Friday, April 22, 2011
OK, so I finally get it.
Over the years, I've had spark friends take SparkBreaks when they were struggling with life. At first my thoughts were always like, "Cool, once they've taken care of whatever it is, they'll come back and it will be like old times."
Then they come back for a blog or two. They disappear for another 4-5 months. One blog early the next year and they're never heard from again.
It saddens me, but I've always been blessed to have friends who I love and love me to support me. I miss the ones who leave, but am extremely thankful for the ones who are there. I love you all.
But the ones who leave when times are tough....I always used to wonder:
* Why won't they let me be there for them?
* Why not at least a status!?
* Taking myself out of the picture, why do they leave the very support system that has gotten them this far and that can be there for them in their times of need!!??
* What would Drunk Julie rap about them!!!???
Now, I have to admit, I get it. I get why.
This year has sucked literally from January 1. Ended both a rocky 6-year friendship and really close 1-year dating relationship both on the very first weekend (January 1st and 2nd).
It went downhill from there. Things such as the job and the living situation have become extremely unstable. It seems like when I'm able to get afloat in one area of my life either:
* two other areas start crumbling (or)
* another totally c's the bed.
My eyes have been sore due to poor lighting where I work, so going onto the computer has been extremely tough. And if I were to go on, I don't know what I would say. My Sparking or lack thereof has been the result.
I'm not depressed per se (*), but I feel as though I'm one or two pieces of bad news, changes or problems at work(**) from totally shutting down. And I haven't the foggiest how to handle any of it. It's like I'll be confronted with something that I can't do anything about. After two days I'll come up with solution(s) and then *Bam* the solution(s) are taken off the table or something else worse will make the solution irrelevant.
Part of me really doesn't want to burden my SparkFriends with my problems. The other part of me doesn't see the point in doing so.
I don't really know how to ask for help and I'm not sure anyone would be able to help.
I feel really stuck, really down, facing a lot of inevitable bad things and have no idea how to start dealing with them (or where to go/who to go to to do so).
So unlike last year, I understand why people become reclusive and leave when the times are tough. I get it. I'm there. While part of me wants to apologize for not being there, I know that you understand.
Thank you to all of you who have checked in on me these past couple of weeks. You have no idea how much it means to me (***)
As Mishka the husky talking dog would say:
I second that, Mishka. I totally second that.
- TD Out.
(*) Did you ever notice that when people say they're not something followed by "per se", they are usually what they are saying that they're not. "Per se" must be French for "I'm in denial."
(**) Did you ever notice that co-workers say that problems are actually "opportunities" are really annoying (per se)
(***) I know that you do know how much it means to me. I've read your blogs when others have been there for you. You get it.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I'm not giving up on weight loss. I'm really not.
It's just that at this point:
* I've been stuck at 198-200 for about 3 months.
* My body hasn't changed all that much.
* I've never really implemented a good consistent exercise routine.
* I'm going to be going to the beach in a couple of months.
Yes, there are two areas of eating that I really need to get my act together on.
But the reality is:
* I'm in really good health.
* Physically, I look really good.
* I'm now wearing "slim fit" shirts, size mediums, and size 36" jeans/khakis (All three totally unheard of a year ago)
* My body fat % has consistently remained at 21%
While ideally I would have liked to hit 195 before going through the whole gain-muscle mass weight thing, I just don't see it happening.
This week, I was 200 pounds (*) at 20% body fat
* 4-5 20 minute interval cardio session
* 2 upper-body workouts
* 2 partial leg workouts
* 1 Kettle-bell routine
* definitely NOT this exercise video
If what I hear is true, a pound of muscle is the same size as five pounds of fat. Muscle burns fat. Between strength training and cardio, I should be able to maintain my weight or perhaps gain a pound or two over the next month or so. It's worth it though. I can look leaner and maybe fit slightly more comfortably in the 36" jeans/khakis
Again, don't get me wrong about the weight loss. I don't think it's over. I really believe once I build muscle and up my cardio the pounds will start dropping again. At the same time, they may not...and I'm OK with that.
My body fat percentage has been in the early 20s (***) now for the past several months. This year we're going to break that number down into the teens
Yes, my friends, this year I'm turning 19. Wish me success.
