Wednesday, May 04, 2011
As with most things in life there is a dichotomy of how hurting people handle their emotional baggage. Often they either:
a) complain all of the time because something is always wrong
b) just bottle it all up because the don't want to share their problems or burden anyone with their problems
The healthy balance I'm trying to strike, as the next Hottest Loser, is to be able to express my frustrations and hurts better when necessary. I've traditionally fallen into category (b).
I grew up with a mom whose prime maternal instinct when I was hurt /depressed/frustrated was to make sure that I could see how wrong it was to feel that way. Negative emotions in her mind meant she was a failure as a mother, I guess. She wasn't a bad person, she just didn't know how to handle other people's emotions (unless they were happy ones).
A few years ago, I got into a religion that was the same in that way. Instead of trying to show a person how God could handle their burdens if shared, it was en vogue to call any feeling of down, shame, helplessness etc. ..... wait for it...... a "Pity Party"!!! It's funny bc both words start with the letter "P", are two syllables, and end with "y". It was mostly pious self-flagellation.
Basically, "Pity Party" is a term generally used by people who are uncomfortable with negative emotions to either (a) beat themselves up for expressing said emotions or (b) try to make another person who is expressing negative emotions to feel belittled for having them.
Don't address how you're/they're feeling. Just move on.
Now I will grant you that some people really are always complaining about something and a person can really fall into a rut, but really. I do not plan to be that way.
I want to be able to express hurts and frustrations to my friends while they are free to express theirs to me.
At the same time, I don't want people who feel the way my mom and religion do to have to endure me expressing negative emotions if it makes them uncomfortable. So I will use the term, to steer them away and be thankful for reading and commenting on my weigh-in, "play what" and mid-week blogs.
I will have "Pity Party" in the blog title and start said blogs where I am venting, grieving, expressing a frustration (at myself or a circumstance), etc. with a disclaimer that basically says:
** If you are someone who uses the term 'pity party' when you or other people express frustrations at yourself/themselves or your/their circumstances. Please don't read this blog. If you do read it, please don't comment on it**
When I express a frustration, I want to know that someone has gone through the same thing. They can empathize. I want to know that when I hurt, I'm not alone. If someone knows what it's like can give advice, great, I appreciate it very much.
If all they can do is send a hug or earnestly say that they will pray for me, I'm extremely grateful for that. I am very blessed to have the SparkFriends that I do now (especially these past couple of months). All y'all deserve much love. Thanks for being there for me and being willing to talk with me about what I'm struggling with. I may take you up on your offers.
If negative emotions are something you need to squash with a demeaning term ("being a 'grumpy gus'", "throwing a 'pity party'", "attending a 'whine tasting'", etc.), just know that I love you very much too. I would encourage you to cry more than a little for what you've gone through (for your sake). Emotions are a good thing, even if they seem to hurt. It's one of a few pieces of advice I would give myself if I could travel back in time 10 or so years.
It's a new thing for me.....
but it's a great thing for me.
I love you all so much.
- TD Out!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Hi, My name is TrentDreamer. And I'm going to be the next (claps hands) Hottest Loser!!
So my weight loss has stagnated, but I've been slowly working my cardio up and am now able to do 30 minute sessions of interval training. I eat out a lot less than I did last year.
I'm hovering around 5 pounds above my initial goal weight of 195. By the end of the summer I plan to not just reach that goal, but totally blow it away. Realistically, I've got one last major weight loss blitz to go before it all becomes really futile. I've pretty much gotten out of SparkPeople what I came for in the weight-loss department. I'm going to make this one count.
I will go into more details in my blogs this week, but here are the most high-level logistics:
* Spark Page color will be aqua (or a similar blue/green color). It's my favorite color
* Will post profile pics of celebrities who my female friends, co-workers, etc. find attractive (or probably would).
* Loosen up on the proper grammar a bit (Don't worry, it won't be nearly as bad as last October). This is the internet and if I want to type "l8r" instead of "later" or "bff" instead of SparkFriend, then I will do that. My comments, blogs and such will remain legible. prometo.
* Start at 90 minutes of cardio per week
* Add 9 minutes each week until I'm doing 5-6 session of 45-60 minutes
* Going to do Kettle-bells for core and strength (for May).
GOALS (by 08.27.2011(week before Labor Day)):
1) Weekly weigh-in (Saturday Morning)
2) "Pity Party" blog (Monday or Tuesday (not every week, hopefully. Just when I need to vent/talk and need support))
3) Mid-Week blog (Wednesday or Thursday)
4) "Play What?" blog (Friday)
I will post these this week with explanations
* Proclaim that you too are going to be the Hottest Loser this Summer.
* Pick aqua (or your favorite color) and make it your SparkPage background color!
* Put up pictures of the really fit/healthy celebrities or whoever inspires u to look awesome.
* Don't be afraid to sprinkle an "lol", "imho", "omgsh" or similar terms in comments and blogs.
Remember, Labor Day is only 18 weeks away.
- TD Out!
Friday, April 22, 2011
OK, so I finally get it.
Over the years, I've had spark friends take SparkBreaks when they were struggling with life. At first my thoughts were always like, "Cool, once they've taken care of whatever it is, they'll come back and it will be like old times."
Then they come back for a blog or two. They disappear for another 4-5 months. One blog early the next year and they're never heard from again.
