal (with breaks) lifting some crazy big/heavy stuff, but we made it through. Even when I felt tired, a five minute break would leave me fully rejuvenated (even after 6 hours).
The kicker: after 8-9 hours of lugging and lifting, I wasn’t even sore the next day. Woot!!
In the last year or so, ive been able to say that ive “lost weight”, “look better”, “feel better”, “improved my eating habits”, etc.. I can now say with great thankfulness, “im in good shape”
Granted, the move was well planned out and there were furniture dollies involved. And yes for the last the last two or three carries up to the new apartment, I definitely let the other guys finish the job.
But @ the end of the day, no one said or could say. “trent didn’t do ‘his part’ of the heavy work/lifting”
Thank you, SparkPeople!
- TD out
Saturday, August 20, 2011
My current program:
16 minutes a day (1 day off and 1 day of double session)
* six weeks ago I started @ 10 minutes per day every week. ive added 1 minute a day each week. That’s it.
As ive gotten healthier, ive challenged myself to heavier weights and tougher exercises. When I started with kettlebells the first week I was using 5lb bells and weights, even for the double swings. Last night, i finally moved up from the 15lb ones to the 20s for the 2 handed swings.
@ the same time, if I really don’t feel like working out, I can do 16 minutes of very low intensity walking or light weights.
The gr8 thing about 10-15 minute sessions is that if its 8:30pm and I realize that I haven’t worked out yet or really don’t feel like it, I can do it easily.
3 vegetables a week (a WEEK not a day). Add 1 per week every month
Eating vegetables does not come naturally to me. My mom and dad didn’t like them and never forced them on me. @ the same time, I know the health benefits to them. I’ve tried buying a lot of vegetables with the intent of eating them only to throw them out.
Last month, I set a goal of eating 2 per week and raised it to 3 this month. Over the next 2-3 years, I will up that 1 per week every month until im eating 3-5 per day.
everytime I do an exercise session or eat 1 of the 3 vegetables, I roll a die and put that number of dollars into a spending bucket for new clothes or whatever. Yes, I’ve had that day where I rolled really low numbers after an extremely intense workout, but for the most part I like it (took the idea from the sparkwheel)
I’ve already bought 1 tshirt with the fund. When I hit 195, I’m probably going to buy a whole new outfit.
* small amount of exercise. Increase time slowly
* take an area of eating and slowly add a small amount.
* build a reward slowly.
This time next year, I will:
* be up to 45-60 minutes per day (probably have dropped the double session and kept the rest day)
* eating an average of 2 vegetables a day
* planning a vacation with the fund
So far so good.
Monday, August 15, 2011
ill make no bones about it today was an awful day at work. i love my boss and i love all my coworkers. there's one coworker though...... u know the type. hes one of those "can dish it out but cant take it" people. he will lecture/correct me ad naseum about anything that i do or say that isnt exactly how hed say/do it. but when i say something even in the slightest way to indicate that he is doing something wrong......
you know the drill.
today he apparently came whining to my boss about an email that i sent asking him to stop doing something that was inappropriate (nothing major, just slightly annoying). apparently he was really upset. my boss admitted that he was overreacting, but indicated that i should try to have coffee with him and try to smooth things over. i will gladly do this (this after sincerely apologizing btw. i could have said what i said more nicely)
hes a good person, but really annoying and disproportionately hypersensitive given his attitude. this in addition to a lot of other stressful things in my life right now.
i have never had a better, more intense, 15 minutes of kickboxing and weight IT training than i did right after work as i reflected on the day.
so i came home tonight and logged on to spark people. Just seeing the profile pics of you, my dear sparkfriends who i love very much made me tear up and realize how blessed i am to have you in my life.
i love sharing good and bad days, victories (scale and nsvs) and even the rough times. knowing that ur there for me and that i can be there for you. it shouldn't have taken such a day as today to be reminded of that, but it did.
im sorry if i don't say it nearly enough, but i love you very much.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
When I was stuck at 238-241 pounds (before sparkpeople), i got my body fat % taken at the gym i worked out at at the time. my body fat % was about 31-33%.
Years later when i started working out again (mostly zumba and strength) and started making minor changes to my diet, i lost a few pounds. one saturday morning i got to the gym early for class and they had, yet again, a free body fat screening.
As the measurement came up i was really excited (it between 27 and 29%. dont remember exactly which). i did the quiet "yes! whisper". suffice it to say, the person doing the screening was taken a bit aback by the reaction.
Most fitness professionals aren't impressed by a 27% bf% measurement and don't see rejoicing as the proper reaction.
She started to point out that it really wasn't a healthy level. I politely cut her off and told her about my previous measurement. her demeanor totally changed. She told me that i was making good progress and to keep it up. which i have.
This week i ate three vegetables and am happy for that. its more vegetables than ive eaten on any given year of my life with a few exceptions. if u told a nutritionist that u had a friend who ate 3 vegetables a week, they would probably not be impressed (until u told them that i was up 3 from usual).
I exercise 14minutes a day. certainly not ready to compete against lance armstrong or michael phelps. but its 14 more minutes than im used to.
This time next year, i will be exercising 45-60 minutes per day 6 days a week. i will look gr8, i will feel gr8.
2 years from now, i will be eating 3-5 vegetables a day on average. adding one per week every month. my skin will be healthier, my digestive system will be healtier.
But that's "then". im on the journey to "then" now. i dont want "then" now. i want "now" now. "then" will come soon enough.
Then i will give it my 100%
for now, 27-29% will do
- TD Out!
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