As this really cure cat would say:
* 198.8, but who is counting
** Not that I won't this week :D
*** Mostly 21% and 22%
Saturday, April 02, 2011
199.4 (Last Week)
199.0 (This Week) w00t!!!!!111
For the past couple of months, I've been in a bit of a holding pattern with my eating.
* I eat poorly on the weekend after my weigh-in
* I eat extremely poorly Monday-Thursday
* Friday, I eat really well for the next day's weigh-in.
* My weight has stayed between 198 and 201 for the most part.
This week was exactly the same except for one detail:
* I ate poorly on Friday
I expected to see 201 or 202, but I got a bit of a surprise of 199.2, 199 and 199 for my respective weigh-ins.
Something similar happened years ago. I had stopped weighing myself and assumed I was gaining weight. Months later when I finally mustered up the courage to face the music on the scale, I was exactly the same as my last weigh-in.
That gave me the courage to start swinging again. I lost 40 pounds in a matter of months.
Now realistically, I don't have that much weight to lose. But I think that the seemingly forever elusive 195 may now be mine for the taking.
A dear SparkFriend (who I love very much) said that May was going to be Trent month. I say it will be a huge celebration. I would love to lose 1 pounds a week through April and hit or pass 195 on my April 30 weigh in.
Exactly 1 pound per week. We'll see
If you thought the below 200 blog last July was big,
just you wait.
As Wes, the woofy dog, would say:
You said it, Wes
- TD Out!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
There are some eternal conflicts that have persisted throughout time. Ones that will probably not be solved in our lifetime nor possibly ever.
Conflicts such as:
* Good vs. Evil
* The desire to be truly known vs. The desire to hide our innermost thoughts/feelings
* Less Filling vs. Tastes Great
* Ninja Kitty vs. Sumo Kitty.
Today though, I will not only address the greatest of all conflicts in history, I will resolve it:
Women Eating Oatmeal
Women Wearing Oatmeal
Her name is Eileen. She's a friend of mine. I met her a couple of years ago. Before then, when she was much younger, she was very fit and healthy. She ran marathons. I never knew her back then, but according to her since having children (and since she stopped running), she's put on some weight.
When I first met her she had a very diverse color palette for her wardrobe. She would wear:
* All Black
* All Dark Brown
* Some Black and Some Dark Brown
(You know, the "slimming" colors)
Oh yeah, there was also "the sweater". Now I'm not talking that pretty feminine pastel pink or blue cute v-neck or argyle sweater. No. I'm talking that big bulky cardigan that is some tan/beige/medium grey color (Basically the color of Oatmeal). It draped off her and looked like she borrowed it from her much larger husband.
As I started on SparkPeople a year and a half or so ago, she started getting involved in some the biggest loser type competitions at her office. She started losing weight. She came to me for encouragement (share her progress/success), because she knew that I had been losing weight.
She started to look really healthy. She exercised. She ate well. She did really well in the competitions.
But wait. There's more!!
As she entered into the second contest and the weight was clearly coming off, she became more confident. I'm talking just generally. She had a glow about her.
She started wearing clothes that weren't black and dark brown. She started dressing in actual colors (non-neutrals)! Most importantly, the oatmeal colored cardigan from Hell stopped making appearances. Everything about her screamed. "I'm confident in my appearance. I wear clothes to express my confidence, not hide myself."
I was really happy for her.
Then the holidays came.
Then she fell of the wagon exercise-wise
Then the all-black/dark-brown look resurfaced
And yes she now, once again, wears the oatmeal bc sweater *sigh*
It wouldn't be so tragic if she actually had a body that needed to be hidden, but she looks perfectly fine (imho).
If you are dressing yourself just to hide your body because it doesn't look like it did when you were 21, please stop. Large bulky clothing makes the wearer look large and bulky. Hiding yourself in boring neutrals will not build your self confidence.
I hated having to buy lager sizes when I was bigger, I get it. But even 40 pounds ago, I dressed myself well and got complements. It's doable and worth it. I was worth it.
You're worth it.
I love my friend and want what's best for her. That oatmeal sweater isn't worthy of her. She deserves far far far better from and for herself.
Bottom line: I think women should EAT oatmeal, not WEAR oatmeal.
- TD Out!
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