It saddens me, but I've always been blessed to have friends who I love and love me to support me. I miss the ones who leave, but am extremely thankful for the ones who are there. I love you all.
But the ones who leave when times are tough....I always used to wonder:
* Why won't they let me be there for them?
* Why not at least a status!?
* Taking myself out of the picture, why do they leave the very support system that has gotten them this far and that can be there for them in their times of need!!??
* What would Drunk Julie rap about them!!!???
Now, I have to admit, I get it. I get why.
This year has sucked literally from January 1. Ended both a rocky 6-year friendship and really close 1-year dating relationship both on the very first weekend (January 1st and 2nd).
It went downhill from there. Things such as the job and the living situation have become extremely unstable. It seems like when I'm able to get afloat in one area of my life either:
* two other areas start crumbling (or)
* another totally c's the bed.
My eyes have been sore due to poor lighting where I work, so going onto the computer has been extremely tough. And if I were to go on, I don't know what I would say. My Sparking or lack thereof has been the result.
I'm not depressed per se (*), but I feel as though I'm one or two pieces of bad news, changes or problems at work(**) from totally shutting down. And I haven't the foggiest how to handle any of it. It's like I'll be confronted with something that I can't do anything about. After two days I'll come up with solution(s) and then *Bam* the solution(s) are taken off the table or something else worse will make the solution irrelevant.
Part of me really doesn't want to burden my SparkFriends with my problems. The other part of me doesn't see the point in doing so.
I don't really know how to ask for help and I'm not sure anyone would be able to help.
I feel really stuck, really down, facing a lot of inevitable bad things and have no idea how to start dealing with them (or where to go/who to go to to do so).
So unlike last year, I understand why people become reclusive and leave when the times are tough. I get it. I'm there. While part of me wants to apologize for not being there, I know that you understand.
Thank you to all of you who have checked in on me these past couple of weeks. You have no idea how much it means to me (***)
As Mishka the husky talking dog would say:
I second that, Mishka. I totally second that.
- TD Out.
(*) Did you ever notice that when people say they're not something followed by "per se", they are usually what they are saying that they're not. "Per se" must be French for "I'm in denial."
(**) Did you ever notice that co-workers say that problems are actually "opportunities" are really annoying (per se)
(***) I know that you do know how much it means to me. I've read your blogs when others have been there for you. You get it.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I'm not giving up on weight loss. I'm really not.
It's just that at this point:
* I've been stuck at 198-200 for about 3 months.
* My body hasn't changed all that much.
* I've never really implemented a good consistent exercise routine.
* I'm going to be going to the beach in a couple of months.
Yes, there are two areas of eating that I really need to get my act together on.
But the reality is:
* I'm in really good health.
* Physically, I look really good.
* I'm now wearing "slim fit" shirts, size mediums, and size 36" jeans/khakis (All three totally unheard of a year ago)
* My body fat % has consistently remained at 21%
While ideally I would have liked to hit 195 before going through the whole gain-muscle mass weight thing, I just don't see it happening.
This week, I was 200 pounds (*) at 20% body fat
* 4-5 20 minute interval cardio session
* 2 upper-body workouts
* 2 partial leg workouts
* 1 Kettle-bell routine
* definitely NOT this exercise video
If what I hear is true, a pound of muscle is the same size as five pounds of fat. Muscle burns fat. Between strength training and cardio, I should be able to maintain my weight or perhaps gain a pound or two over the next month or so. It's worth it though. I can look leaner and maybe fit slightly more comfortably in the 36" jeans/khakis
Again, don't get me wrong about the weight loss. I don't think it's over. I really believe once I build muscle and up my cardio the pounds will start dropping again. At the same time, they may not...and I'm OK with that.
My body fat percentage has been in the early 20s (***) now for the past several months. This year we're going to break that number down into the teens
Yes, my friends, this year I'm turning 19. Wish me success.
As this really cure cat would say:
* 198.8, but who is counting
** Not that I won't this week :D
*** Mostly 21% and 22%
Saturday, April 02, 2011
199.4 (Last Week)
199.0 (This Week) w00t!!!!!111
For the past couple of months, I've been in a bit of a holding pattern with my eating.
* I eat poorly on the weekend after my weigh-in
* I eat extremely poorly Monday-Thursday
* Friday, I eat really well for the next day's weigh-in.
* My weight has stayed between 198 and 201 for the most part.
This week was exactly the same except for one detail:
* I ate poorly on Friday
I expected to see 201 or 202, but I got a bit of a surprise of 199.2, 199 and 199 for my respective weigh-ins.
Something similar happened years ago. I had stopped weighing myself and assumed I was gaining weight. Months later when I finally mustered up the courage to face the music on the scale, I was exactly the same as my last weigh-in.
That gave me the courage to start swinging again. I lost 40 pounds in a matter of months.
Now realistically, I don't have that much weight to lose. But I think that the seemingly forever elusive 195 may now be mine for the taking.
A dear SparkFriend (who I love very much) said that May was going to be Trent month. I say it will be a huge celebration. I would love to lose 1 pounds a week through April and hit or pass 195 on my April 30 weigh in.
Exactly 1 pound per week. We'll see
If you thought the below 200 blog last July was big,
just you wait.
As Wes, the woofy dog, would say:
You said it, Wes
- TD Out!
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